kristi26
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Posts posted by kristi26
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He isn't going to change. It's been sixteen years. All he's really teaching the kids is that they can't share their feelings with him.
If it were me, I'd still talk to DH about it in private knowing it wouldn't change a thing, but I'd also talk to DS about his feelings and his dad's response. "Your dad really thinks he's helping you make light of the situation by laughing. He isn't TRYING to hurt your feelings." Something along those lines (as it sounds like your DH truly feels he is helping them out in this area). It also sounds like he is extremely uncomfortable with the showing of emotion (my own DH is uncomfortable with crying, no matter the context. It freaks him out, lol). I'd make sure my kids knew the WHY behind their dad's attitude so they can start running his responses through the appropriate filter and aren't so easily hurt by his inappropriate laughter.
:grouphug: Hope it gets better!
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I'd follow my instinct and keep her home too! Hope she feels better fast!
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I haven't really thought this through, but I would be uncomfortable with the idea of her parents thinking this is a great idea to begin with.
(Oh, and you can say no for no good reason other than you think it's the right answer.)
I question whether her parents really DO think this is a good idea. It's entirely possible that they are the parents who said "yes" first in hopes and expectations that you will say "no" and be the bad guy. These parents do exist. I have some friends who ARE these parents.
To answer the OP, I would not allow it. I would tell my son why I am concerned and why it's a resounding no and then we'd move on with life. Of course, my giant drama king would huff and puff about it awhile so moving on would take some time, but still... ;) And if he continued with his dramatic huffing over it, I would tell him that we could discuss it with his father when he got home from work since his dad and I are a team and don't generally make decisions alone (though to be fair, I don't even have to ask his dad on this one, I know DH would say no, lol).
Also, summer is quite far away. How long have they been together? What are the odds that two teenagers are going to stay together for five or six more months? By then, their relationship may have run its course.
Hope this helps somehow! :)
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Congratulations! What a beautiful baby!!!
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Harry Potter is a fun read- all seven of them. What about The Books of Elsewhere series? I read them myself and found them amusing. I'm also reading The Thief Lord right now. That one is fun.
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Thanks ladies! I love the idea of arranging play dates for them! I'll have to do that for sure, especially for the younger two. :)
We actually aren't doing a foreign language right now. But the cartoon idea is one I'm keeping in mind.
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Yes, usually we go with a game plan, but the turkey delay led to two different assessments, and therefore the need to discuss options.
Hubby cooking would be a violation of gender expectations: he would be considered henpecked for being 'made' to do 'my' work instead of doing as he should by making his father happy.
Yes, I can prep a me-and-kids kitchen activity. That could work.
I can host dinners, but they would still expect the same number of visits from us in addition to their visits here (tried it). She either doesn't want any help, or (possibly) has the expectation that I would automatically do things without being invited. I don't really know which. If I try to help, she says she needs nothing. If I sit still, she seems unsatisfied. I already have a boundary that I don't take action based in subtext. So I'd have to offer off the bat (before any subtext) or wait to be asked. She first have any recipes that I don't know.
I doubt that DH would be willing to have that convo -- and if he did, it would still be about me, because I would be assumed to have 'made him' bring it up, and it would be all about FIL making changes to accommodate my demands (not enough that my own DH has to accommodate them) and it would also be explained that it is because I don't like being left with MIL, which means I must hate her to a high degree, to not even want to be in the room with her. They just. Don't. Get. It.
DH kinda understands, but also expects me to endure a little boredom and make reasonable efforts to be peaceable for the sake of family. That seems fair enough, but it was pretty hard on him because esp at the holidays he just wanted to meet expectations and keep the peace -- give his mom the gift of kindness and his dad the gift of music... And I didn't want him to do that, so he couldn't make everyone happy, and that's really hard on him. He's a sensitive guy.
So I have a pretty good relationship with my MIL (finally!) and don't have a ton to add to this conversation except for this one thought relating to the bolded above:
My IL's are "helpers" and "doers." They automatically come ready to help. They also say they don't need any help if asked, "Can I help?" Because in their minds, they don't NEED help. They are perfectly capable of doing it. I had to figure out how to ask to help that they wouldn't say no. So instead of saying, "Do you want help?" or "Can I help?" I have moved to saying something like "I'd love to help you. What can I do?" If I get a pause or an answer in the negative, I give them the answer to the question. "Okay, I'll go wash and set the table. Which dishes should I put out?" or "I'm going to wash and cube these potatoes. Where's the peeler?" I think it sounds ridiculous, but they like this. It means that I really do want to help in their minds and wasn't just being polite.
Just a thought. Hope it helps somehow! :)
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So...we sold our house! And we're moving to "the dream house" in about a month!!! :yay:
We've finished the inspections for both places and the appraisals for both places. We still have an item to repair here at our current house for the loan, but it should be pretty easy.
We are very excited about the move but there is so much that still needs done! Thanks for all the prayers and advice over the last couple of months! :)
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Some of you may have seen my house drama in the chat board. We ARE moving in about a month! We sold this house and are moving to "the dream house" at the end of the month. EEKKK!!! That said, I need to figure out some alternatives for schoolwork that can be fairly independent for the kids for awhile while I pack, clean, and move.
Here's what I'm thinking. Tell me your thoughts:
DS11, 6th grade for January:
- Finish TLP Cricket in Times Square
- Continue in MUS Zeta
- Free reading of books of his choosing
DD8, 3rd grade for January:
- Finish TLP Pippi Longstocking
- Continue in MUS Beta
- Free reading of books of her choosing
Together for January:
- Read a section of Abraham Lincoln's World and write a narration of what they read each day.
- Take a break from Apologia Sea Creatures to learn all they can about chickens (our new neighbor has offered to incubate eggs for us for FREE!!!!! So we will likely be new chicken parents. This is a great chance for them to learn all about how chickens work). Any good chicken unit studies out there?
DS5 will tag along with the olders for some stuff, but mostly play games, practice reading to whoever is listening, and do some fun math stuff. ;) He's pretty easy for school.
Thanks for any suggestions/thoughts! :)
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Sorry you're sick over Christmas, that was us 2 years ago and I barely moved off the couch for 3 weeks.
Who did you spend time with in the 1-4 days prior(depending on flu versus cold for incubation period) to onset of symptoms? Whenever I'm sick I always call whoever I think I got it from and whine at them (usually family so its okay).
I was told it takes 10-14 days to show symptoms of the actual flu.
OP, I'm sorry you guys are sick! DH and I got the flu a couple of Christmases ago (it was either last Christmas or the one before, can't remember). It sucked! Feel better! :grouphug:
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I don't see the issue. We named our daughter Lily, not Lillian, Lilith, or Delilah. Just Lily. We have two different adult friends who are Steve, not Steven, and Tim, not Timothy. No biggie. I also have a friend whose daughter is Elizabeth Ann for her first name.
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((hugs))
I was extremely unpleasant to my own mom from 17-18. The only reason I got a clue and stopped being such a witch was because I ended up pregnant at the end of high school with DS14. Despite my horribleness, my mom was there for me through it all. She is now one of my best friends. Hang in there!
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You guys are probably right. I certainly wouldn't want to hurt my weetle bear.
But Rebecca is totally getting the Gas-X.
I just had to say this. First, I agree with the others that it depends on the kid. We don't do Santa here. All of my kids know he isn't real and always have. They also know the whole "coal" thing. The older boys would find this prank hilarious. In fact, I'm pretty sure that DS14 would keep it and regift it to his dad the following year. It would become a tradition in our house. However, DD8 would NOT think that was funny. She would probably cry and have a hard time getting back in the spirit. Plus, it would ruin all of the other gifts for her that day AND she would forever relive that day. Every Christmas there-after she'd bring it up. She's just that kind of kid. So it really comes down to knowing your kid. :)
Oh, and I love the Gas-X idea! If DD8 were more of a joker, she'd be getting some too! She is the gasiest little girl! ;)
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OP, I agree with you. Honestly. I just wanted to offer up what I do to deal with those people on Facebook. I hide their updates. Then I don't see what they are doing and I can't get upset about something I didn't see. ;)
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I do not veto many games, but I flat out told my son he would be pulled from his "Library Computer Time" that he gets each week if he played it. His friends apparently do, and that might be fine in their house, but not here. There is just no need for that kind of soul polluting garbage where the whole point is just to get the bajeezes scared out of the kid.
Amen. I told my older boys the same thing just the other day. They aren't allowed to play it.
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I didn't read all of the other responses, but there is no way I would be okay with what she did either. I'd call her immediately and ask her what she was thinking. I would then tell her that she would no longer be driving my daughter anywhere. That is absolutely unacceptable (and illegal here in my state as far as I know). So sorry you are having to deal with this!
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Yes, absolutely.
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I pronounce it OR but would absolutely pronounce it the way THEY say it. It's their name and I want to say it "right." :)
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Do not google chicken golf. There was a chicken massacre by teens with golf clubs and all hits were for that. Oh, and some recipes for chicken for golfers. Do golfers eat chicken differently than the rest of us?
Is it like this?
Archie McPhee sells rubber chickens.
This information will now be categorized in my brain under "things I never thought I'd even WANT to google but now know that I can't." :lol:
Glad it was revealed what exactly chicken golf is upthread! :)
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Ah, yes, the hundred day of school shirt. "You and your child may decorate a shirt with 100 items."
"Hey, kid, you want to do this?"
"No"
"All righty then!"
The day after: Your child was very disappointed that you hadn't done this for her. Yeah, lady, I'm not destroying a shirt for lulz. The project claimed to be optional, so we took the option.
OMGosh. I forgot about this one. When DS14 was in public school for the younger grades, he had to make a 100th day of school hat similar to the above. It wasn't optional though. It had to be done. But I think DS14 was 6 or 7? We ended up gluing buttons to a hat and I had to help with a LOT of that because really, how was he going to MAKE a HAT with 100 items on it??
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The only thing I can think of that might fit your description was the letters that I had to read/complete/sign for each of my ninth graders' teachers this year. They were all due back by a certain date (the end of the week I think maybe). And here's the weirdest/best part: I completed those letters, but my son got the "credit" for them on Power School. :confused1: They showed up graded even though he didn't do anything with them. I did! :lol:
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This is one of the most random and hilarious threads I've seen in awhile. :lol: What exactly does one do in chicken golf? If I had knowledge of the game, I think I'd be better equipped to offer an opinion on rubber chicken sizes.
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Then there are the "it's my hobby" kind. You know, some creative outlet bug hits and WHAM, it's all over the house. They say that there is a "new" kind of hoarder which is called a digital hoarder. I'm not sure exactly what that's all about, but it's a type.
I take the 5th on this facet of type casting.
:blushing: This could be me... I don't like deleting emails (I currently have at least 23,000 unread messages, not sure how many read ones and that's after trying to get rid of some). I also have TONS of pictures all over my laptop, my old desktop, my phone...then there's everything I've ever typed up in a word document saved in all of the same places... :leaving:
As for actual physical hoarding in the house, we tend to get very cluttered but are working on moving so I'm purging. We have a lot of junk that I really know we don't need. Sigh...
ETA: I think there could be increased tendencies for hoarding that are partially genetic and partially environmental.
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I used to sell pampered chef. I have washed many a stoneware pan with dish soap, but don't let it sit in soapy water to soak, if soaked long enough they will take in some of that and things will taste like soap the next time you use it. Don't ask me how I know. *cough cough, husband soaked my pan overnight in dawn, cough cough*
I used to sell it too. I too have washed mine with dish soap when it was really bad. I agree with the above. Use dish soap if necessary, just don't soak it that way. :)
Expecting Baby #5 and feeling down
in The Chat Board
Posted
I worried over my rainbow baby until the day he was actually in my arms (even during my scheduled C-section I worried about him :( ). I think it's totally normal. Pray about it every time you're worried. :grouphug: