explaining Santa

[Josephine]

Hey all,

 

I have had an increasing desire to "explain" Santa so that my kids don't believe that he is a real person who is bringing them gifts. I don't want the kids to believe something that is not true and I want to try to cut out as much worldliness out as possible while still letting my kids enjoy the holiday. Any suggestions on how to do this gently? I think the last straw has been my ds 7 who has been telling me that "anything is possible with Santa" when referring to gifts that he wants.

 

 

Josephine

[KrissiK]

I don't really know. We've never "done" Santa. The kids' gifts all come from Mommy and Daddy. They get stockings, but they're generally just junk stuff (coloring books, markers, etc) and we don't say it's "from Santa". Generally we say that Santa is fun and is in books and movies. They don't really ask too many questions about that.

[BikeBookBread]

Okay, phew, here we go...after the Pledge threads, I'm tired and a little bit scared to even post here. (I see that you are new-ish...you may want to edit your original post asking for NO debate, or the claws might come out on this one. This is one of the hot button-ers....:glare:)

 

We too want to keep the "fun" part of Christmas while keeping the main focus on our deeply-held Christian beliefs. We have never told our girls that Santa was real. We have explained the historic St. Nicolas to them in general terms (we aren't Catholic or Orthodox, so they aren't familiar with the term "Saint" as it is used here, but that's probably TMI). There are lots of resources on the web and in books about the man. We still do stockings, leave out cookies on Christmas Eve, and the girls giggle when they see a single bite taken out of the cookie on Christmas morning...it's just pretending and play acting to them...but part of the fun.

 

We probably won't be doing Santa pix this year, for many reasons including the fact that we just hate the mall, but if you have done those in the past, you may want to put an end to it. That might ease the transition if they aren't putting a physical body and face to Santa.

[Tangerine]

Maybe you could find a book about the origins of the legend, explain them in terms of "he lived a long long time ago...." for a nice introduction to the idea that he's not currently active.

[Lisa in Jax]

Here's how we worked it out:

 

I told them that Santa is not a real person like they are. Instead, he represents the good in giving gifts "just to be kind/good." We talked a little bit about the gifts St. Nicholas (a real man) was known for, and that "Santa" represents Mom's and Dad's way of giving "secret gifts" like those St. Nicholas gave.

 

We also made sure to explain that we couldn't have told a baby/toddler this information, b/c it took a big boy/girl to understand. So, we let them know that we only told then when we felt they were "big" enough. :)

 

This explanation seemed to work. They know Santa isn't a flesh-and-blood person, but he is representative of good deeds/gifts of the Christmas season.

 

 

 

HIH,

 

Lisa

[TheCoffeeChick]

We've never done Santa either, but we do read this book about the real Saint Nicholas every year on St. Nicholas Day.

 

I can imagine the debates here in the hive about this since it causes such strife within my own family! ;)

[specialmama]

I agree, talking about Saint Nicholas and books. Next time your dc say something about a wish list for Santa, say in an excited tone: "oh, that's fun! OK so let's add that to the list and pretend that Santa will give it to you." If they say, "pretend"? Then just casually say, "of course, pretend. It's okay to pretend that Santa exists."

 

Santa has always been a "non-issue" here. Your kids will pick up your attitude about it. We focus on Jesus being the best gift ever, and the fact that we exchange gifts is just in celebration of His birthday (even though Jesus was not born on Dec. 25) and as for the modern day Santa standing on the street corner ringing a bell? He's like the clown invited to a birthday party.

[kmacnchs]

I know a lot of adults who were confused about God and were upset with their parents for lying to them when they found out about Santa...so when you explain who Santa really is, you may need to be ready to tell your children why you decided to lie to them and apologize for doing so...or you may not. Children take it different ways. It was no big deal when I found out but at the same time I knew I didn't want to "do Santa" with my kids...I would definitely focus on how different Santa and God are so there is no more confusion about how omnipresent, etc. Santa is...just my 2c

[zaichiki]

How about starting off slowly and introducing the idea over a year or so...

 

You could read books about Santa in different cultures/countries. There are a LOT of great cultural picture books about Santa out there (different clothes and names). We do this and explain that, for example, Russians "do" Santa differently than we do, call him Dyed Maroz (Grandfather Frost), and look forward to his visit on New Year's Eve (oh yeah... and he doesn't have reindeer).

 

You could watch a kids' movie about St. Nicholas. Here's a link to a great one that we watch every year: http://www.ignatius.com/ViewProduct.aspx?SID=1&Product_ID=1187&SKU=NICH-M&Category_ID=34

 

We never talk about whether or not Santa is "real" and alive today, but I have said "Santa represents..." If anyone ever asks us, (so far) we ask them what they think and quickly change the subject. We also allow fun movies about Santa like Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer and The Santa Clause. I think the kids can see that the details in the movies are different and put two and two together.

 

So... we never outright LIE to them, but we don't really talk about it either. The kids look forward to stockings and Santa in books/videos/songs every year. If I had to look my kids straight in the face and swear that Santa lived in the North Pole and squeezed down the chimney, I couldn't do it.

[SilverMoon]

We just read them the history story about the real Nicolas Claus and briefly shared how the tale morphed over time. ~shrug~ We've always included myths, legends, fairy tales, and tall tales in our history study, so they're familiar with how that sort of thing changes.

 

For the record, they still enjoy the modern day Santa thing thoroughly. They think it's awesome to have a game the entire community is in on. 

Edited September 5, 2023 by SilverMoon

[freetobeme]

just wanted to share that we started out with santa and decided about ten years ago to "come clean". we read the legends and had a gentle conversation and we thought all was well. our then-four-year-old suddenly began to cry. when we asked why (and i just knew i had ruined her for life with the "lie"), we realized the misunderstanding. she literally thought that her dad and i got into a sleigh and left her at home alone because WE WERE SANTA. :)

[OrganicAnn]

We tell our DD that Santa Claus really loved Jesus and he wanted all kids to remember Jesus' birth so he thought up the idea of giving a gift on Christmas so even little boys and girls will remember Jesus. It was simple and it kind of takes the focus back to the religious aspects of Christmas. This can then be expanded for older kids into a discussion of Saint Nicholas, Kris Kringle, Santa Claus and how they may be different people/cultures, but we've lumped them all together.

[petepie2]

We spilled the beans on Santa last year. My two older kids were 2 yrs and 4 yrs. I was blunt and to the point. Something like "Santa isn't a real person. He's pretend. Mommy and Daddy give you presents for Christmas, not Santa." I then proceeded to tell them more than I knew about St. Nicholas. (I think I may get a book about that this year.) I also told them not to blab to other kids that Santa was pretend. It all went well, but we had never made a big deal out of Santa anyway, so that probably had something to do with it. I do realize that the 'blunt' approach may not be best for most children, but it worked for us.

[Josephine]

Thanks for the suggestions. We started to just be blunt about it this morning with the kids but I think my dh is having a hard time with it. He grew up with Santa and I think he thinks the kids will be all grown up if they know that Santa isn't real. Like they aren't growing up fast enough as it is.

 

Josephine : )

[Aubrey]

We told ds when he was 6, and dd just started asking questions w/in the past mo. She was funny. She'd heard from TWO different friends that Santa wasn't real, "and they hadn't talked to ea other," so she was pretty suspicious.

 

We've developed a tradition in which, once a child knows the whole story, they get to "play the game." So ds has picked out a "Santa" gift for dd for 2 yrs, & he got to tell her what those gifts were when we had the big talk a couple of wks ago.

 

She was thrilled to find out that she'll get to stay up later Christmas Eve, help w/ more wrapping, & pick SANTA gifts for the little ones.

 

That said, she still believes she *is* a fairy, & she & ds had the biggest fight of their lives recently when he said he didn't believe in the tooth fairy. I went in to find them both screaming (they almost never scream) & dd wailing. When she could finally breathe enough to tell me what was wrong, he started up again:

 

No, that's not what I said! I DO believe in fairies! I do, I do, I do!!!! :001_huh:

 

Sometimes you have to just walk out of the room. ;)

[cougarmom4]

We focus on the spirit of giving...and how the 'spirit' of Santa is to give. We do 'Secret Santa' for a family every year--choosing gifts, wrapping, delivering & ringing the bell & running. We talk about how there are many Santa helpers all over spreading the spirit of giving...showing kindness...looking for ways to bring joy. We give money to Santa's helper at Walmart, bring canned goods to Santa's helper at the Food Bank. We make lists of what gifts we'd like to give each year. Santa comes Christmas Eve and fills stockings & leaves gifts...but we each also leave surprises for each other trying to bring joy to others.

 

When our children ask us, we typically say, What do you think? If they say, Of course, Santa is real...we talk about the spirit of giving and how much fun it is to surprise someone. If they say, No, it's you and Daddy, we talk about how much fun it is to surprise someone. Our kids have figured it out quite young and none have felt we've 'lied' to them, but they have joined us in our quest to make the holiday special for others around them.

 

We have decorations with Santa and sing songs about Santa and have fun being Santa's helpers...but our strongest focus is on Christmas as a celebration of Christ. We talk a lot about this as the real meaning of the holiday and how Christ is the one who really brings us eternal joy.

 

Best of luck to you as you & dh decide your family's traditions. :001_smile: