LibraryLover, your advice was to the OP, I will just say from my side, my girl child gets about 2 hours of outdoor play time per day, PLUS a sport three times per week. That does not stop, reduce, or in any way affect her behavior for better or for worse. We've had down-time but it doesn't change anything.

Where do you live now? I live in the Puget Sound region and I could put my children in an engineering, Lego or math club every day of the week if I wanted. Actually--my menu of choices would probably include at least two STEM clubs three days per week if I wanted (we don't, don't worry!!!). We have girls-only engineering camps, Aerospace camp, art camp... etc. Public schools are great, though not perfect. There are two gifted schools here so if she tests for Davidson's then she could get in there (one is The Evergreen School). If I could afford it I'd send my own kid there. I hear it's magnificent. Traffic is horrible. It is gray all the time. If you can't deal with that, don't move here. But we love the weather and for our family, it's worth it.

In some senses of the word "fly", I guess so... they flew right into the dirt, does that count? :)

30 minutes sounds like a really long time at 10. But I personally would not expect a 10-year-old to sit there for that long. I certainly don't at work. I get up for a glass of water, walk around, read something else to clear my head. I have been in classes with people who have ADD/ADHD and their level of functioning was much, much lower than mine. It was a totally different need. It wasn't that they couldn't do 30 on, 10 off. Many of them were not able to get into focus without meds. They couldn't even focus on things they cared about, which was the main problem. It wasn't that they needed more stimulation than a classroom provided. No amount of stimulation would fix their attention problem--their mind just didn't fix on things. They weren't seeking stimulation, they were moving from thing to thing with no discernible pattern or goal. I guess if in your community sitting still for an hour without daydreaming or getting water or taking a walk is required, not being able to do it is indeed a disability. In my community--in our schools, at my work--it is not required. It's expected that you can move quickly between tasks, that you may doodle, take breaks, etc. These breaks are expected to pay off in terms of creativity and analytic content that your mind produces when resting. "He's recently been kicking a basketball around the house, standing on it against the kitchen counter. I've kept the ball away during school work, but I'll let him put it under his feet." Why can't he go outside for 10 minutes? From my perspective, your son may have less attention than normal, but not way less (my stepson is neurotypical in almost every way and I would say he moves from activty to activity every 20 minutes unless it's TV), but he is not doing anything pathological. Breaks and movement are healthy coping mechanisms.

We struggle with this too. I can't say my daughter's behavior is getting worse but it's not getting better like everyone promised. She knows right from wrong but sometimes just makes bad choices. She's not about fairness--she's actually less reasonable than that in a way. She cares much more about just plain getting her way! She will repeat the same request or demand hundreds of times even when I am clear and there are clear consequences for badgering. "No. We are not having dessert. Continuing to ask is rude because it wastes my time and patience and does not respect what I already said." "But can we?" It is hard to have a relationship with people who will not compromise or who throw tantrums, because you have to be on your guard so as not to send the kid the wrong message. That is the worst part, in my opinion. I've tried every parenting method in the books. 1-2-3 Magic, How to Talk, Gentle Discipline, pretty much everything. Nothing has any effect except removing her from the situation, but as she gets older that's harder and harder to do. My family is going to an art family counselor tonight. I'll let you know how it goes. :) I totally feel your pain.

It is also my understanding that income plays a much larger role. This article is helpful: http://www.fastweb.com/financial-aid/articles/3865-does-cash-from-the-sale-of-the-family-home-count-as-an-asset-on-the-fafsa My suggestions, given your situation, are twofold: (1) Speak to more than one financial aid counselor at his school of choice and a couple of other schools. Be clear. There are exceptions to the rule and schools can choose to waive certain types of savings--particularly if your taxes show home ownership one year, and no home ownership the next, as well as a change of residence. Ask if it's possible to use this information to get an exception in your case for just one year. (2) Sell later, if at all possible. Not saying go into debt, but if all the counselors say, "You sell, the money is up for grabs," then I'd seriously consider not selling and instead renting cheaper. I know you need that money but as you also know your son could be looking at a Pell grant vs. nothing. So that's a big deal. Good luck. That is very tough.

Lots of us and our children were diaper free the majority of the time--her parents seem pretty bohemian so I'd guess that was what was happening there. I do know families who keep it all under wraps but believe me, there are plenty of normal people whose kids toilet train by going diaper free (at home, not in public) from a young age. Particularly after one--I think both my kids had diapers on MAYBE 10% of the time? That's just how we did it, how my mom did it. The pebbles in the vagina is concerning for health reasons but I cannot be the only one with family who works in health care. Kids shove tons of stuff in their holes all the time. Maybe not yours--but it IS normal. Kind of like LOTS of kids try to fly. Maybe yours had a keen sense of gravity, or pain, or both. But mine both tried to fly from the swings. It's normal. Not everyone does it, and it's a very bad idea, but it's normal.

So... I know Russian and I read Latin and used to read Greek (took only two years in college, so I'm not going to pretend I know it) and I really think you are mistaken about Russian, or possibly Latin and Greek. In Russian you have to know conjugation and declension for every word. Even "mama" and "papa": Day mame ruku = Give mother [your] hand. Mama, day ruku= Mother, give [me] [your] hand. Chto eta, mama? Eta ruka! = What is that, mother? It is a hand! Chto v ruke? Eto--ogurets! = What [is] in [your] hand? It [is]--[a] cucumber! Etc. It is pretty much all uphill from there. This is where Russian could be considered a help--because the neural pathways for declension and conjugation are laid out for Greek and Latin--or just a big PITB.

Arcadia, yes. The 2nd grader. The kindergartener can always study language after she's done with math. My daughter won't want to do anything different in front of her friends, and I want her to demonstrate that she has the capacity to do the work. She needs to learn the expectations for the state tests, anyway. The school gets punished if she does not pass so that's really important. Thanks for the well wishes. The teacher's a great guy. I like the school a lot. It's always a question of how far to go when you know people are already working very hard.

I personally found Latin and Greek extremely helpful for Russian and I believe it would work the other way. Russian also contains aspect in a similar way to Greek and there are TONS of non-copyrighted materials thanks to the Soviets. So if you could get a free lesson once a week--go for it. I am guessing you did not have to study Russian grammar!

We have great neighbors and getting the kids to concentrate on schoolwork is hard partly due to that. The children in this group, while still children, are great. I like that my children play with them. We are very fortunate! And yes, it's a short time period. It's due to buses needing to get all over the city, so they rotate, some kids at school by 8:05, others by 9:05. Tonight I talked with my daughter about challenging herself. I talked about the gifted test again, explained the other options, and finally she suggested we ask the teacher if she can do more advanced homework and still get credit. That to me is ideal. Let's see what he says. My conference is on Wednesday.

I don't even want to give him any more hits. I find art of the sort their family makes very self-indulgent. Anyway, I think it bears repeating: Just because something isn't molestation or a sex crime or assault does not make it okay! Someone in a bar pokes me in the eye, and I'm calling the police regarding an assault. My child pokes her little sister in the eye, and she gets a long talking to, time out, if old enough will issue a written apology explaining why it is wrong, and more careful supervision. There will be consequences. But I'm not going to say she's a violent criminal at 30 because of her stupid choices at the age of eight. To me this is just a no-brainer. If an adult grabs his crotch repeatedly in a department store (and is not clearly developmentally delayed and with a customer who is minding him), they call mall security. If a six-year-old boy does that, his mom will hiss, "STOP TOUCHING YOURSELF! We're going to the bathroom in a minute!" and worst case scenario some old grandpa will tell him that if he plays with it too much it will fall off or something.

You mean Saxon Math? We have a German book... My daughter doesn't start until 9, gets home at 4-ish. One hour to play, but they do get three recesses at school. Dark at 5.

We can all agree on this point.

K and 2nd. :P I want them to play first while it's still light, so they can be outdoors. So I don't want to start them with homework that early.

There is a HUGE DIFFERENCE between "being okay" and "not molestation". LOTS of things are not okay, which are not molestation. What Dunham did was not okay. It doesn't have to be molestation to be wrong. (Oh, and yes, I do think motivation and intent matters in whether something is criminal behavior, but I'm not alone--it's written into the law.)

Here's some criteria to help distinguish between sexual and non-sexual behavior with respect to organs that biologically speaking, are primarily used for sexual functions: 1. Is the person engaging in the behavior post-pubescent (usually 10+)? 2. Does the behavior mimic something that adults do for pleasure? I.e. Would this be learned from an adult? (Protip: if you are an adult and sticking pebbles in your vagina, stop now.) 3. Is the behavior engaged in primarily for physical pleasure or arousal? 4. Does the person engaging in the behavior know the difference between sexual arousal and other kinds of pleasure? (This usually doesn't happen until puberty, but might, if a conversation was had with the parents for some other reason, or if the child were molested (see (2)). Okay. Now let's go over that list: 1. Two small children playing doctor: 1=no, 2=no (well... you'd have to finish that game in a non-childlike way), 3=no, 4=no. Green light, not sexual, though still should be considered only allowed within hygenic, respectful boundaries. 2. Blowjobs, otherwise known as oral sex for men. Yes, yes, yes, yes. So, it's sexual. 3. Tampons. No, no, no, annnnd not necessarily--I certainly didn't when it started. Not sexual. 4. Masturbation. Maybe, no (it's instinctual, even dogs do it), yes, depends on the age. So, probably sexual, though I don't know if I'd say it's strictly sexual in a two-year old. 5. Handjobs. See "blowjobs". 6. Lena Dunham looks at her sister's vagina. No, no, no, annnd no. There, you have it. Other activities in the book might have been sexual, but no, I don't think childhood exploration is. Whoever said "porn, you know it when you see it" should have had me around to make a categorical list.

No. For one thing, the little sister could have said no to the money. For another thing, the kiss was at a different age, as I understand it, and I didn't read that section to comment. Moreover, "manipulation" to me involves trickery and dishonesty, and I don't think that's where most children come from when exploring. They're exploring. Yes, kids can do bad things, but I don't think pre-pubescent children can be said to have post-pubescent motivations. That doesn't even make sense. I think you're attributing adult themes, motivations, and complexity to childhood behavior and frankly that creeps me out way more than a small child playing doctor or something. Where does that idea come from? (As for the tee-shirt, egads, if that's problematic I may as well report every girl I've ever known... you wouldn't believe the ridiculous get-ups they get into around here. I am sure when they are older they'll have a good laugh, just like we do about our silly socks-in-bras.)

She is good at math. She is interested in recreation. It's not that she's lazy, it's just that math requires concentration and she'd prefer not to work. So letting her lead is really not an option. Otherwise I'd just let it go. It sounds like we are in similar situations.

I am responding to this particular issue. I can't stand Lena Dunham in general and it sounds like she did all kinds of really stupid things in many ways. Ask me if masturbating in a bed shared with your sister, while you are a teen, is molestation. Totally different answer. I just don't think that seven-year-olds are generally capable of being child molesters in the sense in which the word is generally used.

No. She's seven. I don't think that seven year olds really are manipulative, exploitative and power-hungry in the way that a child molester or rapist is. http://www.stopitnow.org/age_appropriate_sexual_behavior This suggests that Dunham was certainly behind the curve but in no way abnormal in her explorations. Please note that this is from an organization dedicated to stopping sexual abuse. For the record, I think that stuffing pebbles in your vagina is NOT adult sexual behavior. Normally I would think that does not need to be stated but it seems here there are some very different ways of thinking about sex... so, let me just say that even the most experimental folks probably would stay away from driveway pebbles. Most importantly, and people are really overlooking this key part, Dunham did not try to keep this a secret from her mother. That to me is a really HUGE part of understanding her maturity level at the time. Keeping it a secret would suggest manipulative action and exploitative intent. But she didn't. She went and talked to her mom about what she saw. My child did not initiate the activity, FYI, and no, we did not press charges against the four and five year old boys and girls involved. This reminds me of our discussions after my daughter engaged in her first show-me-yours-i'll-show-you-mine activity. We talked about secrets. Our bodies are not shameful but there are no secrets in our family. If you need to keep it a secret then there is a problem. This is crucial when talking to kids about sex in general! I mean people don't need details of your own sex life, but lying is always a sign that there is a bigger problem.

I disagree. I don't think that all my interactions with my vagina are sexual. It's a sexual organ, sure, but then, so are my boobs. But I didn't find breastfeeding sexual in anything but the broadest sense--part of reproduction, I guess, but not in any way arousing (to say the least). Certainly changing a diaper and cleaning a child's genitals (even the vaginal area or a baby boy's tiny little balls, as areas of collateral damage, so to speak) were not in any way sexual. Mergath covered my two personal favorites in the vagina-as-a-non-sexual-issue area, so I'll just leave it at that. Little boys twiddle their penises all the time. It's really not sexual. When a girl grabs her brother's penis in the bath (I'm thinking of one incident in particular, a four-year-old girl and two-year-old boy) that is not sexual. Infant erections are not sexual in the narrow sense (yes, infants get erections, and no, they are not aroused). There are indeed limits on acceptable pre-pubescent exploration and Dunham crossed them. But again, we can't apply adult standards, post-pubescent standards, to small children. That is problematic on so many levels. She was a child. She touched when she should have kept her hands to herself. Okay. But that is not sexual unless every touch of a sex organ, even among pre-pubescent children, is sexual. Unless you mean sexual in the broadest, has to do with reproduction and reproductive organs in general. But in that case a pap smear is sexual.

Twolittleboys, yes, my kids are mentally exhausted after school. I imagine it's like when I waited tables during college. That was by far the most mentally challenging part of my day. I had to be "on". No, I did not find the tasks intellectually stimulating. It was the lack of stimulation and being "good" that was work. So I do empathize with the kids. As for the goals, great question. I'd like her to learn something before she reaches the age of 13, which is when, if she were left to her own devices, she'd be put into algebra. That is the lowest non-remedial level. They will not advance her based on anything else, as far as I can tell. It will just be mainstream public school for everyone under the 99th%ile. So I'd like her to be learning something to keep her brain alive, I guess. I want to provide a challenge as well as strengthen a curriculum which is, though theoretically sound, somewhat flat.

kiana, yes and no. Yes because theoretically, that's a great time. No because I go in to work early and am with the kids after school. My loving partner is getting four kids out the door during that time--it's just not realistic or fair to ask him to do that. However, all these suggestions are good ideas. Maybe I'll ask her to wake early and do homework then--like, before I leave? Then no homework in the evenings? Something to think about.

Maybe I misunderstood but I thought the mom was indoors and the baby was in the (possibly quite long) driveway or something. I'm trying to remember if I was really in the same room as my one year old... but now I think, probably not. We have a pretty open floor plan and there were times they'd get into things. Still, my impression of that story was that they were outdoors, mom was inside, and no, I really don't think that happened with a one-year-old. But I agree, it's not abuse, it is just the kind of thing that leaves you with a toddler who has pebbles in her vagina or a peanut in her nose, or something.