S/O Piano lessons... how long should an unmotivated student continue?

[Erica in PA]

My 13 yos took lessons for about 6 months with his first teacher and didn't seem to enjoy it much. I thought maybe he would be more motivated with a male teacher, so when his first teacher got married and moved away, he started with a nice, young music teacher from our church. He did better at first, but now it's been almost a year with him, and there's been very little progress. Ds doesn't seem to enjoy the piano, and only practices when I tell him he must. He never goes to the piano for his own enjoyment, ever. He hasn't learned enough to be able to play even a simple song in church (our church is very informal and welcoming of children who are learning an instrument, so that was one of ds's initial goals, to be able to play at church).

 

I've talked to his teacher, and he expressed similar concerns. He mentioned that my ds doesn't seem to have much motivation, and isn't progressing the way he think he could. I've mentioned it to ds and he's fine with quitting.

 

I'm wondering if we should just give up. It's unfortunate, though, because ds has wonderful pitch and is very musical, but isn't interested in piano or any other instrument, or singing. :confused:

 

I hate to give up now, before he's even had the chance to perform evern once, to see if he likes it. On the other hand, we could certainly use that money if it's just being wasted on a student who does not want to learn. Would you keep going, or give up?

[Jean in Newcastle]

My goals in music are my kids learn to read basic music - know the note names, the basic time signatures, quarter note, eighth note etc., what a musical key is. In our house we do that with recorder lessons. The kids are required to learn recorder until they know those things and play reasonably well. (It would work equally well with piano - I just know how to play the recorder). That is basic musical literacy in my mind. We have one recorder lesson on Monday and then music practice is scheduled on our school schedule just like any other subject.

 

I don't know if this helps but I thought you might want to see my approach and opinion of basic musical literacy.

[MeaganS]

We were required to learn enough to play hymns at our church. Then we could quit if we wanted. The hymns at our church take about 5 years of piano lessons to be able to play, so we kept going for a while. All of us learned to love it once we got good enough to play music we liked for fun.

[Guest Katia]

My older dd hated them all through her first year. By the second year she was banging the keys during practice saying how stupid she was and how much she hated the piano. We dropped lessons before the first half of her second year. She truly hated playing the piano and thought she was stupid because she didn't 'get' it.

 

However, she didn't drop music. She loved recorder and went through the 4th Suzuki book with both soprano and alto recorder, and learned quite a bit on tenor recorder.

 

And, she thought harp looked interesting, so instead of piano we switched her to harp (at 14yo) and now she is a harp performance major in college.

 

If the kid doesn't like piano, let them quit the piano! But, find another instrument (even voice) for them to continue to enjoy and explore music.

[beezus]

I probably wouldn't require him to continue if he hasn't been very motivated by the piano after that long. Is he fired up by another instrument? I don't think anyone is an incomplete person because they don't perform musically. Maybe he likes to sing. You can always learn about different music styles without actually playing an instrument. I think learning how to read music is a nice skill, but I don't think I would mandate continued piano lessons if he isn't progressing or showing much interest. Music can be very life-enriching, but then so can other things. Maybe his interests just lie in other areas. My parents forced me to take piano lessons for two years. I just hated it, and I don't think I got much of lasting value from that last year. Maybe it's time to just move on to other things that really do spark his interest.

[AngieW in Texas]

Unless you have money to burn, I would drop the lessons.

 

My dh took piano for 8 years because he was forced to. Somehow he got the idea that our kids ought to be forced to take piano since he was. Our oldest took piano lessons from two different private teachers for about 4 months each (one teacher was determined to proselytize during the lessons and the other just didn't click with my dd). Then she did group lessons for another 6 months. Money got tight at that point, so dh consented to her dropping piano.

 

We bought a nice keyboard when she started the piano lessons. It has weighted keys and feels just like a real piano. In the 10 years we've had it, dh has only touched the piano once and that was just to see if the keys really did feel weighted. His many years of forced piano lessons did not instill a love of playing music. He did learn to play very well, but he stopped just as soon as he was allowed to stop and never played another note again.

[kalanamak]

 

I hate to give up now, before he's even had the chance to perform evern once, to see if he likes it. On the other hand, we could certainly use that money if it's just being wasted on a student who does not want to learn. Would you keep going, or give up?

 

I disliked my lessons, and dragged through them for years. My mother made a deal: two more years, and I could have a horse. I signed up, and by the time two years was up, I was playing Bach and didn't quit. For me, the key was jumping way ahead and literally taking 6 months to learn a two part invention. Once that was done, the next got easier and easier. My brother helped by learning the hands (very quickly, the rat) and playing with me.

[cougarmom4]

How important is it to you that he can play the piano when he is older? I have a friend with a ds10 who started the piano at a really young age and is quite gifted at it. Last year they hit a wall and it became a huge battle. Now, to my friend, it was worth the battle...she stopped lessons, but during the time that would have been piano practicing, her ds was assigned chores (and she worked him hard!). Once he realized that he didn't necessarily have free time instead and he'd rather play the piano than clean toilets...his attitude changed and he's doing great on piano.

 

Not saying this is the best way to handle it, just offering the idea in case it fits your situation.

[Veritaserum]

A friend of mine told me that her parents quit the lessons because nobody was practicing/improving. Their new approach was to pay $5 per mastered song (such as a hymn). It was much cheaper than lessons and the kids were motivated to practice. :tongue_smilie:

 

It is essential to me that my children be able to read music, but mastery in an instrument is not required.

[Erica in PA]

Thanks everyone. Ds, dh, and I had a good, long talk tonight, and we decided together that he is going to discontinue lessons. Ds was very relieved, and said that while he thought learning to play was a good thing in general, he really wasn't interested in playing himself. One thing that surprised me was when he said that he doesn't have any interest in playing at church, or getting to the point where he could play music on his own. He just doesn't want to do piano, period. It was important to me that he not just give up because it's difficult right now, but when he expressed that even the end result (i.e. being able to play piano well) wasn't appealing to him at all, even to the point where he admitted that he didn't even really like *listening* to good piano music in church, that made me feel better about allowing him to stop.

 

I have to admit, I am pretty disappointed. I was really hoping this would be something he would take off with and enjoy throughout his life, and I feel like all these lessons were sort of a waste because they didn't result in ds actually being able to play. But at the same time, he gave it a good try, for a year and a half. And we really don't have money to burn on lessons for a child who doesn't like anything about the instrument he is learning. I could see the relief on his face when he finally felt able to be honest about how he really feels about it, and it was obvious that he is not disappointed at all.

 

We told him that if he has any regrets, he can always go back to it. And we do have a 7 year old dd who LOVES the piano and can't keep her hands off it. So maybe we'll have a pianist in this family yet. ;)

[kalanamak]

 

We told him that if he has any regrets, he can always go back to it. And we do have a 7 year old dd who LOVES the piano and can't keep her hands off it. So maybe we'll have a pianist in this family yet. ;)

 

If he is musical, but just not interested, get him a recorder (I find the plastic ones at Goodwill sometimes) and just have it "around". My mother did this, and I recall climbing a tree periodically and playing, idly, my favourite tunes by ear. Just in case he finds he likes music more as he gets older.