KathyBC
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Posts posted by KathyBC
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5 hours ago, Ktgrok said:
I think we need to be VERY careful to not equate the effort someone makes with the outcome they get. Someone who has dyslexia may try much harder than someone without, and still not read as well. Someone with the wrong genetics or epigenetics or environment may try just as hard as someone with a different biology and circumstances, or harder, and weight a huge amount more.
There is a term for this that escapes me at the moment, but it is a proven thing, that you have a limited ability to restrain your impulses. So if you are in a situation where you have to practice extreme impulse control it uses up a lot, and you will have less ability to do the later, until it replenishes. Funnies part? That thing that your brain needs to replenish it's ability to control impulses? Glucose. Yup. Needs glucose aka sugar in order to control your impulse to eat sugar.
Also, the idea that it is a psychological phenomena that causes people to regain after losing is pretty much disproved. It's biological. The body wants to get back to its former set point and after losing so much weight it will increase your appetite and decrease metabolism until that happens. Meanwhile, as this biological process happens, people look for some deep seated desire to self sabotage and blame themselves.
This is *exactly* why personal responsibility is a moral quality. Persistence and finding work-arounds may not lead to the same result as someone else, but you won't get anywhere at all until you accept your unique situation in this world and work with the hand you were dealt. Dealing with the ignorance of others is certainly an unneeded challenge, but you cannot let it sabotage your efforts.
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31 minutes ago, umsami said:
Do you get that a lot of the fat people you see have always struggled with their weight? Always. Most of the people I know from my bariatric support groups were in Weight Watchers and other programs at seven, eight, nine years old. On protein sparing liquid fasts or diet pills at 12. While some may overeat, there is at least an equal group who do not. Not every fat person is finishing off pints of ice cream of consuming large or even small pizzas. When I see posts joking about how much food their kids or teens eat, I know that one of my kids cannot do that. He takes after me, he got the metabolically short end of the stick for today's world... so if he eats until he is full, he gains weight. If he eats more than what is viewed as a diet portion, he gains weight. It was recommended that he have bariatric surgery when he was 12 due to his history and mine. That's unusual.
Of course, some people who have been dieting their entire lives do just give up. If they're already 100 pounds while eating 1200 kcal/day, why not go all out? What does it matter?
That's not something I'm remotely qualified to comment on, nor was I trying to.
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4 hours ago, AmandaVT said:
Not a JAWM. I just wanted to share the article because it was thought provoking and I'm hoping it'll be helpful for me as I'm starting to get comments on my weight loss and am starting to struggle again. I know plenty of thin people who eat a TON of food. I'm a person that will always need to watch every bite - when I was at a healthy weight, I only stayed there because I worked out 6 days a week and had to monitor every piece of food that went into my mouth. It's taken me awhile to get over the "it's not fair" piece of that. Now, when some of these same people tell me "great job for losing weight" - it gets under my skin. And it's something I need to work on if I'm going to lose the 30 more lbs I need to lose. Hard work is something to be proud of, for sure - I've lost 16 lbs and am proud of that. I need to work on reframing, for sure.
It is hard. We have a good friend who is eating himself to death and it's so hard to watch. He has uncontrolled type 2 diabetes (been in and out of the hospital for it a bunch recently), is at least 150lbs overweight and just keeps eating and drinking. It wouldn't do any good to tell him he's making unhealthy choices for his health - he knows that. Therapy would maybe help - he has reached out to DH a couple of times asking questions about therapists in the area. But all we can do is be good friends and be there for him when he needs us. It's hard.
I think that's part of why motivation has been a bit easier for me: At this stage of life (approaching 50), nearly EVERYONE I know has to do this to stay at a healthy weight, even my previously lifelong underweight dh. So I don't feel alone, I feel like as you age your metabolism slows down so it's a natural stage of life. I enjoyed eating everything when I was younger, now that the kids aren't littles I actually have time to exercise. I still plan to balance moderate enjoyment at Christmas and other special days, and when my aging parents or young adults need me, might have to drop all my ambitious exercise plans for a skimpier version (FlyLady exercise, lol). I've made the mental adjustment. I think. Fingers crossed.
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Okay, thanks so much for that Maize, because I think I understand the article's author a bit better now. For her, size 16 *is* a sign she is conquering an area that is difficult. It looks the opposite from most people. It shouldn't be necessary to explain all of your personal back story to people, so how frustrating to get mistaken comments.
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12 minutes ago, maize said:
Are self control and self discipline moral qualities though?
As someone who has struggled my whole life with executive function I kinda think there is less morality to apparent self discipline or lack thereof than we often give ourselves or others credit for. Brains are complicated and we can't just will a brain to function differently than it does--though neural plasticity does allow for some degree of change over time.
I see what you're saying, I think, but the whole "If it is meant to be, it is up to me" concept of personal responsibility is in there somewhere too. I'm not saying that anyone can do anything, because obviously they can't, but if you can find methods that work to tackle even in small measure an area of life that doesn't come naturally to you, that does seem to have some moral quality to it. If we are not going to call it self-control or self-discipline then what would be a more accurate term or description?
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More ramblings, maybe you just need to reframe their comments. Like instead of thinking, "Great, how crappy did they think I looked before?" you could consciously think, "Wow, people are really noticing all my hard work and consistent effort."
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Wasn't sure if this was JAWM or if you would like a discussion, but here's my rambling monologue, lol.
I can't really relate to the gist of this article because my issue is not appearance and control from eating disorder, but rather, like probably most people, from loving food beyond healthy eating. So for me, self-control, self-discipline (which are moral qualities), are likely going to lead to being at least somewhat thinner, but also stronger and fitter. And it's not just selfish. My family should be better off if I'm not hoarding all the treats; if my joints last a bit longer from carrying less weight; if I am more productive at work because I've eaten in a balanced way and am fit enough for a busy day. Anyway, I'm only talking 20-30 lbs (which is a lot really), but maybe not enough that I get the comments. Or maybe it's that folks in my world do recognize a stronger, fitter body but are too tactful to say anything because it would point out the time before when life got crazy and there was not enough space for self-care and poor choices were made, but everyone has made poor choices, so why draw attention to any of that? Small town, we are all well aware of each other's hardships and poor choices, so safest not to judge out loud in public, lol.ETA: Or maybe it's just my RBF? You should get one, stop the comments! 😂
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All folded down and put inside of one of them, then replaced in the back of the vehicle for next time.
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My dd and her friends are really into tapestries right now. Most are kind of hippy/boho, which may not work for you or your dd, but they are an inexpensive and quick way to decorate if you can find one you like.
ETA: Hey, a HTTYD tapestry! https://www.amazon.com/TRE-ONE-Tapestry-Decoration-Apartment/dp/B07RP5WJ99?th=1
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When companies support charities, even that can get political. If Wendy's supports the Dave Thomas Foundation for Adoption, for example, no problem. But I haven't bought a bottle of Yellowtail wine since they donated money to more extreme animal rights.
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12 hours ago, marbel said:
LOL, I don't know, I was just relating what my kid said to me. For his purposes (writing papers for school, with footnotes and certain formatting requirements and having to be submitted as .docx or .pdf), the Chromebook was not the most convenient. I probably should have kept quiet since I could not expand on that comment. 🙂 He is not around now to ask.
No, that makes sense. If you had to submit as .docx and lost your formatting, that would not be the most convenient. Those are the times I really miss Office.
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22 hours ago, madteaparty said:
Here comes another stupid...do you have Office in your chromebook? How are you able to save in docx? I guess I need the ability to type in WORD, either the official one or LibreOffice. I don’t want just google docs bc most the time this thing would be offline. Is this possible?
My kid also has Chromebook, no Office. In Google docs, when you highlight Download as ---> or Email attachment... it gives you a list of ways to save or attach your document (or spreadsheet or slideshow).
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On 7/14/2019 at 10:15 AM, marbel said:
I just checked our Amazon order for my kid's Acer Chromebook 14; we bought it almost exactly 3 years ago. His only complaint has been with papers for school - when converting from a google doc to .pdf or .docx, some of the formatting gets messed up. So he is considering whether or not he needs a windows laptop for school in the fall. (He had been using the chromebook while at community college but he would also use the home desktop; he's going away to school next semester.)
No idea if that is a possible issue for you, just mentioning it as the only drawback he has found.
I kinda hope her gets a new PC; I want the Chromebook. I don't have any need for one; I just want it. 🙂
Okay, I am a little confused. I save my google doc to .docx for easier editing by others and relax about formatting. When I want my google doc to keep its formatting, I use .pdf. That doesn't always work???
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Edited: Pretty much already been said.
As is getting to be a habit, I'll throw my first instinct out there before reading the rest of the responses. But at least initially these responses seem to be hung up on appearance. I think Rogan and Peterson are using shorthand, since they have discussed this topic before, to reference females looking for someone who would be a superior provider to future children. One class up, then, could also refer to intelligence, ability, education, finances, or just the physical work ethic indicated by a biological reaction to a strong jaw. -
Oh, how's your sleeping?
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On 6/21/2019 at 9:41 AM, HollyDay said:
People started telling me that I was intense around perimenopause. They'd tell me I was "tight", "intense", "not relaxed" (try having almost 10 years of 3x month multi day migraines, 15 day cycles, etc and not be "not relaxed").
I'm starting to hear that same thing again. I'm hearing "you really need to learn to relax more," "take life more as it comes," "you are so intense" Well, I'm trying not to be. I don't want to be. I think dealing with chronic pain for the past 5 years has made a difference in my daily life (understatement). The death of my parents has been a grieving process too.
So...how does one become "more relaxed" and "less intense"????
I am taking a yoga class twice a week. I'm reading more for my pleasure now that I'm retired homeschooler (about to be empty next when youngest goes off to college in Aug). I've started doing some of my old favorite hobbies again. I'm learning to live in an older body that is not what I want it to be (restrictions due to pain...not necessarily vanity here). I've had a recent physical and am taking good care of my body.
What do y'all suggest??
Yoga class and reading for pleasure! I love those, too.
So much good advice already given: find exercise to get your heart rate up 1-2x week, that works for your body; more protein, less sugar and carbs; time outside/sun exposure/vitamin D. Have you read 7 Habits of Highly Effective People? The author divides activities into four quadrants, and hones in on the need to build relationships. I'm working on even just body language (a deliberate smile at someone I value even when my nervous system is pushing me to finish a task). Also carving out time to give someone a foot massage, or listen to their lengthy story, and let the dishes sit. That kind of thing. -
I use Spotify. I type in a mood or activity and they pop up a song list that usually works for me. No Alexa experience, so not sure how that would work together.
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I got a *really* cheap knock off pair at Ardene's thinking I would just wear them getting in and out of the public pool, but I really like them. I would want the real deal to hike the Great Wall, lol, but perfect for schlepping around the local grocery store
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I'm satisfied with our Shark Navigator.
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La Vie En Rose Aqua
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Yup, I will take a thick yoga mat that's a bit bulkier to transport any day!
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I agree with either making a big pasta dish ahead of time or something in the slow cooker/rotisserie chicken for Saturday.
For Monday, what about Greek? Buy some pita bread, make (or buy) Tzatziki and a big Greek salad, marinade and BBQ some chicken.
Greek Chicken Marinade:
1/3 c. plain Greek yogurt
1/4 c. oil
1 Tbsp. lemon juice
3 cloves minced garlic
1 tsp. oregano
1/2 tsp. salt
1/4 tsp. pepper
Marinade 30 min. BBQ 15 min. each side for flattened breasts.-
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12 hours ago, unsinkable said:
hahahaha...got away from you?
i started the thread...got told what I had read in another thread wasn't said, then I pointed out it was, with quotes. Got told again, nope, no one thinks that.
This thread goes on with people saying again what I had quoted from other thread.
But, nope, no one said that or thinks like that.
LOL
*There is nothing wrong with calling unskilled labor, "unskilled labor." And IMO, it is diminished, and the people who perform it are diminished, when that is not acknowledged.*
And another thing...people have pretty short memories of all the threads over the years where posters would LOL at people who were the education majors in college, bc according to the LOLers, they were the stupidest people in the easiest majors. "hahahaha, did you ever see their homework?! hahaha! They had to make bulletin boards! hee-hee-hee
Yeah, when Iast checked there were a few posts, and when I got back to it there were three pages, and I was replying without taking the time to catch up. Sorry if my comment was confusing. Not sure what you thought I meant by that... I was obviously not being clear, so hope that makes a bit more sense!
Actually, I'm not entirely sure from this post what your take is either. Like, are you saying that people on this board do look down on unskilled labour but deny it?ETA: Because I *thought* you were trying to say is that there is nothing wrong with being called unskilled and people should just get over it.
But read this definition: "An unskilled worker is an employee who does not use reasoning or intellectual abilities in their line of work. These workers are typically found in positions that involve manual labor such as packager, assembler, or apprentice, or farm worker." Then tell me an apprentice or farm worker who doesn't use reasoning or intellectual ability? The people who make up these definitions have clearly never done these jobs, and it *is* a pretty presumptuous and insulting definition.-
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Looks like this thread got away from me, but I'll comment anyway: from what I observe it appears that raising minimum wage is another form of inflation. Employer costs go up, they raise their prices, everything goes up and the new minimum wage is negated by the new cost-to-income ratio.
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"Fat is not a moral quantity"
in The Chat Board
Posted
Oh absolutely true to the bolded! Many on this thread have made great points about the dangers of people's rushed judgement of others.
As to your last paragraph, what I actually said was:
I meant you can't let other people's inaccurate assessments sabotage your efforts at that which is important to you. I fully agree with all the other posters who have said that life sometimes has more important priorities, and have made those choices myself.