Spin-off on High School Reunion thread - homeschooling & your high school experience.

[percytruffle]

My high school experience was only average. Educationally it was pretty good in some areas and lacking in others. It was a fairly big high school so there was a lot of choice as far as what classes to take, almost like a college course catalog, but being an introvert I never took advantage of any clubs or organizations. I kind of flew under the radar: was quiet, hung out with the geeky kids, had fairly good grades, wasn't really challenged, and never really stood out (I liked it that way). When I won an honorable mention in the Scholastic Art Awards and Received a Regents Scholarship, the announcements over the loud speaker came as a bit of a shock to my classmates. I think everyone in my homeroom turned around to look at me as if to say, "Not her, she's just that quiet kid over there!"

 

Anyway, grammar school was another story. I was the kid picked on in class at just about every grade level. My self confidence was zero and my mother blamed me for my lack of social skills. It was a nightmare and middle school was a huge relief. Kids can be so cruel. I am still emotionally scarred today when I let myself think about it.

 

Dh, on the other hand, was top of his class all the way through school. He attended a small public school in rural Maine with a class size about 1/8 the size of mine. His family was well respected. His grandmother was a teacher and his father was fire chief and a school board member. Dh was class vice president (even though he is also an introvert) and valedictorian. His path was smooth sailing all through school except for bullying on the bus which he avoided by walking instead.

 

That said, our decision was based solely on what was best for our kids and what we saw as an inadequate ps system. Dh, even though his experience in school had been much better than mine was a bigger advocate for hsing than I was when we began. He has never lost confidence all the way through, while I have floundered at times with self confidence. We never predetermined to homeschool. We began homeschooling ds in 4th grade and dd in 7th. We were hopeful that the ps system would serve our kids well as dh's had, but it was not to be.

[Amy in NH]

Elementary school was horrible. I was academically ready for school early, started first grade when I was 5, and then they wanted me to skip 2nd grade but my parents declined because I was socially awkward. I loved to learn, but I what I learned at school was that it's not cool to be smart or love to learn. I was in the G&T program, which meant I got pulled out of class to do special activities, which again did not make me too popular. I was the "teacher's pet". I had a couple of other "smart" friends with whom I competed academically in a couple of grades. I was regularly bullied by a group of my classmates. I preferred to stand with the teachers at recess (although they often made me "go play"), and I had at least one teacher who let me stay in from recess to correct other students' papers. I lived in a middle class neighborhood, but was bussed into a low-income part of town. My parents divorced when I was in fourth grade, and I became a latch-key kid.

 

I moved to a wealthy town going into middle school, where my family was "poor". I was snubbed by the cliches that had already formed in the local elemenatary schools. I still didn't fit in with my school peers. I gave up being smart in favor of having friends. My mom was busy with work/school/boyfriend, and I was unsupervised. I hung out with much older kids from my neighborhood, and got involved with alcohol, drugs, and sex. There were a couple of hobbies I would have liked to try, but my mom couldn't afford it. I started working when I was 12 so that I could buy my own clothes.

 

High school was a boring waste of time. My friends were in different classes because they were a couple of grades ahead of me. I slept through my classes, but still got mostly As. I went to an award-winning high school, but learned very little. I was never asked/advised to enroll in an honors class. I wanted to play field hockey, but that was only for the in-crowd popular girls, so I didn't bother to try out. Most of my friends graduated when I was a sophomore or junior, and I got tired of sitting around in school, so I graduated early and started going to community college while my senior class was finishing high school.

 

Did my public school experience influence my decision to homeschool? Absolutely!

 

I don't want my kids "socialized" by a group of ill-parented peers. I want my kids to value being smart. I want my kids to develop a good work ethic and a lifelong love of learning. I want my kids to be able to be able to figure out who they are without negative peer influences. I want my kids to work at their own pace, challenge themselves, become well-educated, and have time to excel at their own interests. I want spend time with them and learn alongside them, to allow them time to spend with each other, and to see them learn and grow.

[SheWhoWaits]

Side note: I saw more drug and alcohol abused by the cheerleaders and jocks from the RIGHT side of the tracks than I ever saw in my own "bad" neighborhood. The school's most popular drug dealer was a "clean-cut prep." whose father was a navel officer. His sister and her girlfriends would come to class stoned and they were given a pass because they were preps and kissed up to the teachers.

This was true in my high school, too. I was in the college prep classes, so those "cheerleader/jock/preppy types" were in my classes and I knew them. But I was bussed in from a small town and had not gone to elementary/middle school with them, so they weren't really my friends. I only discovered in my senior year that most of those kids were going out and getting stoned or high every weekend. I guess I was lucky I didn't grow up with them, or I'd probably have done it too.

[SheWhoWaits]

IAnd, it is even harder since my dd12 wants to go to HS. I worry that she will fall into the same trap.

She probably won't. I just had a discussion like that with my son's friend's pastor recently. He told me to remember that my children aren't me. That said, we're all human. Everybody is going to fall into some trap some time. It can't be avoided. As parents we do our best to help our children avoid those traps, but we can't live their lives for them, and we can't always control or even know everything in their lives. If you're a Christian, you just have to trust God to see them through whatever traps they do fall into.

Not at all trying to influence anyone's decision to send their child to school or keep them home. Either way the above applies.

[jujsky]

My high school experience has nothing to do with my reasons for homeschooling. I had a wonderful high school experience. I was one of those people who had friends in almost every social group. I got along with almost everyone. I had a strong group of friends in my theater club. Other than some normal teen heartbreaks, life was good.

 

Jr. high is another story altogether, and I'm all for shielding my kids from that time in their lives!

[Guest janainaz]

I had unpleasant public school experiences. However, it was not for social reasons, just my family life being in shambles and a constant state of major drama. I desperately wanted to just be "normal" and be able to be a care-free teenager, yet I had the weight of the world on my shoulders. Those memories are very painful for me to revisit. I do believe that my own experience has played a huge role in my decision to homeschool. Originally, my decision was not about keeping my kids OUT of public school. It was more about creating very close family ties, stability, and a sanctuary for my kids. What was missing in my life was our family unit and feeling of overall security. However, every year that passes my reasons become more about academics and keeping my kids out of the overall ps environment.

 

In regard to ps academically, I did not have the greatest teachers, but I also believe that the student makes the experience quite often. If a student WANTS to learn and be engaged, they will. Unfortunately, public schools are more of a social atmosphere for the majority of kids and it is few and far between that are actually there to learn and understand the importance of being educated. Some kids manage to be able to do both, but I believe there are just too many distractions now (and there were back then also) and far too much pressure socially. I would love to continue to avoid that altogether with my sons. I understand that at some point they will enter the real world, but I'd rather them have a good foundation, understand truth, and have some maturity under their belt before they are thrown to the dogs.

 

So, as for now, my kids are happy and doing very well. I am grateful that we have been able to go down a different path. I never would have dreamed I would be a homeschool mom and I hope we have many more years to follow. My desire and idea to homeschool came to me before I even knew what it was. It was just in me. I hope and pray that my kids will continue to be drawn down a different path and not feel the desire to see what ps is all about.

 

I do take it year-by-year and continue to just pray for what is best for my them. Our school district where we live absolutely stinks and I would never put my kids in the local ps. We are often at the park when the school kids are getting out and as they all start passing by, we hear them talking and I'm shocked every single time at the nature of the conversation in elementary and Jr. high kids. As for the highschoolers, my heart skips a beat when I see them interact, when I hear their language and the nature of their conversation, as well. It sounds as if they have no value system, no conscience, and no soul. There is an overall coldness and hostility that just comes out and it's very upsetting to me. I know not all kids are like this, but this is not the environment I would willfully choose to put my kids in. My ds9 gets a small taste of it when these kids stop to hang out at the park. They have no care that smaller kids are there listening to their words, they have no care that a parent is there either. In fact, I have noticed that they like to provoke. There is an anger and hostility. Yet, my dh will take my boys on the weekend to the park and he sees the hunger in them. He'll be playing football with my sons and get some of the other boys involved and they just light up. They want to be payed attention to. It's about the family environment they have at home and it does break my heart. I understand all too well.

 

I've taken those opportunities to talk to my son about what is going on out there. I really don't want him looking at these kids like they are "bad" people or bad kids. I'm upset at what is behind it all, it's grievous to me. I explain things to my son in a very real-life way so that he understands our reasons for having him on a different avenue. I also want him to have a bigger understanding of their behaviour and why they act the way they do. I want his heart to understand it on a deeper level. My son has expressed that he loves being homeschooled and he can't imagine it being any other way. I do remind him that he's growing up and his ideas and opinions on that could change, but I want him to see the big picture (a little at a time).

[Peela]

My highschool experience was horrible for me, but my parents separated when i was 13, so that would have influenced how I felt about everything. But, I never liked school as far as i remembered. I would have been a good unschooler. I did like learning- I just didn't like people much :) I found the other kids shallow and the teachers hypocritical. I was a bohemian greenie put into a very conservative Christian school. Even my parents werent Christian. I always felt like a freak, and home life wasnt brilliant either.

 

My dh was ADHD, the oldest of 5 kids and emotionally neglected. He was put in Catholic boarding school 5 kms from home and not allowed home on weekends. The priests beat him every day. He was expelled because he actually fought back. His experience of highschool was not good either .

 

So yes, homeschooling for us is definitely a result of our feelings about school, even though it wasnt why we originally tried homeschooling. I try to remain objective though. Dh doesn't bother with that :)

[scubamama]

Kate,

I know that it was the biggest factor for dh. He felt like his life was being wasted in high school until a science teacher took him on as a "independent study" This was an elderly man who had been part of the Manhattan Project. He made a difference in my dh's life - now he's a real rocket scientist! (who still can't find the hamper...) School was just ok for me. I was pretty quiet, had friends and we stuck together. We were all from "lower middle class" in the local "rich" public school, so no onw would really want to hang out with us b/c we were "poor". Most of the well off kids were preps who did drugs and had weapons. They were the ones getting pregnant at 16 too. Go figure. I know my parents would have beat my butt if I stepped out of line! I HS now because....it's going to be worth it someday - although today I'm not sure when I will feel like it was a great decision! I have all littles, just had a miscarraige and moved to CA from rural PA last month. I'm exhausted and unqualified to make a decision on anything right now! :tongue_smilie:

 

Michele

[OneRoomSchoolHouse]

I went to a private school from 2nd through 12th. I switched towns at 5th grade. I did not fit in with the new school because everyone had known each other for years and although private school was expensive, we were not rich. I went to school with all the doctors, lawyers, etc kids. Junior high was HORRIBLE!! I was very quiet and a book worm. I had great grades and no real social life. High school was better beause we went from 60 students to 160. There were more kids like me. I never had guy problems, always had a date to the dance, etc. but my bff didn't and I know it was hard on her. I still claim to this day that I hated school, but the education was far superior to the public schools. Academically, the first few years in college were easier than high school. I love the study skills and extreme thinking skills that we learned in private school, but the social scene was just very hard (we had 3 kids commit suicide in high school due to the pressure of good grades).

 

I homeschool because of the things that I saw when we put my dd in public Kinder. There were special needs kids mainstreamed that did things such as screaming while the teacher read to the kids, smearing poo on the bathroom walls and more. My daughter was bored with the material, she was advanced and already knew what was being taught...bordom led to talking and the talking led to notes home daily and a poor attitude about school. The last straw was when a kid on the bus put his hand down my daughters pants...she bent over and he put his hand down her crack. Too many bad things in such a little amount of time. I love that we are free to teach our children whatever religion we wish and we are able to incorporate it into all of our studies. I just hope there are enough of us out there to add morality into an increasingly immoral world.

[The Girls' Mom]

My school years, at school were pretty ok. It was kind of my sanctuary from the not so good home life I had. I had really bad teachers, and really good teachers, and a whole bunch of ok teachers. I went to 3 different high schools that ranged from tiny, tiny (K-12 in one building) to a huge almost college campus like school. My best times were at the tiny school. I got married my junior year, and really didn't participate in much the last 2 years of school. I was just there to get the diploma. (Which is really kind of sad...I was a great student till I got married! lol)

 

Has is influenced my decision to homeschool? Yes, to some extent. I know that I got a much better education at the small school. My friends parents were teachers there, it was mostly Christian, and it was a very family-like atmosphere. There isn't anything remotely like that around here (that I could afford anyway). I don't want to expose my girls to some of the s*x, drugs, and other non-sense I was exposed to at other schools.

[skaterbabs]

I actually really enjoyed high school. My family life was kind of ...different, but I mostly enjoyed my classes and had some friends I still communicate with thirteen years later. Most of my teachers adored me and I liked them.