We have struggled with this concept for quite some time. This is for dd7 (will be 8 in December and is in 2nd grade). What is 3+2? (answer 5, no problem) What is 13+2? (long pause, answer 15) What is 23+2? (long pause and I point out that the 3+2 hasn't changed, only the 10's value has one more added to it than the previous answer. Longer pause, answer 20. No. Answer 18. I remind that we're adding. Long pause again so I show her how 3+2 is the same, only the first number has changed. She gets the right answer.) Then we move on to 7+1 (answer 8, no problem) What is 17+1 (long pause, answer 18) What is 27+1 (garbled repeat of the above.) I moved back to place value thinking that it would help. Some days it's clear, occasionally she gets confused again. For the past four days, she's been okay with place value perfectly which is why I tried these problems again. What am I doing wrong?

None of my girls have been patient waiters initially. We use electronics for our oldest with autism. For the other two, they can take crayons/paper and a book. I give them a timer that counts down the time (the same one I use in the kitchen actually). When it comes time to talk, I make sure to announce where the doctor or therapist can hear, "I need to talk with Dr. Smith for 10 minutes. Here is the timer and when it goes off, we will leave." I always try to give myself an extra minute, but when it goes off, we leave immediately. Occasionally, a doctor might interrupt and request that I set it to 15 minutes if they think they need a few more. It works great because even if I'm talking when it goes off, I stand up and finish the conversation while I pack up. They know they can trust me to leave when the timer is finished.

Whenever we go to the doctor with an illness, I ask for any samples of medicines they might need. If the dermatologist recommended a special soap for my daughter's eczema, they might give me 3 small bars and tubes of liquid (plus coupons) rather than one. Once, I had all three girls sick with some hideous virus. The doctors office gave us 12 sample bottles of triaminic (or was it dimeatapp?) and as many of ibuprofen. It may be a small thing but when you buy bags of fruit or onions/potatoes, weigh the bags to see which one weighs the most. Most bags are sold by a certain price and weight, but not all bags weigh the same. It may mean the difference of only one extra item in the bag, but it's a fairly simple thing to do for that one extra piece of fruit or potato.

My friend calls soccer (at that age) 'bumble bee ball' because it's like a bunch of bees moving around in one big clump. :) My middle daughter used the first year of soccer to practice cartwheels and doing the splits. She had a slower pace than most of her teammates. She still does soccer, but she is a tougher player at this point. The teams are co-ed and some of the guys she goes up against are easily a foot taller and 100 lbs heavier. Sometimes I'm peeking through my fingers as she goes charging full speed towards the ball at the same time as someone else. Because she is small, she is good at diving into the fray and emerging with the ball and then passing it along. I wouldn't call her the best player, but she's certainly not the weakest. She holds her own and she loves it. I'm sure it's frustrating for you to watch, but perhaps look at it as a time to learn patience and encouragement? There was a time when I took martial arts and I loved it. I didn't necessarily love the nights I was assigned to a new person to show them the basics. I eventually turned it into a mission to find something I could learn from everyone, even the newbs. Basically, self-imposed character training for myself. lol

My husband's grandmother put into place a family trust as she was getting older. It was basically a "blood trust" meaning that the money from one trust would go to blood kin. When she died, it was written into the trust that it be split a certain way - 1/2 going to her only child (MIL) as a trust, 1/4 going to her only grandchild (DH) as a trust, and the other 1/4 going to our kids in a trust. When MIL dies, her money (regardless of who she is married to) will empty into DH's trust. When DH dies, his trust goes to our kids. (We have life insurance to take care of me and it's noted in the trust that if we are still married, I should be taken care of with trust money). MIL has a will that spells out what step-FIL will receive if he outlives her. That worked out quite well and would probably work in your situation. The trust took care of his grandmother completely until she passed. The opposite situation is that MIL's husband is not doing well (dementia among other things) and is in assisted living. It's quite possible for HIS costs to completely drain her trust. The trust supported both of them without them having to work. It's staggering what costs can occur as you get older. I would not count on your FIL's money having seen what I have in the past few months. It's horrifying. Basically, ask FIL to set up a family trust, will (specifying what he will leave his new wife), power of attorney to his kids and then work on how you will save for your kids' education. Hope for the best, prepare for the worst. :)

Yes, the other girls do her nails. :) The powder is a great suggestion. We're not going to do eye liner or mascara. I am considering a smidgen of eye shadow.

I rarely use cosmetics. I also don't use perfume or hair products (other than shampoo/conditioner). My oldest daughter will turn 13 in December. She has autism and is non-verbal and dependent on us for most of her self-care. Both my 11 yr old and 7 yr old are somewhat girly-girls and quite fashion conscious. I focus on making sure my oldest daughter's hair is washed, teeth brushed and deodorant applied. The other girls have slowly added in bracelets, scarves, hats and lobbied for cuter clothes for her. (I tend to be practical). Tonight, my 11 yr old asked if they could start using make-up on oldest dd. They are the ones who dress her in the morning and style her hair and they want her to start wearing make-up like the other girls her age at school. (My oldest is my only public school child). Most girls her age are wearing full make-up by this point which I don't agree with. Her skin is still clear (I clean her face every night during her bath) so I'm not sure that I want foundation. I would be okay with blush, lip gloss and maybe light eyeshadow. I vetoed perfume but agreed that she could wear lighter fragrances (very light). Any suggestions or thoughts? Part of me is uncertain about make-up but my oldest absolutely ADORES it when the other girls make a fuss about her. The three of them spend ages in front of a mirror together. I think she might enjoy it. The biggest problem is (again), I haven't a clue about make-up. What would be a good brand for sensitive skin?

I think there's a fine line between independence and abuse. I would consider most of the list as probably okay, except for the name-calling. Name-calling is never okay. My 11 yr old now has a lot of responsibility (I increased her chores lately). She is also partially responsible for caring for her disabled 12 yr old sister and also watches after her younger sister. Depending on how this works out, depends on whether it is a burden. If they all want to go walking through the woods, they all enjoy it but the 11 yr old is in charge. I wouldn't consider that to be a "chore". Occasionally, I try to do an extra chore while 12 yr old is in the tub and ask 11 yr old to keep an eye on her. That would be a chore since the 11 yr old is basically stuck in the bathroom (although she's allowed to read or play games on her kindle). She enjoys cooking and is responsible for helping DH in the morning with breakfast. At some point soon, she will take that over completely. (However, meat and breads are pre-cooked, so it's mostly microwave and eggs). Although I want to be a classical home-schooler, I find myself leaning more towards eclectic and unschooling. We have textbooks. My 11 yr old teaches history to both herself and her younger sister. She asked if she could do it (we use SOTW) and after some thought, I agreed. She gives me a list of books and items she wants/needs. She reads the chapter out loud to her sister, asks her the review questions, organizes the projects and they both take the tests. It seems odd, but it works and she loves it. So does her sister. I think it would all boil down to a child's happiness and over-all well-being. If the child in question is unhappy, stressed, crying and not well, then it isn't good, regardless of what she is doing. If the child loved every minute of the day, even if it seems like a lot, she's fine. And that would have nothing to do with your child being sheltered. Different kids enjoy and tolerate different things. :001_smile:

You ladies are awesome! Thanks so much :) I have no fear about the next couple of weeks.

I like it. :)

The grill I have has a front and back flame, so I'm not sure I can get it completely off the flame. That would be one skinny pizza!. ;)

How do you cook pizza on the grill? Just put the pan on the grill, leaving one side on and off? (Keep in mind my pizza dough is literally dough).

I'm actually in really good shape kitchen appliance-wise. I just really rely on my oven. We have multiple crockpots, gas stove, grill and microwave. Breakfast breads and muffins were my first challenge and I don't mind buying a cupcake maker for that since it would give the girls an appliance to use independently (my 7 yr old isn't allowed to use the oven yet). Pizza is our biggest concern. Cookies is our next. (I know that sounds weird, but we bake most of our own desserts and I have about a dozen gf cookie mixes in the pantry. So, we have no dessert plans for the next few weeks.) I also bought frozen pies (gf) to cook for a breakfast alternative. I think a pan across the grill would work for my seafood. There's not many places to eat out here, so we're fairly safe on that concern. I'd like to keep our food simple rather than just buying more food that is easier to cook. I can borrow a neighbor's oven very easily. The planning is what bothers me. I have to carve out time from my list of things to do to get over there.

saraha - I don't know if it would work or not. I'll try as that would help, especially with the fish. I have four meals planned (one a week) that involve seafood that I've already purchased. celticmom- I'm in Alabama. :) It's a bit cool in the mornings, but I'm still hanging hand-washables outside and it's drying just fine. :) Most solar cooker stuff would probably do just as well in a crock pot. I'll check out the camp stoves. Pizza and seafood are my biggest concerns. Each one is scheduled for once a week. I've already missed this week and will also miss next week. I had hoped to prep more food on DH's next payday, but this depends on a variety being in my freezer to begin with. Additionally, my meals were planned as we do lots of extra curriculars in the evening. I literally planned specific meals on specific days. I'm so annoyed about the oven situation. maimom and bethaneyinez - I'll look into a toaster oven. Our biggest issue would be keeping gluten free and regular stuff separate. We use separate toasters as my daughter is very sensitive. We eat different pizzas. Do they really make toaster ovens big enough to put pizza pans in? I'm amazed. I obviously haven't been watching that area.... And, yes, cost is a huge issue. The oven will be nearly $500 to fix. I threw my entire grocery budget on the front end to prepare meals in the hope that in another month or two, the savings would start happening since there would be less waste. I'm holding my breath on my budget.

I need creativity and ideas. My oven broke during a power surge earlier this week. We finally had a repairman come out yesterday and it needs a new control panel. He's ordering one but said it would be 7 - 10 days before it comes in. He also said that occasionally something happens and it may take longer. I had JUST finished pre-making and freezing 28 meals in the freezer and pantry that are crockpot and oven made. I did this as an attempt to help organize myself (from a thread a couple of weeks back about being overwhelmed). I spent the bulk of my grocery money for the month on preparing things and have only a little left (which I had planned for milk and veggies/fruit). I can borrow someone's oven, but it's hard to prepare everything and then rush it back home, especially if i'm having sides with it. I do have a grill, but I've never cooked fish or shrimp (in a sauce no less) on a grill. The fish is tilapia and orange roughy and they would just fall through the grate if I tried it. I also have pizza and I know that's probably impossible. I also had breakfast muffins and breads I had wanted to make. I'm thinking of buying one of those foldover cupcake makers so I can make those and cupcakes (since cookies are out for now). We eat gluten free so we had to adjust ingredients in many things. I rely on my oven a lot. We usually have some type of bread toasted to go with our dinner. I have 12 loaves of baguette bread just waiting (and sadly possibly wasting) for an oven. There's got to be a way to turn my grill into an oven in a simple way. Suggestions? Also, I'm cooking for five but my oldest is turning into a teen-ager so she eats (and eats and eats).

Could it be night terrors? My daughters had them around that age and it's like they woke up IN a bad dream. I agree about not locking them in their room. Can you put a baby gate across the doorway and teach them to stay in their room when the gate is in place? (The gate would be more of a visual barrier than physical).

My oldest has autism and helps me in the kitchen. She doesn't understand when we speak to her, but we can show her things with some comprehension. She used to love sticking her hands in the batter (no matter what we were cooking) to taste it. She's very into "senses" - she enjoys tasting and smelling and handling items. I encourage this because she has not always been a good eater and I like for her to be curious about food. What we did for batter (since it is unsanitary, I don't care how long it's baked, I think it's a bit ick) was to give her several disposable plastic spoons and she would have to ask permission before tasting (she uses pictures to communicate and would tap on the words "taste batter"). I'd give her a small taste and she'd throw the spoon in the garbage. Yes, we went through tons of spoons. If she licks her fingers across the spoon, we keep baby wipes in the kitchen and she wipes her hand off with one or a wet washcloth. Perhaps some of these suggestions can be gently suggested to the mom? I would have the teacher talk with the mom and suggest that they use this cooking time to also teach her daughter about sanitary ways of cooking as well as having cooking projects.

I get a variety of questions from people, mostly because home schooling is not well known around here. There are only a handful of families who home school. The rest "home school" by sending them to a church school. My poor step mother is the one most confused. She keeps wondering how we get curriculum (we buy it), who decides what they are going to do (we decide together), who approves it (nobody). We have the conversation everytime we see her. She's not rude, just genuinely baffled. If they ask when we will let them go to real school, I nicely remind them that the girls do real school work so are in school at the moment. I then tell them that if they are asking when the girls will go to public school, that we discuss it over the summer and make a decision every year. If someone asks the girls why they aren't in school, I've told them to cheerfully reply, "We home school!" and smile. If I'm asked about socialization, I offer to let the person run carpool for the various activities they are in and ask the girls about what their friends are up to these days. I get a running commentary on who is crushing on whom, the "in" music, who broke their arm, etc from the girls after activities. I'm more than happy for someone else to carpool and take them to parties and sleepovers. I did have to laugh when our dentist told the girls, "You need to brush twice a day and if you think about it, try to brush when you get in from school." They replied, "We home school!" He replied, "Oh, my rules are different for home schoolers - you need to brush three times a day, every day since you can." lol

DD had an appendectomy early September and was released from the hospital four weeks ago, yesterday. (The appendix ruptured on removal so we were in the hospital for five days. She had follow up antibiotics for the next 10 days due to infection). One week ago today, she had her surgery follow up and the doctor said that everything was healing fine and she could resume activities depending on how she felt. The surgery was laparoscopic (sp?) so the stitches are tiny but most have come out. She has been lightly participating in cheer, dance and karate. Tonight, she was at karate and they practiced kicks to the stomach. Prior to the pairing up, Sensei reminded the class that DD had just had surgery and to NOT kick close to her stomach at all. One of the newer students apparently wasn't paying attention (that's the only thing I can think of). He kicked her directly in the stomach and she fell to the ground (she's also very small for her age so he outweighs her a good deal though she is older). She sat out for the rest of the class (it was almost finished but I wasn't there or we would have left immediately). (Sensei addressed the situation appropriately but it's not relevant at the moment). She's very sore and some of the stitches did tear (or where they were, I'm not sure). It's not bleeding, but you can tell the skin is a bit 'raw'. (I can't think of the word - it's what skin would look like if it was about to bleed, but wasn't). She took a shower but said that the water was stinging the site. There's a bump right below her belly button that wasn't there before, but it looks like where some stitches might have split and formed a 'ridge' of sorts. The whole belly button area looks reddened (but not badly). I'll put a call into her doctor tomorrow, but I'm hoping for some reassurance that it's had time to heal and she hasn't damaged it. It doesn't look alarming although it's apparent that the site has been hurt. Thoughts?

I've had to resort to plasticware and paper plates on occasion. If there's nobody available to clean up and I'm tired, then our family eats on paper plates. I can manage the pots and pans.

He works 4 - 5 hours on Sat and again on Sun. The rest of the day he isn't working. We're paying roughly $12 - 15 per hour.

When he stays over, he's eating at our house three times a day. We have one daughter with Celiac Disease who is very underweight. We eat high fat, high quality, gluten free items. A typical breakfast would be gluten free pancakes, eggs, bacon, grits, fruit/yogurt. We eat sandwiches for lunch but she can only eat Boar's head lunchmeat without getting sick. (The cost is about $8 - 10 a lb so I usually spend $25 on lunchmeat alone for the week-end). Dinner is typically a meat, veggie and starch with a dessert. I always make soup on Sunday since he has about five friends over and I do feed them while they are here. (Soup isn't too hard since I sometimes quadruple it and freeze the extra - I just take it from the freezer and throw in a crock pot). He lives about an hour away. That's why he stays over. The work right now takes two days to complete (it's too hot during the daytime for him to mow, although it's getting better closer to fall). I think part of him coming for the week-end is also because he enjoys spending time with DH. He has few friends and his fiancee broke off their wedding about a year ago so he isn't dating yet.

I could compromise to one week-end a month. When Friend is over, DH spends a lot of time with him. To be fair, they include the kids in games, walks through the woods, etc quite a bit. I feel a bit like Cinderella doing the cooking and cleaning. I like projects and arrangements that have a definite stopping point. I can see Friend coming over every other week-end for years - no end in sight. DH does like to be generous but it's annoying at times. He bought a trombone last year from someone who was selling it because they needed money. None of us play the trombone. It just sits in storage. Things like that drive me nuts. The projects he wants to do are minor and weren't even on my "radar" of things to get fixed. I can't leave to go anywhere for the week-end because we're really busy. The week-ends are clean up, planning and cooking. Thanks for ALL the replies. I'm reading and thinking about them all.

My husband has a good friend (we'll call him Friend) that he's known for about 20 years. Friend is bi-polar (severely) and receives disability. He also works, but not a lot (basically he works as much as he can that doesn't affect his disability - he relies on medical benefits significantly). He lives independently but his family checks in on him frequently. He also does yard work for us and receives $240 a month. We have a lot of acreage and he mows the yard, trims bushes, etc. Originally, we had planned for him and one other person to do our yardwork (and they would split the money). They planned to come over every other Sunday morning, work, and then hang out for the rest of the day (my husband has a group of friends over every other Sunday afternoon). After a month, the other person backed out so Friend started coming over on Saturday to get everything done by Sunday afternoon. Somehow, it then moved to where he came after work on Friday and stayed the week-end. (We have a guest house). Friend eats a lot. He is not overweight but is a big guy. His medication also makes him hungry. We eat special diets here and honestly, we eat well. We spend a lot on food. Friend eats with us when he's here. We also make sure the guest house is kept comfortably cool (we have window units since the house is older and poorly insulated). Honestly, I've been looking forward to the end of summer since the yard work would be finished and we would save $240 a month. Plus, we probably spend another $50 - 75 between utilities and food per month on him. Additionally, due to the house being poorly insulated, heating the house is horrifically expensive (when we lived there, it was around $500 and up each month). It will be expensive to heat for comfort even for just six days a month. A few days ago, DH mentioned that he had asked Friend to keep working during the winter (same rate of pay) to do odd jobs around the property (moving things, helping electrical work, carpentry/construction). These are things that need to be done, but are not emergency projects. I would rather some of these had been done during the summer, even if we paid him extra for it (since he was already here eating and using utilities). And, these projects will cost us more money since they will involve purchasing materials and supplies. We are comfortable, but we are not that comfortable (financially). I'm trying to think of some middle ground for a compromise, but I can't think of anything. I don't want him here during the winter. He's nice, helpful, carries in my groceries, plays with the girls, etc. (But the girls are tired of him being around so much as well). Recently, Friend lost his job which makes this decision harder. DH told me that Friend sometimes only eats sandwiches for all of his meals since he hasn't enough money. He thinks we should continue our arrangement. I think that Friend has family and they should look after him. (They are on good terms). I'm conflicted. I hate to be selfish, but I'm tired of him always here, all week-end, every other week-end. I guess this is more of a vent than anything else...

Honestly, I could've written your post (minus the doula and church job). It is overwhelming. I have assigned my kids more chores to do (which has helped) and given my husband a 'honey do' list (dry erase board on the refrigerator) that he slowly accomplishes. I'm slowly hammering out a routine. Do you have family nearby? I'd go ahead and look at what a housekeeper would cost. We have someone come in 3 hours a week and it's a lifesaver (and not that expensive). All the best.