Jill- OK Posted August 14, 2009 Share Posted August 14, 2009 (edited) Jill, I'm not denying that sex is what makes it different than a variety of close friendships. I'm posting in response to the suggestion(s) that SEX is the focus, reason, main reason people chose poly. Is it the reason you chose your DH? Did I say that? Someone said that they believed it was more about love, and I said that I believed the difference was sex. You're heightening my argument. Edited August 14, 2009 by Jill, OK Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jill- OK Posted August 14, 2009 Share Posted August 14, 2009 Yeah. We are non-traditional, and a common slur for the non-traditional is freak. ...I have some questions I'd love to ask a polyamorous person (about the article), but I think I'll go to PM, if you don't mind, since this looks like this thread is taking a downward spiral. I just wanted to say, publicly, that your response to this was very gracious. I wish we could have frank, open discussions about this sort of thing--whether we agree or not--without name calling. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jill- OK Posted August 14, 2009 Share Posted August 14, 2009 A couple of thoughts. First, a lot of what we call monogamy is really serial monogamy. A guy gets married, has kids, then gets bored and divorces and starts a whole new family. Meanwhile, his first wife/wives are left to raise his first set of children as a single parent. I'm not sure the monogamy model is superior for people like this. You're right...some of these terms, culturally speaking, aren't very solid. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KarenNC Posted August 14, 2009 Share Posted August 14, 2009 (edited) ...is the biggie that makes my marriage different from other relationships. As a monogamous person, I have sex with my husband, no one else. That's a distinction. A big one. (No pun, or revelation about my private life intended, lol.) I would disagree. My (monogamous) marital relationship with my husband differs from other relationships in much more than sex. If we were suddenly unable to have sexual relations from now on for some reason, our relationship would still be something different in terms of love and intimacy than my relationships with my close friends, my sister, my parents, etc. There are monogamous marriages in which the physical sexual act is not present for one reason or another (not the majority, but still there). Sex is *a* distinction (admittedly a big one;)), but not the *only* distinction. For example, I would consider my husband developing with another person the kind of emotional intimacy that we share as just as much a betrayal of our agreed-upon relationship as if he physically had sexual relations with another person. Actually, I might even see it as a worse betrayal. I don't see any reason to expect that a person in a polyamorous relationship would not feel the same about one of the members unilaterally acting so outside of the agreed-upon parameters of the relationship. This is not to say that I am claiming that polyamorous relationships don't include physical sexual relations because that would be absurd, but I don't see a justification for saying that they are only and primarily about having more sex any more than monogamous relationships are. Edited August 14, 2009 by KarenNC Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Night Elf Posted August 15, 2009 Share Posted August 15, 2009 Are you polyamory? I know that others have come out here. I might have missed it. You don't have to share if you don't want to but you do have a lot of info. on it. I have many polyamorous friends, who have introduced me to even more people. I guess I'm really biased because of that, but it isn't from a lack of trying to connect with other people. My poly friends are so very open and caring. Friendships with them have been the most positive friendships I've had since high school. None of them live in my state and our get-togethers have become more rare. I've learned alot about life from being lucky enough to know them. I never felt judged by them for anything. I feel a genuine friendship and acceptance from them that is so unlike friendships I've tried to cultivate in other situations. I know I'm a quirky person and it seems that people have a difficult time relating to me and of course I feel the same way. But I've never been rejected by them and so I will defend them and my gay friends to the ends of the earth. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Irisblade Posted February 21, 2021 Share Posted February 21, 2021 On 8/12/2009 at 9:56 AM, dragons in the flower bed said: I don't wrestle with it, either. As a polyamorous person, I agree completely that no one or two or three or four or even the dozens in some Heinlein-esque multi-generational group marriage would ever satisfy every need in my life. I don't know if I would have articulated it so well to myself if I hadn't known well two people who have really felt that their partner should satisfy all their needs. They were both pretty miserable in any relationship: hopeful at first, then frustrated, finally furious and alone again. It cycled like this, and when I'd talk with them, they'd indicate they were afraid they couldn't meet their own needs. I'm also afraid of that. Aren't we all? But I'm working towards that goal, constantly, and not setting other goals in it's place. It's really hard to cover polyamory accurately as a monogamous journalist. I don't believe I've ever seen it done perfectly. There's always the hope, then the few good paragraphs, then the "d'oh!" and slapping of the forehead. These are all just personal preferences, beliefs, feelings, and so on that everyone is entitled to have. To agree or agree to disagree. I view myself as some what of an old fashion kinda person 1-man and 1-woman is all u need together in a relationship. You thrive and feed off the emotions that both bring to the table good bad and in between. I myself feel that so many base most their choices basically on the topic of sex. This is were I am simple my sexaul needs/satisfactions generate off satisfying my counterparts needs I except the challenge and enjoy it most of all. I change things up I'm not complacent or set in a routine being repeated, the same old stuff. That randomness and openness to do such helps keep the extra spark. The willingness to not degrade myself and use toys to assist in the pleasuring is always easier thought to handle then the extra thoughts someone such as myself that could easily get caught up in their own feelings and lead to what might of been a strong and happy FAMILY. The opinion of just another individual in his own feeling, beliefs, and thoughts. (IMHO)Never is it the partner's sole responsibility to satisfy the other in every way but for us to be in a relationship we choose our selves and to be satisfied in as the partner supports and helps maintain and maybe without extra "work" even increase the satisfaction level and happiness in many areas. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lori D. Posted February 21, 2021 Share Posted February 21, 2021 (edited) WARNING: another ancient post as a resurrected zombie thread by a new poster...🧟♂️ Edited February 21, 2021 by Lori D. 1 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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