Storygirl, that's a good suggestion . My husband has asked questions when he gets the grd on days my Sil is loosin it. Oi just asked my husband what he says.... He says....he's not allowed. Thsts my daughter s realm and she'd kill him if he made thst advancement. Lol He's probably right. But good point. Getting Sil to play a more active role. Just harder with him. His parents are aloof and was raised thst way and has a tad of that himself. He's just now stepping up to the plate to be a better husband after spending a lot of time with my husband. He and his dad don't speak. I will talk to hubby bout that. I don't want my daughter thinking I'm ' going over her head'. But if the guys are just having a casual convo about it. Could work out good. Something I just thought of too when jotting down note is questions to ask my daughter . The gifted route!!! How bout you see what her strengths are. She is a very bright lil girl. Could see her being 2e. If my daughter is investigating and having assessment done for GIFTED, that just may be the difference. Just may be. Ima ask lol :)

Yea. My Sil doesn't offer her alot of help. He,....will just checkout . He was raised differently. I too Lecka just do not understand why she hasn't made the call. It's why I made this post. I am at a loss. She sees a need, but doesn't act. Which is why I thought, maybe cuz of her situation as a child? I don't know. Just throwing things out there to try to figure it out. My daughter has some anxiety . always has. She's human. She may know what's best but acting can be a whole mother story. And with the daycare, the friend, the other grandma pointing the same things out. The friend the other grandma and daycare don't even know each other and saying the same thing. :/ Wish it were easier. Wish I knew what to do. I am going to wait til she brings it up Tues. And she will. She always does in some fashion. I'll take the...asking question avenue. Other posters have a good point and I like thst it either requires an answer or....avoidance. Maybe she would see the avoidance there. Idk. I just know. She needs service s lol

I so appreciate the dialogue . it helps. It also helps to get different opinions. I will try these when we spend time together tues. That's our weekly date :) love that she makes time for mom with her busy schedule . Also I would want to note: The relationship I have with my daughter is priabbaly not going to be the relationship others may have with their moms. We are very close and she needs and asks for the emotional and physical support right now. So, she just quit pulling her hair out. I'm not gonna put her back in a pit if overwheledness. Period. I will suggest and offer to pay for preschool again. Her daughter doesn't do well in new situation s . I know this plays a factor. My daughter has told me

The reason I wonder if it's not thinking to her own issues when younger is because she herself says....I did that as a child and I don't have LC. My granddaughter could easily be one of the 2e kids. I don't know. I know she needs assessments. And yes Elizabeth, you may think it's a ' weird dynamic' but preschool has been suggested by us. Many times. Even offered to pay for it. This is from my daughter who...literally until I started doing more for her literally pulled her hair out. A full on bald spot in the front of her head at the bang area. Now? She has finally stopped thst and its starting to slowly grow back. Why?? Cuz moms helping where I'm asked. She works a full time job a part time job is in school and tries to spend as much time with her daughter as she can. Sil also works 2 jobs and is in school. O guess I see why my daughter feels jusged my some of the SAHM's

Thing is, her experience with our lil guy and the fact that she's a county worker and has much contact with all kinds of programs through the county perplexes me and where I think maybe she is just not ready to ' go there yet' I don't know. Her other grandmother sees her about once every 3 mo and always tells them this or that. Yes lecak. You are right. And my daughter just talked to me thanksgiving about ppl judging her for the course of action she's taken for her life. She has wanted to be a doctor of some sort since she was little. First it was a vet. We live on a farm lol Then it became a ppl doctors. She wants this so badly. And she has the brain power and stamina to do it. I will never turn my daughter away. Ever. If she asks. I'm going to help when and where I can. Maybe if I get the numbers of who to call through the county and have it on hand for when and if she wants or is ever ready for that....but good points have been made. She may just need me to ask....do you want me to call honey? She has alot of anxiety about this whole situation. I see her fingers start to didge with themselves when she starts talking about it. I think uve made alot of really good points . she is overwhelmed and soooo appreciate s any help I give her. Like I said earlier. Almost to the point of humble tears sometimes. She calls me crying sometimes hoe much she misses her lil one. I listen n comfort and make suggestions. She takes them. That's what has me perplexed on eaxtly how to move forward . she asks and DOES take most of the suggestions. Or will ask, can you help me with thst? Her hubby some days just goes nuts. Hell call my husband and say. Please can I bring her to you??? He can't deal. The screaming fits, the hitting, the....well, you all know what it's like. And when hea there with her without my daughter ...he sometimes jus can't take it. He's in school too. Criminal justice degree. Lot of working and school going on with them .

Yea. Lecka. I have talked to her about real preschool programs. She is very hesitant to do that. I wonder if it's not because she's afraid if what they will say. She already heard it from the daycare. A friend areound the corner started keeping her about one night a week . they have a 3 hour gap from 4 am til 7 am they need care for.....the friend started mentioning things to my daughter . she had her quit watching her. :/

The military pediatrician wanted her to have an MRI. Brain issues. She never did it. Her eyes dart off to one side and she shuts down...I suspect seizures. Have I said thst to my already bogfed down worried stressed out overwhelmed daughter? No. Of course not.

Why do I want assessment? Because it could be many things or one thing or a combo of things. I am big on assessments. Had all my kids. Well 4 or the 4 in EARLY to make appropriate testings determinations and therapies.

And.....she is the one who came to me and used the word aspergers. . Not like I say oh. I think ur kid is asd. No, not the situation at all. She comes to me about this, alot. And her verbage is asd. And I have said alot through this post.. I'm not a professional just a mom whose been there.

Um....Elizabeth ....I don't call and make the appts. Not what I said. She *has me take her to the appts occasionally* when she can't get off. She ASKS me...mom, I can't get DD to the doc...would you mind taking her? What am I going to say? No?. No , that's not gonna happen. If my daughter asks for help....I'm going to help her I'm anyway I can. Rest assured. This is not ME making the appts...it's her and her asking. Can u take her...or can u run and get this script for me...I'm so sorry I just can't get there. Of course I say yes.

Yea Lecka, I have pondered that much, how much is not wanting to come to terms with any issues she had. I see the look in her eyes( I know her very well) and wonder if that's not the case. Is she thinking back to her own early childhood ? Or is it fear of the unknown with her daughter . I think at times, its either or, other times its both. My Sil really doesn't prefer the grd to be at daycare and neither does my daughter. They prefer her with us and so does grd. I think the owner of the daycare and her staff are pretty sharp cookies and my daughter as far as daycare goes...likes them alot. She td me they talked to her, I just listened. Really it's hard for me to know when I should speak or just listen. I've tried the last several months listening route with occasion suggestions... Like gymnastics. My daughter says yes yes. Then doesn't follow through. I think I will have my convo with her mostly questions. One of them being, do you want me to call? I've never asked cuz I didn't want to overstep my boundaries, but she may be waiting on me to offer to help in thst way. She does have me take her to the occasional pediatrician appt if she is on shift and can't schedule it when she's off. Something I just thought of....she is ALWAYS apoliging for asking me to do so much. I always tell her, honey I don't mind . I love being there for my girls. She still feels bad.

They literally work insane schedules, overnight , weekends etc. When I have her its overnight too . my Sil loves me to death, we give him love and encouragement that he didn't have growing up. They have accomplished alot in their young lives and have a home with 5 ac. ( work) . they do depend on the fact that if we see something , we will mention it and help where we can or where they want us too. In goofy ways even, like my Sil is enclosing the garage, my husband noticed the door wasn't gonna fit and help him rework it and get the door on. He was happy to spend the time with my husband and commented several times how much work my husband saved him. So....we have good open dialogue and they don't get mad when we suggest things etc and seem to welcome the input and take the advise almost always. So I feel like we are lucky there. I'm thinking back to convos we've had and I really don't recall how or if I've termed it anymore...not sure but that's a good point to make sure in the future I'm paying ATTN and DONT use a lable. She is very label apprehensive cuz of her own situations, I do know tho. My daughter is convinced it's aspergers. When she brings it up, she almost always uses the term. Maybe I should say well, we don't really know what it is until you have her assessed. Maybe thst would ease her mind and as I think more about it I think it would.

Yes, I have thought about asking if she wanted me to call to get her in for an assessment but I haven't wanted to upset her. Haven't really known what or how to do next. Thst could be one of my questions for her too. She is overwhelmed. Paramedic school was tough. She was away from her slot. And with her schedule , she spends days away from her now. Medics sleep at the fire station she has a minimum of 48 hr shiffys, usually longer. She is driven, very driven. Grd goes to daycare on her mom's school days, the daycare has noticed too and talked to my daughter . she didn't reply. They talked to me one day about it when I picked grd up. I told them. Tell her mama what they see. I guess they were hoping I couldn't talk to my daughter while I'm feeling like I want them to talk to her ! Lol

Geodob and Lecka, Those are really good points. You're right, with the cp, people did mistake her for also have an intelctual disability, when she actually test gifted. She went to the classes a couple times a cried not to go, when I talked to her about it I finally got it out of her thst she diiidnt want the other kids to think she was in an LD class. She had alot of having to sit out of P.E cuz of casts or braces. And it bothered her alot. I really hadn't thought about that part playing a role in this but now that you mention it....I believe it probably does. Hmm.

Doing their math well. :) yes. Sneaky I know.

Yea. I thought the same thing. No way. Beast goes wayyy deeper than anything I've seen. My boys love the comic strip. And I make it like a fun game. It takes us a long time, but its fun and something I do at the end of math as a reward for. Doing the

NM. Yea, that big flashing banner at the top of the page lol Oopsie :)

I hope so too lol

Yea. Thsts a good idea. I hadn't thought of forming in a question . that way a reaponce of some sort us appropriate . Good idea. I will do that :) See? Sometimes the obvious to others we just haven't thought of cuz were in it. Thanks

The asd or anything else diagnosis. ....it will help you qualify for certain therapies either they the public school system or private with ins. Or both. That's been my experience. Plus, the therapist can know more what to target work rathan than this is what we generally do kinda thing

I personally think all those questions, I'm sure you were already planning on it, but write all those down to ask her as well. I'm sure she knows what services are offered through your county and how to access those and to get evaled. I came to a point like you, where he progressed like your lil guy, and I was In the same boat as you. I asked them. Thsts really good you have a good spec needs teacher and the asd person you already have a meeting with. I'd ask them both and write down their responses after you leave. Don't do it there , they have a tendency to become right lipped when we do thst lol. I just thought the other day the same thing. What behaviour or lack there of is important to document. I just dump it all on paper outta my head lol. Helps me too . kinda like journalling too. The way we used to keep diaries as girls :) That's what I do. And it has helped imminensely . Now, I'm seeing him instead of meltdown ourltwardly, I think he's internalizing it and shutting down. Went for a med check the other day. Lobby was full lines , ppl, no empy chairs. I asked them to call us outside when they were ready for us. I knew this would be a wasted trip otherwise . I journaled or documented however you term it, while they played in the grass. Jus, roll with it is what I do and write any changes. It's hard to see the changes tho when your the frog in the pan and they slowly turn up the heat. We as parents sort of acclimate and you don't even realize. Hey. This is bad. That's why having seemingly insignificant things for me has helped. Me or a trusted professional, I would never let anyone but one of them have access to my notebook except one. She has been with my boys from very early on and has become a friend. A fresh eye can maybe see some things we don't.

Another thing I should note. This is my daughter who was diagnosed mild cerebral palsy when she was very young. We went through alot together. Series of castings to stretch tendons. Braces and more casting to 'manipulate' bone growth. Lots of therapy of all sorts. We went through this together and she depends on me to make a call if I think it needs to be made. She trusts me and knows, she wouldn't be where she was if it weren't for mama behind her, driving her to the children's hospital to have all thses things done/ taken care of. Tellin her...yes you CAN do this. I've always set the bar way high for what we try to achieve and tell them even if we fall short of thst + and alot of times we will cuz we are human) ...that you've still done very well and huge achievement. I guess I am looking for a magical answer I suppose. I just wish I knew how much of this is my daughter waiting on me to say.....its time! Or, if I should continue to do what I'm doing. I talk with my daughter daily. Just about...stuff. I would like for suggestionson how to casually when we r having one of our jus hey how things going talks.... I don't know, how would any of you broach thst subject casually? Or....in hour opinions should I take the chance and just say..daughter, its time to go. I don't know which or how to do it

No no, I know you were. I was just thinking. I hadn't really elaborated. On purpose. But ugh. I need answers one-step!! Lol :) It's a tough one I know. Sigh. When they won't go.... That's what perplexes me and am at a loss for what to do next. And I sit here and watch the moving train that is in an inevitable course for crash...watching and feel helpless. And...the 4 yo ...goes without services . mom is not a therapist. Tho I can practice what would be homework generally speaking. Things we did with our boys. And my oldest helped with therapy practice with the boys. That's what I don't get. She knows what to do including who to call what tests etc. Very frustrating for Winnie to watch. She calls me Winnie. Lol. Too cute

I should also note , my daughter and I are very close . like best friends. She is very appreciative of things I do, almost to the point of humble tears. We have a weekly date where we have dinner together with all 3 kids ( my 2 ber 1) and talk for a long time. Go shopping or just let the kids play at the mall playground wile we talk more. She tells me her inner most deepest secrets and fears and all , joys and successes. She's kind of.... My husband made this observation too and I hadn't voiced it....its kind of like....tag mom ir it ! Lol She doesn't know what to do in her mind . where to put it and how to accept it. When she went into labor she came and laid her head on my lap and I would comfort her the way I did when she was little. She waited on me to tell her when it was time to go to hospital (before she was a paramedic) What pressure!! Lol. I sometimes don't realize, she's waiting on me to tell her. I thought back to when she was in labor . her husband was on duty, her friend down the street both telling her....go to the hospital now! She told em...I'm with my mom she'll know when to go. Again! Pressure! What if u make the wrong call on what and when to do it. ??? I feel like secretly... She's waiting on me to tell her.....its time to go!!! Jus like with labor. So. I am at an impass. What do I do? Ugh. Pressure . I'm not a professional, just a mom whose been through it.

One-step. I have done thst. (In my original post):its been a year since my daughter came to me about it. She still everytime I see her, the things GRD has been doing. When I'm sent. My DD looks worried. When I speak, she will at times listen and be worried then too. I remain silent...ALOT. She has had over a year to process. For the first 6 mo after she came to me...I didn't say a word about it, just supported her. She calls me in the middle of the night worried. Usually that's when I speak. As I said in my original post. I stuck my head in the sand with her too and with my son, I get this , btdt. So has my daughter . Speech is the least of our worries, just something I mentioned. I noted the classic ASD symptoms but didn't want to go into that too much. Tantrums off the chain, inability to adapt, hiding under tables, all social avoidance, doesn't sleep good at nite. Up at least 3 times at night ysyly more like 5-7. Crying, having nitemares. All of the classic symptoms. The fact that weekly my daughter talks to me about this, she sees and does most of the talking. ( part of her processing, partly venting) The intervention is my main goal/worry. She just can't seem to take that step. It equals admittance. She sends her with me telling me what she's done. I started a notebook for her and she sometimes uses it. We pass it back and forth so its cohesive. I am hoping that visual will help my daughter undeniably see...we need to do something and now. She doesn't have a supportive husband. And alot of stress there. I know she has a ton on ber plate and escapes to work, tells me. We are working on this this or that. Sometimes u will put in notebook if she hasn't. She keeps coming to me for help , yet doesn't act. She's known since before birth something was wrong. The pediatrician is seeing things, doesn't give referrals because she probably doesn't know where to refer ir ..fets the back up sense from my daughter . not sure which. My daughter took me with them to last pediatrician visit and asked what I thought when we left, she did this with the daycare, bad me go by there and chat with and observe before she made the decision . Conflicted no doubt. Time is ticking tho...and she's 4. I'm just afraid my daughter will let all the early years go by then when she gets her in the private school she wants....the symptoms being so obvious... Then they will say, lets do something. She's an old one for starting kindy. She misses the cut off by 8 days so she will be a while year older than most if the other kids , meaning, another wasted year. :/