Laura Corin Posted August 5, 2009 Share Posted August 5, 2009 What social experience did they have before and how did the transition go socially? Calvin is perfectly competent socially when he meets people, but doesn't have any good friends. He's in lots of activities, but it never occurs to him to develop relationships further (despite our gentle prompting). He misses his friends in China - they were people who lived in the same housing complex as we did, so he didn't have to make much of an effort there. I would describe him as a friendly introvert, who probably gets all the social contact he wants from his various activities, but would like to have a friend. We are planning on his going to school at 14, but are concerned (Husband particularly so) that he will miss out of close friendships for the next two years, will not get the making-friends practice that he needs (?) and will find the transition very hard. Any experience? Many thanks Laura Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MIch elle Posted August 5, 2009 Share Posted August 5, 2009 (edited) I'm not going there! I asked my 15 yo ds. He said his social experience was good because all the boys start his high school not knowing the majority of the other students. No clicks or groups that formed for many years (like our local public school system). His school is grades 9-12. There are no apparent clicks and most students live in many different towns. There are strict codes of conduct including a dress code and Catholic based std's of behavior that are closely adhered to. My ds has many friends but not many close friends. He mostly text messages for his social life. During the school year there isn't much time for socialization between school, sports and homework. Most of the kids he hangs out with also are heavily involved with sports all school yr long (soccer, hockey, track, skiing, crew, etc.). HTH, :D Edited August 5, 2009 by MIch elle Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sahamamama Posted August 5, 2009 Share Posted August 5, 2009 We are concerned that he will miss out of close friendships for the next two years, will not get the making-friends practice that he needs (?) and will find the transition very hard. It might be hard for him to transition out of home school, but then again, he probably will do just fine. In part, it may depend on the school you've planned for him to attend. Is the school open and friendly, or is it full of bullies and cliques? In a friendly, peaceful school, there is a place for all types of students and personalities. Calvin will be just fine. In fact, I'd bet money that, far from being a misfit, Calvin will one of the most popular students at school! :001_smile: Here's another perspective: He will have two more years with his father, mother, and brother -- potential life-long friendships. My mother, sister, and I were discussing friendship only last week, and my mother predictably mentioned how important it is for children and teens to develop friendships with their peers. While not disputing this, my sister went through her mental checklist of "friends" from her school years -- How many of those friendships lasted beyond those same school years? Very few, if any. How many of those friendships lasted into adulthood? Absolutely none -- and not for lack of effort on her part, I might add. Then my sister looked at both of us and said, "I suppose the only friends I had in school that I still have are the two of you." :001_huh: I am touched, really. I never thought my sister considered me, her pesky little sister, a friend in high school! ;) HTH. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Georgiana Daniels Posted August 5, 2009 Share Posted August 5, 2009 My daughter went back to public school in 9th grade. I was a bit worried too that she's have a harder time than others, but overall it's been a huge blessing. Having been hs'd, I think she was more confident in choosing the right friends, rather than choosing to befriend anyone willing. Being home is a great way to ground children in who they are before releasing them into ps, so I think you're on the right track. Getting involved in smaller groups seems to help create friendship opportunities. Does your child have extra-curricular activities where he can meet other kids who'll attend the same school? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Reesegirl Posted August 5, 2009 Share Posted August 5, 2009 All 3 of my daughters went to public High school in 9th grade. DD1 and dd2 had another homeschool friend who was also entering ps in the same grade. DD1 has always been an introvert and had a harder time finding her place in public school. The first week was rough but she settled in and did fine. DD2 was social girl and loved every moment of highschool and had no problem finding a wonderful group of girls to hang out with. She has just graduated from college and is still very close to her girl friends. My youngest dd did track for 2 years at the middle school and also found a great group of friends before starting high school. It is interesting because all three girls chose friends who had the same values, were honor students and came from wonderful families. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OH Kim Posted August 5, 2009 Share Posted August 5, 2009 DS went into high school with one friend. Eventually, ds discovered Speech and Debate and joined the team - now has multitudes of friends. DD#1 started high school when DS was a senior. He was extremely encouraging to her to get involved with something right away. She joined the marching band and was swept into a very close-knit, supportive group. She intends that next DD will do the same with band. Fortunately, DD#2 agrees with that plan. I think that the elder siblings have the greatest influence on how the youngers assimilate into school. Making friends follows when you find people with similar interests. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Krista in LA Posted August 5, 2009 Share Posted August 5, 2009 Well my dd is just starting high school next week, so I don't know how it's going to turn out. However she does have several friends at the school, including her best friend, from being active in dance, tae kwon do, and church, along with neighborhood friends. I'm hoping that she will see enough familiar faces to not feel totally out of place. I'm encouraging her to try to find some activity to get involved in, but she keeps fighting me on it. I have a feeling she is just going to hang out with the group her bff is in and not venture out to find her own place. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LaxMom Posted August 5, 2009 Share Posted August 5, 2009 No advice, but I would not rule out the possibility that he is just male. I'm not slamming men/boys - when it was suggested that our group institute a "Dad's night out" for the men to get together and form bonds, most of the husbands (including my own) were uninterested. Mine claims that guys don't DO that - they have friends in the context of various activities because, as he said, it would be rude to not speak to the others in your foursome through 18 holes. In essence, they get on just fine in the context of a shared activity, but don't feel the need to get together for the purpose of chatting. :001_huh: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.