[Texting etiquette - would you ignore texts from a person you don't want a friendship with?]

I would respond to the text. It would be very short, maybe just an emoticon. It probably would not be done immediately when I receive it...

 

Adding: I do think it is somewhat rude to completely ignore texts. The only time I would do that is if they are sending them absolutely constantly.

[Has anyone else felt like memory foam was trying to kill them?]

Try a latex foam pillow. It is my favorite for my head. For hugging, I like down pillows...

[Do you confer with your spouse about every purchase?]

Nope. We are bad about not discussing purchases we make. I would like to say that we discuss big things, but that isn't always true. Dh has purchased two airplanes (the fan/parachute kind/not like...real airplanes) that I didn't find out about for a couple of years.....yeah, I can hold that over his head really well/ but we laugh about it.

 

[Parents of non-math kids]

I am glad to hear the counselor was able to clear up your understanding of what is required. It is the same here. To give you some hope, I have a dd who also struggles with math. She has been able to do fine at CC. She did start in remedial math which was perfectly fine. I would advise you to not even worry about the math score too much. For her major, she only had to take Prob and Stats for math. (Plus the remedial to be allowed to take P+S) She actually loved her remedial math class and just flew through the material with an A. It was mostly basic math and algebra. They had it broken down into units. You had to pass all of the blocks to pass. The dc took a placement test at the CC to find out where they needed to begin. Dd had to start at the lowest level (she really does not test well) with 2+2=4. If they passed the block level on the placement test, they did not have to take that portion of the class. It was a really good class for dd. It improved her math confidence tremendously. A huge portion of the CC students start in remedial math. Seeing how many other kids were in the same boat she was in was an uplifting experience for her.

 

For high school, she used a combination of Teaching Textbooks (the old version without the computer grading) and BJUP, BJUP (Bob Jones University Press) has different tracks (easy, average, challenging or something like that) set up in their teacher's manual. The TM tells which problems to assign to achieve which level of difficulty. It also has the option of having a dvd for instruction.(or at least it used to...they were pushing online hard at the end. I don't know that I would suggest online for a struggling student.) TT is fairly straight forward and not too overwhelming. The layout of the books makes it look easy which made dd think it was easier. It isn't overly wordy which helped my dd. Also, in geometry, don't worry about doing proofs. Just stick with the basic problems. You may find that geometry goes much better than alg. It is a whole different math that appeals to a different part of the brain.

 

For the ACT, if dc score is anywhere close to the required # for college readiness (not have to take remedial) I would suggest going to a test prep expert for a one on one class (ours offers group of individual/I strongly recommend individual for a struggling student). They are actually pretty good at improving scores. Dd's math score improved about 4 points after taking a class. Still was not high enough, but that is an impressive improvement! If that isn't an option, make a sheet of the formula's he will need to have memorized for the test and have him fill it in every. single. day. I would share, but my kids' sheet has been tossed since they are all done with that now (hoooray!!!!). Things like "area of a rectangle= bh". But, honestly, the remedial class was a great place for my dd to start.

 

As far as what you are doing for high school, I think it is perfectly fine. Don't let this one area of weakness hold them back from attending college. I would do whatever was in my power to make passing through Alg 2 happen. That would include not having tests if dc cannot pass them and only having daily work with me by their side if they need a nudge count for a grade. It would include bonus problems for extra credit if needed. Why? because all the grade is good for is to get them into a college where only the ACT score counts (or the placement test they have to take if ACT is not high enough) for placement.

 

 

[PrePaid CC Cards?]

Don't they have to be 18?

 

Nope. Any age is allowed as a secondary card. The only catch is that you are responsible for any charges they make on the card. If they go crazy....you will pay. That said, it has worked really well for my kids. Now, they have secondary cards on my account and one in their own name. I like it because that way if I need them to pick up something for me, they can just put it on my card and I don't have to worry about paying them back. If they are making personal purchases, they use their own card which they are responsible for paying.

[.]

When my kids have had swim meets in the summer, they just climbed into the car afterwards in their wet suit.  Of course, by the time we got to the car, it wasn't that wet any more.

 

There were times in the summer when I wasn't sure my kids ever took their suits off unless they were changing into a different suit...

[.]

I also think that if there was no other reasonable option, parents would figure out a way to make it possible for most boys to change themselves - by buying easy on/off trunks and practicing at home.

 

This could be true. Also, the only problem most 5 yo boys are going to have with getting their suit off is the string on the suit being tied/knotted. Many of the boys ask for help getting it untied before going into the locker room. Sometimes, boys who can usually undo it have a day when it is particularly hard and come out for help. After mom has undone it, they go back in locker room to take the suit off.

[.]

The city pools here do not have child care areas, and the only restroom is inside the locker room. The lifeguards' office has a large window overlooking the pool.

Our vehicle is not suitable for changing in. Sweats might work in cold weather and hopefully not ruin the booster seat, not okay in 100-degree weather.

 

Off to find out what a swim parka is. Keep suggestions coming.

 

ETA: A swim parka is a $70 coat?? Do y'all really buy that for five-year-olds who are casual swimmers?

The lifeguard office could still work. Just take him to the far side of the room from the window and hold a towel up to block the view. In a hundred degree weather, just let him stand outside in his wet suit for a few minutes; he'll be dry!

 

A swim parka is a $70 coat. You buy an adult small and it lasts them until they are 13 or so. Then, you hand it off to another kid. I have yet to see one of these things wear out. In fact, I have 4 that I purchased...a long time ago...that are in almost new condition despite 13 years of wear. They are embroidered (with names) and the team changed its name so no one wants them. Not a bad value. It is different from a regular coat though. The lining wicks the water and the outer later keeps water from his booster. It is exceptionally good at keeping a wet kid warm. Under normal circumstances, no I would not buy one for a casual 5 yo swimmer. If I was concerned about him being cold because he was wet and unable to change out of his suit, it would be an option.

[.]

Sensible policy: buy a swim parka, put on sweats over wet suit and head out.

 

Or change in car.

 

Or Take him into women's restroom (usually no age posted there) after he is nondrippy/partially dry (the indoor pools I go to usually have a separate restroom in addition to the locker room/if warm enough to swim outside it is warm enough to change in car) and change in stall.

 

Or Ask lifeguards if it is okay for you to take him into lifeguard office/area to change. Or just ask where there is an area to help him change. Explain that he is too old to go into locker room with you, but that he cannot manage on his own.

 

Or Work at home on his ability to change out of a wet swim suit/practice it.

[Oral allergy syndrome.....]

Enlightening thread...had testing this week and am waiting on blood test results. 

 

Anyone have issues with coconut products or things cooked in coconut oil? (BTW, is palm oil something that I should avoid if I end up needing to avoid coconut?)

 

I don't skin test as allergic to much of anything food-wise, and my reactions seem to go along with my cycle. It's been hard to track because my anti-histamine use is very closely tied to the weather--we had a long, drawn out fall where trees were trying to bud again, and mold was high. We were almost mowing grass. I don't get oral allergy symptoms on anti-histamines as a rule, but I bet I could summon a good one for chamomile and echinacea teas/products!

 

How did you all keep track of what bothered you? Is it always immediate?

Dd is allergic to coconut. Anything coconut. Soaps that have coconut  in them. Popcorn from the theater. She used to love those Almond Joys. She is now allergic to coconut and almonds... She has also noticed severity of reactions to go with her cycle. She is on continuous bc so that is no longer an issue! And, no, it is not always immediate. Sometimes, especially as she was becoming allergic to something, it could be hit or miss as to whether or not she reacted. With the oas, at first it mattered how often she ate something. FOr example lettuce: at the beginning, she could have a salad once a week without reacting. Then, once a month. Then, it was every single time she had a piece of lettuce. or carrot. or tomato.... She keeps track of what she can eat instead of what she cannot because the can eat list is shorter.

[.]

You are the second person to make this assertion - that young boys can be 'damaged' by changing in the same room as girls. I'd really like to see some evidence for this - I doubt there is any.

Honest truth, I haven't looked and don't really feel like looking. Feel free to search for yourself. You might find something on children who have been treated beneath their age/ability. I doubt you are going to find any studies that are isolated to locker room usage!

 

I know it is damaging to the child because it damages them socially. As in, the other kids ARE going to laugh at them or dislike them because he makes them feel uncomfortable (because he has seen them/his female peers naked). Is it a lasting damage? Probably not for most. But, it has the potential to be. I don't care if you are in a group where bullying isn't allowed. It is in the nature of the human child to make fun of and think less of those who are "different". By putting the child into a "different" group that is seen as being a baby, the other kids will notice. I have seen it more than once. Anecdotal? Yes. But also true.

 

I thought the question was whether seeing women without clothes could be damaging to a boy.

No. It is being treated as a small child when you are not, not having your feelings taken into account, and being put into a situation that is completely unnecessary that makes you exceptionally uncomfortable when there is absolutely no rational reason behind it. Seeing nakedness has absolutely nothing to do with it. It is being treated as an infant when you are a perfectly capable young man.

[Oral allergy syndrome.....]

My dd can only eat fresh raspberries. Those, she can only eat a few occasionally or she starts reacting. That is the only uncooked food she can eat. She even reacts to lettuce... Her worst reactions are to carrots and apples, but she also has true allergy to those (can't have them cooked either).

[.]

Every time this topic comes up, I flash back to yesteryear when I had a friend we often did things with. My ds was 5. Her older ds was 10. At the pool, my ds went to the locker room and changed himself after swimming. When we were at the zoo or a restaurant, my ds took himself to the men's room. Hers went into the locker room with her to change. He was only allowed in the women's restroom. He was absolutely humiliated every single time/ blushed furiously, stared at the floor, shuffled his feet. It was quite obvious he didn't want to be there. I think he was 12 before she allowed him to go into the men's room.

 

With my kids being heavy into swimming, I have known a lot of boys who have to change from a wet suit. The vast majority of 5 yo boys are perfectly capable of changing on their own. I'd go so far as to say a normal 5 yo can handle it. If they can't, it is because they have never been given the opportunity to learn. Yes, they do sometimes take too long. They sometimes get in trouble that wouldn't happen if mom was right there. Same is true for all ages. My girls also used the locker room alone at 5. My experience is that the older kids tend to be even worse! I will admit that it is nice being able to go in and hurry the girls up.

 

I will also go farther and say that physical age is not as important as mental age. There was one boy who came out of the pool and started stripping while running across the lobby. He hated being in wet clothes. He was probably 11. His mom laughingly caught him, wrapped a towel around him, and helped him get some clothes on in the lobby. (He was supposed to come get his clothes and go to the locker room.) No one was offended or cared that I could tell. If she were to take him into the women's locker room, I doubt that many would care. His mental age was more important than his physical age.

 

I am not sure exactly what/where it starts to make a difference. There really isn't an age. There is no set line. However, some type of guideline has to be put in or people like my friend (this was back when people had just started not allowing their boys to go on their own and rules were not usually in place) would push the limit way too far. (Btw, my girls would always wait until he was out in the lobby before they would go in to change.) If people hadn't gone overboard with taking their preteen boys in with them, you wouldn't be seeing these signs. Who knows, maybe this is the beginning of a new trend of only having a single dressing room for both sexes? I seriously doubt it though. Those of you who are taking older boys into the locker room, try to watch them objectively. Are they truly comfortable with being there? Are you getting the stink eye from others? Are the girls his age whispering and glancing over at you? If so, please think about your ds and what impact this might be having on him. The safety you think you are giving him might be doing him more harm than good. While it may be giving you peace of mind, it might be having the opposite results for him. I know that was the case for my friend.

[Secured Credit Card for College Student]

My dd has a credit score in the 700s. She has one card that is a secondary on my account, a debit card on her own that she rarely uses, and a couple of store credit cards (really easy to get) that she uses regularly and pays off monthly. She also has apartment rental (with me as a whateveryoucallit to allow her to rent) at college with utilities that she has paid for the last couple of years. Stores and apartments (she is about to change) are always in shock when they see her credit score. The debit card and secondary credit card she has had for 7 years (since she was 16). She has never taken out any loans.

[.]

Wait, what are we talking about?  Full nudity in front of those boys?  Or just a changing area where you could go behind a curtain to get naked?

I am talking about full nudity. Who really cares if there is no chance of them seeing anything. Locker rooms that I am familiar with do not have privacy. For that, you would need to take up bathroom stalls which is frowned upon. It sounds like some people have locker rooms that allow for more privacy, but that is not anything I am familiar with, and I have been in a whole lot of locker rooms. Generally, there are rows of lockers with benches.

[.]

Can't make a decision based on the pictures. I did realize something just now though. Some of my decision would be based on the dc's comfort with being in the changing room. I was thinking that I needed to see good full body pictures with other people to compare for size/age. I would also need to see behavior to gauge age/ability. Face shots don't give enough information. Fully body shots without anything to give reference don't either.

[Notes for Tests: Yes or no?]

Lots of kinds of colleges here. All of them have some classes/tests open book. Just depends on the teacher. The open book tests are usually harder and usually timed. If you don't know the material fairly well, you won't do well.

[UPDATE!! Is it worth updating my kitchen/house to sell?]

Also look at Home Depot for counter tops if you decide to redo. They usually have some granite on sale at a price that is comparable to laminate. Waiting on mine to come in as we speak. And, yes, we went with granite because there was very little difference in price between it and laminate. I was floored.Wait, no, topped! The style offered discounted varies, but they do usually have one at a low rate.

[How many decided NOT to apply for outside scholarships...]

Any scholarship DD would have won would have reduced the need based aid she receives from the college by that amount. So there was no point in applying for anything.

 

I have not heard of outside scholarships affecting merit aid.

 

It did for my dd. Caused a mess of a problem for a while. Her swim coach suggested applying for an additional academic scholarship which she ended up being awarded. When we received her financial packet, they had deducted the amount of the scholarship from the merit aid (she had no need based aid) she had been awarded. I had to fight the school to have it reversed back to merit aid and give up the scholarship award. Taking the scholarship award made no sense. She would lose it if her gpa fell below a 3.5. The merit aid gpa requirement was a 3.2 (and very rarely actually ever taken away unless the student was not trying according to the financial people at the school) plus never based on a single semester's performance. The merit was for 4 years. The academic scholarship for only one. Why would anyone take the academic who was already receiving top merit aid? (Those who were not top merit earners could add scholarships until they reached the top aid allowed which was equal to the top merit aid.) They only canceled the academic scholarship when we told them she would not be attending the school after all. I think the exploding swim coach in their office might have had something to do with their decision too. It didn't hurt at least.

 

Personally, I don't think scholarships should change merit aid amounts. I understand it lowering the need based awarded. If the need is met by outside sources, it is no longer needed. I also understand not applying for those scholarships because of this, especially if it has higher requirements in order to keep the aid.Need based is determined yearly though, isn't it? (At least through fAFSA...)

[Finding that winning lottery ticket - it can happen!]

Congratulations. :party:

 

Dh had an employee who spent $20 every week purchasing lottery tickets. She also came to him for loans regularly. The last time she asked him for a loan (which he declined to give her this time), he pointed out to her exactly how much money she would be ahead if she stopped buying tickets. She actually took his advice and stopped. She did start picking up the discarded tickets she came across (often tossed on the road she lives on/right down from a convenience store that sells tickets). She now averages $15 a week from the discarded tickets. That is $130 more in her pocket a month that she had purchasing tickets (She did win a little now and then). I think I need to find somewhere to pick up discarded tickets...

[UPDATE!! Is it worth updating my kitchen/house to sell?]

Here, you are better off dropping the price. People who are doing renovations to sell are not getting back what they put in. People who are buying houses to flip them (live in while flipping) are ending up staying in the homes because they cannot make a profit after the flip. (Two of these on my block right now. It doesn't hurt that the neighborhood is a nice one for the retirees who are doing the flipping.) I think they key is that the price reflects the house.. Many times homes that need renovations are priced the same as the homes that have them. I would try dropping the price and seeing if it will sell. If it doesn't, then I would do the renovations and raise the price to reflect that. You can't undo the renovations once they are done.

[UPDATE in 456ish: Older boy in women's locker room WWYD]

I would report it to the staff. If she doesn't want him to go into the men's locker room, she could just have him change in the lobby. After all, he is just changing. (Which is the same as him going into the women's room. WHo cares who sees right?) If the dc is too old to change in the lobby, they are old enough to change in the appropriate locker room.

[imaginary people]

One of my girls had several (one at a time). The first appeared on our back porch when dd was not quite one. (Yes, I had a verbal baby.) She called it Elvis. He pretty much just hung out on the back porch. Then, Elvis moved to the bathtub. He stayed there about a year. Then, he left and spotted pig showed up when she was about two and a half. Around four, spotted pig morphed into super girl. Spotted pig was usually around all the time. Super girl usually just showed up when dd was anxious. Dd didn't play with any of them. She just acknowledged their presence and talked to them occasionally.

 

I would think that a naughty imaginary friend who was being punished could be a child working through what is right and wrong. Maybe accepting that punishment was a part of being cared for. Could even be a bit of aggression in an acceptable manner. A way of taking control of a situation for a child who doesn't have much control over their life. Sometimes it is nice to be the one in charge, and littles don't get that very often.

[Now my kid is rethinking majoring in elementary education...]

Elementary Ed math was the most frustrating class I had to take. It was also possibly the one beneficial education class that I had to take. Is this the class she is having trouble with? Back when...it wasn't common core that was being taught. The class focused on HOW math worked and WHY. We had to truly learn the how and why of what we had just being doing by rote (for most of us) for our entire lives. I was a great math student. I think that made the class even a little more difficult. I must admit that when I finished the class, I actually understood what I was doing when I was working math problems. It also truly put me in the seat of the elementary child who is trying to understand math. So, if this is the only class that is making her doubt her choice, she should push on ahead. (My dd changed from education when she realized what all she would be facing in ps.) Of course, the class may have changed completely since I took it. Most things seem to have!!!

[How do relaxed homeschoolers/unschoolers get into 4 year universities?]

Thanks all.  We are pretty traditional, so the concept of relaxed or unschooled approaches does not resonate with me at all.  However, I am on the board of our group and want to try and help parents navigate this kind of stuff in the future.  The general 'feel' has always been that colleges will accept homeschoolers without the traditional courses.  However, I guess that if your SAT scores aren't really high, then that isn't the case.  If you haven't take Alg II or Geometry, then good SAT scores are far less likely.    Thanks for all the ideas and thoughts.  Much to mull over and share.

 

Honestly, I think that the "general feel" is just wrong. An occasional homeschooler might be able to talk themselves up enough or have high enough scores to get around requirements colleges set forth, but most are going to to be required to meet requirements. (Thus the lovely root word use...) Even WITH high scores, most colleges are not going to waive their requirements. You are far more likely to be admitted meeting requirements and having low test scores to back them up. I would advise homeschoolers to consider what/where their dc will want to attend college as they are entering high school and plan accordingly based on what those colleges want. Same for an athlete who has to meet NCAA requirements. If anything, they can make a plan that will be accepted on paper and then teach/learn according to their own standards. Example; have a text book and classes named that will be smiled upon by the appropriate officials. Then, use the text as a reference (which may or may not by referred to often) while doing most work in another manner. Yes, you may have to take some classes you didn't want to take. Those classes, you may spend less time/emphasis on. It is important to jump the appropriate hoop. The actual jumping can use a little creativity.