I thought maybe I would share a little background about our experience...Reading your post has brought back so many memories for me with my youngest son. This is the shortened version for sure! He is 12yo now, but he was 2yo when I suspected ADHD. He wouldn't go down for a nap, and slept only a few hours each night. He would run himself into the ground, and still would not tire. By his third grade year, he began having behavioral/academic problems in public school. His grades plummeted, and he was on the verge of failing. For the years that followed there was no improvement, and the teachers only cared to know if he was on ADHD medicine to control his symptoms in class. I was in an unfamiliar territory for sure, and I tried him on a gammot of medications. When he turned 10yo, I visited the pediatrician twice because my son lost twenty pounds, and looked completely emaciated. I couldn't stand it anymore, and seeing my son that way broke my heart. The medication took his spirit, and he behaved like a zombie. It was then that I realized the error of my ways. I wanted my son back. I wanted my spirited, very normal, happy boy back. I took him off of the medications, and I decided that the health of my son was far more important than "control" in the classroom. Every child is different, and they can't all be lumped into the same category where learning is concerned. At the same time, his pyschiatrist tried coping, therapy, and none worked for him. We tried all the same things you described. We tried charts, rewards, you name it. What he needed most from me was my time, and my undevoted attention while he completes school work. He has grown out of some of the ADHD, but there are moments when it is certain that it is present, and/or his is testing me. The only thing I know is the while he has ADHD, it doesn't mean that I accept his negative behavior. It certainly changes the approach to parenting...In the early days I believed that he one hundred percent could not control his behavior because of the ADHD, but he began that to use those negative behaviors as an end all to get what he wanted at that moment. I guess the best thing I did was to "stick to my guns" no matter how hard it was. There is nothing wrong with being loving/kind, but he needs to know first that I was serious; I meant buisness. He can have the extra things, but ONLY if he does his work. If I allow it other way, and he get over on me. I don't know if any of this helps, but I thought I would give it a shot.