need help with teen computer time

[Mary in MN]

I just posted on an old thread on the curriculum board, but I'm afraid no one will get to my dilemna, so I'm posting here too..

 

 

My dh and I are constantly worrying about our 14 yo ds who we think spends too much time on the computer. I can't decide whether we're overreacting or not...help please!

 

DS is a good student, goes to school part time and gets A's, does his work at home steadily and with minimal complaint :glare:, participates in varsity sports three seasons and summer training and loves it, goes running and to the health club with his Pop whenever invited, and reads every day...not as much as he used to, but still for 2-3 hours at least in the summer. Oh and he has spent the summer studying for the SSAT--not for huge amounts of time but steadily. And watches his baby sister whenever I ask. He's really a great kid, a bit lonely because he's been between buddies for about a year--gets along with kids on the team and at school well enough but hasn't really found anyone to hang out with for a year. Tends to be more serious and less easygoing than his younger brother, who has a hundred friends...but I digress.

 

Anyway, he'd be playing on-line rpg's all of his free time if we'd let him. When I talk to him about it, he agrees to limit computer time to--say--between 8 and 10 at night, which is his sleepy down time. But he does tend to slip into afternoons, morning after practice etc.--to wind down, legitimately, but two hours later, he's still there.

 

His Pop has addiction fears, probably because he's got addiction in the family. I don't worry as much--he does so much other than computer time willingly and well--but I do wish he'd read more, like he did when he was younger, or just go out and skateboard or bike--maybe make some new friends. Still, at 14, it seems to me he's got to start thinking these things out for himself.

 

The main problem, as I see it, is that we WAFFLE and lack a steady conviction, one way or the other. Your advice ladies? :bigear:

[ChristusG]

Personally, I think that at 14 years old you should still be limiting their computer time. I feel that at that age they are still living in the moment and cannot see into the future about how video games will effect them.

 

I currently see the effect of video games on my little sister in real life. She's 15 years old and plays video games ALL. THE. TIME. My mom supposedly homeschools her but I never see her doing any work and my other sister (she's 25 and still lives with my parents and 15 year old sister) says our youngest sister plays all the time....even while doing school work. :glare:

 

In the past year since she's gotten addicted to XBox, she's gained about 15 or 20 pounds, never goes outside, has increased social anxieties, and feels bad and tired all the time (probably from lack of sunshine and pysical activity, combined with an unhealthy diet). I point this stuff out to my mom all to no avail.

 

So I'm pretty anti-video game addiction right about now.

[LibraryLover]

I spend more time online than either my 17 or 15 yr olds. I don't think I have a problem. (lol)

Edited September 10, 2009 by LibraryLover

[Loupelou]

So, are you saying that your son is spending 4+ hours per day on the computer doing something other than academics? If this is the case I think it is a problem, or could become one if not addressed. Maybe talk with him about your concerns. Does he even realize how much time he is spending online? Talk with him about his goals, things he is interested in, things he would like to do. Make some plans/goals together. If he isn't quite ready to make some decisions hinself help him out. If it were my child I would be concerned with the unwise use of time. There are so many avenues to gain knowledge, maybe your son needs a fresh perspective?

[Mary in MN]

But the 4 hours or so happens in the summer, not (yet) during the school year--he's just too busy. And he'll always choose family time over computer time. I think the computer is more a friend substitute--and even then, if friends are in town, he'll always choose them over the computer. Still, I agree that there are lots better ways to use your brain--and he does too, when I talk to him about it. But then the computer just sucks him in. I admit to spending more than my share of time on the computer sometimes...I understand how quickly time goes by. The problem, really, is that there's always a new computer game, a new challenge, so he never gets sick of it, the way he has with other interests. I hate the way these games appeal to smart kids. And I really, really hate nagging. I want to make a decision and stick with it.

 

So if you were going to limit, what would it be, in the summer? During the school year?

[Starr]

We continue to limit computer time for our teens. They keep up with other activities with the computer off.

[justamouse]

I don't limit it. At all.

 

They get good grades, get their work done and are good kids. The computer is a hobby and I keep in the back of my head that there needs to be THIS generations Bill Gates, and Steve jobs...and if I limit them, how will they become the next generation's computer whiz? Maybe they won't be, but if I keep cutting them off, I'll never know.

 

Read Outliers, by Malcolm Gladwell. It talks about HOW Bill Gates became Bill Gates. Malcolm says that it takes 10k hours to become an expert at something.

Edited September 8, 2009 by justamouse

[Cedarmom]

At 14, I think if he is hadling his responsibilities, and it is not affecting his attitudes, I would give him the decision. If he starts to make it more important than time with friends, family, or responsibilities than I would limit time. Probably not the most beneficial use of his summer, but you said he did accomplish other things, and it is nice in summer to have more "veg" time. Once school starts, I would give him enough school work that too much computer isn't a isssue.

[iluvmy4blessings]

My only worry would be if he is chatting with people and who are they. I had a HUGE problem with this regarding my daughter . Chatting online and texting was becoming majorly inappropriate with some of the things being said to her or suggested to her by those she was talking to. It was also becoming addictive in that she wanted to talk/text/chat way too much. I had to unplug her completely. I think it becomes an issue if they are chatting with people you don't know and have no idea who they are talking to or what about.

[kpupg]

I have a 14yo boy, too. During the school year, we limit him to one hour per day computer games. But before he gets that, all his schoolwork, chores, etc. responsibilities must be completed. He sometimes has the opportunity to earn extra time by doing an extra chore or project ... depending on what's going on. He does that frequently. Oh, and we often give him additional time on weekends, when he has the downtime for that.

 

When there are problems, whether school work or attitude or relationships with sister, or whatnot, he gets grounded from computer games altogether. Very rare nowadays.

 

During the summer, we allow hiim much more time for this. He understands what "school year" and "school night" mean.

 

And we still forbid him from chatting or whatnot, except for particular real-life friends who play the same game. No online relationships allowed at this time. He knows the dangers, and has never once complained about this kind of protection.

 

Now, I emphasize computer games because he does some school work on the computer, and that is never limited.

 

And, our computers are in a public area of the house, so anyone can stroll by, so that naturally prevents him from getting into creepy things (I hope!). And ds has been very responsible with all our rules, so I must admit that I really loosened his reins this past summer, supervision-wise. But we still won't let him have a computer or TV in his room :D

 

HTH,

Karen