Catholics - need advice

[cmarango]

I am currently struggling with a few ideas for my dd's religious education. First off, I do not consider myself to be religious - I would say that I am somewhat spiritual, more along the lines of buddhism perhaps. However, I would like my dc to be exposed to Catholicism since they were baptized in the Catholic church and their extended family is active in that faith (these family members do not live close by though).

 

So, what to do? At first I thought that if I went through some of the saints stories and read a few bible stories then that would be fine. Then, I started thinking about First Communion and such.

 

I have been looking at our local church and I saw that they offer a program for littles to learn bible stories and such that is at the same time as mass (I'm guessing that most people take their children to this program while they go to mass). How would it look if I simply dropped my dd off for this and did not participate in the mass?

 

At what point do you think that a child has had enough religious education to decide if that is the path that they want to follow?

 

I really am quite clueless about this, but I do truly want my dc to have this experience so that they may decide if they want religion in their life.

 

Thanks for any help or guidance that you may offer.

[Avila]

First, please forgive the fact that I can't get the multiquote thing to work! I am just speaking for myself and my own experiences. If you really want the official answer for your local parish, you will need to call and ask to speak with the DRE (Director of Religious Education) and the local parish priest. They can give you the rundown locally of what they can offer you. Just be honest with them, and see what they say.

 

With that caveat, I would not do the program during the Mass UNLESS it is the official catechism program (PSR, CCD). If it is just nursery-type program, it is designed for use of parents who will be on-site at the Mass. Dropping off would be bad form.

 

PSR/CCD/Catechism classes are usually designed for parishioners and require registration that costs a small fee and follows the school year. Some parishes do them on Sundays in between Masses, and some do them on a weeknight. Typically, these programs are for sacrament preparation and ask that the parent or parents actively be participating in the Mass and taking the child to Mass each week in addition to the program. You can ask at your local parish, but this may not really be what you are looking for, and in general, they aren't really set up to accomodate unless one parent is a practicing Catholic.

 

If it were me, I would get a nice Catholic Children's Bible and read through it with your children. I would buy a Daily Saint book and go through it and follow the liturgical year for Feast Days. You can also buy a program like Faith & Life, which would cover all the catechism and do the same type of instruction being done in the PSR classes.

 

As far as how much religious education to give -- well, the Catholic answer to that is you take them to weekly Mass to worship as a family and provide religious education until confirmation, which varies from 3rd grade to high school, depending on your diocese.

 

In practical terms for you, I would do at home whatever you are comfortable with. Once the kids get older, they can go through classes specifically designed for older children called RCIC or as adults called RCIA if they decide that they are interested in becoming Catholics.

 

Catholic parishes don't offer the same type of bus ministry and children's programs as protestant churches do and are not really designed for drop-off participation. The sacraments are intended for family participation and family involvement, for the most part.

 

So at this point, I would recommend finding whatever you can do at home that meets your needs and that you do feel comfortable participating in with your children. I just really think that religious instruction is best done WITH your kids, however you choose to do it. When they are old enough to want and ask for more, then I would look at something official offered at the parish.

 

Best wishes!

Edited March 22, 2010 by Asenik

[Crimson Wife]

Our old parish had this kind of pre-k program and I had to sign paperwork that I would remain on the church premises in case I was needed to come get my child. It wasn't an issue since the rest of us were attending Mass during that time.

 

For First Communion, the child had to complete the first and second grade CCD classes (I was allowed to homeschool these after discussing the matter with our pastor and DRE). I also had to sign paperwork saying that our family would attend Mass regularly as part of the preparation.

 

Didn't whoever performed your DD's baptism explain to you that having her baptized Catholic is a promise on your part to actively raise her within the Church? :confused:

[cmarango]

 

Didn't whoever performed your DD's baptism explain to you that having her baptized Catholic is a promise on your part to actively raise her within the Church? :confused:

 

She was baptized in Latin America - my in-laws set up everything for us. My dh will say that he is catholic when asked specifically, but he is just about as non-religious as I am.

 

I have no problem going to mass with her if that is the best way. Just to get your opinion though - what would you think if you found out about a person attending mass that really did not share any of your beliefs?

 

I think that I will call our local parish to see what their advice is.

[IdahoHomeschooler]

I think your idea of reading about the Saints and some Bible stories would be a good, gentle start. Perhaps something as well to guide you through the liturgical year, with all of the holidays and feast days and such. Feast days are fun (food!), and the Saints were good people, so if you are ok with providing your children some religious ed, I think you could observe the liturgical year without too much of a heavy religious feeling. Catholic Heritage Curricula has some very nice stories and such that you might find helpful.

 

I, personally, wouldn't do the drop-off class thing. I would want to be available if anything happened.

 

 

All are welcome to attend Mass. It would be really no big deal if you went. The Mass itself is full of tradition and you may find it interesting from that perspective. Catholics won't be all up in your face trying to get you to convert if they find out you aren't Catholic, either. They will just welcome you and offer to answer any questions you might have. It is pretty low key.

[Teachin'Mine]

How wonderful that you care about your daughter's spiritual growth!!! You're asking the right questions - keep asking them.

 

As far as driving her and dropping her off, she'll be missing out on a lot. Generally those programs where the children are taught during Mass are for the very young children who haven't yet made their First Holy Communion. It would mean a lot more if you were willing to go with her and attend Mass. You can speak with the pastor about your situation and I'm sure he'd be thrilled to have you there. In a sense, both you and your daughter would be learning about the faith together. :001_smile:

 

For religion books which can teach you the Catholic faith, the ones offered by Seton Home School are awesome! They may also have a good religious education program at your local parish, and she could participate in the classes there as well.

 

Your question about how long it takes could be compared to how long does it take for a student decide that they want to learn on their own. For each child it's different, but the majority need the guidance of a parent and a good foundation.

 

Your idea of reading about the lives of some of the Saints is great! And of course reading the children's Bible stories is also a great way to learn as well.

 

Maybe if you feel uncomfortable attending Mass, you could ask another Catholic family if you could join them. It helps to know someone and to be introduced to others and learn what to do, etc.. Your parish probably also has RCIA classes, and while these are usually taken by adults who want to convert to Catholicism, they are open to anyone wanting to learn more about the Catholic faith. They are an excellent way to find out what it's all about.

 

Enjoy the adventure! As when you pursue any kind of knowledge, you never know what you'll discover. :001_smile:

 

In my opinion, it's so important to provide for our children's physical, mental, intellectual, and spiritual needs. :)

[Avila]

I have no problem going to mass with her if that is the best way. Just to get your opinion though - what would you think if you found out about a person attending mass that really did not share any of your beliefs? .

 

Honestly, you wouldn't be the only one there who didn't. Many non-Catholics attend Mass to support a Catholic spouse. And we always have people in various stages of seeking and questioning or even just sight-seeing if you are going to one of our larger cathedrals. You would be welcome at Mass however you come. No one will quiz you or even know if you don't want them to.

 

Don't receive communion, since it signifies a union of beliefs that you don't share with the Church. And you may choose to be silent during some of the prayers and the Nicene Creed, since those are a public profession of faith. But no one will notice either way.

 

Best wishes!

[KinderSafari]

Hands down favorite books for children about saints are written by Amy Welborn.

 

Loyola Kids Book of Saints

 

These read SOOOO easily and explain in simple terms how life is hard, God can help you through it, look these people (saints) were just like you, and they were able to do it too. Step by step. Yes you are imperfect. People are imperfect. God loves you. Never give up.

 

We read one story a day, and say the Our Father prayer to start our morning. Simple - takes 5 minutes and it's a good way to start the morning just as everyone's getting out of bed. Then it's off for breakfast, getting dressed, whatever.

 

BIble - my favorite Bible for kids - Day by Day Kid's Bible: The BIble for Young Readers (Tyndale Kids) by Karyn Henley. Broken down in simple terms that kids can understand the MESSAGE trying to be conveyed. We will graduate to a youth/adult Bible when they are teens. This is not a Catholic Bible, but that's okay, we can cover the other books later. This is the basics. It's a good place to start.

[Parrothead]

She was baptized in Latin America - my in-laws set up everything for us. My dh will say that he is catholic when asked specifically, but he is just about as non-religious as I am.

 

I have no problem going to mass with her if that is the best way. Just to get your opinion though - what would you think if you found out about a person attending mass that really did not share any of your beliefs?

 

I think that I will call our local parish to see what their advice is.

Christina, I think the best thing to do is to call the parish and set up an appointment with the priest. The priest will be able to help get your children stared on a religious education path.

 

You are fulfilling your obligation to raise your children in the chruch. Don't let anyone discourage you.

 

Your kids are a bit young. Some parishes may not have programs for pre-K. But by K they should start at least with Sunday school/CCD. Most parishes like at least 2 years of religious education before First Holy Communion. So getting your oldest started in a K'er program (probably this fall) would be a good thing.

 

Mass attendance for FHC will be most likely be mandatory at a minimum for the kids. Your attendance with them would be great. As another poster stated you do not have to participate in all the aspects of the mass.

 

If by any chance you are interested in becoming Catholic you can go through RCIA while your daughter is going through her classes for FHC. It could even be arranged so you are both received into the church at the same time.

 

Good luck with your journey.

[Crimson Wife]

Honestly, you wouldn't be the only one there who didn't. Many non-Catholics attend Mass to support a Catholic spouse.

 

My mom is Protestant and she attended Mass with my dad and us kids when we were young (she would afterward attend services at her church alone). It was one of the preconditions of the Church marrying my parents. Nobody ever pressured her to convert, though I suspect that's what the priest hoped would happen when he had her make the promise.

 

The only thing to keep in mind if you decide to attend Mass as a non-Catholic is that you are not eligible to receive the Eucharist. You can go up to be blessed by the priest/deacon if you wish (cross your arms over your chest to indicate) or you may remain seated.

[C_l_e_0..Q_c]

I teach catechism at our local parish. One of our subjects is about other denominations, and other religions. (I teach older kids). I always have to be careful about what I say, because many kids come from families where at least one parent is not Catholic. Sometimes, a parent may be Catholic on paper, but truly atheist, yet that parent still want their kids to receive the Sacraments. I don't know why and I don't understand it, but they are allowed. Mass attendance is still mandatory though, even though many don't go.

[CatMomof3]

Thought I would give my 2 cents

 

My dh attends Mass with the kids and me every Sunday. He was baptized Catholic as an infant but his family left the church when he was 5 - LONG STORY. My MIL was not very happy when she found out I was Catholic.

I think it is incredible that you are taking an active roll in your children's spiritual upbringing. I would talk to the parish priest OR the DRE to see what classes they have available. They might require you to go on a retreat (usually only a couple hours on a Saturday), or show you some books for you to read so you better understand the Catholic Church. Catholics truly believe that education begins at home and the family that prays together stays together.

 

Oh, I am not for one to drop off children at the daycare. I think families should worship together. Also the mass is not about entertaining the kids, it is a time to worship.

 

There was an older priest at my old parish that would get mad when the mothers would leave when their babies were getting fussy. When he was confronted about it from some of the members of the parish, he said – “Who do you think is going to pray for you when you are purgatory? God would rather have a thousand crying babies in his church, than a silent one with no children.â€

[mchel210]

Have you looked at a simple religion book from Seton? You might find simple stories...or materamabilis online? You dont have to add much. I learned a lot from these books.

 

Our church offers ccd during mass for 5 and 6 yo only. That would be the first year of first communion. Some parents drop off their kids and dont participate in the mass. Does the priest comment? Yes...but they still do it! You can also sit in the back. I know our church also has a chapel/ cry room area that you could sit and really not participate if you didnt want to.

 

After that first year ( OR with any child older then the 5 or 6 that are just starting)...the kids start on either Monday or Tuesday night for the school year. THey take off for holidays pretty much the same as the school. You dont stay with them for this. It is all drop off. If you have a meeting or mass you must attend...they let you know.

 

Ours is 2 years if you start at an older age...1st communion in 2nd grade and confirmation is in 8th grade (2 years as well)

 

Our church doesnt offer any child care during mass. I think all the local catholic churches state kids need to be with the family and learn to follow along. It was terrible with babies...but we made it through!! Now we sit in the front row so our kids have to pay attention. They also have the words to the prayers and songs up on the wall to follow along. I dont know them all...so that is a great help! You learn as you go!!

 

I went to the catholic church for several years and I was married in the church prior to attending RCIA. RCIA was really fun. I learned a lot and met a lot of really great families.

 

Anyways...that is just how our church works here in S. Florida...Im sure they are all a bit different.

[2squared]

Just to get your opinion though - what would you think if you found out about a person attending mass that really did not share any of your beliefs?

 

I would be excited to welcome you to our church. If you are there, you are welcome. It's as simple as that.

 

I would also welcome your dc into my religious education class with open arms. The already confirmed juniors and seniors in my class don't believe in all the church's teachings either. :sad: I'm hoping we can turn them around. :001_smile:

 

I, of course, would expect that you wouldn't participate in communion but I wouldn't notice either way. I try to keep my eyes on my little group and not concern myself with others' religious worship.