For clarification: NL doesn't have juries, and if I were to ever become a US citizen then I could be called to jury duty, but atm being a dual citizen would be a pain, and permanent residents don't get called to jury duty.

It's my understanding that the pay kind of sucks, because it's fairly easy to learn and can be done from home.

Oh, and #yayforbeingforeign #nojurydutyever (though I wouldn't even really mind jury duty, since DW can work from home and look after the kids)

(((Junie))) (((Krissi))) I think they can hold you in contempt of court, which can be very serious. #IANAL #mightvarybystate

Yeah, we tried that. Did not work. Something to do with 3-4 inches of wind pushing in on it. But, DW taped it some more, and it seems to be holding now.

Haven't read the other answers, but this is a perfectionism issue, not a math issue. What I tell my kids, is that if they never make mistakes, that the work they're doing is too easy. Lather, rinse, repeat.

I meant the cost difference between living at home vs living out-of-state, which is huge. Unless, of course, the in-state options would involve not living at home either, in which case, that's not a factor.

Oh, and DW worked as a satellite TV dish installer, and the training (a few weeks) was provided by the company. It was a 4-day workweek, with long hours each day.

Btw, I know it's not on your list, but, truck driving school is only 4 weeks. The question is if you can get a local job (over the road jobs are easy to get). Now, there's a decent chance it will get automated away at some point, just wanted to throw it out there as something that can be done soon.

The main downside of radiology is that there's going to be a fairly limited job market for radiology techs in any given geographic area. If you're in/near a very big city, that may not be a big deal, or if if you're willing to relocate, but otherwise, you'd be hoping for one out of relatively few jobs, because it is so specialized compared to, say, RN, or accounting, or w/e. ETA: nationally, it's a good choice, imo.

Therapeutic massage would be unlikely to be automated away soon, BUT it seems like it'd be highly dependent on the state of the economy and/or whether insurance pays for it.

So, apparently RN is not necessarily a 4-year degree: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Registered_nurse "In the US, a registered nurse is a clinician who has completed at least an associate degree in nursing or a hospital-based diploma program. The RN has successfully completed the NCLEX-RN examination for initial licensure. Other requirements vary by state. You can find more information about the NCLEX-RN examination and specific state nursing boards by visiting the National Council of State Boards of Nursing (https://www.ncsbn.org/index.htm) Associate degrees in nursing frequently take three years to complete because of the increased volume of undergraduate coursework related to the profession of nursing. Bachelor of Science in Nursing degrees include more thorough coursework in leadership and community health. Some employers, especially hospitals, may require a bachelor's degree for entry level positions."

Btw, my mom was a pharmacy assistant back in the day when they still learned how to compound medicines etc. One time she went on vacation, and when she got back the pharmacist told her she'd given a guy the wrong medication (doctor's handwriting sucks). She about fainted, thinking the guy died (because that was a bad, bad, mistake). Turned out the guy had noticed that the name on the bottle was wrong before taking it, and had brought it back, but my mom decided that she'd had it (also, her boss had been an ass about her vacation - she'd applied for time off months in advance, and then at the last moment the boss said he needed her there, thinking he could just coerce her into not taking her approved vacation time, and she went on vacation anyway, so, there was that too). Anyway, these days at least most doctors send scripts electronically, so, the handwriting thing isn't as likely to be an issue... but it just seems like a boring job to do for year after year.

RN is a 4-year degree, iirc. No. I know someone who did that and could not find a job, because they like to hire young and pretty girls, and part-time only (of course, I'm sure Bookie is young and pretty, but still...). Also, who wants to count pills all day long, for the rest of their lives? Google should help you find the pay ranges for these things, both nationally and by state (or even by city), and future forecasts. Pay attention to what the bottom 25% make as well as the median. Some of these have advancement potential, others do not. Yes, you might need more education to advance in some of these things, but, some of them are easier and have more options over time than others... e.g. EMT is kind of a dead end - you won't get promoted to doctor at some point. Whereas something like business, there are many gradual steps up, and some places might require a 4-year degree at some point, other won't, but it'd be relatively easy to take one class a semester in the evenings if you wanted to do that. Whereas for, say pharmacy tech, there aren't really any steps on the career ladder between 2-year degree and PharmD, kwim? Of course, it depends on what you want to do. But unless you plan on changing your career a bunch of times, do you want to be, say, an EMT when you're 60? That seems like a high stress/demanding kind of job. So, while it'd be interesting to do for a while, probably not long-long term.

IIRC some people on the boards give their kids x amount of money for college and a down payment for a house, so, if the kid wants to spend it all on an out-of-state CC with swim instead of in-state CC without swim but with money left over for down payment on house, then that's up to them. It leaves the choice to the kid, while making it clear that there's a financial trade-off. Of course, that only works if you have enough money to make that kind of deal... I don't think we will.

Okay, so, the 4-year in-state does not have the degree program she wants? So, she'd have to do the last 2 years out-of-state either way? I guess you could try to figure out if there's a way to get in-state tuition at some point at the out-of-state school - apparently in some states that's easier than others. That would make a big difference when looking at the financial picture. Basically, my inclination is that I'm not paying tens of thousands of dollars for a hobby, because we don't have that kind of money. So, I'd largely take swim out of my considerations - sorry, but such is life. That said, living on her own has value as a learning experience as well vs living at home, so, I'm not dead set against spending some extra for that (nor for spending *some* extra for swim... just not $$$$$). Of course, I don't know how the numbers work out for any of the options - I'm not dead set against out-of-state CC - but the numbers would have to make some sort of sense. Of course, if we had more money, my willingness to pay for stuff changes, so, ymmv etc.

Just to throw out another example of how things are location-dependent: Here, Erie County CC is almost as expensive as the University of Buffalo or Buff State. But, Niagara County CC, Genesee County CC, and w/e is to the south of us CC are all cheaper than Erie County CC. So, while commuting distance to Erie County CC is about the same as to the local 4-years, the cost savings is fairly trivial to do CC in Erie... but I did the math, and it's worth it in gas money to drive 45 minutes (one way) to one of the neighboring counties' CCs - it ends up being substantially cheaper than using the in-county CC. Now, the catch is that you're wasting 1.5 hours a day driving, vs only 45 min or so a day driving (because city driving always takes annoyingly long compared to highway driving, and I'm sure parking at Erie CC is likely to be a pain compared to rural CC). So, if you were to work that 45 min difference each day at $10/hour or so, there'd be no point. But, if you're not going to be working anyway, and you don't mind spending more time in the car listening to the radio or an audiobook or w/e... going out-of-county for CC is the cheapest option here. (though it should maybe be added that I'm not including the cost of insuring the car, since, as a one car family, we are insuring that car anyway, and we wouldn't be buying/selling any vehicles based on where one might attend CC... so it's just wear & gas mileage). IIRC, when we lived in North Texas, the rural CC was MUCH cheaper than the (sub)urban CC as well, even after accounting for whether you were a county resident or not. Of course, that ignores that new high school grads in NY can now qualify for a big tuition discount if they go to school full time, at which point going to the 4-year might make the most sense financially.

Okay, so, she's almost certainly not good enough to be a professional swimmer ever, right (does she even want to be one)? In which case, it's swimming - you can swim without being on a team. Or she might be able to find a non-college team, or w/e... my inclination is that no, I would not pay for out of state CC for a swim team. Now, if she paid for it herself, well, adults can do w/e they want to do. If our income were three times what it is, I might be willing to... depending on what the academics at the CC were like. Some CCs have better academics than others, from what I hear.

Could you send her a framed photo of the four of you as her next present, so she can prominently display that in her living room somewhere or something? (would not help if she's being a jerk on purpose, might help if it's unintentional)

There are some versions of dementia that start in people's 50s. I'm just saying that if she only once in blue moon sees/hears about them, it's not as hard to forget than if they were regularly in contact, IF there are some cognitive issues. I just don't get favoritism if there's nothing to base the favoritism on, kwim? Is the oldest named after someone in the family, and the youngest isn't? They're both boys, iirc, so gender can't be it. Anyway, maybe she is just a jerk - I'm not saying she isn't. It's just puzzling. ETA: you can be physically healthy while still having cognitive decline.

Is the 12yo adopted/from another marriage? Because I don't really get it if they're both yours and DH's and neither of them speaks to her. That really would make me think that she accidentally forgets the younger one. Some elderly do have a slow, drawn out mental decline. I mean, if you're going to be a jerk, there tends to be a reason... and I'm not seeing it - I can understand liking one kid better if you have contact with both (or just with one), but otherwise... it doesn't make sense.

Maybe if the 12yo were to Skype her about 3 weeks before xmas etc that might jog her memory just in time to include a gift for him? Beyond that, I don't know... is she starting the get Alzheimer's? Does your husband have a sibling living near her who can help her remember to get appropriate gifts for everyone? Of course, the above assumes that she unintentionally forgets or just really sucks at picking out presents (like a calendar). If you think she forgets on purpose, the other ideas in this thread are more appropriate. ETA: my grandfather at some point didn't remember he'd ever been married, never mind that he had 7 kids. So, I don't think it's impossible for an elderly person to accidentally forget 1 or more people, especially when they rarely have contact and live in another country.

Oh, and (((Critter))) for hurting back.

Maybe nurse is the way to go :leaving: (((Bookie)))

Since I've never heard her speak, I have no clue how often she does this, so I'm not sure - I wouldn't necessarily even bother with an eval. Could you ask a friend, preferably one with older kids who's been around her enough to hear her speak, and see if she has noticed and thinks it's an issue? Because I think this really depends on frequency - if it's a zillion times during the day, maybe look into it, if it's only a couple of times a day, meh. I agree with a PP - DH needs to back off. It's not going to fix it, will make her insecure, maybe even to the point of getting her to stutter eventually.