How do you stay positive?

[PollyOR]

I'm not sure I actually qualify to be on the special needs board. My kids don't have any identified learning disabilities. BUT, my 13yo has been treated for depression for over a year now. She has improved a bit, but there honestly hasn't been a large change. Plus, she now feels worse physically than she did before we started down this road. She is so tired, feels off balance, is nauseous at times, etc. We are going to a new doctor Tuesday (switching from a pediatrician to a psychiatrist). She'll hopefully be able to stay with her psychologist. Anyway, I just filled out a packet of new patient papers and I feel depressed about it myself. I'm so, so tired. I shared with hubby the other day how overwhelmed I feel, but he is being the opposite of supportive at the moment. It's a pattern I've seen before so I shouldn't have been surprised.

 

How do you keep your chin up? I'm pushing myself to keep going. Every day I wake up with a to-do list in my mind and yet I never really seem to be accomplishing anything. My house is a mess. The clothes are dirty. We eat out an embarrassing amount. We run from appointment to appointment. I prided myself in NOT taking my kids to the doctor and now here I am constantly bouncing from one doctor to the next and filling prescriptions left and right.

 

If I can't get off the Merry-Go-Round, how do I stay positive?

 

Thanks for reading my S.O.S.

[SonshineLearner]

I'm sorry! I've had some minor issues with depression since I was about 14 or so. It doesn't just go away. I try to be thankful; being thankful helps to set your mood. As an adult, I know that money pressures and such are a problem for my outlook. Seriously good vitamins (whole food vitamins). I'm a Christian, so I pray about it. I also drink some coffee every morning. I find that just a bit really helps! The busier I am...the less I am depressed. If I had it to do again with my child (my mom didn't know) I would take them to something that could read their nutritional balance. I do believe that part of it could be food related, sometimes.

I'm sorry for you!

Carrie

[Ottakee]

We have bipolar here so a bit different than depression but there is hope.

 

Your daughter should feel BETTER, not worse with treatment. Did your doctor do a full physical with blood work---checking esp. vit. D levels, thyroid, for anemia, blood sugars, etc? Those things can result in depression or go along with depression.

 

I would also look at food allergies/intolerances if she is having stomach issues as well.

 

If she has not had these things done recently, ask the psychiatrist to order the tests.

 

Along with proper medication, we have found that the Omega 3s (http://www.omegabrite.com or Omega 3 mood) to be very helpful. Exercise and sunshine are also important. We try to get in a lot of good protein and not as many refined carbs as well.

 

Make sure you take a list to the psychiatrist of what meds she has tried, the doses, side effects, if they worked, etc. as well as copies of any blood work in the past 1-2 years. That will save time and make your visits more productive.

 

Take time for yourself and your spouse. You need time to recharge your batteries to be a good mom.

[PollyOR]

Thank you for the encouragement. Sometimes this just gets old. I had spent yesterday afternoon filling out pages and pages of info for the new doc and I was tired. I spent today signing medical release forms and making sure that the psych. has all of her medical records from the past 12 years.

 

One interesting thing. I procrastinated refilling her Minocycline prescription and she seems to be feeling better today after being off of it for 24 hours. Since it is for acne, I told her to not take it for several days so we can see if that is what has been making her feel so bad.

[TravelingChris]

JUst to say, I post things and read things on this board because I consider my medical needs children to be special needs. They don't have learning disabilities but medical issues regardless of whether they are psychiatric or some other kinds, can be very draining on the parents. As it is, the burden falls on me almost exclusively. Dh asks questions sometimes and maybe once took one of them to something. But with all of mines conditions, and the lack of answers or progress at times, it really can be overwhelming. I will pray that you get some better assistance from this doctor and that your daughter starts feeling better.

[KinderSafari]

Thank you so much for posting!

 

I feel so alone in this boat - the boat of "am I the only homeschooling mom who feels like she is doing this homeschooling on her own without the full support of her husband" and "the only one who struggles with imperfect children" ? My dh is more apathetic than anything. He is "fine" with me homeschooling, but I can't expect him to help out, pitch in, and life needs to continue as normal.

 

It is SOOO draining at times! I COMPLETELY see the advantages of the kids homeschooling - it has really helped them to get on better in their studies without the constant competition of school, or constant distractions and poor behaviors in school. My dh focuses on the academics, and it is so hard to tell him I want to teach my kids MORE than that! There have been many times I have considered just sending the kids to school for fewer battles in that area. We should be on the same page as parents. But every time I get to the point of saying to myself "just one more battle and I'll send them", any arguments seem to subside. Interesting. :)

 

It is so difficult with my oldest, nearly 14 next week as I believe he has Asperger's as well. He is a poor role model for the other kids and many times we'll blame that on the poor behavior for the others as well. What can we expect when he is modeling wild emotions and rude behavior? Whew! Social norms are SOOOOO difficult to teach! Personal space, tone of voice, body language, etc. Most people just pick those up naturally.

 

Anyway, I just wanted to say THANK YOU for feeling like you could seek a place to get some encouragement for hard times. We all have them and are so good at hiding the difficult things in order to be "strong women". It IS difficult!

 

There was some GREAT advice in this thread! Keep the advice coming! It is so good to hear from others who have been there and can encourage those of us who still have some struggles.

[Ottakee]

I would certainly look up the side effects of Minocycline and see if that might be at least part of the problem.

 

Make sure to mention this to the pdoc today as well. Every little bit of information is important when they are trying to figure things out.

[Time4tea]

Defintitely BTDT. It takes a conscious effort to stay positive. My dd had at one time saw 4 different Dr's/therapists at one time. Now only seeing 2 and by the way, that doesn't include the pediatrician! When we were seeing 4 I decided that that was all I could handle and homeschooling took a back seat, more like the back of the bus. I stayed positive through prayer, friends, taking time for myself and dd's OT takes time to talk with me on her own time to work through issues. I feel like I hit the jackpot with her OT. If your dh cannot help, maybe a friend could help. Does she have any friends herself?

 

I know what you mean about the house too. I finally had to just tackle one small area at a time and always tried to keep someplace clean for a haven. Have you tried flylady? Don't feel bad about eating out at all. Keeping things simple is important too.

 

Continue looking for answers for yourself. My search led me to http://www.radiantrecovery.com . Kathleen Desmaisons has written 3 books on food programs to combat depression. I have found them to be very helpful with my own dd. One is specifically targeted for kids - Little Sugar Addicts.

 

Hope you're having a better day. ~Tea~

[Mom22ns]

I have never dealt with a child with depression, but I have dealt with being overwhelmed by all that goes along with a special needs child. There are a couple of things that I think are critical to staying positive.

 

First, take care of yourself. It is very easy to get so caught up in evaluations, therapy, appointments of every kind and everything else overwhelming, that you end every day exhausted, feeling you've spent it all and accomplished nothing. Take the time to take care of you. For you that may mean a hot bath or some exercise (which is great for depression - get her to exercise with you). Dial back the fast food and eat healthy - even if the meals are quickly prepared. If you get sleep, healthy food and some exercise, you will have more energy and stamina to deal with all you have to deal with. Remember, you are in a marathon not a sprint. These issues are not going away tomorrow even if you give every moment of today to them. Make sure you are around as long as she needs you.

 

Next, develop both long term goals and a moment to moment focus. Sometimes we have no goal and get lost in the daily frustration. Sometimes the long term goals are too far away and we need to just be able to put one foot in front of the other. Make sure you have both for when each is failing.

 

Finally, don't beat yourself up. Not today, not tomorrow. Don't worry about what you didn't get done or what the house looks like. Rough times are about survival. You made it through the day and so did she. You accomplished... appointments, school, not killing each other... whatever it was you accomplished. Celebrate every small step. Keep looking for better answers and keep moving forward :001_smile:

 

You can do this. You are doing this. Hopefully the doctors will find the right balance for her and she will feel better not worse. Until then, just don't give up.

[PollyOR]

Thank you all so much! You don't know what it means to me to hear someone say BTDT. I know there are other problems that are much more serious and time consuming than what we are dealing with, but everyone gets weary at some point.

 

I told the new Psych. that I had taken dd off the Minocycline (antibiotic). DD seemed to feel so much better the past couple of days. Maybe the Wellbutrin (antidepressant) has helped but it was masked by how badly the Minocycline was making her feel. Hopefully her acne will stay in check.

 

The psychiatrist did prescribe a new medication to combine with the Wellbutrin. I so hope this works! She'll start it today.

 

I saw my dd VERY happy yesterday. It is moments like those that makes me keep going.

[Orthodox6]

I always understood the term "special needs" to cover children with physical limitations and/or mental health issues. Only very recently did I expand the term to include learning disabilities. So I obviously think that you "belong" on this board !

 

Best I can send you is :grouphug: . Our family is "BDTD" since 1992. "The beat goes on" because now dd has joined the team. :( (3 dc plus me)

 

Three weeks ago, we had guests for dinner cum music rehearsal. It was the first time in several years that I could allow anybody other than very close friends into the tornado-demolished-flea-market (aka "home-disastrous-home"). The Slavonic choir director had asked if practice for an upcoming special event could take place at my house, because we live "centrally" for the ensemble members. I could not say no, so we spent an entire day reorganizing one room (combined LR/DR) at high speed. I am someone who enjoys having friends over. (I really like to feed people !) I just am cowed by the shame and embarrassment of being 54 years old and living in a dumpster.

 

KinderSafari, my dh, also, is just "ok" with homeschooling. He did manage to teach high school math/science to our oldest two. Other than that, I'm on my own, and generally feel abandoned on that front. DH works abominably long hours, and always has work situations on his mind. He "tolerates" homeschooling, but never has been "into" homeschooling, as those incredibly stupid homeschooling magazines would have it. DH is, however, deeply concerned about me, the kids, and our many struggles and stresses. He is a good man, so I cling to that.

 

You asked how we all (board members) "keep our chins up". . . . One of my sons describes me as "the most incredibly optimistic pessimist in the world." My husband says that no matter how bad a situation is, I keep going. (I think that may be because I had a few years of nightmare living, before I was married. Nothing I have experienced since then has come anywhere near the trauma of those years. I must have emerged able to get through anything.) My own "take" is that if I can laugh at myself, I'm all right. Of first-and-last centrality, though, is God's love and care.

 

PollyOR, come and "vent", "weep", sock a punching bag, laugh, -- and whatever else you want to at this board ! We're all here, rooting for you !

 

Antonia

[swimmermom3]

Just caught your thread and I'm on the way out the door, but you know my heart is with you on this one. :grouphug::grouphug: Eat well, try to sleep well, get out in the sun for your 15 minute block around the house, and suck down your Bs and fish oil. Yum!:D Easier said than done but I've learned the hard way that it helps. Share with someone non-judgemental, share with us if you need to. It's a dang heavy burden to shoulder yourself.

 

Take care. That's a bossy order.

[Guest Sharyn Calleigh]

I believe the best way to be positive when everyone else is being negative is to change your thinking. Don't base your level of joy or happiness or self-worth on what other people think about you. Accept that there will always be someone who does not like you and accept that it's okay. They don't have to like you because God loves you and that is really what matters. At the end of the day, it's still your life and no one else can live it for you. No one can neither make nor break it. But, if you give people that power by letting their actions lead you, then you will not be able to do what you need to do to remain positive. If you can somehow change your surroundings, do so. If not, learn to have peace in the situation and realize that you will never have to answer for their crappy actions. Make sure that you are blameless in what you do and how you treat people. I would pray and talk with God about it because He wants to help you with this. You just have to ask Him :)

[Lovedtodeath]

I shared with hubby the other day how overwhelmed I feel, but he is being the opposite of supportive at the moment. It's a pattern I've seen before so I shouldn't have been surprised.

 

How do you keep your chin up? I'm pushing myself to keep going. Every day I wake up with a to-do list in my mind and yet I never really seem to be accomplishing anything. My house is a mess. The clothes are dirty. We eat out an embarrassing amount. We run from appointment to appointment. I prided myself in NOT taking my kids to the doctor and now here I am constantly bouncing from one doctor to the next and filling prescriptions left and right.

 

If I can't get off the Merry-Go-Round, how do I stay positive?

 

Thanks for reading my S.O.S.

My hubby is the same way. He has a habit of kicking me when I am down and then "being supportive" when I am doing better.:glare: I know exactly what you mean. When DD is bad we barely get basics done for school, the house gets disgusting (no exageration) and we eat a fast filling void of nutrition diet. Ugh! I am doing much better this week because I paid someone to clean (and pick up, ugh) the house and hold all of my hopes on the fact that since housework won't be overwhelming I will feel like doing something fun. It is working so far. (I went against DHs wishes too, but I am not stupid and I know it is what we needed.)

[Guest HSmomto4girls]

Oh my Kindersafari, somehow it was as if you were talking about our family.

DP is alright with homeschooling, not overjoyed, but not against either, but he does expect the house to look fine when he comes home in the evening. He is working more hours than is healthy, but it pays the bills, so I shouldn't complain, but sometimes I feel soooo lonely, especially with a special needs child.

 

{{{{hugs}}}} to all of you who feel less than optimal at times.

[Lovedtodeath]

 

I also drink some coffee every morning. I find that just a bit really helps!

Raw cacao for me.:iagree:It contains dopamine, a chemical needed for motivation.