dirty ethel rackham Posted August 21, 2009 Share Posted August 21, 2009 One thing I want to stress is that the heir to the estate needs to do get involved, not the spouse. I absolutely think OP's hubby needs to get legal representation to protect his rights to the estate, but it is his job. We are dealing with a nasty situation with the spouse of one of the heirs to dh's cousin's estate - dh is the executor - appointed by the court and bonded. Dh's cousin died intestate (did not have a will) 18 months ago and his affairs were definitely not in order. He had considerable valuable collections but they were buried under 20 years of junk. He had not cleaned his house in 20 years - he had paths in each room but junk piled everywhere. It took dh 6 months to clear out the junk because he had to look at every single piece of paper - he found un-cashed checks, titles to cars, as well as more guns and ammo (he was a gun collector). He filled up 2 dumpsters and can fill another one soon. He had to sell 4 cars (including a couple collectible classic cars - a niche market in a downward trend right now) and 2 motorcycles. He had to get a FOID card so that he could transport the 40 some guns, plus ammo, to the gun dealer. He had over 20 collectible guitars and we are still trying to sell them. Not a strong market for guitars worth 1-2 grand. He made wine so he had to sell his winemaking equipment and get rid of a ton of wine - can't sell it without a proper license. Anyway, it has been a disaster for him, but also a labor of love because he is the only family member who cared enough to want to do right by his possessions rather than just set a match to the house. In addition to his 50 - 60 hr a week job as an engineer, Dh maintains the house for the tenant who lives there and collects the rent, fixes the appliances, removed rotten trees that were in danger of falling on the house, etc. Well, despite dh's hard work, his cousin's wife calls all the time complaining how dh is not doing a good job and that he should be done by now and how he should have gotten more for the (cars, guns, guitars) yet she was one who loudly proclaimed at the memorial service that Jim couldn't have owned anything worthwhile since he was just trash himself. She calls the attorney and the accountant for the estate as well as all the relatives to say how dh is robbing her blind (mind you, she is not an heir to the estate - her husband is.) She is nothing but a money grubbing b*&!#, but she makes our lives miserable. Even though dh is following the advice of the accountant and attorney, he just can't do anything right. Anyway, my point from that rambling vent is that as an IL, it is not appropriate to get involved in the estate, but to encourage dh to take steps to protect his interests. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
elfgivas Posted August 22, 2009 Share Posted August 22, 2009 i'm wondering about the siblings. were they living there before he died? ie. has it always been their home? if so, it will feel very, very differently to them. and if they are younger, that is harder, too. its a hard situation altogether, ann Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lulubelle Posted August 22, 2009 Share Posted August 22, 2009 Definitely an interesting discussion. We have a friend who was the executor of a relatives will and they "misused" money from it and will now not be seeing a dime of it. It is a very big deal about how funds are handled. There must have been some additional money in this situation? I think a lawyer is a very good direction to go. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alicia64 Posted August 22, 2009 Author Share Posted August 22, 2009 I don't mean any rudeness to all of you who have taken the time to respond to our problem. BUT the "12 year plan" comment wasn't meant passively agressively at all. There is a history in the family of a house being handed down and people sitting on it for 10 years -- yes, literally, until another party finally got a lawyer involved. We're concerned that this brother/sister duo are on the exact same path. I didn't want to bore you with details, but here goes: both brother and sister don't work -- are living lives on assistance. The house/them are two hours away. DH has a full time job and you know what I do all day. The house is a turn of the century house worth well over a million dollars. (Way too much money to just walk away from. It will benefit our sons' futures.) It's needs repairs done and they're doing them -- very, very slowly. There's no rush on their part. The house has become their lives. They live there now, they do projects on it when they get around to it. They're not rushing and they don't have the skills to get the job done in a matter of months and get the thing on the market. It's not who they are as people. Please believe me: the "12 year plan" comment I made was not meant passively aggressively at all. This house may not move out of the family for 15 years. Dh just said, "glaciers move faster than these people." I should have told you from the start that the brother/sister aren't exactly people like you and me with jobs, families, mortgages etc. Also, no, the sister/brother were not living in the house at all before the dad died. To make this even more complicated, the dad was not beloved. The sister and my dh hadn't been in contact w/ him for years. Good reasons for this, but again, I won't bore you. The family is absolutely not close. As the spouse I'm totally staying behind the scenes -- not getting involved other than to support dh. He's having a crisis at work, so getting all of your input has been super helpful. Thank you Elizabeth the attorney!! We're holding out on contacting an attorney -- we're trying to do this as humanely/sanely as possible, but we're losing money by the month as they live rent free. Anyway, thank you all. You've been awesome to care and respond!! Alley Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Carol in Cal. Posted August 22, 2009 Share Posted August 22, 2009 Thank you Elizabeth the attorney!! We're holding out on contacting an attorney -- we're trying to do this as humanely/sanely as possible, but we're losing money by the month as they live rent free. You're probably also losing money as the house loses value, if it's in the Bay Area as it might be. Alicia, this is a very tough situation. It seems to me that there is no justification for those two to live there at this point, if they were not taking care of the deceased or living there before. The situation sounds, not just annoying, but alarming to me now. I live in the Bay Area myself--if you are looking for a good lawyer around here, let me know what county the house is in and I will nose around and try to find you a good referral. A lot of lawyers here do free consultations, so you could check out what your options are with little or no upfront expenditure. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mommyof4ks Posted August 22, 2009 Share Posted August 22, 2009 No advice, just hugs. My grandmother did not get an attorney soon enough and now she has nothing from her deceased husband (my step-grandpa) thanks to his kids. It is sad that families are this way, but I understand what you mean by the lack of closeness even before all of this. Hopefully your dh will get something out of all of this. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hillary in KS Posted August 22, 2009 Share Posted August 22, 2009 Alicia, my worries for you are liability. What if something happens and someone is injured on the property. If dh is a part-owner, the injured party could come after him. (Especially since he's the only one of the co-owners with income.) Consider taxes, ESPECIALLY in CA. It would not surprise me to see the state stepping up both it's property tax rates and it's collection/auditing in the near future. If they've fudged at all on the taxes, it can come back to bite your dh. I think you're proceeding very wisely, keeping in mind both your in-laws personalities and a desire to keep up the relationship. But I think it would be wise for your *dh* to see a lawyer. NOT to threaten the in-laws, or to take action, but to make sure *he* is protected in case something goes wrong while he's waiting for the in-laws to get their ducks in a row. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alicia64 Posted August 22, 2009 Author Share Posted August 22, 2009 Thanks Hillary and Wendy. My understanding is that they're keeping up on home owners insurance and wouldn't that handle the liability? But who knows? We're looking at moving cross country possibly by Christmas and the money would make the move so much easier. We could pay off our mortgage and sell the house we're in after we move -- rather than trying to do it w/ two 6 year olds and all of their Lego's!! I think my very sweet, but very passive husband, is beginning to tap into his inner-grizzly. I hope. Part of this is happening, let's face it, because my husband has been in full blown avoidance mode for many months now. Not that I totally blame him. It's just not my style and I recognize that we're different. Thanks again, Alley Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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