Recovering from burn-out

[Guest]

I'm hesitant to even post this, because I know how strongly many people on the boards feel about keeping to a schedule and keeping kids working... but here goes anyway.

 

My daughter, aged 13, went briefly to private school for the first time (she'd always been homeschooled before then) last fall. This was at her own request; she was involved in the school search and was given a scholarship to a highly regarded school. Her experience was a very mixed bag: she found she loved physics, made a few new friends, liked a few assignments, was getting mostly As. But she also found the endless homework overwhelming -- and most of it boring -- the free writing assignments, meant to loosen up anxious or blocked writers, meaningless, much of the curriculum unengaging. She also had a bout of mono. By Thanksgiving she was home to recuperate, and she asked not to return.

 

So we're back technically "homeschooling," but not much is getting done. I know much of this is because she is physically still recovering from mono's aftereffects; I understand this can take up to a year. But she also just burned out academically. Her love and gusto for learning vanished almost entirely for a while and she still has an emotional reaction against anything resembling "work." She is finishing up her algebra course quite willingly, because she never wants to have to sit through that class again. But she doesn't even want to do her beloved physics, she even got turned off acting classes due to her school's approach to drama, and she is only gradually returning to the love of creative writing she had before she went to "real" school.

 

So we are playing lots of board games and word games, reading lots and lots of science fiction, reading non-fiction from Muse magazine and a current events version of the New York Times for teens. I am having a hard time getting her interested in anything more than this. Let me say that this is a child who had quite powerful academic interests before The Crash. I can lure her into a discussion or a brief read quite easily and she will get very interested, but if it becomes more than that, she shies away.

 

How has anyone else handled their child's burnout, whether it happened in homeschooling or conventional school? If you have been content to let them recover in their own time and respect their need to learn in a different way -- or not to "learn" in any structured way at all -- what has happened? Have you managed to re-engage their passion for discovery and learning or are they now reluctant learners?

 

(I know there are probably a lot of kids out there who have benefitted from the strategy of "Just get your nose back into your books, I require you to do this work, this is your job and get used to doing it." You will just have to take me on trust that my daughter is not one of those kinds of kids.)

[Retired]

This will not be a popular approach with this board, but my oldest went through this same thing.

 

We took semester of what I will call self directed learning.

 

He had to spend 5 hours daily learning what ever interested him.

 

I stipulated no electronics during those 5 hours each day. He had to pick a book or activity from 3 different subjects.

 

Example: We did the 3 RS

 

Reading : he could chose whatever, we do not own any dumb down books so he picked whatever interest from the home library, or in the case of starting business he check out library books according to his interest

Writing: wrote song lyrics

Math: he chose how to start a business and budget, accounting etc.

 

He spend more than the 5 required hours, because he loved the subjects

 

I let him choose he did the music study for about a month. Then he spent about a month on biology. He really did follow his interest.

 

We are back this year to tradition college prep and he will do the work but his heart is really not in it. I am really considering going back to a more relaxed approach with him.

 

I am torn between an absolutely love for learning and the "this is what you need for college"

[Ellie]

What you're doing sounds just right to me.

 

*I* burned us out one year. What was I thinking??? It wasn't even our first year of hsing, but for some reason I started in September with a book for every.single.subject (dc were 9 and 12). We even did school in the car on the way to park days and field trips. By Thanksgiving, we were all fried. I put everything away, which was normal, and didn't pick things back up until the following fall. Yes, really. Sometime in February or March dds began looking at me out of the corners of their eyes; finally one of them asked if we were going to do school and I said no. Sighs of relief.

 

That summer, maybe a little earlier, Mary Harrington started her Latin classes, and older dd joined her. Mary's dd began taking classes at the community college in the fall; my dd began in January, a year since we'd done Official School Stuff. It was just an art class, which I took with her, but the *following* fall she took Latin and...something else, I forget what...and that was the beginning of her community college experience. She was 14.

 

I don't think taking that time off hurt her any.:D

 

Oh, and younger dd and I did KONOS the next two years. She, too, started taking c.c. classes when she was 14. She didn't push her way through in two years or anything, but still, she wasn A student (both dds were).

[Colleen in NS]

didn't pick things back up until the following fall. Yes, really. Sometime in February or March dds began looking at me out of the corners of their eyes; finally one of them asked if we were going to do school and I said no. Sighs of relief.

 

Ellie,

 

What did your daughters do with their time between that Thanksgiving and the following summer/fall/winter? What did you do?

 

KarenAnne,

 

Interesting questions! Never hesitate to post stuff like this - not everyone keeps their kids working all the time.

:lurk5:

[Guest]

Oh, thank you all so much! You're making me feel much better already... a weight is lifting off my shoulders. You are homeschoolers' gold.

 

Ellie: what DID your daughters do during those months? What did you do -- complete break for yourself from planning, researching, etc.?

[Peela]

My dd also had what you guys call Mono (we call it Glandular Fever), last September. She is constantly complaining to me of tiredness, and a lack of ability to concentrate. This thread just reminded me that she may simply not be fully recovered yet, so thankyou.

We seem to naturally be having an easier year. Less push. Workboxes are helping, but I have taken days off for movies...something I would not normally do in the past.

I like the idea of 5 hours a day of self directed learning covering maths, reading and writing.

[Joanne]

My kids are 15 next month, 13 and 11. I've been through many life challenges and seasons of homeschooling.

 

I don't have direct advice, really. I just want to comment on what an intuitive, connected, responsive mom you sound like.

 

She's only 13 and has many years of formal academics already and several to come. If it takes some time for her to decompress and heal (bodily and otherwise), let it be. Given how engaged and involved you are, I don't think this alternate path will hurt her in the long term at all.

[Guest]

Joanne, I love you. Thank you so very much.

[jld]

Dd didn't do much schoolwork before 6th grade, and then just dove into it. I really think that letting kids be free to do what they want when they're little helps them grow into balanced, mature young adults.

 

One homeschooling speaker I heard at a convention said that kids play until they're twelve, and then they start to grow and mature, and they want to be accepted by the adult community. Young adults realize there are some things you need to do to be accepted by that community, and they start to do them. It seems true enough.

 

I know there is pressure to measure what kids do. I feel that way with ds11. But I really need to take my own advice and just back off! He's reading, he's learning, he'll be fine. Dh keeps telling me this! But it is hard to trust. We moms want to be in control of everything. But we aren't really in charge . . . we just think we are.

[Ellie]

Ellie,

 

What did your daughters do with their time between that Thanksgiving and the following summer/fall/winter? What did you do?

:lurk5:

Well, I can't even tell you, lol. They're 31 and 34yo now, so that was a long time ago. :001_smile: I know we were involved with 4H, so there would have been the monthly general meeting and a couple of project meetings; younger dd was doing Highland dance, with weekly classes and weekend competitions; we went to the library weekly, and there were support group park days and some field trips. And Mary Harrington's Latin classes (Mary is co-author of "Latin in the Christian Trivium," which some folks here use) started at some point during that time. And regular family stuff.

 

It was a great time.:001_smile:

[Colleen in NS]

Well, I can't even tell you, lol. They're 31 and 34yo now, so that was a long time ago. :001_smile: I know we were involved with 4H, so there would have been the monthly general meeting and a couple of project meetings; younger dd was doing Highland dance, with weekly classes and weekend competitions; we went to the library weekly, and there were support group park days and some field trips. And Mary Harrington's Latin classes (Mary is co-author of "Latin in the Christian Trivium," which some folks here use) started at some point during that time. And regular family stuff.

 

It was a great time.:001_smile:

 

So did all those outside activities take up a lot of your week? Or just some of your week? And can you define family stuff?:D I KNOW! Stupid question - but details help me figure things out - do you mean laundry/meals/cleaning/personal care/grocery shopping, or do you mean those plus games/read aloud/special time with parents, etc.?

 

I'm just asking because I am revamping some things for us. Trying very hard now to bring academics and the rest of life more in balance with each other. We just took two weeks off, in which I lazed around most of the time and dc went wild the second week. This week, starting up again, I let the kids go outside on Monday for an hour that we were supposed to be doing academics - the sun finally came out! Today I skipped some things and let 'em out again for awhile. They have spent a lot of their free time this week (of which I have been trying to give more) outside in the woods, building a fort.

[mammaruss]

*I* burned us out one year. What was I thinking??? It wasn't even our first year of hsing, but for some reason I started in September with a book for every.single.subject (dc were 9 and 12). We even did school in the car on the way to park days and field trips. By Thanksgiving, we were all fried. I put everything away, which was normal, and didn't pick things back up until the following fall. Yes, really. Sometime in February or March dds began looking at me out of the corners of their eyes; finally one of them asked if we were going to do school and I said no. Sighs of relief.

 

 

 

 

Oh my goodness---thank you so much for posting this!!! I could possibly be on the verge of burning my ds out....I have been in a panic that I am not teaching him enough....and we do school in the car, at night, etc...ackkkkkkkk!!! Today was a rough day for me with pain---and I just could not get going with school. So I allowed my ds to read allllllll day long--he thought I had gone insane!! He was so happy that he finished his entire book today. Just minutes before reading this post, I was already planning to get 2 days of school in tomorrow....I think I need to :chillpill:.

[Ellie]

So did all those outside activities take up a lot of your week? Or just some of your week? And can you define family stuff?:D I KNOW! Stupid question - but details help me figure things out - do you mean laundry/meals/cleaning/personal care/grocery shopping, or do you mean those plus games/read aloud/special time with parents, etc.?

 

I'm just asking because I am revamping some things for us. Trying very hard now to bring academics and the rest of life more in balance with each other. We just took two weeks off, in which I lazed around most of the time and dc went wild the second week. This week, starting up again, I let the kids go outside on Monday for an hour that we were supposed to be doing academics - the sun finally came out! Today I skipped some things and let 'em out again for awhile. They have spent a lot of their free time this week (of which I have been trying to give more) outside in the woods, building a fort.

You know, I just didn't think that much about it. We did what we did; I did *not* plan/organize dds' days...I don't play with children, and at that time they were past the my-reading-aloud-to-them stage. They were reading on their own, and they entertained themselves when we weren't out and about.

[Colleen in NS]

You know, I just didn't think that much about it. We did what we did; I did *not* plan/organize dds' days...I don't play with children, and at that time they were past the my-reading-aloud-to-them stage. They were reading on their own, and they entertained themselves when we weren't out and about.

 

Thanks, Ellie!