Lolly
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Posts posted by Lolly
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As long as you are providing half of her support, your dd counts as a member of the household. The dd in graduate school does not count as a student from what I can find. This is one reason I hate FAFSA, they need information that you don't have yet.
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Wow. I have never met anyone who put their child in orthodontia for cosmetic reasons. Its all structural.I must live in an outlier area. The cosmetic expense is all about teeth whitening here, and implants for those who didnt grow up with fluoridated water and have lots of decay in their 50s.
The thing is that all this structural necessity is actually, really and truly, cosmetic. The orthodontist says it is structural...it isn't. Very little orthodontia would actually be necessary if it was only done for true structural need. I've been told that a couple of my kids HAD to have braces for a "structural" issue. I looked at them and decided it wasn't needed. You want to know the funny part here? That "structural issue" cleared up on its own. Yep. The physics and forces involved in the mouth put their teeth into alignment naturally over time. Perfect? No. But, better than most kids I have seen who have had braces! In fact, I haven't looked lately. They might be to perfect alignment now. And, honestly, I have seen friends' dc who "had" to have braces for non-cosmetic reasons. I'm sorry, don't buy it. It is cosmetic over 90% of the time. If you life in an area where dc don't get braces, then you are truly in an outlier area, but I have a feeling they are just not aware that what they are being told is structural is actually cosmetic...
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How hard would you work to settle up? Last time when they kept asking me for documentation to prove that they had misread the receipt, I really wanted to say "no", but because they were keeping the rest of the money on the claim, I couldn't. In this case, I'd like to just tell them what happened (they misread) but not go any further if they won't believe me. Is that reasonable?
I would deposit the check. I would make sure to have the amount they missed by available. I would not notify them of the mistake (unless it was large which it sounds like this isn't). If they contact me, I would immediately write them a check for the amount and mail it to them. If they later make a mistake in their favor for a similar amount, I would not bother to point it out to them. Overall, I wouldn't think about this too much and must move on. (There is a good chance that rectifying this mistake will cost them more money than you just keeping it.)
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Christmas has not been joyful for many years, so since my separation, I don't decorate. We do gifts for immediate family and that's about it. We put out the Thomas trains. Ex liked Christmas, but...well lets just say it created a lot of stress for me. This is the first year he's living nearby, so he's called me a lot to find out about gifts and I think he's disappointed I didn't invite him to my moms- not going to happen.
We do not attend church anymore, so no more pageants and performances to consider - also a relief really. My dad loved Christmas, but it had been scaled back in the last few years. Now that he is gone, we're doing a few gifts for ds, me and my mom, we will probably spend the day reminiscing.
I'd like to start some new winter traditions, like catching up on sleep and reading with little to no cooking. So hibernation maybe.
Maybe you and ds should come visit us. It seems like everyone here is hibernating. There is always someone taking a nap!!! In fact, I just woke up from a nice snooze...It will be time to go to bed soon, and I won't have one bit of a problem with that!! I think all these college brains need a lot of recouping time!!!
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Also a little note...Make sure your dc know and have appropriate clothing to wear to career fairs and interviews. Some schools have a "closet" where graduating seniors can go to get a suit. Dd23 has been shocked by the things she has seen other students wearing. She doesn't understand how they cannot know what is and isn't appropriate. She had a friend who was really upset that no one was willing to give her the time of day at the fair--she was wearing leggings and a pink, clingy sweater. She did not appear to be serious about finding a position, so she wasn't taken seriously. There were other kids in sweat pants, sweat shirts, workout gear. I'm not sure exactly what they are thinking. Don't use regular paper for resumes. Use a high quality paper. Guys, go to Goodwill if you need to, there are a lot of suits there. Women have a harder time. Dd has found the attitude that " they should accept me as I am" to be pervasive. Lastly, skin is not appropriate in an interview.
I'm sure this is advice that no one here needs. But, dd has been flabbergasted by the inappropriateness she has witnessed. The funny thing is that she didn't think about what SHE was going to wear until her own mother asked her...Then, she realized she really didn't have anything appropriate. Knowing her, she would have not noticed until the night before...
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Considering that I think my neighbors are too close now...I don't think city would work well for me. I don't like people enough for that type of living.
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Define "skip". I have skipped the decorating before. We are skipping gifts this year (other than grandparents and kids are getting each other gifts/dh and I are not getting any presents for anyone). We have always had a big Christmas meal and celebrated Christmas. But, yes, we sometimes skip the decorating and gifts.
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DD23 is here. She says, "I'm sorry." She has just been through this. True answer: "Sheer, dumb luck. Looking for hours and hours and hours." Career fairs are worth attempting. Mostly there isn't anything there, but that is how she ended up finding hers. There was ONE out of hundreds of companies that had a decent internship that wasn't just retail sales/scam for the students. She had been through all of the companies coming to the fair before it started and searched this one company out. It was really hard to find them at the fair. She had tailored her resume to what their website said they were looking for/She had a personalized resume for each business she was interested in. Then, she had a more generic resume to give to other businesses along the way that caught her eye. Always talk to a company you dn't have interest in first. Just to work out your nerves before moving on to ones you are more interested in. Also, make sure to get the business cards from the people at the career fairs because you WILL forget their names. Send them email thanking them for talking to you at the fair. Plus, sometimes their websites don't work and you need the business card to be able to get in touch with them.
Linked IN is another place to look. You can at the worst find people there who are in positions you want to be in and ask them how they got there. She had one person who contacted her about an internship (offered it to her) through LInked In, but it was for the wrong semester for her.
adding: I know very few students irl who have managed to get real internships. By real, I mean paid and not just retail stuff. (She managed to land one doing true marketing research.) One friend's son internship was handing out free samples of RedBull. I feel like dd got really lucky. Then again, she put hours and hours into searching. She was truly ready to give up and take a retail position as an internship. It was that or a call center...
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My first commuted for two years from home. One dd currently is. Ds is right now also. It works well for us. They have each had a vehicle of their own for transportation. They have no curfew. I do not keep up with them. They can eat with us if they want, or do their own thing. I do not police them at all. I treat them as adults. Though I do admit that occasionally I have been known to clean ds's room and do his laundry. They have their own rooms. They have their own televisions. We haven't seen any problems with it.Well, other than thinking we were going to have to have the dog put down right before finals this year and having them worried about that. The two away dc we just didn't tell until things were at a probably okay point. We would not have told them until finals were over if she hadn't pulled through.
adding: commute time is only 15 minutes! probably less...
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Two finished. Both should have 4.0s.Still need a grade from one class for each to be turned in, but they are pretty confident. One of those dc is home, the other is working the next two days. One final left for the last dd. That is the one who had two regular tests to take during finals week (I thought that was against the rules!!!) in that subject that they had to figure out on their own after being told not to use their books because they had too much misinformation in them...She took a test Friday and Tuesday, and now the final in about an hour. Not sure what that grade is going to be....
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Thanks for all the replies - very helpful.
I also sent mail to a coach @ ClaremontMuddScripts swimming asking the same question. CMS looks to be a pretty solid DIII program (currently ranked top-15 for both men and women) and HarveyMudd is among the very best sci/eng schools in the world. The coach mentioned the need for good time management skills and forgoing other extracurriculars, but mentioned that there are currently 13 Mudd students on the team (Mudd only offers STEM majors).
Thanks again.
Yes, it can be done. I didn't mean to imply that it couldn't. I know kids who are doing it right now. My dd was doing it successfully. She was even managing to get good grades (All-American status). But, it comes at a price. When you are in class/lab 24 (pretty typical for a science major) hours a week, the pool a minimum of 20 hours, have meets that take up an entire day once a week the entire fall and some of spring semester and multiple days a couple of times, something will be taking a backseat. That something is time studying and homework (which is supposed to take a minimum of 30 hours for a 15 hr load). I do not know a single dc who has done it without it impacting their grades in some way. But, yes, it can be done.
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1. While you don't drop spelling, you don't focus on it. Typing is overly important. The goal in spelling is to get it to a point that spell check can catch a lot/but not all of it. Then, you just move on. Accept that spelling is just going to s@#k.
2. Work on writing skills. For my dyslexic, an outline has been fairly important. She needs to be able to have down where she is going before she tries to put it into sentences. My other dc write better without an outline. Can he write a paragraph about a single topic? If not, go there first. The good news is that you would be surprised what passes as acceptible writing in college.
3. Know that him assisting you with writing a paper is helping him tremendously. I think we underestimate how much kids learn from helping/watching us go through the process of writing. Do not be afraid to make concrete suggestions for his writing. Suggest a whole sentence now and then. It really speeds up the learning process. (Thank you to Andrew Pudewa for pointing this out!)
4. I still check every. single. written correspondence my dd makes if it is important. She asks me to. She knows that she has a weakness here. If I cannot check it, she runs it by one of her sisters. She is in college, and she sends me her work to check for spelling and punctuation. Why? The learning centers at colleges just aren't generally up to par.
5. And the biggest thing, make sure you have the documentation you need for accommodation. Make sure to reevaluate late in high school in order to have it count when he gets to college. Extra time to take tests is ESSENTIAL. He will need it in order to be able to read tests carefully. Much of the time when dd misses a question, it is because she misread it. Even with her extra time. If he does have to take remedial classes, it is FINE. (High scores on ACT/SAT are difficult. Getting accommodations on these tests is time consuming if you are not in the school system. Even with extra time, the test is just too long/adding time doesn't help a lot because the brain is just too drained to take advantage of it. It would be nice if they could split it into two days!) Just plan on an extra semester. The classes themselves are not helpful, but it is a fairly easy hoop to jump through!
adding: One of the best things you can probably do for him is to make sure to plan for an extra year of college. Just consider it a five year proposition from the beginning. Know that he will need to take a minimum load. Especially those first years where he has to take all those heavy reading/writing classes. Once he gets into more of the mathy/sciency types of classes, he may be able to handle more. But, the writing/lit/humanities that are required will slow him down. Encourage taking summer session classes online to lighten the load during the rest of the year.
My dd with dyslexia is a sophomore in college (in her third year). She has an excellent GPA. She finally has all of those pesky heavy writing classes out of the way as of this week! (Funny, her AMerican Lit I teacher told her she has the highest grade in all his classes..a 97%!) She still reads at about a 5th or 6th grade level. Most of the lit for her class was available on YouTube or elsewhere to listen to. I read a few things aloud to her. She had already read them herself but couldn't get them to "flow".
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My dd swam D3 because she knew it would be impossible to do with a science major other divisions. And, it was still extremely difficult and insane. You are still getting up for 5 a.m. practices and rushing to class for a test at 8. You still have a long weekend swim meet 4 hours away from school with prelims and finals the weekend right before finals (this past weekend!) where you are not able to study because you only have a 2 hour break between prelims and finals (rest between bleacher rows with your parka for a pillow between sessions) and aren't back at the hotel until almost midnight. You don't get back to the school until Monday morning at 3 a.m. For one of the meets, it meant coming back late Sunday night/Monday morning and having to go to class overly tired while having two tests that day and one the day after. You dread the possibility of making the National meet because it means another week out of school at midterms when you just were out for a couple of days for a meet. Your teachers are understanding, but you have missed a lot of class that makes it difficult to keep up (especially when you are taking an advanced math, a biology, and a chemistry class that semester!). But mostly, it is that you are bone tired all the time because you have practice twice a day most days and a whole lot of homework and studying to do. Dd transferred because the science dept. was not what it was supposed to be. But, she is relieved to not be swimming any longer. She is a little shocked at how little she misses it. Her grades have gone through the roof. (She is also appreciating the excellent science professors this semester.)
Also, realize that labs in college are 3-4 hours of in class lab. DD's school had lab for her maths and sciences. That made 12 hours of labs a week (not to mention time required outside of class to check on/run experiments and homework for lab and ...) for 3 hours of credit. In other words, lab alone was taking up at least 18 hours a week.
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I appreciate the mailing labels. Use them all the time. Not sure what I would do without them...other than write my own address on an envelope... I got some once that were really pretty. They had birds on them. Audubon Society maybe? I don't send them donations...think they don't manage their money wisely if they are mailing out free stuff to everyone. I am getting low on mailing labels now. Wonder who might send me some next?
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Three things. You can "delete" the request. But I think she will see it. I unfriended dd1's ex-boyfriend. He sent me a new friend request and I deleted the request, which some how he knew about b/c within 12 hours he sent me a new one.
Which brings up a second option. You can let the friend request sit in your request box. This is what I've doe with ex-boyfriend. It's just sitting there.
Option 3 is accept the request but "unfollow" them. I don't know how much you will actually see, I miss a lot of those people I've unfollowed. One of the teens I know went through an extremely hard time one fall, because I had unfollowed her, I knew nothing about what was going on.
I don't think fb notifies them directly, BUT you start popping up as possible new friends for them...which lets them know they are not currently friends with you...which is pretty much the same thing as sending them a notification!
OP, it sounds like you want to "friend" her and then "unfollow" her. It is the easiest way to "unfriend" a person without actually unfriending them. And, it leaves you with the option of going and looking at her page when you want to. When "Unfollowed" , you do not have them show up on your newsfeed. It is just like not being friends with them, only they don't know you aren't getting their stuff.
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This is our impression. We did make a quick visit but got directly off the interstate and was on campus and we went straight back to the interstate. I didn't really want to check out the area based on what I had heard.
I do have the impression the actual campus is extremely safe. Ds actually applied to some schools in similarly urban areas but with very open campuses that are not so secure.
Thank you!!
The day we visited the campus, probably during the time we were there, there were two shootings (one death) within a block of campus. That scared one of my girls/she crossed it off the list immediately. The other kept it on her list for a long time.
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First, it is too early. Not to early to make sure you are NCAA compliant though!
Second, What is she wanting to major in? If it is a STEM or performance major, I do not recommend trying to swim in college. They do not mix well.
Third, look at schools that offer her major, have good ratings, and offer swimming. Decide what level she is interested in swimming Division 1,2, 3? How far away from home is she comfortable living? Do her test scores match the school well? Once you put those factors together, look at the schools that meet your criteria as possibilities. Check the times of the swimmers at those schools. Does she meet the school's required times? Where would she rank within the school? Maybe just keep an eye on those schools. Maybe contact the coaches in her junior year. (I think you can initiate contact early. They just cannot.) Unless she is extremely fast, the coaches are unlikely to be contacting her. USA coaches are often quite helpful (if she swims year round) in the college search also. It is a big part of their job!
Coaches cannot contact swimmers until much further down the line than you are. I did find a site at one time that let you check boxes of desired characteristics for schools (location by state, division, sport, majors, ACT/SAT scores, ...). It was extremely helpful! I wish I remembered what it was. I will think on it and try to find it. Got one, not sure it was the one I used, but it seems to work well. http://www.collegeconfidential.com/college_search/
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No personal experience, but Birmingham Southern has an excellent reputation (grew up in the area). I know several people who attended back when... Some now have dc there. All seem to have liked the school and be doing well. One of my girls considered it, but it is a bit far from home for them. The only negative is that the campus is in a horrific area. It is fenced and gated and well-policed. I do not know of any problems on the actual campus, but dc need to know where not to go (in a car or on foot/ever!) when they leave the gate. You go straight to the interstate from campus.
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I think you are taking it too personally. It isn't about you, or any one individual. It is a societal issue.
And. A statement that is dismissive to shut down conversation. Point: example of "fragility". When faced with a brick wall, people tend to have nothing more to say. They simply stop engaging or turn a deaf ear. It is not "fragility". It is human nature. It is a normal response. Also, I am not actually taking it personally. (I am a very cold individual. Well, unless you go after one of my kids, then I am the worst Mama Bear out there.) I don't really have any dogs in this fight. Truth is, this issue does not have any effect on my life at all. Sometimes....I am going to admit it...I feel like arguing a point, and so I jump into a thread that I know is controversial. Also, while it is a societal issue it is one that is completely based on individual responses.
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:hurray: :hurray: :hurray: Celebrate with me!!! DD, due to graduate at the end of the summer (because she wanted an internship for one class), got the one internship position she wanted! (All the other internships she could find were telemarketing and retail positions.) She gets to do exactly what she was wanting to do, marketing/analysis. She will be WELL paid. She gets a big housing allowance in addition. And, they offered all of the last few years interns full time positions at the end. (All but one took the offer from last year.) Whew! She is one happy relieved human. :party: :party: :party:
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It's not so much that your views here are invalid, it's just that you are talking from a different starting point, which doesn't really recognize privilege.
I don't really understand this type of response, tbh. I am as white as they come, and I just find it interesting to learn about. Maybe it's because I'm motivated to learn about it, due to being the only person in my immediate family who is white. Idk.
Who says I don't recognize privilege? You are thinking you are in my skin and know what I think and believe? I admit it. I live in an awesome world. It is far better than what most live in. I have most certainly experienced privilege.
More later, but FYI the author is white. Does that change your view?
No. She still cannot possibly know what MY experience and feelings are. Her skin color actually doesn't matter in that regard. I am the only one who knows what/how/why I feel. Anyone who says my reactions are because of X reason without quoting me is very likely to be incorrect. Especially if they are making a large generalized statement.
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Some of these responses make me feel pretty sad and discouraged. And, interestingly enough, reflect a lot of "white fragility" as defined by the article. I went back and reread it and I am just not getting the accusatory tone that others seem to be reading into it. And I think that acknowledging that white privilege and white fragility exist is extremely important in furthering understanding of minority experience in America. I just don't get why people are so averse to recognizing that minority culture does not experience the same America as majority culture. And I especially don't understand the apparent need for sarcastic remarks and dismissive attitudes. *sigh*
Link to Peggy McIntosh's article on white privilege: http://nationalseedproject.org/white-privilege-unpacking-the-invisible-knapsack
I have no problems recognizing that minority culture does not experience the same america as a majority culture. I have no problem recognizing that my dh does not experience the same culture that I do as a female. I admit, I am really not interested in discussing the issue. Why? Not because of fragility, but because no one is really interested in hearing MY truth. If MY truth does not agree with what the listener (writer in this case) views as the truth (HER truth), then she dismisses it as white fragility. Maybe her "black fragility" is causing her issue? That would be using her logic, not mine.Since my opinion is going to be dismissed as fragility, why bother? Thus, a little sarcasm and dismissiveness of tone. In order to have a conversation, BOTH sides need to be willing to listen and give and take. I have tried to listen and give, it is always, always, always met with me being told that my views are invalid. So, why try? If it is impossible, why make the attempt?
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If you (general) are experiencing people coming up to you, out of the blue, "accusing" you of not understanding, that sucks and I'm sorry that's happening.
If you (general) are hearing this statement in a conversation, I'd suggest stopping to think about what preceded it.
"You can't possibly understand" makes sense after "I know you're scared, Grandma, but..." or "I feel your pain, grieving mother..." or "I get it, cancer patient." No, you don't know. You think you know what it might be like, but you don't, and to pretend that you do is ridiculous and insulting.
I do not know what it's like to be a black woman. Or a white man. Or any combination other than white female. If I pretend otherwise, I'm a moron. I can have a vague notion and imagine, but I cannot speak for the experience of others. If someone tells me "You can't possibly understand," I'm going to stop and think about how and why I gave the impression that I could and acknowledge my mistake without taking it out on someone else, and I will have gained perspective and lost nothing.
You know what? I get that. BUT, for the person who is saying it to then say that they know how I feel...Sorry. Nope. If I cannot understand what they feel, then they cannot understand (and tell me) what I feel. And this is what is happening. THe street runs both ways. If white female can only know what it is like to be white female, then black female can only know what it is like to be black female. She needs to stop telling white male and female what they feel and have.
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the "limit to 10 items" from kindle unlimited may be what is going on. over the summer, I dl'd a bunch of "free" minecraft books - that were also on kindle unlimited. so, if they count those (and there are well over 10), then they start charging - in which case, I'll cancel.
dudeling (my very reluctant reader) wanted to read more books in the various series. they'd have the first book free - and you had to pay for the rest. well, he has a bunch of those "first books" of which he wants to read the rest of the series.
When I would have 10 books from Unlimited, it would notify me that I could not "read for free" until I deleted some of the books I currently had checked out. I am not one to reread, so it was just a matter of me having to "return" some of the books I had already read.
Okay - no more jokes about British teeth please
in The Chat Board
Posted
That is right. It is just that you silly British don't straighten and whiten perfectly good, solid, functional teeth. (Said sarcastically by an American who thinks more like the British about oral care.)