Scared at night?

[Melenie]

DD is scared at night and calls out to us several times. She has never been a good sleeper, but she shares a room with her younger sister (at her request) and she is waking the younger one up as well as me and DH. We have tried positive reinforcement, negative reinforcement and nothing seems to work.

 

I am sure this is pay back for me as I did the same thing with my poor mother when I was this age. My mom used to let me sleep on the floor of her bedroom and honestly I spent many nights there. I do not want DD to be tired during the day and I would like for her to learn to sleep without assistance from us.

 

What do you all do with a scared child at night?

Edited August 12, 2009 by Melenie

[ChristusG]

Honestly, I'd just keep some extra blankets and pillows in your bedroom and tell her that if she wakes at night as is afraid, she can come make herself a bed on the floor and finish out the night there.

[snickelfritz]

Honestly, I'd just keep some extra blankets and pillows in your bedroom and tell her that if she wakes at night as is afraid, she can come make herself a bed on the floor and finish out the night there.

 

Otherwise, they end up in our bed.:tongue_smilie:

[Jeannie in NJ]

does she have a night light? My 12 year old sleeps with one on.

[Pam Wilhelm]

Monster spray....... some kind of scented water spray. We use it as monster repellent....they hate nice smelling stuff and will leave their room to go to the boy's room. lol

 

A search for monsters and intruders in the room before bedtime.

 

A ritualistic shooing of the monsters into the brothers room.

 

Music on at night in the girls room.

 

No monster/scary movies.

 

No realistic shows about scary animals....real or pretend.

 

Calming routines just before going to bed.

[Harriet Vane]

My dd really struggled with this for a few years. We spoke to her about her being in charge of her fear, and gave her a couple "tools" to use as she saw fit. Often we had to coach her to use them--as in, "Have you tried X? Or Y?"

 

--Prayer: Not just asking for help not being scared, but using prayer to fill the mind with more positive things. We urged dd to talk to Jesus about what she had done that day, or what she was interested in doing as an adult, or about an upcoming event, etc.

 

--Music: Dd had an array of CDs she could choose to play quietly. Most were quiet and soothing music, although her uncle also gave her one called "Magic Beach" that was a sleep aid for children, guiding them to relax different parts of their body and visualize a lovely vacation spot.

 

--One parent stayed upstairs while she was falling asleep so that she could hear and know she was not alone in the world. This was a major need for her. She did outgrow it over time--while she needed this it was just better to plan to work on things upstairs for that hour while she was settling to sleep.

 

--Special Invisible Bug Killer Spray: This was an empty spray bottle. At one point dd questioned that there was anything in there. We directed her to "feel" the spray coming out--when you pump the spray handle there is a little whoosh of air. On another occasion she claimed she had run out of the spray, but our friendly neighborhood tiny hardware store around the corner saved the day. It's like going to Mayberry--you'd never guess such a place would exist in the city. Dh and dd walked in with the empty spray bottle. Dh handed it to the really nice owner and asked him to refill it with the Special Invisible Bug Killer Spray that he keeps in the back. The really nice owner looked from dh to dd and repeated dh's question, took the bottle to the back, and then came back out with the empty bottle and said, "Here you go then--I put in the strong stuff for you." The hardware store guy had NO prior warning, and we just adore him for his response. All this to say having that spray bottle to spray down her bedding and clutch at times was helpful for dd.

 

--If dd was really falling apart and had tried everything else, she could sleep in our room. Our only rule was that she was absolutely NOT allowed, ever, at all, under any circumstances, to yell or scream for me. I just couldn't take it when she did so. She was to get out of bed and gently wake me. I would speak soothingly to her while SHE set herself up on the mat (we wanted HER to be in charge of the process). Then we'd go to sleep, sometimes holding hands if she needed it. We were matter-of-fact about this and did not shame her or try to get her to tough it out in her room. We had learned at the beginning of this time that trying to make her tough it out only made her fear worse.

 

--We also became MILITANT about what dd watched on screen or read. I am still careful about this, even though she is so much older and has not had difficulties for a few years, because her imagination is vivid, and she memorizes what she sees so easily. I had to stand up to relatives (including my dear mil) and friends' parents and I have never regretted doing so.

Edited August 12, 2009 by strider
Add one more thought

[Melenie]

does she have a night light? My 12 year old sleeps with one on.

 

We keep the bathroom light on across the hall from their room. She is a bit light sensitive so she does not want a light inside of her room.

[Melenie]

My dd really struggled with this for a few years. We spoke to her about her being in charge of her fear, and gave her a couple "tools" to use as she saw fit. Often we had to coach her to use them--as in, "Have you tried X? Or Y?"

 

--Prayer: Not just asking for help not being scared, but using prayer to fill the mind with more positive things. We urged dd to talk to Jesus about what she had done that day, or what she was interested in doing as an adult, or about an upcoming event, etc.

 

--Music: Dd had an array of CDs she could choose to play quietly. Most were quiet and soothing music, although her uncle also gave her one called "Magic Beach" that was a sleep aid for children, guiding them to relax different parts of their body and visualize a lovely vacation spot.

 

--One parent stayed upstairs while she was falling asleep so that she could hear and know she was not alone in the world. This was a major need for her. She did outgrow it over time--while she needed this it was just better to plan to work on things upstairs for that hour while she was settling to sleep.

 

--Special Invisible Bug Killer Spray: This was an empty spray bottle. At one point dd questioned that there was anything in there. We directed her to "feel" the spray coming out--when you pump the spray handle there is a little whoosh of air. On another occasion she claimed she had run out of the spray, but our friendly neighborhood tiny hardware store around the corner saved the day. It's like going to Mayberry--you'd never guess such a place would exist in the city. Dh and dd walked in with the empty spray bottle. Dh handed it to the really nice owner and asked him to refill it with the Special Invisible Bug Killer Spray that he keeps in the back. The really nice owner looked from dh to dd and repeated dh's question, took the bottle to the back, and then came back out with the empty bottle and said, "Here you go then--I put in the strong stuff for you." The hardware store guy had NO prior warning, and we just adore him for his response. All this to say having that spray bottle to spray down her bedding and clutch at times was helpful for dd.

 

--If dd was really falling apart and had tried everything else, she could sleep in our room. Our only rule was that she was absolutely NOT allowed, ever, at all, under any circumstances, to yell or scream for me. I just couldn't take it when she did so. She was to get out of bed and gently wake me. I would speak soothingly to her while SHE set herself up on the mat (we wanted HER to be in charge of the process). Then we'd go to sleep, sometimes holding hands if she needed it. We were matter-of-fact about this and did not shame her or try to get her to tough it out in her room. We had learned at the beginning of this time that trying to make her tough it out only made her fear worse.

 

--We also became MILITANT about what dd watched on screen or read. I am still careful about this, even though she is so much older and has not had difficulties for a few years, because her imagination is vivid, and she memorizes what she sees so easily. I had to stand up to relatives (including my dear mil) and friends' parents and I have never regretted doing so.

 

DD does not watch much Tv at all, and if so only one noggin show a day.

 

We have done the monster/bug spray before. We called it Unicorn spray and it did work to some degree. I will try that again.

 

I love your suggestions about talking to Jesus instead of praying for the fear to stop. DD and I pray together when she goes to sleep, but she is not comfortable praying herself. I have been helping her on this so will continue and use it at night time, Thanks.

 

Thanks for all the suggestions. We have taken a bit of a hard line these days since it has been going on for some time and we are all tired.

 

I will also use the suggestion of extra blankets for her to use and no calling us, but rather taking responsibility for herself and coming to our room if she needs it.

 

Thanks all your suggestions are making me feel better.!

[katemary63]

My dd really struggled with this for a few years. We spoke to her about her being in charge of her fear, and gave her a couple "tools" to use as she saw fit. Often we had to coach her to use them--as in, "Have you tried X? Or Y?"

 

--Prayer: Not just asking for help not being scared, but using prayer to fill the mind with more positive things. We urged dd to talk to Jesus about what she had done that day, or what she was interested in doing as an adult, or about an upcoming event, etc.

 

--Music: Dd had an array of CDs she could choose to play quietly. Most were quiet and soothing music, although her uncle also gave her one called "Magic Beach" that was a sleep aid for children, guiding them to relax different parts of their body and visualize a lovely vacation spot.

 

--One parent stayed upstairs while she was falling asleep so that she could hear and know she was not alone in the world. This was a major need for her. She did outgrow it over time--while she needed this it was just better to plan to work on things upstairs for that hour while she was settling to sleep.

 

--Special Invisible Bug Killer Spray: This was an empty spray bottle. At one point dd questioned that there was anything in there. We directed her to "feel" the spray coming out--when you pump the spray handle there is a little whoosh of air. On another occasion she claimed she had run out of the spray, but our friendly neighborhood tiny hardware store around the corner saved the day. It's like going to Mayberry--you'd never guess such a place would exist in the city. Dh and dd walked in with the empty spray bottle. Dh handed it to the really nice owner and asked him to refill it with the Special Invisible Bug Killer Spray that he keeps in the back. The really nice owner looked from dh to dd and repeated dh's question, took the bottle to the back, and then came back out with the empty bottle and said, "Here you go then--I put in the strong stuff for you." The hardware store guy had NO prior warning, and we just adore him for his response. All this to say having that spray bottle to spray down her bedding and clutch at times was helpful for dd.

 

--If dd was really falling apart and had tried everything else, she could sleep in our room. Our only rule was that she was absolutely NOT allowed, ever, at all, under any circumstances, to yell or scream for me. I just couldn't take it when she did so. She was to get out of bed and gently wake me. I would speak soothingly to her while SHE set herself up on the mat (we wanted HER to be in charge of the process). Then we'd go to sleep, sometimes holding hands if she needed it. We were matter-of-fact about this and did not shame her or try to get her to tough it out in her room. We had learned at the beginning of this time that trying to make her tough it out only made her fear worse.

 

--We also became MILITANT about what dd watched on screen or read. I am still careful about this, even though she is so much older and has not had difficulties for a few years, because her imagination is vivid, and she memorizes what she sees so easily. I had to stand up to relatives (including my dear mil) and friends' parents and I have never regretted doing so.

 

This is what I would do - exactly. I have never had a kid who was afraid at night, but if I did, I do think I would handle it like this. It's funny how different kids are. My DD8 has older siblings, who showed her Jurasic Park when she was 3 years old ( I was not home :angry:). I thought she'd have nightmares for weeks. Nope. She loved it and watched it many times after that. Go figure! Hope your DD is reassured by your loving attempts to help her cope. I'm sure she'll grow out of it soon.

 

edited to add: Actually, I don't think I'd go with the "monster spray". Just not something I'd be comfortable with.

Edited August 12, 2009 by katemary63

[Susan in TN]

I used to have very vivid, usually scary dreams at night. My mother encouraged me to sleep on my stomach or side which for some reason helped tremendously. She also suggested that I sleep with my Bible for comfort, and that also helped.

 

It's not easy, but I do like the suggestion of having a blankie and pillow available on your floor, just in case. Sometimes small sheep need the comfort of their shepherd -