If he had a comment box, I'd tell him: I'm not a classical homeschooler, I'm not a Christian, I voted for Obama, I've never been to Australia though I find the accent quite attractive, I don't spank my kids, that whip was for my husband and I to...er, uh, um, never mind, I've never had a thread spammed or locked (though one was deleted, but it was probably my fault), and I haven't been banned yet. Oh, and I had no trouble shopping for my bathing suit. So there!

Well- I think this (might have) resolved itself! The woman called me today, for two reasons. First she wanted to find out if it would be okay to switch days next weekend. And second, she said she wanted to apologize for yesterday. She said Melissa had led her to believe that she had the $20.00 I gave her for the outing PLUS change left from when she'd gone out to the amusement park with a friend the night before (which wasn't the case). And that Melissa has gotten fake nails before (which she hasn't) and that I knew that was what she meant when they talked about going to get nails done. This led to a conversation that touched on many of the things said in this thread and, I think, a clear understanding of what should happen from this point on (and what shouldn't), and the call ended on a positive note. So I am going to let go of the idea of speaking with the supervisor for now and just see how things go. I hope that this won't be an issue anymore. But if it is, then I know what my next step will have to be. For now though I think that we've reached a satisfactory agreement between ourselves and I just have to see if she follows through. Thanks for your help, all :)

Hmm. I hadn't thought about it that way to be honest. But after thinking about it some just now, it seems that when a main reason for this person taking the disabled adult out to begin with is to work on life skills, and one of those life skills decided upon to work on is money (and how to properly manage it), and the worker and the parent/guardian have discussed this, and then the worker consistently continues to not only let but HELP the disabled adult mismanage money... surely that can't be right?! (Nor can kicking in your own money to help the disabled adult pay for something they can't afford). I can't see how that could fall into an area of stepping on the client's rights. But maybe this is something that I should ask the caseworker/supervisor about.

I do want to just say that I'm not sure I would call this lying... when my daughter said she wanted her nails done I assumed that meant nailpolish, maybe a manicure. I never specifically said "no fake nails." They never specifically came up. I think that when they were at the salon and my daughter asked for them, the woman should have said: 1) No, Melissa, you don't have enough money for that. You can get your nails painted. And that should have been that. Or at the very least 2) I'm not sure your mom would want you to get fake nails. We need to call her and ask her first. (ESPECIALLY knowing they cost more than Melissa had, but even more to the point, that they also require maintenance and more money thrown at them). I think probably Melissa said "I want fake nails," and the woman said "Oh, I don't know if you're allowed to have those...." and my daughter said "yes I am!" or "my mom doesn't care!" having no idea whether or not I would, only knowing I told her she could get her nails done. (I don't even know if she's capable of thinking that many steps ahead as to what I would say when she got home). But the worker SHOULD have been! Apparently she decided to take a special needs teen at her word on something like that instead of checking in with the parent because she wants to be, like you said, as 'the generous aunt' or something- when that's not her role, and kind hearted as it may be, it's not really all that helpful when all is said and done.

Hi, Thanks for your thoughts! This woman is not a volunteer, she is being paid to do this. There's an organization through which I get services for my daughter, and we have a- hm I guess it's a case manager? And she was the one who called me to say, "okay we have a woman named so and so who is available to work with your daughter on this day of the week", so they set up that first meeting for us, and from there, the woman and I deal directly with each other. But I'm still in touch with the case manager once a month to discuss how things are going, and next week is that time. So I guess I ASSUMED she had some sort of training but the truth is, I have no idea whatsoever what kind of training she has had. I don't know this woman's age but she seems to be older than me, I'm guessing 40's. I know she has a 14 y/o daughter (not sure if she has any other kids). But you're right. It seems like she has a really hard time saying no. And knowing my daughter, it's definitely NOT that she's throwing any sort of fit or being demanding or nagging or anything like that. She might ask, but she wouldn't do those other things. I think the woman just wants to be nice to her to the point of not saying no, which leads me to believe that you're right that she might not have the proper training for this kind of job.

LOL... well if it was me, being as it was sort of a 'return favor' to thank you for yours, I would think an email would be fine and that you could just write a brief line saying "I just wanted to say how nice a time we had at dinner last night! Hope we can get together again soon!" or some such. Something that shows that you wanted to show a little extra appreciation but not a "thanks for thanking me, now you'll have to thank me for thanking you for thanking me" more formal kind of thing.

In his case, I don't think I would push it at all. You know he reads well and shows comprehension and you've heard him read out loud somewhat when he thought no-one else was listening, I'd just leave him alone to read silently.

ETA: Oh I forgot to even mention what happened last week. They went to Hawk Mountain where they paid a trail fee to do the walk and they had a meal at a sit down restaurant. I'd given Melissa $30.00 for that and the woman (at least) had stopped Melissa from spending money in the gift shop at Hawk Mountain prior to going out to eat. Then when they went out to eat, Melissa got a more expensive meal and spent the last of her money. And that was when Melissa convinced the woman to take her into a Rite Aid to drop off a disposable camera with pictures she'd taken at Hawk Mountain. And talked the woman into buying her a hand lotion there. Then when they got home, the woman had handed me a pick up slip for the photos and said "Oh, Melissa wanted to get these developed so we dropped them off, they will cost $10.00 (and change) and you can pick them up tomorrow." And it wasn't even a place that was closest to home for me, it was a place closest to where they had eaten their lunch. The woman should have said (I thought) "Take the camera home and ask your mom when she can have them developed and where" but instead she just let Melissa do what she wanted. So it's just a lot of things adding up really. I hope I don't sound like I'm begrudging my daughter things she wants and needs. (And isn't it fun that this whole thing with my older daughter and her worker had to come up on the same day as the whole rape conversation with my younger daughter and her friend's parents? Yeah yesterday was a fun day as far as stressful conversations go)!

Thanks so much for the responses and for reading all of that! I agree, the woman is really kind-hearted, and I HATE the idea of getting her in trouble, and getting her in trouble is not my goal at all. But I'm not looking for someone to take Melissa out and focus on being "nice" to her and letting her do whatever she wants, I'm looking for someone to work on goals and life skills and to help her become a responsible adult to whatever extent she is capable of becoming. And I'm not feeling that the woman is accomplishing this. And being a pushover and letting her handle her money (and my money, and this woman's money) in this manner consistently isn't helping my daughter (or me)! I tried talking to her in person. I feel uncomfortable with trying to do it again/have another "stricter/firmer" conversation with her, I shouldn't have to be explaining these things again and being the one to come down more firmly on her, this is her job to know this stuff, isn't it? I also feel uncomfortable with talking to her supervisor and potentially getting her in trouble and perhaps having that awkwardness between us whenever she picks my daughter up... blah. This stinks. Is it a horrible option to just let things play out next week with a casual "Melissa has X amount of money. Remember, Melissa, you can't spend more than that!" in front of the woman and just see if something like this happens again? I mean the woman knows without a doubt that I wasn't happy with yesterday and that I would not have allowed the fake nails, so maybe she'll think twice next time and it won't happen again? Of course, if something like this DID happen again I'd have no choice but to go to the supervisor.

That's hysterical!!! By the way, as Best Buy employees, they might get a big kick out of this: (I thought it was extremely funny and I'm not, nor have I ever been, a Best Buy employee)... http://improveverywhere.com/2006/04/23/best-buy/

If it was me, I'd just throw them out. But it's usually my husband who plays tooth fairy and he can't throw ANYTHING away so he keeps them. I don't even ask what he does with them/where he puts them lol. Taking a picture of that gap-toothed smile after each lost tooth is memory enough for me! :D

Maybe if you focus on one at a time and use repetition. You could sit there (it seems a little silly) but march around the room while skip-counting in time to the marching and repeating it over and over might help a bit :D

My 18 y/o special needs daughter is in a program where a woman is employed (through services my daughter qualifies for at no cost to me) to come and take her out once a week for 5 hours to do a social outing and work on skills and goals at the same time. I pay for the meals and outing for my daughter, but not the woman's salary, I mean. So anyway every Saturday since I guess the very end of August or early September, this particular woman picks my daughter up and takes her out for 5 hours. The woman is VERY nice and my daughter loves her, and she's very nice to my daughter. The problem is, my daughter was consistently over spending the amount I gave her (which was between $20 and $30 a week depending on what they had planned). She'd have her meal, be able to pay for whatever outing they were doing, but then she'd tell the woman she wanted to go shopping- for lotions, hand sanitizers, school supplies she already had, used DVDs and so on. And apparently the woman was letting her do this and even paying some of her own money when Melissa didn't have enough. A few weeks ago the woman told me about this and said that she thought she would start working on Money as a goal with Melissa- on knowing how much you have and how much you can spend, not over spending, and maybe even trying to save a little bit for next time instead of spending down to the penny everything you have and so on. I agreed that this was a great idea and that I approved of them working on that as a goal. But the next week, the same thing happened. The woman told me that Melissa had spent everything and still insisted she wanted some sort of hand lotion so the woman had bought it for her. While I thought that was nice of her, I didn't think she should be spending her own money on Melissa, and I was wondering "what about the goal?! you can't keep letting her do this!" So to reinforce it I told Melissa, "listen, just so you know, when you go out with so and so, not every outing is a shopping trip. You don't always need to buy THINGS. You get money for a meal and for if you need to pay a fee to get into a place, but you don't always have to buy something. And you don't always have to go somewhere that costs money, either. And you CAN'T spend more than you have!" The woman is nodding along and saying "That's right" and we're both suggesting things like the library, the woman's house, a walk at the lake, walking dogs at the pet shelter and so on and trying to get across that not every week is a shopping week. Yet again, I think we're in total agreement and that this won't be an issue anymore. So they go out again yesterday and the plan was to go to an outdoor fall festival and then to the mall as Melissa wanted to get her nails done. I figure okay she needs money for food, and to get her nails painted, and I gave her $20.00. And I told her in advance "use that money to pay for lunch and to get your nails painted and don't try to buy anything else until AFTER you have done those things, and then IF you have enough to buy a small something, fine." So the woman and Melissa return home at the scheduled time- and the woman told me that Melissa had gotten a TWENTY FIVE DOLLAR SET OF FAKE NAILS and here's the receipt and do I have an extra $5.00 on me. Okay is it just me?! I was flabbergasted. I never would have approved of Melissa getting fake nails to begin with- she doesn't need those, she had perfectly nice nails of her own, she could have gotten a cheap manicure, gotten her nails painted, whatever. Instead they let her get FAKE NAILS without even asking me if that was okay- OVER SPENDING, yet again, what they were supposed to have spent, and who the heck wants to maintain those fake nails or keep paying to get them filled or dealing with how hideous they are going to look when they start falling apart or whatever?! I seriously couldn't believe it. I handed over the $5.00 and I told the woman outright I would not have let Melissa get fake nails for all the reasons mentioned above. And the woman was like 'Melissa! you told me blah blah blah' and I'm thinking why didn't you check with me?! Then to top it all off the woman says "And the festival was my treat. But just so you know she didn't have lunch, she had some funnel cake and apple cider." She'd been gone from like 10 AM until 3 PM and she'd eaten funnel cake and apple cider and gotten a $25.00 set of fake nails. I know the woman knew I was displeased. The goodbye was a little bit awkward. And now what? It so happens the womans' boss is supposed to be coming to my house next week for a home visit. Do I tell her about this? I don't want to get the woman in trouble but I don't feel like just me talking to her about this kind of thing has been effective (apparently). Am I right to be bothered by this? Do I bring it up to the supervisor? Do I just wait and see if it happens again? Do I try yet again to talk to the woman about it first? Am I totally over-reacting? Should I be giving Melissa more money each week to begin with? (But that weekly outing isn't the only thing I give Melissa money for/spend money on pertaining to her, either). If you read all the way through this long ramble- thanks. lol. I'd appreciate any feedback.

REALLY!? lol I had no idea. I just ordered that book off of Amazon last night for my daughter because after reading so many good recommendations for it here, I'd borrowed it from our library and she'd loved it, even though she only got through a small portion of everything that's in it! No wonder that story won't die :P

And when he died.... "Stay Gold, Ponyboy..." :crying: Oh, man. LOL.

Do you mean does it have any curse words or anything in it? I can't remember but if you look it up on Netflix it says: Rated PG for mild violence, "ok for kids aged 12+" But then again, when I look at some of the member reviews on there, one person said: "Good movie. Rating says that its ok for 12+. That is insane considering all the bad language in this movie." and somebody else said: " Not a good movie for younger kids. some swearing, bad guy rolling joint in bathroom stall and drinking. But wiht that being said I think this is a good movie for preteen/ teens and a good teaching tool. Its a good movie to boot!" Most people gave it good reviews. I don't even remember any of that stuff. I loved that movie lol. And what a crush I had on Ralph Macchio! Maybe not as much as when he was in The Outsiders (I think I had a crush on EVERY actor in The Outsiders) but yeah, loved The Karate Kid back when :D (I think I was like 13-14).

I don't know if anyone posted this one yet, but I can remember singing along to this one when I was less than 10 years old: (And I can still remember to this day feeling naughty for singing the line "and we made love in the sun." But it wasn't until many years later that I realized that wasn't the ONLY risque line in the song)! I've Never Been To Me Charlene Duncan Hey lady, you lady, cursing at your life You're a discontented mother and a regimented wife I've no doubt you dream about the things you'll never do But, I wish someone had talked to me Like I wanna talk to you..... Oh, I've been to Georgia and California and anywhere I could run I took the hand of a preacher man and we made love in the sun But I ran out of places and friendly faces because I had to be free I've been to paradise but I've never been to me Please lady, please lady, don't just walk away 'Cause I have this need to tell you why I'm all alone today I can see so much of me still living in your eyes Won't you share a part of a weary heart that has lived million lies.... Oh, I've been to Niece and the Isle of Greece while I've sipped champagne on a yacht I've moved like Harlow in Monte Carlo and showed 'em what I've got I've been undressed by kings and I've seen some things that a woman ain't supposed to see I've been to paradise, but I've never been to me [spoken] Hey, you know what paradise is? It's a lie, a fantasy we create about people and places as we'd like them to be But you know what truth is? It's that little baby you're holding, it's that man you fought with this morning The same one you're going to make love with tonight That's truth, that's love...... Sometimes I've been to crying for unborn children that might have made me complete But I took the sweet life, I never knew I'd be bitter from the sweet I've spent my life exploring the subtle whoring that costs too much to be free Hey lady...... I've been to paradise, (I've been to paradise) But I've never been to me (I've been to Georgia and California, and anywhere I could run) I've been to paradise, never been to me (I've been to Neice and the isle of Greece while I've sipped champagne on a yacht) I've been to paradise, never been to me (I've been to cryin' for unborn children that might have made me complete) I've been to paradise, never been to me (I've been to Georgia and California, and anywhere I could run) I've been to paradise, never been to me

Oh, I already know it's great! I read some good recommendations here and then took it out from our library and Alexa loved it. I promised I'd get her her own copy! :)

Well, my daughter just turned 10, and we read in all different ways. She reads on her own. I read aloud to her. And often in our read-alouds we take turns- sometimes taking turns reading every other page, sometimes taking turns with chapters, or something she just likes reading "what people say."

What about The Doll People (series)? http://www.amazon.com/Doll-People-Ann-M-Martin/dp/0786812400

So you mean money he can earn from other people, not you? If so, maybe he can: Look for and recycle cans/bottles if you live in a place that pays for it Volunteer to walk a neighbor's dog Volunteer to take the neighbors' trash to the curb every garbage night Shovel walkways in the winter/Rake some leaves Have a stand of some sort (bake sale, lemonade stand, hot chocolate stand) Wash cars (using your driveway, put out a sign by the end of the driveway or something)

Cool, I just ordered it! (Along with "The Daring Book For Girls" which I've been meaning to order for Alexa)!

I will try the fairy dust with him then :D No, we haven't read that- I've never even heard of it. I'll look into it! :)

PM'd you back. I will find out shipping info for you on Monday :)

I wish I would have thought of fairy dust with my daughter! Do you think my son would appreciate fairy dust when the time comes? :D