Oh, HELP!

[scrapbookbuzz]

Here is my dilemma (and some of you may remember me posting about some of this a few months back):

 

Up until about yesterday, or the day before, I thought we would be putting both of our kiddos in the ps down the street. My dd already went there for one year (last year). My ds would be in K this year.

 

This past spring, I really did try to convince my husband that we should homeschool. I understand it's not for everyone and it's not for every kid every year. However, I am a HUGE promoter of it, and we did homeschool our dd for awhile.

 

Anyway, so up until a couple of days ago, I thought both kids would go to the ps, despite the fact that I have NEVER been comfortable with that school.

 

Here is what made me question our decision:

 

*AT LEAST 5 times I have tried to register my ds there to no avail. Usually it was due to me having forgotten a required document. The last time I went (last week), I had all required docs but his immunizations weren't current so they wouldn't even take the other paperwork!

 

*I emailed friends we had met through soccer. They are in the same school boundary that we are so I thought maybe they would go to the same school. Nope. They are utilizing open enrollment and going to a Core Knowledge school not too far away.

 

*Due to those friends and some other friends within the same boundaries but also going to a different school, I decided to research our school. I did NOT like what I saw in our school's "report card."

 

*Last year they didn't even meet state standards and our state is one of the worst in the nation!

 

This all makes me think that either 1)Kids should go to a different school, 2) one should be homeschooled, or 3)both should be homeschooled.

 

When I suggested homeschooling to my dh last spring he was not in agreement. So I prayed and prayed and prayed. And I thought we were to put them in the ps. Now, I'm not so sure. Not with all of the above.

 

Any suggestions? Insight? BTW, my kids are dd, almost 11, going into 5th, and ds,5, going into K. He already knows his letters, numbers, colors (beyond primary), and pretty much all K math concepts.

 

[farmwife]

Where is your husband in this? Has he changed his mind given this new information?

 

Have you considered sending your dd and keeping your ds home?

 

First speak with your husband.

[Haiku]

My dh comes from a family of teachers. He was not necessarily on board with homeschooling originally (he is now that he has seen our success). I simply told him, "*I* am the one who has done all the research. I have concluded that homeschooling is best. If you feel the desire to do you own research and discuss the results with me, I am open to hearing what you have to say. Until or unless you do that, we will be homeschooling."

 

I read a lot of stories where the husband is against homeschooling but has not checked out the local schools, researched curricula, or come up with a list of goals for the kids' education. I am always slightly tempted to say, "Put up or shut up."

 

Tara

[Brindee]

I was wondering what your husband is thinking now, also. Have you told him the exact info. you told us in this post? What does he think? Can you negotiate with him to let you try homeschooling for a year to see how it goes, then visit the issue again once that year is up? If the school is not up to par, I would not want to send my child, especially when you know you can do so much better! If he wants your children in school, can you check out the school your friends kids are in? Has he done his research on the options available so he has a TRUE picture of the situation, not just notions based on hearsay?

[Mandy in TN]

 

*I emailed friends we had met through soccer. They are in the same school boundary that we are so I thought maybe they would go to the same school. Nope. They are utilizing open enrollment and going to a Core Knowledge school not too far away.

 

*Due to those friends and some other friends within the same boundaries but also going to a different school, I decided to research our school. I did NOT like what I saw in our school's "report card."

 

*Last year they didn't even meet state standards and our state is one of the worst in the nation!

 

This all makes me think that either 1)Kids should go to a different school, 2) one should be homeschooled, or 3)both should be homeschooled.

 

Have you presented this new information to your dh?

Mandy

[scrapbookbuzz]

Here is the status as of this morning. (And, Tara, as much as I admire your gumption and was tempted to do the same, I respect my husband too much to do that. But,thank you for your candor.)

 

I talked with dh last night and this morning. Last night he was not willing but this morning, after talking about different schools we could try, through open enrollment, and then finding out that open enrollment isn't available until *October*, he begrudgingly gave me one semester as a trial period. I was the one who suggested one semester. And after he, reluctantly, agreed, he also offered to help! So, time to start planning: lessons and time apart (for me and the kids), and a few other things. A dear friend also agreed to lend me her 5th grade curriculum and some K, so we'll start with that and, God willing, will continue after this one semester.

 

Thank you all for your input and prayers!

[Haiku]

(And, Tara, as much as I admire your gumption and was tempted to do the same, I respect my husband too much to do that. But,thank you for your candor.)

 

 

I respect my husband. But when he makes decisions that are not based on information and are instead based on gut reactions ("My family are teachers. Our kids should go to school because that's what kids do and because my family would be upset if we implied that teachers are not good enough for our children") I am willing to challenge him to step up and do the research. It's not about disrespecting him, it's about making sure our decisions are made based on the best available information. And respect goes both ways. If he is not willing to put the time into determining the best educational option for our kids, he should respect the fact that I did.

 

I don't mean to make it sound like this was a contentious issue. I didn't corner my husband and shake my finger at him. But when I told him I wanted to homeschool, and he said, "I think our kids should go to school. My family would be upset if we homeschooled, and school is just what kids do," I said, "Well, after years of looking into this, I think homeschooling is a better option. Why don't you look into the local schools and read about homeschooling, and then we can talk again." He said that he had neither the time nor the inclination to do that, so I said, "Then I think you should trust me, and unless you can come up with good educational reasons why the kids should go to school, I will be homeschooling them."

 

Tara

[TraceyS/FL]

My dh comes from a family of teachers. He was not necessarily on board with homeschooling originally (he is now that he has seen our success). I simply told him, "*I* am the one who has done all the research. I have concluded that homeschooling is best. If you feel the desire to do you own research and discuss the results with me, I am open to hearing what you have to say. Until or unless you do that, we will be homeschooling."

 

I read a lot of stories where the husband is against homeschooling but has not checked out the local schools, researched curricula, or come up with a list of goals for the kids' education. I am always slightly tempted to say, "Put up or shut up."

 

 

I respect my husband. But when he makes decisions that are not based on information and are instead based on gut reactions ("My family are teachers. Our kids should go to school because that's what kids do and because my family would be upset if we implied that teachers are not good enough for our children") I am willing to challenge him to step up and do the research. It's not about disrespecting him, it's about making sure our decisions are made based on the best available information. And respect goes both ways. If he is not willing to put the time into determining the best educational option for our kids, he should respect the fact that I did.

 

I don't mean to make it sound like this was a contentious issue. I didn't corner my husband and shake my finger at him. But when I told him I wanted to homeschool, and he said, "I think our kids should go to school. My family would be upset if we homeschooled, and school is just what kids do," I said, "Well, after years of looking into this, I think homeschooling is a better option. Why don't you look into the local schools and read about homeschooling, and then we can talk again." He said that he had neither the time nor the inclination to do that, so I said, "Then I think you should trust me, and unless you can come up with good educational reasons why the kids should go to school, I will be homeschooling them."

 

 

(hijack)

 

THIS. THIS sums it up perfectly for me.

 

STBXH's court filings to put them in school is a GUT reaction. There hasn't been research, he hasn't worked with the kids, he doesn't hear about the schools in some areas, his family hasn't taken the time to research or ASK US/ME what we are doing and where the kids are at all.

 

So far the ONLY thing they keep saying is "socialization". Are we going to school to learn poor behavior from friends, or to be EDUCATED.

 

I'm going to print this out. Thanks Tara!

[Lovedtodeath]

I respect my husband. But when he makes decisions that are not based on information and are instead based on gut reactions ("My family are teachers. Our kids should go to school because that's what kids do and because my family would be upset if we implied that teachers are not good enough for our children") I am willing to challenge him to step up and do the research. It's not about disrespecting him, it's about making sure our decisions are made based on the best available information. And respect goes both ways. If he is not willing to put the time into determining the best educational option for our kids, he should respect the fact that I did.

 

I don't mean to make it sound like this was a contentious issue. I didn't corner my husband and shake my finger at him. But when I told him I wanted to homeschool, and he said, "I think our kids should go to school. My family would be upset if we homeschooled, and school is just what kids do," I said, "Well, after years of looking into this, I think homeschooling is a better option. Why don't you look into the local schools and read about homeschooling, and then we can talk again." He said that he had neither the time nor the inclination to do that, so I said, "Then I think you should trust me, and unless you can come up with good educational reasons why the kids should go to school, I will be homeschooling them."

 

Tara

ITA! :iagree:

I think that the way it was worded in your first post was what sounded disrespectful. I think that most of us do that when we are explaining to someone else how we handled something. I hope you KWIM.

[Prudent]

I understand Tara's posts.

 

I have learned to interact with my husband in the same way. Now when he says something outlandish, like "Put honey on a baby's pacifier and they'll stop crying." I ask him to go google his 'fact.'

 

It's not disrespect when you are right and armed with information, your husband is wrong and armed with disinformation, and you ask him to research his opinions. When or if hubby does research the topic of contention, it's not that "I won the argument" - it's "we made an informed decision."

[Susie in MS]

Oh I think it is wonderful that he agreed to a semester AND offered to help! I think that when he sees just how well it will go that he will be 100% on board!

 

My dh never told me one way or the other, but after a few mos of hsing he tells everyone how great it is. :) This was 10 years ago.

[scrapbookbuzz]

I appreciate ALL the responses! A homeschooling friend of mine, who is even a certified teacher, can tell you how tense I was all day yesterday in anticipation of another conversation on this subject. His main concern, really, is me. He knows how stressed out I got last time. I have acknowledged that and told him I will plan accordingly. It's not really that he disapproves of homeschooling. His whole family really thinks 'out of the box' when it comes to schooling. He just doesn't want to see me stressed out.

[ElizabethB]

That's great! I'm happy for you.

 

I did Webster's Speller with my daughter in K. She was reading at pretty high grade level by the 1 semester point and reading anything a few months after that. I highly recommend it--and, it's free!

 

Here's my recommendations for teaching a young child to read (with a link to a fun game.)

 

http://www.thephonicspage.org/On%20Reading/newstudents.html