KathyBC
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Posts posted by KathyBC
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On 2/18/2020 at 12:02 PM, Ktgrok said:
Life is too chaotic. I need a better strategy. I'm a go with the flow person but that isn't working for me because stuff doesn't get done and then I'm anxious. And I suck at making a plan/schedule. So I thought maybe someone else with more experience could help me with it?
Family Basics
DH works outside the home, leaves around 8:15. Sometimes home at 7pm, sometimes home at 11pm (mondays and fridays).
DS 20 works and leaves the house around 6:30am back around 2:45pm. He does his own laundry, fends for himself sometimes for food, sometimes eats with us. Will watch kids while I go to the store, etc.
DD 10, DS7 are homeschooled. they have a "daily work" folder that has their math and language arts work in it, with dividers for each day of the week. At the end of the week I empty it and refill. It also has reminders in it for them to do independent reading (both), and typing and spelling for DD10.
We also have group work, we rotate around either doing history or science or some other thing each day (ideally). Today we watched a mystery science video and did the activity, w which turned into building forts, etc. Other days we do a lesson from Gather Round (free samples), or The Good and the Beautiful History or Science, or we have some science kits, etc.
Tuesday mornings we have homeschool PE (we skipped today so did group work this morning). That goes until nearly lunch. Then Tuesday evenings are cub scouts (which I regret signing up for with a passion) and Friday mornings until at around noon are our Wild + Free group outings - usually a nature hike or something similar. last week it was a Valentine party with nature crafts.
Twice a week, currently Wednesday and Friday, I have physical therapy in the afternoon for about an hour.
I have a gym membership, they have child care hours from 8am-noon and 4:30pm - 8pm. Not getting there much. Probably going to cancel and switch to Daily burn or something. But I wanted the Sauna. Will probably resort to hot steamy showers instead, lol.
I NEED to be writing - and it isn't happening. i have tremendous anxiety about not writing, and even more about writing, lol.
I also need to set aside 10-20 minutes a few times a day to work with my dogs on training - one of them is a runner and although much improved still doesn't have a reliable recall (we adopted her last summer as an adult).
And with all this I have a needy almost 3 yr old in the mix. Sometimes she naps, sometimes she doesn't. Often when she does she's up past 10pm, which isn't good.
Kids wake up around 7:30, bedtime is 8:30 but often they are not in bed until more like 9pm. (routine is supposed to be documentary at 8pm and then bed, but DH tends to get them riled up around then)
I'm not sleeping well, back pain (hence physical therapy) plus some insomnia stuff, plus youngest wakes up in the early morning hours sometimes, plus last night the darned dog had to go out at 3am, lol.
I need a plan for getting housework, school work, and writing done. And outside time, our activities, etc.
thoughts?
How much writing are we talking about? If the 3yo will allow it, write during scouts. If it needs to be more frequent, realistically what's left is after bedtime and weekends when you probably would like to connect with your dh, or mornings when you would probably like to capitalize on sleep opportunities.
Gym membership - tack sauna onto PT appointments or yes, pitch it.
You are probably getting a functional amount of dog training, housework and schoolwork in. Sounds like you are prioritizing some weekly outside time on Friday mornings. Realistically? I think what you are pulling off is as good as it gets for this season in your life... (tiptoeing away...)
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11 hours ago, Jean in Newcastle said:
Keep reading. It’s an old thread that was being updated.
I read the first post and was thinking IBS, then clicked to the last post. Thanks Jean!
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If you know someone crafty, a men's western shirt turned into an apron is so comfortable! I had a couple from my DSIL and they were the best. I wore them right out. They hid stains very well.
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The last one I had went on so long, I went to the optometrist. He said their latest thing to try was drinking tonic water. It contains quinine, which they gave to malaria patients for help with muscle spasms. I bought a 12 pack and drank one a night with dinner. The twitch did go away. Can't say whether it was the tonic water, but it didn't hurt. Might have tasted better with a little gin.
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I try to leave the door open for a couple hours every day to let it dry out in there. DH built me a little metal hook so I can leave the door partially open, too.
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4 hours ago, regentrude said:
Do they have a computer? If so, skype
I was going to say Skype on an inexpensive laptop or tablet that they can set up on their dining room table or somewhere central. Affordable, fast internet is the key in our neck of the woods.
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34 minutes ago, Quill said:
For myself, regular practice in meditation has helped me tremendously. In a fairly recent meditation, the moderator talked about “just popping out” of the emotion and returning to your “home base”. (People choose their own home base; for myself it is that small space at the end of a full exhale when you are neither exhaling nor yet inhaling.) So I think that when emotions are stirred up. I think, “just pop out” and I return my attention to my home base. I have sticky notes in my office beside the computer and in my sunroom by my chair that say, “Just pop out”. It is a reminder because those are two places I am likely to be when frustrations build.
This dovetails with what @arctic_bunny said upthread - you have to recognize your own choice in it. Once I recognize that I’m getting upset because my computer has suddenly decided to stop printing (for example - that makes me so mad!), I can “pop out” of the agitation, find my home base and calm the hell down.
Do you find there's a limit to how many times in a row you can do this?
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1 hour ago, PeterPan said:
If you want the more technical options:
1) address any underlying chemical issues (ie. run genetics, find any defects like VDR, TPH2, COMT, and then take the appropriate supplements) Overly high methyls (which can occur with any of those genes) would cause that kind of every day, no matter what you do, explosive tendency. It's really nice to say you can overcome everything cognitively, but sometimes it helps to address the underlying problem. For me, I became the chilled person I had always meant to be when I started taking vitamin D, niacin, and 5HTP. And all those things are directly obvious when you look at the specific genes I mentioned. No more mean mom. If I eat something with a lot of methyls, out comes mean mom, and I have to go take something to get it down. It's not rocket science.
2) Learn about Zones of Regulation. Basic idea is you missed yourself in yellow zone, when it would have been easier to pull back, and you let it go all the way to red zone. So work on your interoception (Kelly Mahler's site) and read about the Zones and figure out what helps you move from yellow zone to green zone. That way you're catching yourself earlier.
So what is the recommended course of action when you are in the yellow zone?
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The problem I've been noticing in myself lately is that I yell when I feel I'm in the right. I don't yell as often now, with older children and less overwhelm, so when I do I'm (alarmingly) not experiencing regret - it's the fault of those clearly in the wrong. (eye roll)
I'll be following this thread because there's got to be a more appropriate response level to match even the most unreasonable level of provocation advanced by others. I was "the peacemaker" in my FOO, so it's weird to be perceived by DH as part of the problem. He's obviously WRONG, but you know, I'll try to keep an open mind at least on this thread. 😂-
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On 11/30/2019 at 7:47 PM, caedmyn said:
I was going to do the room in white and cream with purple accents, and get a white nightstand and white sheets and bedskirt and the cream would be the walls and curtains and glider cushions. But then DH bought me that gray nightstand so now I don’t know where to go with the room. We’re looking at getting a small freestanding fireplace also, hopefully either a grey or white one. Maybe I’ll still get white sheets and bedskirt and keep an eye out for a used glider with gray cushions, and do gray and white...but then there’s those cream curtains so idk. I love my comforter and don’t want to replace it, and DH dos his own thing with comforters anyway (the gray blankets on his side are covering up the green comforter he uses).
Gray and purple look great together.
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On 11/29/2019 at 5:49 PM, PrincessMommy said:
We have offered wine to our own children in our own home at celebrations/holidays. I would never ever think to do that to someone else's child... and I CERTAINLY would never insist that the parent was wrong to say no. That is really what crosses the line to me.
While I generally agree with this, grandparents aren't just people. Family dynamics play so much into this: Grandma who wants to be cool and pressures mom: rude and overstepping. Grandma who draws attention to risks she sees in mother-daughter dynamic: trickier wicket.
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3 hours ago, school17777 said:
Do you have family members encourage your underage teens to drink at family events?
Someone offered 19yo dd a drink and I said no. Then mil jumps in and tells me it’s fine, blah, blah. Dd just laughed and was fine with me saying no, although I’m sure (I know) she would partake at school or if I wasn’t there. Mil kept insisting that it was fine.
Does this happen at your gatherings?
No, this does not happen at our family gatherings.
Since 19 is legal here I would not expect to consulted. The only situation I can see jumping in might be if advice seemed necessary (e.g. Don't you have a test tomorrow? Do you have a ride?) And then it would still be their decision.
MIL's insistent arguing with you seems like poor manners. If you are sure your dd would have partaken except in deference to you, though, then I can see why you might want some reassurance. How confusing to navigate the letting go process when the drinking laws do not match up to the rest of the responsibilities of the average 19 yo.-
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On 11/27/2019 at 6:20 AM, wintermom said:
I'd gladly take 6+ hours right now! Those 15 minutes could have been a bad dream, so you dodged that potential bullet. 😉
I agree 100% about the unfairness of women''s health. In fact, I may pursue this as a course of study/exploration. I'm going through so many frustrations currently because:
a) I'm a woman in her 50s (easy to discount, assume issues are hormone/age related, and it's difficult to discover what are the causes of an issue when symptoms could be caused by a wide range of things),
b) I work in the health field (people assume I am imagining my symptoms - sometimes I feel like I am, too!),
c) people assume my issues are part of a mental illness/anxiety/stress and it takes a lot of pushing to keep looking for actual physical issues (I frequently find the solution these myself),
d) there is a lack of health research on women in general,
e) the health care system, especially urgent care, is severely flawed as the primary goal is to avoid someone dying, rather than discovering what is actually wrong and referring the patient to appropriate care,
f) all of the above problems seem to be common to so many women my age, and there isn't one single health agency to go to for access of "Women's Health Issues." We have to track down all kinds of health specialties and try to find one that fits. So easy to fall through the cracks and end up with no solutions at all.
Ok ladies, rant over. If you have similar frustrations or have found any solutions, please let me know!
Yup, I sometimes wonder if I shouldn't begin a doctor's appointment with a disclaimer: This isn't an ER visit, I'm obviously not dying, but I would still like help with an issue I'm having.
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It would be good for the OP to be aware of any local anti-tethering laws, for sure. Restraint for safety does not equal neglect, no matter what current popular opinion might be, and it needs mentioning.
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16 hours ago, KungFuPanda said:
I don't think people tie dogs outside anymore. I haven't seen anyone do that since the 80s. I'm not sure it's even legal anymore.
If there is adequate shelter from weather conditions and access to water, it can be a safe solution to many problems. It depends on what the dog is conditioned to, as well. Like anything, loving care is assumed.
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2 hours ago, Laura Corin said:
Managed my strength yoga. This routine includes flamingo with twist, which is just crazy talk. It's chair pose twist but then you tuck one leg up to your buttock. It's at 25:45 here:https://youtu.be/9kOCY0KNByw. I give it a go, then fall over.
I did Wheel for the first time in ages, and also enjoyed Crow.
Pop up dinner was a nice social occasion, with shared long tables. The food was good but not spectacular.
Wheel pose looks like a back bend, which I have not done since I was probably 12. You can do Crow pose? That is worth bragging about.
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Exercise/fitness is an excellent life choice. You increase strength, flexibility, balance, mental health, set yourself up well for aging, improve the way clothes fit. For numbers on the scale, though, I believe the current theory is that this is going to come more from diet.
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1 hour ago, Kassia said:
Yes, that's what I use and I line them with foil.
I'm nervous about reducing the temp because then I wouldn't know when to take the bread out. I'm not an adventurous cook and have to follow recipes exactly!
I used to feel exactly this way. Yes, lower the temperature 25 degrees, start checking with a toothpick at your original time, keep adding five minutes and re-checking until done. Add foil if it gets too dark, and plan to lower by another 25 degrees next time if needed. Write down on your recipe what you did for next time.
Muffins from bread recipe - sure, start checking smaller muffins at 15 minutes, larger ones at 20. Shouldn't have to go more than 25 minutes. No problems with dry muffins, but I usually freeze any leftovers within a day or two. Easy to pack in a lunch in the morning, they are great by lunchtime.-
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1 hour ago, soror said:
I don't think most of us work FT jobs. I work a couple hrs a day, 6 days a week and homeschool my 3 girls. I'd also agree whatever your schedule it takes time to build up and different seasons will work differently.
Homeschooling plus a couple hours a day sounds FT to me!
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On 11/11/2019 at 1:00 PM, wintermom said:
Awesome! I had a pre-lunchtime walk, which is good timing as it's snowing now. Do you have snow in your region yet?
I like your at-home exercise routine. I'm really impressed that you (and so many of the ladies on this thread) can get home exercise accomplished. If I wanted to do "puppy yoga" and get my faced licked and nibbled on, I could do at-home mat exercises. Some people pay lots of money to do "goat yoga" for good laughs. It does get tiring if the goat or puppy is always there, though, and you can never just do regular mat stretches.
In thinking about this today, I am really impressed by the amount of time so many posters spend on fitness each day, while doing full time work. I'm hoping your time management and commitment level rub off on me.
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Attended my first Essentrics class today. It was nice mix: 60 minutes of stretching, work on balance and posture, enough strengthening exercise for a burn. It is a 20 minute drive, and I'm a reluctant winter driver to be sure, but midday on a Saturday is a good time, usually, so will try again in the coming weeks if I can.
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I'd want a referral to an endocrinologist or internist, for a more complete panel of bloodwork to rule out thyroid a bit more conclusively than has been done. Your PCP could probably even do that, but is displaying a typical laissez-faire attitude that is not putting your optimal health first.
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56 minutes ago, Laura Corin said:
I have to go to the back of the house and do yoga in our bedroom. It's not ideal as the thick carpet makes balances even more unsteady than normal - another reason to concentrate on strength. There isn't really enough space, but I work around it. There's more room elsewhere but either it's within 'aged dog licking face' distance, or the room is unheated (we only heat the rooms we use). By the way, mention of puppies requires pictures of puppies...
The only way I can get it done is to announce to Husband in advance that it's happening, arrange that he is cooking (we split cooking duties), and treat it like a class time. Vaguely intending to do some yoga never works.
There is snow on the mountains, but at close-to-sea-level where we are, we have only had freezing temperatures, cold rain, a bit of sleet and some hail.
He was clearly underfoot while icing Christmas cookies last winter more than I had noticed:
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Our young dog used to give me the oddest looks, as if to ask, "What are you trying to tell me when you move your body like *that*?" He does sometimes come check out the yoga mat before I kick him off and get started. But he's pretty used to it now. I would either put him in his crate or send him outside if he drove me crazy. He probably knows that, lol.
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Speaking of (actual) tea, tell me about hot/herbal tea...
in The Chat Board
Posted
Current faves:
Celestial Bengal Spice - no sweetener needed
Stash Decaf Earl Gray - with or without cream and sugar, good both ways
Stash Christmas Eve herbal tea - no sweetener needed, using this up, will be sad until next Christmas, lol.