We're in a "Win-win" situation, but why do I feel exasperated?

[Shelly in IL]

My husband flies internationally for a large commercial airline. He got back into the USMCreserves to finish out his time so we can get retirement. He has 6 years left.

 

Well, he has just been offered 2 different reserve jobs. Both have merit. One, he gets to work out of the house with provided cell and laptop being a headhunter for returning Marines to the area. Job 2; he can fly corporate jets with high ranking military/dignitaries.

 

Job 2 requires commuting to DC, working 6 days a month rather than 2, but does pay $10k more per year. He could also likely face a 3 month deployment in the next year or so to Afghanistan.

 

He is really excited about job 2. I want him to be fulfilled. But job 2 has me freaking out a bit. Eldest ds starts high school this year - big change. DH will be around substantially less - big change. I have 6.5 acres and 80 chickens and assundry other pets. LOTS to mow. Huge driveway to plow - just yikes! How can I do this for 3 months?

 

I'm trying to be supportive. But, we have btdt with the Marines. WE planned kids around him not deploying. Now here we are again. Any advice? Or should I just buck up and be thankful for the extra job?

[Carol in Cal.]

That's what's on the table with the Afghanistan thing. I think it's going to get a lot worse before it gets better, and I think that with a young family it's not worth it to put yourself in danger that way--quite aside from the difference in time away from home. $10K more is not even remotely enough to be tempting, either.

[LibraryLover]

Wimp here. 1 sounds right to *me*.

 

Of course, if your dh insists on taking 2, can you use some of the extra 10k to hire people to plow and help you out around the house and property?

 

Now, in defense of your dh, I can imagine it might be difficult going from an exciting (if dangerous) day to day life to a more mundane, home-bound one. A military wife will have more insight than my civilian insight. :D I mean, why would anyone want to go back to Afghanistan if they didn't have to? I admire the dedication.

Edited January 5, 2010 by LibraryLover

[Rosy]

With the $10k pay raise, you could afford to hire help for the household/farm chores. So if it's just the workload, that is a potential solution. If it is the other factors (him not being there, etc.), that's something only you two can judge. To me, 4 extra days a month doesn't sound like much compared with the pay increase and the higher job satisfaction.

[i.love.lucy]

That's what's on the table with the Afghanistan thing. I think it's going to get a lot worse before it gets better, and I think that with a young family it's not worth it to put yourself in danger that way--quite aside from the difference in time away from home. $10K more is not even remotely enough to be tempting, either.

:iagree:I see the fulfillment part and the $$, but how unfulfilled will he be seeing his kids so much less? How about how unfulfilled his family will be with him gone to work more, or deployed risking his life? I wouldn't want my husband to sacrifice his time with his kids, or quite possibly his life, for career advancement.

 

Sorry. This kind of thing is tough. :grouphug:

[Unicorn.]

He got back into the reserves so he could get the retirement. The fact that he is back in means there is always the possibility of being deployed at any time. There is no absolute guarantee that he won't be deployed either way. The only advice I can offer you is to discuss this all w/ him, and hope and pray for the best. And I can offer these :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug:

[Mrs Mungo]

My husband flies internationally for a large commercial airline. He got back into the USMCreserves to finish out his time so we can get retirement. He has 6 years left.

 

Well, he has just been offered 2 different reserve jobs. Both have merit. One, he gets to work out of the house with provided cell and laptop being a headhunter for returning Marines to the area. Job 2; he can fly corporate jets with high ranking military/dignitaries.

 

Job 2 requires commuting to DC, working 6 days a month rather than 2, but does pay $10k more per year. He could also likely face a 3 month deployment in the next year or so to Afghanistan.

 

He is really excited about job 2. I want him to be fulfilled. But job 2 has me freaking out a bit. Eldest ds starts high school this year - big change. DH will be around substantially less - big change. I have 6.5 acres and 80 chickens and assundry other pets. LOTS to mow. Huge driveway to plow - just yikes! How can I do this for 3 months?

 

I'm trying to be supportive. But, we have btdt with the Marines. WE planned kids around him not deploying. Now here we are again. Any advice? Or should I just buck up and be thankful for the extra job?

 

Only 3 months? You can do this. However, you cannot do everything. If you need to hire a little help with mowing or plowing, do it without guilt. I'm sure flying military bigwigs would be a lot more fun to your Marine Corps-pilot husband than "flying a desk" (as we say in the military).

 

Does this "headhunter" job effectively mean recruiting? Would it require travel and such? Everyone we know who has worked recruiting has hated it. There is a tremendous amount of pressure and stress to meet quotas. It also required a lot of driving around, talking to families, picking people up, etc.

 

As far as risking his life, it's true that there is an element of risk in serving in the military. There have been a total of 1,574 coalition soldiers killed in action in Afghanistan since 2001 (4690 in Iraq). I personally knew some of those soldiers. It's not something I take lightly, I assure you. However, that's a pretty small number compared to the number of people killed in traffic accidents each year. There were 16,626 people in the US killed in traffic accidents in the first six months of 2009.

Edited January 4, 2010 by Mrs Mungo

[Shelly in IL]

I know 3 months isn't a long deployment. HOwever, in our game plan, we waited until we were on the other side of the deploying structure to have kids (dh instructed fighters and didn't deploy then). Then we got out.

 

I'm not too worried about danger. He's flown our entire marriage - danger is controlled and a part of the game. Actually, it is a part of everyone's game - we are just more aware of it - ie. traffic accidents, etc.

 

No, he won't be a recruiter. He will be working with the Wounded Warrior program - helping the guys coming home to get jobs on the civilian side.

 

The biggest deal is him being gone. We rely on him. Sometimes I find myself relying on him too much, as he is home alot right now. There is a piece of me that looks forward to more independence, but 3 months is more than I was bargaining for.

 

So, he has a potential to be gone for 5-6 days a month with marines and up to 15 days with airlines. Currently, he hasn't been gone nearly that much with the airlines - maybe more like 9 days. Just alot to think about - and this will be for a 3 year commitment.

[nukeswife]

It is a big decision to make here's my .02

 

Normally dh and I are 50/50 on decisions but when it comes to his job that's where I defer to him 100%. If he asks for my opinion I'll give it to him, but tell him I'm going to be ok with whatever he decides. When he had the chance to get out of the Navy after 7 years in, I told him it was up to him, knowing full well it meant another 13 years minimum, not just the 5 he was being asked to decide on now. I knew this because those 5 would have put us past the 10 year mark and he always said if he went that long he'd just finish out his 20. It's been tough with him gone, but there is nothing I can't figure out when he is. It may be tough, but it will all get done some how, at some point.

 

3 months is really just a drop in the bucket (although my dh just left for a deployment of at least 7 months so take that with a grain of salt ) and like others have said if he's already reserves, no matter what they say about job #1 situations can change and he could end up deploying anyway, it's just a risk you run when being in the military.

[SheilaZ]

I can understand how you feel. I've experienced something similar. My DH decided to back into the Army a few years ago with only 7 years until retirement. (He was active duty when I married him and then got out after a combat deployment when I was pregnant with our second child.)

 

I can tell you that he's happier being in the Army than he ever was as a civillian and that I have never regretted my decision to let him make the decision for his career.

He's a happier man and even we see him less due to frequent trips and long hours. He's a better father and husband because he's doing something that he enjoys and takes care of us.

 

Yes, I do have to do a lot more for myself....especially during the 15 months he was deployed. But it didn't have any negative effect on our family. The boys not only survived, but thrived and they are incredibly close to their father. For us, it has made the time that we do have together as a family even more precious.

 

My advice would be to let him pick the job he wants and then be that Marine wife and figure out a way to make it work. It won't be forever and there may be benefits for your family that just aren't apparent right now. That has been the case for our family.

Edited January 4, 2010 by SheilaZ

[TN Mama]

He got back into the reserves so he could get the retirement. The fact that he is back in means there is always the possibility of being deployed at any time. There is no absolute guarantee that he won't be deployed either way. The only advice I can offer you is to discuss this all w/ him, and hope and pray for the best. And I can offer these :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug:

 

:iagree:

[Shelly in IL]

I am just spoiled by my cushy life right now. I can see the possibility of it being better for me - I would rise to it and be much more self reliant. Just so many changes right now.........

 

thanks for the kind words and support.

[Sebastian (a lady)]

Somewhere in between the counsel from those who never have their husbands deploy and those who have been doing frequent, long deployments is somthing that suits your situation.

 

I won't tell you that deployment is easy. You already know both that you can do it and that there are plenty of hidden difficulties.

 

One job has a higher reward (both in current pay and in retirement pay [i'm assuming that more points earned now will result in a higher reserve retirement pay]) as well as a higher cost (separation and risk).

 

Good luck in making a decision and then being at peace with it. I might suggest that having returned to the Marines after time away, it might be difficult to feel like you are one of the only guys who doesn't have experience in a combat zone.

 

When we were barely even dating, dh quoted the poem To Lucasta on Going to War to me. That was the moment that I knew I had to marry this guy. But the sense that "I could not love you dear so much/Loved I not honor more" is both an intrinsic part of the character of the man I love and something that gives me great pause.

 

Wish there were a smily that conveyed hope, shared concern, prayers and solidarity. Unfortunately there is only this. :grouphug:

[Shelly in IL]

I am happy for him - he is very excited. I am happy for me - I negotiated for a new car (getting rid of his pickup - him taking my Yukon). We were due for a newer vehicle anyway - this is a good tradeoff!! :)

 

Believing this is the best decision - I am deciding to be happy about it. At the very least, he will be making $50,000 extra dollars over the course of this 5 year gig, and he will probably end up a Lt. Col. in retirement - adding a few hundred extra dollars to our monthly retirement income. Private high school is covered for our son without any additional stress.

 

Pray for the safety of our military. Blessings...

[kpupg]

IPray for the safety of our military. Blessings...

 

Always.

 

We are not a military family, but I will say this ... my DH's job satisfaction drives the entire family's satisfaction. His being fulfilled in his work, being affirmed in his manliness as he defines it, it is so incredibly important. Popular culture denies it. It is still true. Good on you for supporting your MAN. :grouphug:

 

Cue Tammy Wynette ....

Praying for you all,

Karen