I think this here is the point. You shut it down. When you're married you can (in large part) avoid developing those feelings about another person by putting certain boundaries in place regarding who you spend your time with. Lots of happy endings start with "we were friends and I never would have dated him but then....." I'm sure there are also plenty of affairs that begin with 2 people who had no initial attraction towards each other, but developed that attraction over time after spending many hours together.

I think it's fine, but I also think it's wise to put certain safeguards in place. Whether that means getting together in a public place or always inviting a 3rd family along with you. That way there's less opportunity for gossip-- not that their opinions should matter, but I do think it's wise to not to put yourself i situations that could look bad. Also, if you (general you) are never alone, it's less likely you'd begin to develop feelings for the person. I don't think anyone goes into a situation thinking they would cheat on their spouse, but spending a lot of one on one time with someone and sometimes it happens. (Though I know in your situation you'd have kids all around)

Before I deleted my fb account, I did. Dh sent his h.s. gf a friend request and was a bit offended when he got rejected. I had no problem with it. I think it depends on the situation though. I know some people do get in trouble that way, rekindling former relationships.

No, I don't want to see him punished. A figurative slap upside the head doesn't mean any more to me than saying "That was stupid. Don't do it again." I'm honestly just surprised this thread is 13 pages long. To me this is more about the idiocy of "no tolerance" policies than this being about a muslim kid being targeted. There are numerous examples of the "no tolerance" policies that went overboard besides this one that had nothing to do with race.

Everything about this is pure speculation. No one, besides the kid, knows what his true motive was.

I wouldn't assume a 14 year old would even take that into consideration when trying to play a prank. I could see a kid of any color or nationality doing the same thing. And I am confused as to why this has been turned into a muslim thing. I think it has more to do with the "no tolerance" policies that leave no room for common sense. I think the adults have totally over-reacted in this case. However, I guess I just don't assume this kid is so innocent. I mean, 14 year olds don't always think things through. But that doesn't mean he wasn't trying to be obnoxious.

And I remember being a kid. I remember saying stupid things and feigning ignorance. I know, I know. He said he was a clock. But that doesn't mean he didn't know it looked more like a bomb than a clock. (even if it didn't look much like a bomb either) I guess instead of seeing this kid as a STEM hopeful, I wonder if maybe he was trying to be stupid and get a rise out of people. I'm sure he didn't expect to be blown out of proportion like it did. Maybe he thought somebody might accuse him of it looking like a bomb and they'd all have a good laugh out it. Maybe he never expected anyone to actually take him seriously. But maybe, just maybe, he did it on purpose. Calling the cops and arresting him was definitely not the right reaction. But instead of heralding the kid as some sort of hero, maybe he needed a (figurative) smack upside the head.

Care to elaborate? Do you know for certain it was his own creation?

I read this as well. Is it possible that he took apart another electronic device and stuck in a box intending for it to look suspicious so that he could cry out "but it's just a clock" when they called him out on it? If he didn't build it himself from scratch, was he being dishonest about his engineering abilities, or was he intentionally being provocative? FTR, I think the handcuffs were out of line. But instead of him being some picked-on Muslim engineering prodigy, maybe he's just an obnoxious 14 year old who was trying to get a reaction out of people.

Ha! My siblings accuse me of being ornery and stubborn just like my dad, but I know they are lying. I'm not like that at all. I'm certain I inherited more of my mother's saintly personality. ;-) No need to wait till 8th grade... you can have butt pats now because you deserve it. I'd like to keep homeschooling DS for the same reasons I am homeschooling my others, but the thought makes me want to crawl into a hole and cry. Apparently my oldest brother was much the same way as DS and in one of my (saintly) mother's journals she admitted that she was going to be relieved when he was all grown up. I totally get it now that I've got a kid just like him. My brother grew up to be productive member of society, so there's hope. Lol!

I'll have to look that up. He does have a victim mentality and he focuses on all the (perceived) injustices done to him rather than the good things that are going on his life. We've talked a little bit about making the choice to focus on the good things, but it seems to fall on deaf ears.

This probably best describes DS. I don't know that he'd qualify as ODD, but negative consequences are never effective and will always just escalate the situation. He's the kind of kid that if he doesn't see a purpose in doing something, he won't do it. So for example if he doesn't mind the mess, and I am perfectly capable of cleaning it, why should he? And while I understand dangling the carrot in front of him (like with slushies, for example) sometimes we just have to do things because we're part of a family and we help out. I shouldn't have to dangle carrots for him to clean up after himself. I'd be fine if he just laid on his bed complaining about his unfair lot in life. Instead he becomes hell-bent on making everyone feel as ornery as he does which is why I hauled his butt to dad's work. It worked for today because I was trying to avoid my own meltdown. But when he gets home and realizes he still has chores to do and the day is half gone, he's going to be upset.

I appreciate the butt pats. It's really what I wanted. ;-) I should have prefaced my post with the fact that DS is a super bright and incredibly ornery and stubborn and highly emotional kid in general. The regular parenting tactics are a giant fail with this kid. I feel like in general things have improved a lot with him over the last few months. (He's no longer homeschooled for these same reasons.) He gets himself up each morning and has been responsible about getting ready and doing homework (with some complaining). I see glimmers of hope for his future. But he is still is so draining sometimes. He takes more emotional energy than my other kids combined.

I like the idea of a service project. We need to do more of that as a family anyway. I am seriously considerind sending him to my ILs next summer for a couple weeks. They still work outside sun-up to sun-down and a couple weeks of that would probably humble the kid. He has no idea what a cushy life he leads. I have to admit that forcing him to spend all day at my side sounds utterly miserable. This introvert needs her space. Not to mention I'm pregnant and have 4 other kids and I just have other things to do. Not to mention, he would flat out refuse. And since he's too big to physically force to stay by my side, I can't demand things of him that I can't enforce. He's a difficult kid, this one. Wii privileges are something I can't take away entirely as it's my netflix access too. (Though I rarely get time for netflix) But it's also a privilege for the other kids. I do hide the remotes sometimes though. And our computer mouse is wireless so I can hide that too.

Well, this is essentially what it has come down to. Either that or he loses the money when someone else does the chores for him. (He says he doesn't care about the money, even though he's got some expensive things he's wanting.) It's just the constant whining and attempts at negotiation that are so draining. And then when he's bored (because he's got no privileges) the acting out and bothering people is downright unacceptable. At the moment, his only motivation is computer and wii privileges.

I understand where you're coming from, but I do feel like chores are important. I feel like everyone living (and eating and sleeping here) can help out. We've done "after-dinner" chores here for years where we split up the table, dishes and toys and at least half the time he's pitching a fit about it. For Saturday chores, It's only 10am and my other kids are already done and playing games. Chores are hardly an all-day event. I do try to listen to him and take ito consideration his feelings. Typically on Saturday I pick one chore I really want/need done and the other 2 I am willing to negotiate on or I will give them several options to choose from. And if one is a big chore, the others are pretty fast and easy. With him though, everything has to be negotiated down to nothing, which doesn't fly herr.

Mowing the lawn in hard, but we also have an easy-start self-propelled mower. And I do help empty the grass catcher and such. And considering my 6 year old can do and will volunteer for it, I'm not inclined to think it's too hard. Today it was the lawn. Next time it will be the (insert whatever chore he doesn't want to do it) I do agree with you about the negative consequences. I know from experience that if I tack on extra chores, it will just send him spiraling faster and further. If he was pissed about 3 chores, 4 chores will send him over the edge. I've found it more effective to tell him no Wii or computer privileges until after his chores are done. He is at least motivated by that. But the problem is, unless he decides himself that the privileges are worth it, he's going to ornery and disruptive. I feel like I've gotten a lot better about controlling my own emotions in situations like this, but it's emotionally draining. And like I said, today he was being disruptive. There was nothing to do besides harrass the kids who were actually doing their chores and that's when I couldn't take it anymore.

Thank you for the advice so far. I need butt pats for not losing my temper with him. I ignored his monologue "Why can't mowing the lawn be two chores? I don't care if I don't get paid. I'm not doing any of my chores." (Coincidentally the 6 year old mowed his portion of the lawn without complaint and moved on to his other chores, so I know it's not too hard) Then he started harassing my other kids because he was pissed about chores. It was at that point I didn't want to deal with it anymore. So I told him to get in the car. He surprisingly went willingly bc he didn't know wherr we were going. I dropped him off at DH's work, which I've never done before. DH works hard and between his regular job and his military obligations he hasn't had a day off in almost 2 weeks. DS didn't want to go in so I had to forcibly remove him from the car. He can help DH there and then come home and do his chores. It just blows my mind that he has managed to develop this self-centered, entitled attitude. He's got the rest of the day to do whatever he wants if he just gets his chores done. Now, I will admit that once his a blue moon he gets up and done his chores quickly and without complaint. Sometimes he gets them done with minimal complaining. But most of the time it's like hostage negotiations over here. I am just so tired of it!

For the past few years we've all gotten up and done chores on Saturday. My kids are youngish (oldest will be 10) so they've been easier chores. Things that shouldn't take longer than 30-60 min and the rest of their day is free. My oldest is a chronic complainer. (Chores are too hard. Why doesn't the 5 year old have to do the same kind of chores? Why can't x chore count as 2 because it's a big chore? My friends don't have to do chores. You don't have any chores to do.) Throughout the week he complains about how much he hates Saturday because of chores. He complains about his weekday chores too. But his theatrics on Saturday are something else. I have learned (am learning still) to not react to him, remain calm, etc because that always blows up in my face. I've tried to make it fun. (If everyone gets chores done by x o'clock we'll go get slushies.) They get paid a small allowance and chores they don't do are subtracted from the amount. And yet still, years of doing this and *I* hate Saturdays because of his chronic complaining. I've decided he's a "negative Nancy" about most things. Which maybe I just need to learn to deal with it in a different way. But my goodess, it is so draining!

Did they still burst and crust over? On day 2 and 3 some of them had little tiny pin-points of white like a whitehead. But they never looked fluid-filled or progressed any further. The whitehead part seems to have disappeared. Today, they seem to be fading some, so no bursting or crusting over. My only concern is whether or not I need to be rescheduling my day tomorrow. Maybe I should just in case.

Had your kids been vaccinated? Just wondering if an atypical case is more likely in vaccinated kids.

Why are my throw pillows on the floor? And why do I never ever see anyone throw them off the couch?

Well, the rash is still unchanged from 2 days ago so I think I can officially rule out CP. (No, she hasn't had the shot for it) I gave her a small amount of benadryl and didn't see a noticeable difference. But she's still acting normal. I don't think this warrants a trip to the dr. I am assuming it will clear up soon. If not, maybe I will take her in. Thank you for all your help!

I haven't. I don't usually give meds unless they really need it and and so far the spots don't seem to be bothering her. But maybe I could try that.

Not that I'm aware of. I was *hoping* for more of an obvious progression today, just to be able to determine what this is. But I'm not sure how fast they progress from spots to fluid-filled centers. The internet seems vague. Or maybe it varies from kid to kid? We are definitely staying at home until I figure this out. But I'm trying to decide if I need to cancel my appt on Friday and find someone to cover my responsibilities at church on Sunday.