Mom22ns Posted October 11, 2009 Share Posted October 11, 2009 My ds is 12. He is PDD-NOS, very high functioning. A few weeks ago, he had a dream that he died and didn't get to say goodbye to his family or anything. He was very upset by it. It started an obsession about death. He is panicked about me dying and not being around to homeschool him. He is afraid he will die and not be here with us any more. We are having daily tearful conversations about this. Like so many ASD kids he is a bit obsessive in general. Normally, it is nothing that affects every day life. It can be hard to get him off the topic of his favorite video game or whatever he is interested in, but we've never had a negative obsession before. Does anyone have any suggestions on how to help him work through this? We are Christians and he is secure in his salvation, confident in heaven for himself and us. He just doesn't want to trade what he has for that. You know, ASD kids don't like change :001_huh:. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mom4him Posted October 11, 2009 Share Posted October 11, 2009 My ds is 12. He is PDD-NOS, very high functioning. A few weeks ago, he had a dream that he died and didn't get to say goodbye to his family or anything. He was very upset by it. It started an obsession about death. He is panicked about me dying and not being around to homeschool him. He is afraid he will die and not be here with us any more. We are having daily tearful conversations about this. Like so many ASD kids he is a bit obsessive in general. Normally, it is nothing that affects every day life. It can be hard to get him off the topic of his favorite video game or whatever he is interested in, but we've never had a negative obsession before. Does anyone have any suggestions on how to help him work through this? We are Christians and he is secure in his salvation, confident in heaven for himself and us. He just doesn't want to trade what he has for that. You know, ASD kids don't like change :001_huh:. My ds can obsess over death, in particular, fear of me dying. It seems like it is normally if he hears something or watches a movie where the mother/parent dies(We avoid when at all possible). I talk to him about it in real terms: We are all going to die some day. I am healthy. God is our protector. God promises us long life. Our home is safe.(sometimes worries about someone breaking in.) If something did happen to me, he would be well taken care of. etc. He seems to go through cycles with this but as he has gotten older it seems to be better. Our son is adopted and also has some attachment issues so it might not be anything that relates. I would just keep assuring him with the facts and your love. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mom22ns Posted October 12, 2009 Author Share Posted October 12, 2009 Thanks Sandy. I keep hoping with constant reassurance it will pass. It is just taking longer than I would like. Anyone else BTDT helping their kids get past a negative obsession? :bigear: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
farmgirlinwv Posted October 12, 2009 Share Posted October 12, 2009 My dd is 12yo and sounds similar to your ds. We just kept reassuring her and pointing out whatever is a logical rebuttal to her fear. She gets over it, but it takes time. It will periodically return. Using logic helps the most w/ dd. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dobela Posted October 12, 2009 Share Posted October 12, 2009 If it continues I would recommend that he receive a few visits with a therapist/counselor to help him work thru this. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mom22ns Posted October 12, 2009 Author Share Posted October 12, 2009 I was thinking about the counselor/therapist route. I just seem so inadequate in helping him through this. I thought I'd give it a bit more time, but I don't know when to call in reinforcements. How do I know when to get help? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dobela Posted October 12, 2009 Share Posted October 12, 2009 I was thinking about the counselor/therapist route. I just seem so inadequate in helping him through this. I thought I'd give it a bit more time, but I don't know when to call in reinforcements. How do I know when to get help? I always seek help when I am feeling inadequate or know that I just don't have the tools to respond to the situation. You could start the process now. Check to see what insurance will pay, and who it will pay. Then start narrowing down choices. Some counselors/therapist may have waiting lists. Or, instead of taking him the first time, maybe you could make an appointment for you so some one can teach you ways to redirect this. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tree House Academy Posted October 12, 2009 Share Posted October 12, 2009 It breaks my heart to hear this. Does he see a therapist or counselor? You will want to mention this if he does. I have OCD and the way my OCD comes out is in LIFE ALTERING issues with death/dying/diseases. It is constant for me. It is debilitating and there is no reason for it - other than the OCD. Your son may get over it shortly and still just be shaken over the dream, or he may be tending toward something similar to what I go through. I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy. Mine first showed up when I was 5 or 6 and it laid dormant until I was 11 or 12. By 14 or 15, I had convinced myself I wouldn't ever have children or get married or finish college because I would die. I decided that I had diseases that would eventually kill me and I started living every day in fear. The older I got, the worse it got. The more kids I had, the worse it got. The fact is that this has NOTHING to do with faith or Christianity. I am a Christian - I have read scripture - I know what God says about fear. This is not something I can control - not at all. Even with therapy and, occasionally, medicine, it is a battle. My thoughts and prayers are with your sweet son and I sure hope this is just from the dream he had and it passes shortly. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mom22ns Posted October 12, 2009 Author Share Posted October 12, 2009 He has never seen a counselor and really hasn't had any signs of OCD (other than some typical autistic perseverative behavior). It is very upsetting to him right now though. It seems so out of the blue and irrational, but I don't want to dismiss a fear that is obviously real to him. I'm not sure if making a big deal of it and going to a counselor (since he has never done that, it would seem like a big deal) would just escalate the importance of the issue in his mind or if it might help. I'm just so torn! I wish I could just fix it - ya know? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dsmith Posted October 13, 2009 Share Posted October 13, 2009 My son had gone through this and some similar situations. It's actually what prompted us to homeschool. He is dx'd with Aspergers, tic disorder, anxiety, and he definitely has some OCD tendencies. He was always a little jumpy and nervous. After hearing the story of Noah's ark in school he had horrible nightmares about floods and was afraid of natural disasters and such. When learning about the digestive system in school he became afraid of choking, which combined with his sensory issues with food, caused him to stop eating anything but vanilla pudding and milk. At this point we withdrew him from school - he became afraid of everything! I couldn't leave him alone at all. Dying was a big fear, and it was the basis of many of his other fears. Unfortunately, medication became necessary. After $5000 worth of therapy, it was the medication that enabled him to eat again, and for me to leave him in a room alone, etc. He has just recently started becoming more anxious again, and I don't want to see him spiral downward again. I will have a medication consult, and I am working on getting him into a program at a local college for kids with anxiety issues. I would say if it is getting worse with your son you should consider counseling. I often wish we had moved faster with my son's issues. Looking back I can say what he went through was a nervous breakdown of sorts, and I wonder if acting faster would have prevented it. When he becomes fearful of something, sometimes logic will work with calming him, but sometimes nothing will get through. Our faith is helpful to him, but quite honestly I have to be careful what he is exposed to. He is not afraid of what happens after dying - it is more that it will be painful or horrifying, etc. I monitor what he watches on tv, and will keep him away from the news. I find that distraction is a wonderful tool, and sometimes we can take his fears and turn them into interesting discussions. Anyway, good luck with your son! Dana Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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