First, love is unconditional...keep that in mind. (or rather should be! :)) Second, love is also honest...not the soul bearing, let it off your chest b/c it makes you feel better, but because you are not helping her by burying your resentment...she is able to be who she is, let yourself be who you are. It IS loving to be honest. I would 'email' something along the lines of, this has been a tough year, most of mother's care has fallen to me and my family. We do not often get time to enjoy one another with our schedules. I do hold a lot of resentment for the lack of care or help you have shown for mom. I am afraid if you do come over, it will not be peaceful and right now....I need peace. I hope you understand. No sugar coating it, not belly aching and going into defenses, just laying it out there. Maybe even, if you would like to come over for an hour or two, that is fine..I am sure mom would love to see you. Just be honest, let go of the bitterness but by all means be honest in a loving way.

I have found that AHG troops are highly respectful of denominations, we have over 7 represented in our troop...I love that we can share our love for Christ and leave the particulars at the door...it has made me even more interested in the various denominations bc I see how regardless we are all sisters in Him and to love one another is key. We also have varieties of girls, it s wonderful for Them to learn how to love those that are different or have struggles separate from our own. I only have camped with about nine other troops, but found this to be the case!

With another mom, we started our troop 7 years ago..wow! Time flies! We started with 8 girls and now have over 60, we are at full capacity, every troop decides how often they meet, for us it was much easier to meet every other week for 2 hours rather than every week for one. Badges we have done as a troop: Golfing, Outdoor Skills, Textile Arts, Engineering, 7 C's of History, Citizenship and Government, Our Flag, Dance, Horsemanship, Canoeing, Puppetry, The Best Me I Can Be, Emergency Preparedness..etc. Also summer camps are popping up throughout the country sponsored by local troops, My girls go to one in Knoxville and love it. We have been nothing but pleased, but I will add..if you join, please do all you can (I do not expect parents with little ones to have much time to give) to volunteer under some capacity...there is a huge time commitment for those in leadership positions and as a troop grows...more parents make light work :)

Sometimes there is a disconnect on HOW God works!! It has helped my children immensely (especially in ages 8-14) to read books about His Hand at work and even see how when we think He's NOT working, He really is!! Books that have really inspire my children's walk The Hiding Place by Corrie Ten Boom The End of the Spear (movie as well!) And believe it or not, we ADORE all the Adventures in Odyssey on discs...phenomenal lessons of how God works in us and those who struggle!!

We are not military, but with job moves we have had 9 moves...one took place in 2 weeks, got the promotion, flew the NEXT day to the new city (clear across the country)...got an apartment, closed on the house in 2 weeks and moved in 2 days after closing (took moving trucks that long to make the drive)...oh and I was 36 weeks pregnant..had been in the house 2 weeks when I delivered our third in a city where I only met the OB once and then had our blessing! It CAN be done, but it all becomes a blur! :) Oh and our other two were under the age of 3..so fun times! :)

I have had these...I am polite and some guys just are hungry for 'nice'...ugh! The best thing for me was to get busy, run late to class, need to rush out to Zumba class..have my cellphone ring and need to take the call...then turn away and head to my car...after awhile the message gets across...when I have tried to be honesr, it never turns out well and is even more awkward. Good luck!

Second Toyota Previas/Siennas!! We are diligent (sort of) with our maintenance, always use full synthetic oils, change it often, change timing belt/hoses at 100k, flush the engine and radiator about every 60k...replace spark plugs as needed, usually once every 100k....never have had any repairs outside of maintenance. Our 13 year old Sienna has 210,000 miles on it....just now are we replacing the original rear brakes!! I just LOVE it!! My husband is itching to put it out to pasture, but I think it has another 200k in it! Saves us a new car payment! :)

First, put on your kryptonite sensitivity suit for teachers such as those...gain that confidence, apologize for her inconvenience and thank her for her insight. Then I would take my son out of the class. Is it more important that he learn Mandarin or that his love of learning be quelched and fit into a nice tidy box? If you raise an inquisitive, thoughtful child....believe me, at 10/12/15 (whenever he is ready to learn Mandarin) he will soar and not need 5 years to do it. We have friends who sent their son to Taiwan for one summer, he is now teaching Chinese classes (he took 2 years locally at age 14) to young children...he would LOVE a student like yours. I teach classes, and even in the high school level there are those inquisitive types...I gently encourage them back on to topic...and would NEVER talk about them in front of their parents...this lady should be limited to teaching a very specific type of child. Not that it is bad, just she does not have the patience/nurturing aspect I would want for any child.

It truly is an encouragment to hear the testimonies of those who have tried various methods to reach peace and healing with these disorders...sometimes just the knowledge that others have been there done that (kind of like reading trip reports before you travel to a foreign country) makes the ability to encourage that much stronger...thank you all and :grouphug: to the difficult journey many of you have faced and managed!

To clarify, she is only 18...and honestly, she has the maturity of a 15 year old, so while many of you point out she is an adult and should take control of this on her own, she has never worked a day in her life, had any responsibility (her parents have not encouraged this) and never driven...she has struggled with being away at college...the only way to quit at this point was to get a medical excuse, that was a big motivation, she did not want to get failing grades this semester. I am hopeful that some of her peers at school helped guide her to get checked out, because she would not do this on her own. I do know one of her best friend's mother's has been institutionalized several times, she would be one to help her realize these are medical conditions not just minor issues. Thank so much for your kind thoughts, we love her deeply and each of us want to be a network of support, if we are not informed, it makes it harder to know how! Thanks!

Very helpful! Thank you! I am hopeful she can receive therapy where the degree of her condition can be adequately assessed. The experiences you all have shared are so valuable....with many diagnoses you want to learn from other experiences...

Yes! Very emotionally supportive! I know they love her dearly, they just have not been able to give her much constructive support. I see OCD issues with her mother and my brother has always had issues with germs and that kind of stuff...so I think they both could benefit from any therapy they find for their daughter. Their insurance will not kick in until next month so I know they will need to wait to follow up with local physicians. Looking back, and the condition of the house they just moved out of I am guessing her mother does have hoarding issues...my parents have had to throw out truckload after truckload in able to get it ready to sell. They just did not know what to do with items...so they just kept them I guess. I greatly appreciate all the help! It helps to know what has worked for others!

"Both addictions and OCD can be overcome by participating in the appropriate treatment for each. The appropriate treatment for OCD is cognitive behavior therapy with an emphasis on exposure and ritual prevention. And people who smoke or drink or do drugs can choose to stop. It is hard, but they can make that choice. People with OCD can choose to stop their compulsions too. It is hard, but we can make that choice and we can stop. No, we don't overcome it completely, but neither does the addicted person overcome completely his addiction. The desire to use is always there. And with OCD, the obsessions will always lurk in the back or our minds. But they will fade.* OCD is a disease, but like diabetes and addictions, it can be treated. And much of the treatment comes from choosing to participate in lifestyle changes." Experiences like these from OCD patients are helpful...I believe firmly that the best therapies are a combo like mentioned above, just trying to see all avenues.

You presume too much, there is no therapy at all, just sent home with a prescription. My frame of mind is seeking out experiences from others and I shared my own...if you can not help in this regard...how is that going to help her? No one in our family has experience with these issues...we are all trying to become more informed and I greatly appreciate the help.

I think she would greatly benefit from these therapies! She is a bright girl and I think if she knows it works for some, she would be encouraged....thank you! She lives close to a metro area and I know they must have that available!

The key is these parents have called me in the past on their medical questions because I was premed, worked in the industry for 10 years and unfortunately have had to seek out specialists at St. Jude, Vanderbilt, Children's hospital, and the Mayo clinic because of acute and chronic illnesses my own daughter has suffered from in the past. Before they make that call, I want to make sure I am informed nd not relying on my own experiences. That is why I shared my observations and why I have sought out help here. You both may not have read my concerns put later in the thread..there is a history of her parents neglecting their living condition to extremes...this translates into concerns. I am only helping if asked to, but I want to be as educated on the issue as I can. In no means am I calling them up and dictating care, but if they ask, it is because they are not confident in knowing how to help her...the more information anyone can gain will only help.

Not at all, my concern lays in knowing how to help her. I have had no experience with any of these disorders, I sold medicines for schizophrenia which is a completely different beast but similarly related to hormones to some extent. I am sorry if my post came across that way, as I mentioned I am not a fan of Prozac because I have seen the bad results associated, many patients on the antipsychotic drug I represented had experience with Prozac as well, so my experiences with it have by far been negative. It is reassuring to hear others have had success with this drug and even with dosage increases. I am going to help her family find the quality care she needs, they just are not aggressive when it comes to the medical issues...there are many ways you can find the better mental health care providers...I just want the best or her so she can regain some confidence in her future.

Thank you all!!! Such wonderful insights and some very hard situations expressed! I have offered for her to come and stay with me for 2 weeks, I just wanted to be as informed as I could with how to help her, encourage her and support her through this. I was in the pharmaceutical industry for 10 years so I know more than I need to know about many medications...my biggest issue with Prozac is that it really needs to be taken daily and at the exact hour to maintain a steady state therapeutic level...my biggest fear is that she is not capable of doing this...she is likely to skip doses or double up on missed ones, then I have serious reservations about the efficacy the drug can provide for her. I kind of wanted her to come here so that I could impress upon her the need to take it as prescribed...her parents are just not the kind to be diligent with stuff like this. Interestingly, I think her mother might have some root issues? One of you mentioned hoarding...I do not think she hoards but early in their marriage, I went to visit them when I was in town and the house was in horrible condition...honestly, it would have been condemned on many levels...feces on the wall in their bathrooms b/c they ran out of tissue and their son used his hand? microwave that was coated in black, could not see a single white plastic wall! I spent 12 hours just trying to clean what I could....I won't even say what the oven and fridge looked like...but I just could not see how a home could be like that....her mom really had no opinion...just acted surprised when I showed her how to clean stuff....it made me so sick that her daughter was living in this and her son. Her entire wall in her kitchen was covered in fly mess...it was bizarre. I just assumed it was b/c her mother was lazy, she is known to just sit around all day reading romance novels (she does hoard those). I just have not dealt with issues like these and know the family has no structure, I just don't know if they are going to make things worse for their daughter by not being able to help her... :(

I think you were overreacting just a bit...some people are just not that 'easy going' with lots of kids around...and when there has been some history of people not watching their own children... Glad you mil has let it slide until tomorrow...but just be prudent and set rules...I'm not sure how she works with the horses...but we have three horses and often put many children on them even after a long spell of not riding...mine are very well trained, even if we don't 'ride' during the winter months we still do ground work with them often and of course are with them 2-3x a day feeding hay/grooming/watering etc. I use every instance out there to use as a working moment. That said, I keep rules simple...only ONE child in the pasture with the horses at a time, all other children must stay behind the gate until it's their turn..if they do not, they lose their ride. Each child must have a helmet on...I'm a stickler on this....having had a 9 year old be taken away with a runaway 'school' horse at her instructor's stables resulting in cracked helmet makes me so. But, before she puts any child on, someone needs to do a good bit of ground work to make sure the horse is in a good state of mind...have fun, they're amazing animals and most that I know are very conscious if a child is on them.

A family member of mine just received this diagnosis....I'm trying to look back and see a trend....she is in college and just dropped out this week. The college doctor (her parents' insurance won't kick in until mid-April..job change) she went to gave her this diagnosis and prescribed prozac. I am not a fan of that drug, especially in younger adults. Background facts: Through her teens she went through a few anomalies (but many teens do, so not many of us thought much of it) but she went through a handwashing phase, literally chapping her hands, she could not stop it. That ended after about 7 months. Then she went through a vegetarian phase (not saying anything negative about it, but the way she went about it was more OCD I guess than you'd think)....that lasted 3 years, she has for about a year now added meats back in. She had some episodes of freaking out about germs...one time another cousin was brushing her hair with this girl's brush and put it in between her legs while she was bending over to pull her hair into a ponytail, the other niece really overreacted about the whole thing. Those are really the only things I can think of over a span of 7 years where anything 'different' was going on..she's a pretty happy go lucky girl. This was her second semester in college...I'm wondering if the stress of college could make it worse? My concern is of course for her welfare and part of that is her sleep patterns, I do not think she has gone to bed before 2am for 6 years. Her parents just said that's how she is. They never tried to help her in this area. She came to visit me for a week and the first night stayed up until 2am..but I woke her up at 7am and made her go with us for our daily schedule..she helped out on the farm and was zonked at 10pm...she went to bed at 10pm each night after that and woke up normally..it was almost as if she was a different person. Can sleep rhythms have a significant affect on those with issues like these? I guess I'm just trying to find ways that we can help her....any modifications that may mean a lesser prescription or help her symptoms? Right now, I think her main symptom is performance anxiety, she is in school for voice and she could just not perform. She's never had that problem...please say a prayer for her if you can and any insight from those who have experience with this please share...

You need to sit down and do a spreadsheet on all non-variable budget expenses. Mortgage/rent Auto payment Insurance payment Credit cards cell phone bill home phone bill Orthodontist payments (:)) Then make a list of variable montly expenses: Utilities (ours can vary from a hundred to five hundred!) Food Gas (I have my husband charge all his gas on a credit card for 3 months so we have a good idea of what he is using, mine is always the same, my life is like clockwork, 3 fill ups a month..Prius goes a long way!) Doctor copays we just have one physical a year so I usually don't count these. Dental appointments Subtract all these from his take home pay. Figure out how much money you have left...NO spending on ANYTHING outside the set budget for 3 months..we did this and realized we had quite a cushion for those months when we needed new tires or hay for the horses. We budget on 2 paychecks a month, since he is paid biweekly, that usually means 2 months a year we get 2 extra paychecks that cover all our incidentals/vacation etc. I can't imagine asking my husband for a budget, I know where every penny every month is spent...my husband loves that I do it all, I'm a creature of habit..so we never get stung by life's hiccups (so far!)

We have AllState but they automatically put us on a free roadside assistance program b/c our home and autos are both with them, have used them 3x for flat tires and they've always been fast! Check with your insurer!

Mega dittos!

I would do Disney, only because my dh and I are kids at heart. We did the B&B route a few times...really just lackluster boredom for us. Here would be our plan for Disney. Stay at Contemporary or the resort that has Yachtsman's Steakhouse, we love that restaurant! Great pools there, too! Hit Magic Kingdom first, pick a restaurant to view the fireworks from. Hit Epcot and MGM or whatever it is called now the next day. Just enjoy the fun of being kids again...that rejuvenates us more than anything...we will save Charleston for our retirement years, wait, who am I kidding, we'll be taking the grandkids to Disney Paris! :)

Oh, update, the board apologized and reversed their decision, he can wear a kilt....