................... Posted November 22, 2009 Share Posted November 22, 2009 My son has mild sensory integration disorder. He was diagnosed with it, but not on paper- we didn't find it necessary in his case. They also said if they wanted to, they could have diagnosed him with Aspergers but he was so very borderline, they said we would be better not. We have tried hard to discipline our son in a Godly, consistent environment and have worked through many issued on our own, and the occupational therapist tried to hire me- literally! They said I was doing naturally what they were doing and would pay for my college if I would replace their owner... All this to say my son is doing great and us a smart, obedient, sweet boy. He is Also very hard working and capable. My mom is coming for a week and in the past I've had a hard tine explaining that my son (now 7) can't handle more than 1 outing per day, and needs a quiet time and special diet- he often ends up vomiting, or becoming beligerant-just before a meltdown he will insist he needs to go home and try so hard to be patient, but will get rude if we can't actually go home. What can I say or do to help her understand? And to help my son? Sometimes she says he can't handle too much running around because we homeschool and he is just not used to going places... Thoughts? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AK_Mom4 Posted November 22, 2009 Share Posted November 22, 2009 My instinct would be to protect my kiddo from the situation (since he's so young - just 7!) I would try to never mention my son as the reason not to go somewhere or do something. I would probably beg off saying that "I" was too tired (for another outing) or laugh about how controlling "I" am regarding food for him. When your son is older, he will probably develop better skills for waiting (and kudos for him for being able to warn you that he is approaching a melt-down! That's terrific!) and will be able to handle things better. But for right now, I would still be in protective mode - especially since she is not going to believe you anyway! We had this for YEARS from my mother who refused to believe that my son was hearing-impaired because he was unable to use hearing aids! She was determined that this was a behavior-issue! Sheesh! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SonshineLearner Posted November 22, 2009 Share Posted November 22, 2009 I don't know... wouldn't it be good to say... "I don't want to have to punish him.... I'd rather do what we know to be best... and only do one outing a day"... be ok.... If she wants to do an adult outing, could you have one special day for just the two of you? Carrie:-) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Misty Posted November 22, 2009 Share Posted November 22, 2009 Not sure how to handle your mother, but I wanted to let you know that when my Aspies were that young they would have been considered "borderline" as well (well except for my 3rd daughter.. she's been severe all along). As Aspies get older their symptoms get more obvious. They become more obsessive, their social issues get more pronounced, and they develop more anxiety, more attention issues, and sometimes depression. Puberty is an especially hard time for Aspies. This is why so many Aspies go undiagnosed until the teen years. I would say if you have the chance to get that diagnosis on paper, go ahead and do it.. Tuck it away in a safe place and forget about it until you need it. You may never need it so try not to view it as a "label". But it doesn't hurt to have it just in case. Oh, and if your mother is not likely to believe anything about your son's sensory diagnosis, then don't even bother mentioning it. Especially if she doesn't live near you and you don't spend a lot of time with her. When she mentions homeschooling as the cause of his being overly sensitive, just smile and change the subject. You might also mention how none of his homeschooled friends are this sensitive. When my oldest daughter was 4 years old, I mentioned her sensory diagnosis to my mother-in-law and she thought I was nuts. She never did accept it. She has no idea about the multiple diagnoses that all of my children have today. We have not seen her in several years (she lives very far away now) so my husband doesn't want to bother telling her since she has a tendency to be judgmental. It sounds like you're doing a wonderful job with your son though! Keep doing what you're doing! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
................... Posted November 22, 2009 Author Share Posted November 22, 2009 How nice it is to connect with people who understand once in a while! I think I will have to tell my mom it's about the kids because if I say I'm tired, she will package them up and rush out the door, telling me to take a nap- in order too do something nice for me. :). but you guys are right about not bothering to convince her about the SPD- I guess I hadn't thought about it but you are correct! If she hsnt accepted it for the last 3.5 years, what would change that now. I will also bring his iPod and books. If he can escape and not be forced to be social at least in the car rides, he does much better! Thanks for the encouragement. Sometimes with boderline kiddos it's harder because I tend to forget and live like it doesn't exist- and the decline is gradual- until I wake up and realize I was doing my son a disservice in not preventing and treating his issues! :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dsmith Posted November 23, 2009 Share Posted November 23, 2009 My mother inlaw didn't fully understand what could happen with my ds while shopping. When we go to a store, we go understanding that when it's time to go based on the signals I'm getting from my son, we go. We went shopping with her at Target, and she went off on her own for over an hour. My son was shaking, rocking, crying and moaning by the time we found her, and after that she understood alot better. Generally, it is not very obvious that my son is an Aspie, so she really didn't understand and it never fully clicked with her. She had to be confronted by one of his more severe meltdowns to get it, but it has opened her eyes much better than anything I could have said to her. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pippen Posted November 23, 2009 Share Posted November 23, 2009 . My mom is coming for a week and in the past I've had a hard tine explaining that my son (now 7) can't handle more than 1 outing per day, and needs a quiet time and special diet- he often ends up vomiting, or becoming beligerant-just before a meltdown he will insist he needs to go home and try so hard to be patient, but will get rude if we can't actually go home. What can I say or do to help her understand? And to help my son? Sometimes she says he can't handle too much running around because we homeschool and he is just not used to going places... Thoughts? Many family members won't understand until they witness the problems for themselves, and even then all won't understand. I found I needed to take a firm "this is how it's going to be" approach and learn to detach from criticism. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DianeJM Posted November 30, 2009 Share Posted November 30, 2009 Dear Calming Tea, I just wanted to chime in here, and say what a great job you are doing with your son. I applaud you for that. My take on your situation, or what I understand of it, is that I would recommend you keeping complete charge of your son's activities while Mom is visiting, and just say no to her if she wants to do a lot of stuff with him and the other kids; i,e., pick and choose a cut-off point for what is okay for your son to do and what isn't. Maybe send her out with the other kids and you and ds stay home once in a while, even if it's just for a walk if she doesn't drive. I admire you for sticking up for your son, that's great. And also, what a blessing it is that you have a mom who can come visit and is active and wanting to do things with your kids. I feel like it's okay if parents don't understand; sometimes they just don't have the capacity to understand things like that, and sometimes they just don't want to deal with it and choose not to understand or accept. Sometimes it just takes a lot of history and over time they get it. In any case, I hope your visit will go SUPER!! Blessings, Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Verity Posted November 30, 2009 Share Posted November 30, 2009 My mother inlaw didn't fully understand what could happen with my ds while shopping. When we go to a store, we go understanding that when it's time to go based on the signals I'm getting from my son, we go. We went shopping with her at Target, and she went off on her own for over an hour. My son was shaking, rocking, crying and moaning by the time we found her, and after that she understood alot better. Generally, it is not very obvious that my son is an Aspie, so she really didn't understand and it never fully clicked with her. She had to be confronted by one of his more severe meltdowns to get it, but it has opened her eyes much better than anything I could have said to her. I wanted to chime in here, my MIL seemed to never believe that something was actually wrong with my oldest ds, 11, (ADHD, undiagnosed Aspie and SPD) but that it must be my parenting. One day I let her take my two older boys to a local international fair. When she came home she was a believer. She says he was doing ok, she got him some icecream but he didn't want to go up to the crowd that was around the icecream man. And then afterward started to melt down and cried. This was a 10.5 year old boy. She was shocked and I think started to understand a little bit more about how our daily life is. I limit his exposure to these kinds of situations because I know the result. Heck, I don't do well in crowds either! IMO parents who aren't supportive of their kids and grandkids get only the barest welcome in my house. I hope it all worked out ok! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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