He talked to his mom tonight and she acted strange….apparently nephew is gone….? prayers please.

So Dh is definitely going there tomorrow and working remotely and staying all week to try to get a resolution. Soooo again please pray for our family.

please don’t quote

Correct.

Never. They were never consulted. The grandmother of the young man (snd his mother) just bought a trailer and moved him in there without any discussion with any of the other owners/residents of the property.

Yes the nephews mother does live there with her mother.

Only one of the residents made the decision to move a trailer on to the property. And to give him access to the house. No one was consulted and none of the rest of the residents want this arrangement. The rest of it, the drug use, not working, a filthy and messy space in the yard, a pit bill, questionable friends, refusal to listen to anyone’s suggestions to get on his feet…. And full access to the house….All of that is just festering more and more each day.

No one ever said that. They don’t want him in a trailer on the property and they sure don’t want him in a trailer on the property without running water or sewer. Him having access to the house is just one more thing that is upsetting to everyone.

Why is it baffling that they don’t want him in their home? They did not agree to it.

I feel like I have repeatedly said that he will not follow through with any of the help or plans or suggestions given to him. And that you can’t force an adult in this country to do anything they don’t want. And honestly the only thing that getting disability would do IF his mother was given control of the funds would be to help her because he is bleeding her dry. He would be eligible for some housing if he got disability but he probably would not take the housing because —rules. His mother even said to her sister, ‘I am worried about him going to CA because he has to understand his dad will have rules he has to follow’. The entire thing is just crazy.

Filed once in CA. Once in AR.

I mean, I just said he got help in CA as a child. He was in public school and his mother did ever possible thing to get him help. I am not sure why people keep assuming he has been left twisting in the wind.

Wow. Just wow. You have no idea the phone calls that have been made to help him. The actual physical and monetary help that has been given him. The money that has been lost trying to help him…..There is nothing anyone can do to force an adult to accept such help in this country. Calling phone calls between family members gossip is rude. These people are trying to survive. And by the way, it is not the old people calling and trying to figure out a compassionate solution to this problem. It is the young people who set up this community to take care of the old people.

Here is the thing. He grew up in a large CA metro area. Lots and lots of help available. His mother is intelligent and motherly. He is diagnosed on the spectrum and Tourettes. Also diagnosed with type 1 diabetes at age 7 I think. His father has it too. His parents divorced. Bad custody battle. His parents have a bad relationship but in the last two years have figured out their son is playing them so they are working together to sone extent. The father will help to some degree in CA. The single biggest problem is the nephews lack of cooperation. An adult in the US has a lot rights and autonomy and there is very little family can do for a person who won’t cooperate.

I have posted about this issue multiple times so it is ok that you did not see previous threads. It is just too much and too involved to repeat the entire story every time.

I think the thing that gets me from some of these responses is that he has had all of the help that has been suggested here and more. His mother has given him money, money, money and a place to stay and she has bought his medicine and she has sent him grocery orders, etc. She has filed for disability for him twice and he has been denied both times. She drives him to work when he has no vehicle. She picks up his medicine when he is capable of doing it himself. None of this has helped. Is it possible that he would be better off if he had less enabling? we have a family friend who is on the spectrum. In my opinion overall he seems to be more on the spectrum than nephew. However, he is almost 30 and has worked since he was 17. He has never been fired. He has changed job a couple times to improve his pay. He pays for his own car. His own insurance. He does still live with his parents, but I do believe he is capable of living on his own. He is also a decent human being, and although he can be very annoying, he is not impossible to live with or scary to be around . so I just don’t believe being on the spectrum is enough to justify the behavior of nephew since he’s been here in Arkansas these last two years.

He has known for a year and a half that this is a temporary situation. The fact that he has no water or sewer should be enough for all to realize it was never intended to be a permanent situation. He has had plan after plan after plan that he won’t follow through on no matter how much help he gets. He has had an intervention and gone to detox via ambulance and was suppose to go to meetings in order to come back to the family property. He has not gone to one meeting,

Thank you! We could not find any line wash in our town…. Dh did this with white mortar watered down

How would you suggest someone go about providing him support?

I don’t think she wants to. She wants to keep living in a dream world where he will get his act together and take care of himself.

Yes nephew’s mom lives in the house with her mom and where he comes for bathroom/ kitchen access. But it is connected by a breezeway to the two other full homes occupied by a total of 5 other people. Nephews mom has no share.

Well I guess I am in favor of triangulation then. They need his help. And Dh saying it was the harshest he had ever spoken to his mother….. I was trying to explain my dh’s distress… because he was not very harsh. At all. They are a very respectful and kind family. This situation is driving them to madness.

It is easy to feel sorry for him when you aren’t subjected to him.

Definitely the bolded. SIL told me today she regrets the entire thing . That makes me so sad.