Drop off was soooooo much less painful than I expected. We finished the room set-up decor in about two hours and left her to finish unpacking clothes on her own. Honestly, I was surprised at how emotional/anxious she has been. I can’t show my own vulnerability so as not to feed hers. I saved it for DH. I am so impressed by all the ways they are working to draw students out of their shells this week. Our work is done tomorrow. I’m sad to go home minus my kid but know she’ll be ok.

I appreciated it but understood why people would be clutching their pearls. Any attack on innocent babies, even doll babies, is too much for many to stomach. I never associated dolls with people or played with them as such so my tolerance is probably greater. I had a Barbie styling head that I used to learn how to braid. It was always an avatar/tool, not a person.

I’ve never seen the space odyssey movie but I certainly got the music throwback reference as did my DS(15). We enjoy storytelling in all its forms tho- music, visual art, dance, architecture, film, theater, photography…

I would think someone was ignorant. I would say nothing at all unless I was prepared to limit that family member’s presence in my life. An option, for those who are willing and able to let folks explain (or not) their biases is: “what do you mean by that?”

It’s semipermanent and requires touch ups

My kicks are b/c my sex partner, my preferred work diversion, is unavailable for reasons beyond my control, not b/c I don’t care about the issues or enjoy stirring the pot.

Naw, goodwill only goes so far. SHP was 10000% correct and most readers here see it. I’m a DV victim!! Ok. No one’s ever hit me over the freaking head, I just spent 35+ years under the thumb of a narcissist. That’s no excuse for me to talk shit about the people I ostensibly care about behind their backs. It’s a legit question whether this person truly knows and accepts Melissa’s true feelings or whether they’d prefer a state shelter to someone who thinks they’re a delusional mooch.

Srsly, you’ve done everything BUT use the term deviant. I appreciate that the rest of my post is uncomfortable tho. Do with it what you will.

I think people do a lot of things for show/credit that violate deeply held beliefs. If I were homeless and desperate, I might stay with a racist too. IJS. Needs must.

You dislike the person in your home so much that you feel using preferred pronouns caused you pain (more than the kid with no family and no place to go) but you want credit for not misgendering the houseless child? Are we to understand that you were the real victim? Had no agency or capacity to say no to the deviant person seeking shelter in your home? Or just that you were gracious enough to allow this poor, confused soul to seek shelter with you? Does this person know how you really feel about them? Are they ok with that? Did they have alternatives?

Respect is respect. You don’t know what race the other person is running. But you can guess, and probably come real close. No. It’s not separate. Intersectionality means considering all of the ways in which marginalized people intersect in all of these ways. Ethnic minorities intersect with gender minorities and sexual minorities and income minorities, and persons with disabilities, and every other aspect of life. Intersectionality is about understanding all of those various aspects of who we are as people. And how they create intersecting, and overlapping ids, and ever more damaging odds. Respect costs nothing. Ignorance is far more damaging.

And, yet, it’s diminishing all the same. Names don’t put your life at risk. Racism does.

No, I don’t know what it’s like to be you. But I do know what it’s like to be me. And I know that I have a variety of burdens that other people on this forum cannot fathom, cause they don’t know and don’t want to. And that’s OK, I don’t wish to discuss them openly or amongst people who will use them against me. It is what it is. And it’s not sunshine and roses because my husband and I have managed to make a decent living out of the shit we’ve been dealt. But, no, hating the continued use of a childhood nickname is the same as misgendering an adult employee. I’m off to bed. Too annoyed. Be well.

No, but the reality is that I have had to be more familiar with your experiences and your life, and your reality than you have with mine. As a matter of course. As a matter of survival. As a matter of functioning, and succeeding, in this world. It’s very easy to be blasé about my experiences, and whether or not they are as meaningful as your own because you don’t *need* to be any more curious or thoughtful.

Scarlet, bless you, I am so happy that you have been able to reconcile your various identities and be comfortable with your lot in life. I am so happy, that your pain and traumas have ceased. Mine are ongoing, you may not know that, but my life, as a black woman, never ends and never gets better. And, the trials and tribulations and risks that my children face when they leave my home and go out into the world as adults, also, do not end. Your insistence on equating your various experiences as a religious minority in the United States do not compare, at all, to what me and my family are experiencing…not now and not ever.

I’ve had to fake tolerance for racism and bigotry every day of my life. GET IN LINE. Most of us need pay/work. Folks don’t coexist with this dissonance. They work themselves into an early grave, or rage silently, or otherwise/obviously lash out.

Not out of fashion, just mercilessly mocked as impractical.

Personally, I don’t find it a lie to call someone by their name or preferred pronouns. It doesn’t violate my conscience to respect other people’s preferences or naming conventions. If you wanna call your child, Apple, I’m going to call your child Apple. If you want to name your child Abcde, I’m going to call your child ABCDE. Why? I have respect for your choices, even if I disagree with them. If you truly feel that your conscience is violated by calling someone what they prefer to be called, then stay out of the broader workforce. You can stay home with your kids, or work for yourself, or freelance for whomever wants to hire you. Those are all valid options

Thank you for acknowledging that the workplace is not the place to fight culture wars. That was the ENTIRE point of the thread/OP. No one cares if you lose respect. They care about what you do *at work*.

It's been a LOOONG month and will get longer (DH is flying out as soon as we drop DD off). Thank you Sen. Tuberville! Love Republicans, really, y'all are great military champions, wonderful, lovely, so thoughtful and respectful. *snark off*

So was I. I had no idea what I didn't know. I try hard not to make the same mistake twice or encourage others to do what I did but to learn from my mistakes. Live longer, learn more, do better.

Thanks for that. I don't think males behaving inappropriately in the workplace is something I'd approve of but never say never. I've seen some things. Life is messy.

OH NO. You've seen me angry MANY times. It's usually when my filter slips and I start cursing people left and right, lol.

Fair enough. What it meant, for me, is that I had bigger fish to FRY.