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Mrs_JWM

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Posts posted by Mrs_JWM

    How do you treat SAD?

    in The Chat Board

    Posted · Edited by Mrs_JWM

    I'm trying to understand this to help my dh.

     

    Use at noon'ish and it's difficult to sleep? But, if you didn't use at noon you'd be asleep at 3.

     

    My dh normally doesn't get to sleep until 11'ish at night. I'd like for him to become sleepier at an earlier time. When would he use a device like this?

    I think she meant that she needs the boost that it provides, so she uses it in the afternoon to help wake her up so that she wouldn't nap and could go to bed at an appropriate time. If her kids used it in the afternoon, it would make them too alert to be able to fall asleep at night.

     

    I am curious, though, for those of you who use this, the Phillips Go appears to sit on the table as shine up at your eyes. Research shows that you should position the light at or above eye level to simulate the light coming from the sun. The photoreceptors that respond to the sun's light are at the top of our eyeballs. Curious if anyone else sets theirs up on an angle from above. I also sit about 2 feet from mine.

     

    Sent from my XT1049 using Tapatalk

    Ruptured ear drum

    in The Chat Board

    Posted · Edited by Mrs_JWM

    I think you might worry silently about permanent damage, but your husband is an adult. If he chooses not to see a doctor or use ear plugs while swimming, then that's on him. I hope he is able to help you have fun on your vacation by doing non-water things with the kids when they need a break from the water stuff and you relax.

     

    Sent from my XT1049 using Tapatalk

    Rotten egg smell in couch

    in The Chat Board

    Posted · Edited by Mrs_JWM

    This was the funniest thing I read all day. I love that you kept driving by it and that this little girl thought it must be something WONDERFUL. You have obviously cultured a sense of delight and wonder in your home. Also, eggs you find on the side of the road should always be kept in storage bins like this one:242b289a7dd40b366c1ccdd9d607f58d.jpg

    • Like 3

    I feel like a heel... :(

    in The Chat Board

    Posted

    I'm sorry, but you feel like a heel because uninvited your mother from visiting her son. That was a doozy. You will need to dig your way out and make this up to the both of them. IMHO.

     

    I have just one brother, and our relationship in a triangle with my mom was always been complicated and difficult. Having had a little therapy focused on it over the years, I came to understand the nature of "triangulation" and such that leads these sorts of family relationships to be so interconnected and fraught with peril. I get that it's hard, and that screwing up at times is nearly impossible to avoid. No shame in screwing up, but you need to fix what you can and make amends. 

     

    What you must have *meant* to say was that you wanted to visit your brother separately from your mom. This is understandable, and fine, and probably a good idea, but should have not been framed as changing a group visit to one that excludes Mom. (Either you likely should have gone through with THIS group visit and changed it next time, or you should have offered for Mom to do this first visit and you do the next one . . . ) In any event, IMHO, the mom-child relationship/visit takes precedence. Your visit/needs/etc come second. 

     

    If your mom isn't able to comfortably travel solo (to go on her own separate visit), then your error is compounded 1,000,000 times, in which case, I think you owe your mom pretty much a billion dollars, lol. Assuming she can travel solo comfortably, then that is what she should do. Separating your visits is probably a good idea. 

     

    TBH, if you love both your mom and brother and want to nourish good relationships all around (which it really does sound like you do on both counts), I'd investigate personal therapy to figure out why you did that to your mom and to their relationship, and how to not do something like that again. I am NOT saying this to be mean. 

     

    ((((hugs))) Believe me, I understand how difficult these things can be. I'm not trying to be mean AT ALL, and I hope I didn't come across that way.

     

    I'm sorry, but you feel like a heel because uninvited your mother from visiting her son. That was a doozy. You will need to dig your way out and make this up to the both of them. IMHO.

     

    I have just one brother, and our relationship in a triangle with my mom was always been complicated and difficult. Having had a little therapy focused on it over the years, I came to understand the nature of "triangulation" and such that leads these sorts of family relationships to be so interconnected and fraught with peril. I get that it's hard, and that screwing up at times is nearly impossible to avoid. No shame in screwing up, but you need to fix what you can and make amends. 

     

    What you must have *meant* to say was that you wanted to visit your brother separately from your mom. This is understandable, and fine, and probably a good idea, but should have not been framed as changing a group visit to one that excludes Mom. (Either you likely should have gone through with THIS group visit and changed it next time, or you should have offered for Mom to do this first visit and you do the next one . . . ) In any event, IMHO, the mom-child relationship/visit takes precedence. Your visit/needs/etc come second. 

     

    If your mom isn't able to comfortably travel solo (to go on her own separate visit), then your error is compounded 1,000,000 times, in which case, I think you owe your mom pretty much a billion dollars, lol. Assuming she can travel solo comfortably, then that is what she should do. Separating your visits is probably a good idea. 

     

    TBH, if you love both your mom and brother and want to nourish good relationships all around (which it really does sound like you do on both counts), I'd investigate personal therapy to figure out why you did that to your mom and to their relationship, and how to not do something like that again. I am NOT saying this to be mean. 

     

    ((((hugs))) Believe me, I understand how difficult these things can be. I'm not trying to be mean AT ALL, and I hope I didn't come across that way.

     

    Thank you, Stephanie, for all of this. It was hard to read because there was a lot of truth in it, but I know how you meant it and I truly appreciate what you've said and the care and concern your showed for my feelings.

     

    I wish that what I had said was that my daughter and I wanted to visit separately, which was my intention, but I prefaced it with the reason. My brother finds ALL of us stressful, so I was trying to make the group a bit smaller, but I said it in a way that obviously could have been phrased much better. What's funny is that my mother has gone back and forth on going out to visit because my brother has been driving her nuts! In some ways, I'm surprised that she actually wants to go, but it's one thing to choose not to go and another to feel excluded.

     

    I have addressed some of these issues in therapy, and they have gotten much better, but they're not perfect.

     

    I'm sorry, but you feel like a heel because uninvited your mother from visiting her son. That was a doozy. You will need to dig your way out and make this up to the both of them. IMHO.

     

    I have just one brother, and our relationship in a triangle with my mom was always been complicated and difficult. Having had a little therapy focused on it over the years, I came to understand the nature of "triangulation" and such that leads these sorts of family relationships to be so interconnected and fraught with peril. I get that it's hard, and that screwing up at times is nearly impossible to avoid. No shame in screwing up, but you need to fix what you can and make amends. 

     

    What you must have *meant* to say was that you wanted to visit your brother separately from your mom. This is understandable, and fine, and probably a good idea, but should have not been framed as changing a group visit to one that excludes Mom. (Either you likely should have gone through with THIS group visit and changed it next time, or you should have offered for Mom to do this first visit and you do the next one . . . ) In any event, IMHO, the mom-child relationship/visit takes precedence. Your visit/needs/etc come second. 

     

    If your mom isn't able to comfortably travel solo (to go on her own separate visit), then your error is compounded 1,000,000 times, in which case, I think you owe your mom pretty much a billion dollars, lol. Assuming she can travel solo comfortably, then that is what she should do. Separating your visits is probably a good idea. 

     

    TBH, if you love both your mom and brother and want to nourish good relationships all around (which it really does sound like you do on both counts), I'd investigate personal therapy to figure out why you did that to your mom and to their relationship, and how to not do something like that again. I am NOT saying this to be mean. 

     

    ((((hugs))) Believe me, I understand how difficult these things can be. I'm not trying to be mean AT ALL, and I hope I didn't come across that way.

    Thank you, Stephanie, for all of this. It was hard to read because there was a lot of truth in it, but I know how you meant it and I truly appreciate what you've said and the care and concern your showed for my feelings.

     

    I wish that what I had said was that my daughter and I wanted to visit separately, which was my intention, but I prefaced it with the reason. My brother finds ALL of us stressful, so I was trying to make the group a bit smaller, but I said it in a way that obviously could have been phrased much better. What's funny is that my mother has gone back and forth on going out to visit because my brother has been driving her nuts! In some ways, I'm surprised that she actually wants to go, but it's one thing to choose not to go and another to feel excluded.

     

    I have addressed some of these issues in therapy, and they have gotten much better, but they're not perfect.

     

    I feel like a heel... :(

    in The Chat Board

    Posted

    Thank you all for your kind, honest, and thoughtful comments. I have done individual things I'd like to respond to - mostly to help me clarify my own thinking - but I want you to know how appreciative I am that you would take the time to reply.

     

    Sent from my XT1049 using Tapatalk

    I feel like a heel... :(

    in The Chat Board

    Posted · Edited by Mrs_JWM

    My brother finds the rest of our family rather stressful at times. When he comes to visit, he and my mother really butt heads, even if (actually, because of) my mother tries to help him all the time. She's willing to bend over backwards for him, give him money, etc. He thinks this means that we don't think he's capable of doing things for himself. He really tries to disprove this notion by overcompensating and being really brash and bravado-y.

     

    He has just moved out to CO, and my mother, daughter, and I were planning to fly out to visit. I talked to him last week and I asked him straight out, "Do we stress you out?" He said we did, and I asked him if it would make things any easier if just my daughter and I came out to visit, and he said he thought that would definitely make a difference.

     

    The last time the three of us went to visit him, I felt very torn between trying to make my mother and my brother happy and the trip was difficult. Not terrible, but stressful. We have a bunch of friends I'd like to visit in CO, too, so we'll be busy during the day while they work, but I think not having my mother there will make it easier.

     

    I feel terrible about this because my mother and I are extremely close. I decided I would just go for it and tell her what we were planning. Of course she feels very hurt, and I feel awful. She feels like she tries to do so much for my brother and now he doesn't want her to visit. Ugh. Plus, since she doesn't know anyone out there, she's not likely to fly out on her own, although that's not actually my problem, I guess.

     

    I did tell her that I think we're always trying to be so careful that sometimes we're not as open as we should be and if just makes things worse. She told me I did a brave thing, which made me cry and feel worse.

     

    I'll accept anything you've got, wise Hive. Advice, commiserations, etc.

     

    Sent from my XT1049 using Tapatalk

    Update: Review in OP: Eyeglasses from Zenni Optical = FAST and CHEAP

    in The Chat Board

    Posted · Edited by Mrs_JWM

    Do you have Progressive lenses (I think those are Bifocals or Trifocals without lines) or do you have photo chromaticc (is that the name?) lenses which change from normal (inside the house) to outside in the sun lenses?

     

    I watched one YouTube video by a woman whose DH had the photo chromatic lenses. They were outside shoveling snow in 9 F. weather and it was sunny. After they went back inside the house, his lenses never turned to completely clear. Her lenses did turn completely clear. She contacted Zenni Customer Service and explained the problem with his lenses. They gave her an RA (Return Authorization) number and they had her send the information for his prescription, so they could begin making replacement glasses for him, before they got the glasses with the problem back. She was going to send his glasses back to Zenni later that day or the next day. You might contact Zenni Customer Support.

    Whoops - I'm a dope. Yes - they're photochromic. They turn clear just fine, but never seem dark enough. I'll contact Zenni today; it can't hurt! Thanks!

     

    Sent from my XT1049 using Tapatalk

    • Like 1

    How to dress a tween

    in The Chat Board

    Posted

    We like Justice and H&M a lot. I never thought I would, but the clothes are cute - some animals and also some fun graphics - and lots of sizes that fit my slim girl. She usually wears leggings and tunics, sweaters and jeans, the occasional pair of khakis.

     

    Sent from my XT1049 using Tapatalk

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