[Becoming a better everyday writer]

Thanks @Rosie_0801

[Thank you notes should be personalized (JAWM)]

While I agree with Farrar, relationships trump rules, I would definitely have felt the same way.
If it was important to me, I would outright ask the niece's parent, next time we spoke, "Hey, did niece mention gift? We were so excited to get it, and were hoping they would like it."
Because I would want to know!
 

Quote

We got her a very nice gift that I was 99% sure they would LOVE. It was thoughtful, personalized, and a little pricey for our usual gift-giving budget. We were excited to give it to her. And I was a little bummed that we wouldn’t get to see her reaction. But I figured she’d let me know.  

 

[Becoming a better everyday writer]

I scrolled by a letter from Faulkner the other day, and marveled.

I leave dangling participles recklessly in my wake. Any suggestions on how to craft better day-to-day missives?
Would sentence diagramming, something our homeschool never got to, help? Is there a free app for that? 

Quote

 

I thank you for your friendly letters. You sure know how to cheer up a really old geezer (84) in his sunset years. I don’t make public appearances any more because I now resemble nothing so much as an iguana.

What I had to say to you, moreover, would not take long, to wit: Practice any art, music, singing, dancing, acting, drawing, painting, sculpting, poetry, fiction, essays, reportage, no matter how well or badly, not to get money and fame, but to experience becoming, to find out what’s inside you, to make your soul grow.

 

 

[Do you know how to be a guest?]

5 hours ago, regentrude said:

I hand the host any contributions I brought (potluck dish or wine or gift - or the party plates) and ask if there's anything I can do to help. If there is, I am happy to cut veggies, arrange cheese trays, set out chairs, whatever the task is. If there isn't, I'll go hang out with the other guests, talk, move between groups. Introduce myself to strangers, introduce strangers to friends. I eat the food, praise the food, have one alcoholic drink (my limit), cheerfully participate in party activities - and I usually leave before the last people do because I am not a night person. For one friend's parties, I am the designated lighter of the bonfire.

ETA: I find all my friends interact in a similar way. 

Oh in a friend setting? Naturally.

[Do you know how to be a guest?]

3 minutes ago, hjffkj said:

Who were the people taking down tables? Caterers? Or other guests? That is the big distinction for me. If it is caterers or people hired by the host then guests cleaning up is disruptive. If it was other guests then sweeping would be as disruptive but I'd still ask the host what help was needed. Mainly because in my eyes, sweeping is the last things to be done.

No caterers. I would find dancing on grapes and other dropped food disruptive. YMMV.

[Do you know how to be a guest?]

1 minute ago, hjffkj said:

To the OP, I would find it really disruptive to have someone sweeping at a wedding. Clearing drinks and refilling ice maybe not, but sweeping in my opinion was too much for when the festivities are still going.

I feel like at this point I'm going to have to start giving a blow-by-blow detail of the entire wedding, lol.

At this point, 10pm?, people had moved outside into the night air, others were taking down tables, I thought perhaps there might be dancing later. My kids were, I hope, just good-naturedly bugging me about my predictable character traits when I got out the broom.

[Do you know how to be a guest?]

9 hours ago, dirty ethel rackham said:

I always ask if there is anything I can do to help.  Sometimes, helping is a way to get away from the crowd (or annoying people) and just chat with the host.  When I am hosting, if someone asks if they can help, sometimes I have something that they can do and other times, it would take too long to explain what needs to be done, but I'll ask them to pull up a stool and chat while I finish up.  I always like the company. 

I grew up in a household where we always were expected to pitch in to clean up from a big meal.  My sister jumps in and starts handwashing all the stuff that can't go in the dishwasher (like china, wine glasses, big pots and pans, etc.)  Another person dries dishes and sets them aside to be put away.  Someone else may be packing up the leftovers.  Someone from the hosts' household loads the dishwasher because they can play tetris best on their own appliance.  

I've never experienced help that wasn't appreciated.  I find hosting to be exhausting.  I never seem to be ready when people are expected and always feel like I'm behind the eight ball.  And I find cleaning up to be overwhelming after the fun but emotionally draining socializing.  I love it when a family member or close friend jumps in with something helpful, like refreshing snacks, carrying things to the table, etc.  Like at my daughter's graduation party ...  my big dog decided that the bowl of ice on the beverage table was his new water bowl and started drinking the melting ice.  A friend noticed this and removed the bowl from the table and, asked for another bowl and put out fresh ice.  I was attending to other things when I saw this take place and couldn't get to it right away before anyone else noticed.  I was so grateful and would have been mortified if someone else had noticed.  ( @regentrudeI am amazed at how efficient you are at cleaning up.  I sit here in shame.)  

Ok, the only "help" that I don't appreciate is criticism.  I had a SIL who never had anything nice to say and it often took every bit of willpower to control the fist-of-death or not tell her to leave and not let the door hit her @$$ on the way out.  

As a young adult, it was pointed out to me that the host might be offended I hadn't offered to help clean up.
I was mortified that I had missed out on a commonly held social expectation.
Have I been overcompensating ever since? Maybe that expectation is not that commonly held?

Crazy, I tell ya.

[Do you know how to be a guest?]

Regentrude, I am now dying to know how you interact as a guest.

[Do you know how to be a guest?]

I guess it would have been relevant to mention this was at a rented venue. Everything needed to be cleaned up by a set time, which would be long after my family left. I wasn't sure how many people would be left to help my sister by that time. As a volunteer I help run a rented venue, so finding cleaning supplies in hidden cupboards, etc. just seemed like a normal thing to me. Hard to turn that off, I guess.

[Do you know how to be a guest?]

15 minutes ago, Arcadia said:

Maybe you just forgot how to relax and let others do the work 🙂

If I am a guest at my relatives’ event, I would be either chatting with relatives I haven’t seen for a long time or babysitting a youngster or both. So basically seated somewhere with other guests.

If it is any other event, we’ll ask the hosts if they need help. If our help is not needed, we just get out of their way and let them do their stuff. 
For a small gathering, we would offer to help clean up if we are the last few guests. Everyone would have thrown their disposable plates, utensils and drinks into the trash bins provided anyway. 

Ok, would you ask first or jump in?

[Do you know how to be a guest?]

7 minutes ago, regentrude said:

I'd not be amused if my guests started washing dishes. I would consider that way overstepping. And not helpful at all.

K, see now this is more like me when I am the hostess. 
My sister is way more chill than me. She asks, and is happy to either help or not.

It truly never occurred to me to ask in this context. The majority of attendees were in their 20s and having a *really* good time, so I jumped into mom role and should have asked first, I guess.

[Do you know how to be a guest?]

9 minutes ago, Katy said:

I love to be a guest. 

Lol, that is awesome!

[Do you know how to be a guest?]

I am happiest at an event when I have a job to do. If I don't have one, I can usually find one.
I used to be a kid and happy to let people do stuff for me, but now I always "see" what needs doing - even if at some point probably others will do it - and am happiest jumping in. But my now-adult kids are poking me that when I am just a guest I should sit back and not do this.

Context: my sister lives in another province and had a smallish wedding for her daughter this weekend. I was happy to clear empty cups and cans, sweep the floor, reload ice, etc. My kids were picking on me. In hindsight, I don't want my actions to have made my sister feel like she didn't have things covered. She is very capable and competent. That is just my go-to behavior. But it occurs to me perhaps this is maybe more narcissistic than helpful, a 'savior' complex.

Thoughts? Can you just relax and be?

One other thought: could be mild ADD, a way to keep myself entertained productively.

[Do you correct small conversational errors? How?]

4 hours ago, Catwoman said:

I think, though, in situations like the one you mentioned in your OP, you are probably the only person who even remembers that you mentioned the other person's career. If you were talking to me and something like that came up, I probably wouldn't have cared enough for that detail to have even registered in my mind as something to remember.

I don't think you should give it another thought! And if the person ever comes back to you and says, "I found out that Ed is a teacher, not a lawyer," you can just acknowledge your mistake and move on -- but I seriously doubt that will ever happen.

Thanks. That is really helpful. Exactly, I could always correct myself if it came up again.

[Do you correct small conversational errors? How?]

1 hour ago, HS Mom in NC said:

I've done it several times.  I'm straightforward about correcting myself when I realize it, sometimes later in conversation.  I say in a matter of fact tone, "Did I say Sweden?  I should've said Switzerland." Then I return to wherever the conversation has gone. 

I've done it mid-conversation but not 30 seconds after everyone has walked away. I need to get braver.

[Do you correct small conversational errors? How?]

1 minute ago, Jean in Newcastle said:

I just say “I just realized that I said that Joe works for ABC company. He actually works for XYZ.”  But that only matters if the people I am talking to know Joe in some way or if it was important to the point that I was trying to make. 
 

If he is a mutual acquaintance though then I am surprised that the people you were talking with didn’t already know where he worked and didn’t correct you. 

Yes, this is what I would say. But since it's just a casual conversation, the topic is unlikely to come up again. Bringing it up again just to correct myself seems forced, KWIM?

And yeah, everyone pretty much knows everyone in our small communities, but it doesn't mean we all know the day-to-day details. I guess that is more my concern: they might have another casual conversation with someone else and discover my mistake, or repeat my mistake themselves and be corrected. Or maybe they knew the true story, and are left wondering how I can be so spacey. IDK, I'm sure I am overthinking this, lol.

[Do you correct small conversational errors? How?]

Sometimes my tongue gets ahead of my brain. When I replay the conversation, I find I misspoke. (Attributing the wrong employer or wrong career to a mutual acquaintance, for instance.) On the one hand, it was a minor remark in the scope of the conversation, and doesn't seem to warrant making a big deal out of it.
On the other hand, I want to be more precise and don't want to be a constant source of incorrect info. Definitely easier to do in writing than in real time for me, lol.

What do you do? Is there a social convention for this?

For you West Wing fans, remember the episode where someone - Josh? - used the wrong country name with someone important and then spends the rest of the episode trying to "casually" correct himself, while making additional errors? 😃

Edit: Haha, found it

 

[I need help because I'm terrible at communicating but this can't continue and please, this is a JAWM type post]

Coming back to this thread is like an old game of telephone. The OP's few sentences have been construed into this *scenario* that may be many variable shades of the truth for all any of us know.
I like to play armchair psychologist, too, but this feels like Olympic-level!

[I need help because I'm terrible at communicating but this can't continue and please, this is a JAWM type post]

17 minutes ago, MissLemon said:

I'm a hard-a$$ because I wouldn't pay for any help at all. I could see them saying "Well, if you are willing to pay for someone to help at your house, then why won't you pay for that help to come to our house?"  

While this is a possibility, it might also open them up to the idea.

[I need help because I'm terrible at communicating but this can't continue and please, this is a JAWM type post]

Haven't read any replies. If her family is truly moving here in a couple of months, and they can't seem to wrap their head around paying a sitter, maybe you should?  Hire a young local homeschooler to help you when you have them? Just to keep your foot in the door for when you see them less often?

[HCW staffing crisis]

1 hour ago, Fritz said:

I just read that medicare and medicaid funding for nursing homes will be tied to vaccine mandates for their HCW. This will likely exacerbate the problem.

As far as allowing vaccinated family members in to help with their loved ones; sometimes family is helpful, somtimes they are more of a hindrance. I don't think it's likely to happen in any case being that the vaccine is proving to not be effective in preventing 100% (or even close to that) of infection.

So if the vaccine proves to be less than 100% effective, how long do we continue to keep families out of hospitals? 

How do we staff testing sites, immunization clinics and hospitals with the same number of employees we had before? It's clear that can't go on indefinitely. Faltering economies can't double staffing, even if we had the trained personnel available; training which presents more funding challenges.

[HCW staffing crisis]

If (vaccinated) family members were once again allowed in hospitals, do you think that level of minimal care would take at least some of the pressure? I'm thinking of making sure patients get safely to and from the bathroom, things like that.

[Quick…lol…I need a new washing machine]

1 hour ago, ktgrok said:

What size is your dryer? I think the idea is the dryer needs to be about twice the capacity of the washer. 

Oh I still have the ancient old Kenmore Extra Capacity Heavy Duty dryer that matched the (oops we miswired your fuse box) Washer. They will pry it from my cold dead fingers.

[Quick…lol…I need a new washing machine]

Phoned ahead, looking at mid to end of October for washers due to supply chain issues. Of course.
Salesperson felt the 4.0 capacity was probably too small and recommended this one:
https://www.maytag.ca/en_ca/washers-and-dryers/washers/top-load-washers/p.top-load-washer-with-the-deep-water-wash-option-and-powerwash-cycle-4.9-cu.-ft.-i.e.c.mvwc565fw.html

Hope it is okay, fingers crossed.

[Quick…lol…I need a new washing machine]

1 hour ago, Scarlett said:

 

Do you guys know how much it is?  How big is the tub?

The only thing I was worried about my SQ was the tub size……but it is fine.  I washed the same size loads I always wash with room to spare.  
 

My mom has a May tag with no agitator……she is pretty happy with it over all.  The main thing she doesn’t like is that’s he can’t start  the water before or as she loads it and the lid lock.  But that is so minor compared to not getting clean.

The one I'm looking at says 4.0 cu.ft.  The crappy GE I have right now is 4.4 cu.ft. Not sure what my old sadly-not-indestructible Kenmore oversize was, but it fit a lot. What size is your SQ?

I just don't get why you can't start the water first anymore, or what is so hard about having small, medium and large load settings. Don't bother reinventing if it makes a lesser product!