Here, the students work off of whiteboards. All the time. Which then makes the dozen or so marble notebooks rather superfluous. (Seriously, even in the fifth grade. The teachers seem to think handling all those notebooks, not one of which will ever get filled up, is less confusing than one neat binder.)

To my knowledge, there aren't very many answers to that yet. Most energy and effort goes into helping abused partners (and elders, and children, and so on) escape a bad situation. I've even seen people say outright that abusers don't deserve *any* help to stop abusing, because there's no sympathy for them. I understand this point of view, even if I think it is inherently flawed.

Sometimes they were bullied, but they want to believe everything is fine, so they swear up and down that they weren't harmed.

The zip-locks might be for putting things like the library book in, or storing art supplies, that sort of thing. Remember, one reason they ask you for everything is because many, many parents will give nothing.

If the comments here are accurate, then what's "toxic" isn't her "resentment" but his behavior. If her husband isn't willing to share financial information openly, and is insisting on a high standard of transparancy from her, then maybe the cost of being treated like an adult and an equal partner in her relationship isn't really too high. The very best interpretation of his actions is that he's spent money he shouldn't and is trying to cover it up before she can get mad. And it's all downhill from there. Consider this - if she has to leave suddenly, she might not be able to, precisely because she has extremely limited access to money. Of course, again, I don't know the people involved, but yet another red flag pops up with the phrase "he can be abusive sometimes". I have no idea what that means, but the OP should be aware that it is very common for abuse to come in a cycle. After a bad period that might include yelling, insults, hitting, or other flagrantly abusive behaviors, the abuser goes through a "honeymoon" period where everything is great and they are wonderful and it won't ever be like that again. Except it is like that again. Abusive sometimes usually means abusive all the time, but it can be hard to recognize that. And I agree with other posters - if you have to ask "is this abusive? is it controlling?" then it probably is. I really would suggest talking to a licensed counselor, somebody with expertise in this area. Your area probably has low cost or free counseling services available.

They managed to make it through Cry, The Beloved Country? Good for them! God, I hate that book. Not depressing, huh? How about The Number 1 Ladies' Detective Agency?

Is this lunch for bringing to work/school/outings or lunch to be eaten at home? Because if it's the latter, all the same ideas from dinner ought to work :) We mostly have leftovers for lunch, or the girls make up some eggs for themselves with a piece of fruit. Not very creative, but at least it keeps the fridge cleared and it doesn't cost much.

I would also go tonight. Poor baby.

Laundry. It never, ever ends. When you wash dishes, you can look at all the clean dishes and the shiny sink, but laundry? Even as you're at the tub, clothes are getting dirty.

What she *should* have and what she *does* have may not actually be the same thing.

It doesn't really matter if she's a spendthrift, does it? She is an equal partner in their marriage. She has a right to know how much money they have and how it is spent. She has a right to have some say in the budgeting. And if money really is exceptionally tight right now, as some posters have suggested, then she has a right to be told that openly and to participate in cutting their budget down rather than having it imposed on her without any reason being given.Everybody in this world deserves access to information on their finances.

Nobody said it's not possible for anybody. We said it's difficult, and that for some people it might not be possible due to circumstances utterly outside of their control. And then we pointed out several things that might make using diapers extremely difficult for some people (such as daycare, lack of adequate laundry facilities, the initial cost), and you keep responding like nobody should ever have an issue with those things. You're lucky in that you were able to have the energy and support to use cloth diapers. Not everybody is so fortunate, and they can't all do the things you can do just because you did them.

I checked on their website, the only inexpensive diapers I found were Gerber prefolds, and I copied those reviews directly from the website. No, I tell a lie, second time around I copied those reviews off of the Amazon website for the same exact product, because I had already closed the walmart page but happened to have an open tab on Amazon, which had 24 5 star reviews and 22 1 star reviews. Not exactly stellar recommendations. I suspect some of the positive reviews were of people who didn't buy the diapers to use as diapers but to use as rags or burp cloths. Nothing wrong with that, but I'm not going to fall over in joy that these are great diapers. Please don't put words in my mouth. I already pointed out that if you bought your diapers years ago it is possible that in that time the quality has changed, just as the price has evidently changed from "a dozen for a couple of bucks" to "ten for twelve".

Well, that's what many of the reviews are saying, that these diapers do NOT "absorb pee", or that they are rough and make the baby's skin rashy, or that they fall apart after a few washes. Oh, right, those other marks of quality. It's not thrifty to buy cheapo diapers that fall apart. You're better off paying a little more for a better quality brand that will last. But, sure, ignore the actual reviews I quoted and claim that the only objection was that those diapers aren't "cute" or "fancy".

No, it isn't, but many people don't have the energy to add *more* hardship to their lives. As for your cheap diapers, they were a lot cheaper than diapers seem to be nowadays, so maybe they were also better quality back then?

Well, yes. First of all, you're not making a special trip for diapers and wipes, nor a special trip for the garbage. You're simply incorporating diapers into your preexisting routine. But with cloth diapers, unless you have a ton of them or already do a lot of laundry, you do have to take extra trips to the machine - which, as noted, is no fun with a shared facility. And, again, many laundromats do not allow you to wash diapers. Period. As far as walmart cheap diapers go, you can get a pack of 10 prefolds for $12. I just checked, that's the cheapest option. No diaper cover, they've got a bit of a learning curve, and let's check the reviews - "rough fabric", "not absorbant", "cheap junk" that "shreds" after a few months, "poor quality". I guess you get what you pay for?

But she said in her first post that she wants to budget. It's a joint household. They're both adults, and they both contribute even if only one of them is contributing financially at this time. For her husband to give her a restricted allowance and not allow her input in a *joint* budget is really, really raising some red flags. Or at least it ought to be. I don't want to be the one to put this word out there, because I'm new here and anyway am certainly not privy to their private family matters, but limiting access to money is a classic tactic of abusive partners. It might not be anything of the sort in this case. But if everything is on the up-and-up, I don't get why the two of them can't sit down and hammer out a budget together, even if that budget ends up looking a lot like the one he already has.

Which is a huge initial investment and which can also be difficult if you don't have access to your own washing machine, or at least one in your building. I keep a running tally of ways it is more expensive to be poor, and this is most definitely one of them.

That does not sound cheap. Egads. You can probably also buy sesame seeds off of Amazon, of course, though I don't know what the pricing is there. You might be able to grow it. I mean, people must grow sesame, right?

At the grocery store, in the bulk spices section. Which is weird, when you think about it.... I'd think you should be able to get them in an ethnic market, as well.

The cheapest way to get tahini is to make it. Buy sesame seeds, buy olive oil, peanut oil, or, if you can afford it, sesame oil, and grind up the seeds with the oil in a spice grinder (a coffee grinder dedicated to spices is what I use) or a powerful food processor (depending on how much you want to make). Add salt. You can make nut butters the same way, which may or may not be cheaper depending on the quality of the peanut (or almond, or sunflower) butter you purchase. Repurposing chicken (or turkey, if you prefer that) is easy. I love to buy a roasting chicken. Everybody gets one serving of chicken at dinner, which is all they really want because they fill up on potatoes and stuffing (great way to use up the heels of bread) and salad and green beans and gravy. I take the meat off the bones and shove the carcass in the freezer. The The next day I use the chicken flesh in chicken paprikash (cooked with peppers, paprika, and a tomato and served with potatoes). The day after that I make chicken and bean enchiladas. Neither of those meals use too much chicken, because they're stretched out with potatoes in one case and beans in the other. When I have two or three chicken carcasses I boil them with some vegetable scraps (always including a potato, carrot, onion, stalk of celery, and head of garlic and NEVER including cabbage, cauliflower, or broccoli) to make stock, which can be used in soup, to cook rice, to add flavor to spaghetti sauce.... Ham is a very economical meat if you don't mind buying it all upfront. After we have a ham dinner I can use the leftovers in mac and cheese, in fried rice, with eggs and spinach, in soup (using that stock...!)....

First, when you soak them overnight, are you adding a bit of baking soda to the soaking water? And do you change the soaking water once in the morning and once before cooking? (That is, don't cook them in the soaking water, and rinse them before cooking.) Both those things will really help for some people. Secondly, I hate to say it, but for many people the only way to make beans less of an issue is to eat more of them so their body can adjust. Of course, we don't know why NEPrairiemom doesn't like beans. If it's a taste or texture issue, maybe we can find some bean recipes she and her family will enjoy. Or, if she's really anti-bean, maybe it will help to see beans not as a meal, but as a stretcher - lentils work well to reduce the amount of meat needed for meatloaf or shepherd's pie, kidney beans are great in chili, black beans go nicely in enchiladas, all you're really doing is reducing the meat you use in those meals while not reducing the amount of food you prepare.

It's a library, not a tardis. They need room for new books, and if they "get rid of the books" using a library sale they can even make a little cash to buy those new books.

People have said most things, so I won't repeat it, but there's something else: Do not get lured into a false economy. Clothing that is cheap because it's on sale is a deal, clothing that's cheap because it was poorly made is a waste of cash. Learn to tell the difference. If milk is $1.50 for a small container, or only $2 for twice as much it looks like buying twice as much is a great deal, right? But it's not if your family just doesn't drink that much milk and it'll only go bad before it's used up. If you don't have a freezer, it makes no sense to "save money" by buying bulk meat. Save your bulk purchases for non-perishables. Likewise, if you're driving to ten different stores to get the best deals, you'll burn up whatever savings there are in gas money alone. And if you consistently need portable foods, spending a little bit more on reusable containers of good quality is a lot cheaper than spending less "right now" on baggies and foil. This is similar to "you don't save money by buying luxury items on sale", but for the grocery store. And I find that everybody is ultimately tempted into food waste if they're not careful. Speaking of supermarkets, vinegar and baking soda are your new best friends. They clean glass, they clean surfaces, they can clean hair (you don't need to shampoo every single day), they entertain your children, they help stretch your laundry detergent so you use less every load, they keep your litterbox from being stinky, vinegar is a lot cheaper than prepared salad dressing, they help keep your sink unclogged and, oh yeah, you can cook with them. Google for the wonderful things they can do, either alone or together. Oh, yes. This goes triple at places like amusement parks, airports, or museums where, as you're a captive audience, they feel free to gouge you. Never pay museum prices! And a bonus trip - if you're at an outdoor event, there's always that guy who sells glow necklaces at $5 a pop. Yeah, well, you can get them 12 for a dollar at Michaels or Party City. Buy your own in advance. You can even sell the remainder and *be* that guy.

Just like human babies, kittens comfort suck.