blondeviolin
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Posts posted by blondeviolin
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He's still doing the Concerta. He had sworn to me more agreeable to bed time and stop trying to stay up late. We have been consistent about melatonin. Next week, we are going to do a time trial at swim and see if his times have tanked again. If not, we'll keep with the Concerta. If they do, we'll try adderall or Ritalin.
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I missed the original post, but am getting, I think, the jist of it from the replies.
Regarding what you mentioned in one of your replies, about him knowing the steps but unable to do them when emotion kicks in -- we're also working with a psychologist with our son on this issue. He gets frustrated, reacts in a manner disproportionate to the situation, and at that moment doesn't even really recognize that he even IS upset, let alone that he needs to use his calming techniques, and he's certainly not receptive to being coached in the moment like that, at all.
One of the things she's having us do with him, is that she's given him 3 different types/sets of language for how to self-identify how he's feeling (becoming more and more finessed/fine tuned with each one). The first image was just that of a snow globe -- shaken up/swirling, or settled down. Very broad, only two choices, etc. When he began having success identifying that she moved to 3 types, using weather -- sunny, cloudy, stormy. Happy/all is well, getting upset, angry/upset. This was to help him start to identify that "just before I hit really crazy mad" phase. Once he had success with identifying that, she moved to a 4 step system of zones (blue, green, yellow, red) where blue is low energy, green is good, yellow is starting to get bugged by stuff, and red is of course frustrated. He really didn't have the language or self awareness to identify what he was feeling, when, other than us saying "why are you mad?" and he didn't feel like mad was right.
How we helped him learn those things -- if he started getting annoyed, we would ask him (and we had a chart for each of these so he could even just use the visual or point to it) and get him to identify where he was. It might still come out as a yell, but he'd identify it, and then maybe be willing to go through the steps to move down a level. (she had prescribed all the things already mentioned; count backwards from 10, true deep breathing and she taught him how, physical activity, coloring a Zen coloring book/mandala coloring book, building a lego creation, etc.)
BUT what I really wanted to mention, addressing what you said about him not using his tools -- one of the key components she has had us do is to do "check-ins" with him when he's engaged in any kind of activity or situation that we know is a common trigger (certain video games or computer games, or very competitive board games, or difficult school work, or whatever). Initially it was to set the timer for even 10 minute intervals and ask him where he is on the scale (outlined above). If he's sunny or green, he keeps going. If he hits cloudy or yellow, he does a calming thing *then* before getting to the stormy/red zone, taking himself back down to the green/sunny level before proceeding. Initially this was with us guiding him, then him setting a timer and checking himself, and eventually moved to 15 mins and longer as he becomes more self aware.
Lastly, everyone in the house knows the steps, so no one yells at him, or overreacts or punishes anymore for it. He gets upset, whoever is there points to the chart (we have one posted up in the computer room and the TV room, two places most likely to generate the frustration at this point), asks him what level he's at, and what does he want to do to get down to the proper level. It isn't all sunny and roses, he still kind of yells his way through it, BUT it's gotten everyone on the same page in dealing with it, which at least keeps it from escalating, which is nice. And the check-ins periodically help HIM to identify and recognize when he's approaching that level, and help him (and us) self-regulate better down to a calmer level *before* the logical side flies out the window and is lost.
Now, we have dealt with far more irrational anger than we're dealing with right now; sometimes it wasn't predictable at all, and then I guess we'd have had to do check-ins all throughout the day (maybe every 30 mins?), but that really has been the most helpful aspect of what we've been doing. I knew a lot of the calming techniques she has him use, we were already trying those, and he was already refusing to do them ;) But the word-pictures she gave him, to identify a name for what he feels in those moments....helpful. And instruction to check-in, identify, and self-soothe until he's down to a reasonable level *before* it gets bad....priceless. It sounds so common sense, now, but in all the years we have dealt with this, I'd never thought of that on my own.
Hope that helps some. If I'm way off base, since I missed the original post, forgive me.
This is really helpful! I could especially use it for my 3yo. Not the intended kid, but it'd help in a different area, so thank you!
The kid that gets angry like this is my 9yo. He can identify what he's feeling, but he gets so wrapped in the emotion of anger that he can't get out of that. He focuses on what made him angry and constantly and stews on it. He refuses to even try because he's so stuck on the one thing. He won't even cooperate.
He's doing much better today.
I am pretty sure this is in some way related to his ADHD and the impulses he feeds off sometimes. I had hopes that the stimulant would help that, but I think working with a therapist will help too. At the very least because he'll listen to that person rather me.
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Are you practicing the calming strategies when he's calm? Are you saying that's when the moaning and groaning is occurring? Maybe it's the age, lol. I just get flat-out refusals. Carrot and stick kwim? We just build it in matter of factly, like this is the next thing, do it and the next thing will be something you like better. But kids are different, like you say.
Yeah. I want him to role play it so it's not foreign in the throes of something else. He thinks he'll look stupid or it's dumb to role play because he's not mad then already knows.
Pretty sure it is partially age. Mom just has no clue, y'know? We do a lot of bribes. :p
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And we've role-played it a lot with lots of moaning and groaning and "this is stupid." He's a kid who thinks he knows it all and I couldn't possibly know what I'm talking about.
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Not really provocative. I just didn't want to forget to delete so I wasn't flaunting stuff about a particular child I was feeling in frustration all over the internet. I really appreciate book and technique suggestions. I'm still reading and looking at things. We have tried to give him tools and techniques but he won't utilize them when upset. He just continues to hyper focus on what is upsetting him. He knows what to do mentally but when the emotions kick in he has no control either, unfortunately.
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I'm curious about barre work exercise. Is there a good DVD for it? How might I find classes in my area? It sounds like it might be fun!
I've been doing 5min strength work every morning. Today was butt. My abs are sore from yesterday so that's good.
I also finished my last virtual race so I'm waiting on my medal. I need to find a rack to hold them all as this will make medal 12. :-o
I did Bodycombat at the Y. A lot of fun!! I figured out that I need to energy of a class to keep me going. It's too easy to stop when doing a DVD at home. I guess I need the peer pressure! The mirror helps me with my form too
Body Combat is so fun! And crazy cardio! Body Pump is also fun if you haven't tried it.
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He usually does audible or classical music. But if he's angry, he won't listen.
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I got in 8 miles today. I also started strength training. I found a series of apps called SworkIt so I decided I could do five minutes a day rather than 30 or so.
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We keep kids in a harness as long as possible. My 7yo is still harnessed.
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Audible. Even if you don't subscribe, their "You might also enjoy..." suggestions are super helpful.
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I did okay for not being super motivated last week.
This week:
15,000 steps a day
Settle on quick strength training and get in three short sessions
64 oz of water a day
Remember medication!
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We absolutely have saved money. My favorite cloth diapers are Grovia and they typically have decent Black fridta and Earth Day sales. The hybrid option is so nice (waterproof cover that you can swap the absorbable inner when necessary).
If you want to be super cheap, you can order from Sunbabies. They are a fair trade Chinese company that sell packs for decent prices.
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Piano Adventures. The primer level is not hard to teach.
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We have done it twice a week.
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We'll be doing SOTW 2 next year. I'll have a first grader and am it worries at all. The only thing you might run into is if you keep with SOTW, level 4 is really for at least 4th grade so you might have to find something then.
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Another vote for mystery science.
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Ramona and Pooh, of course. All of my kids have loved Wonder and Middle School. They also all really enjoyed Rush Revere strangely.
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We took a break from regular life to go to my son's awayeet this past weekend. We ended up having a wonky sleep schedule. I did make it an effort to do at least 1.5 miles each day except Sunday when we were driving 7 hours.
We jumped right back into school and everyday life the very next day. And my kids got sick. So I'm up with the two littles all the night long and getting up to put in my three miles. And I am DRAGGING. My walks are slower and I'm having a hard time getting myself out for round two in the afternoons. I didn't take vitamin d all this weekend so I wonder if that's playing a part.
Regardless, I'm still trying! I am contemplating workouts to tighten the muscles around my core and maybe my arms, but thinking about it is probably as far as I'll get this week.
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It not atypical for people to plug in their cars here in anchorage. It's even more common the further you get. Our truck has a block heater and we tend to use it if it's dipping below 25/20s and is parked outside. It keeps the battery working better and it doesn't take as long for the heater to work.
OP, living in a cold climate isn't as hard as it seems. And Alaska has amazing summers! Consider the heat of your summers now. Is that something you love? I am not a cold person. At all. I miss outdoor pools and non-freezing sprinklers. But it doesn't seem to bother my kids one bit. And with good snow gear, my kids are outside everyday.
I'd be very tempted.
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Good news! As I was unboxing the new Fitbit, he looked at it and said, "My Garmin was much better than this. But I guess it'll have to work." Before I could say ANYTHING, the pool finally got back to me and the lost tracker has been found!!! He was dancing around the living room so happy. :) They will mail it back (~400 miles away) so he'll have to wait on the mail, but it will come back. And I guess I'm taking this Fitbit back to Target. :lol:
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I agree Cat. This isn't an ADHD thing. This is a 9 year old thing. I have to watch my kid's expensive possessions for him because I don't want to have to buy him new ones. And I'm talking about my 11 year old. I think he is only now finally starting to pay attention to stuff.
Of course if I had 6 kids I might just NOT do that either. I get that. I only have 2. And one is now 15. The 15 year old is pretty good about looking out for his own stuff. At 9? Forget about it.
And this is why I post here. With him it's hard to tease out what is 9 and what is ADHD. It's also compacted by the fact that he's crazy precocious and high IQ so some stuff I expect is high and he can meet it and some stuff is unrealistic.
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I think your expectations are too high for any 9 year old, but particularly for a 9yo with ADHD.
It sounds like he's a good kid who may have forgotten to zip a zipper one time and the Garmin fell out. Who hasn't forgotten to zip our handbag from time to time? Who hasn't accidentally set down a pair of gloves or sunglasses while we were shopping in a store and got a little distracted? And I'm talking about adults, not 9 year-olds.
I hope the Garmin turns up and you don't have to worry about replacing it, but because he's a good kid and also because the Garmin could have been stolen from his bag, I really hope you won't punish him or make him pay for a replacement.
It's not just the one time, though. First time to lose a tracker, but it's also the first tracker. He also has lost watches, goggles, caps, jammers, UNDERPANTS, shirts... most recently it was his team shirt because he didn't put ANYTHING in his bag during the meet and so I went to pick him up and he was collecting all of the contents of his bag that were strewn about the bleachers, including a deck of cards. Knowing this executive skill is weak, I have been having him check in with me to make sure his bag is in order. And every night it's been a sigh, and a roll of the eyes, attitude when I remind him to close the bag properly, and general sassiness because he has to come check in with me rather than play his game or watch tv.
(FWIW, this is his main problem across the board - attitude, if not full out stomping/screaming tantrum if he had to do something he doesn't want to.)
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It is possible it could have been stolen. If I were to bet, though, it was just lost. I'm holding off anything till I get the car completely cleaned, we call the place, and he goes to practice tonight (could be his coach picked it up).
I think the Fitbit would be fine, except it's not waterproof. The reason he was doing so well with the Garmin was because he didn't have to take it off. On and off for practice every afternoon is a lot for him to remember and do and I get attitude for constantly reminding him because he KNOWS (except that means nothing because he still doesn't DO). I feel like he'd lose the Fitbit in less than a week. (Part of me also feels like maybe it would be good practice putting things away in a secure spot...)
Ugh. This parenting stuff is hard sometimes. If I could just have a manual and a timeline of when certain developmental leaps would happen, that would be swell. Until then I have to figure out how to lay aside my expectations, allow him to be who he is, and yet still somehow maintain faith that he can be better...which seems paradoxical.
I will chew on these thoughts and talk with my husband (who's a no-man) and we'll see what we come up with. Eventually he will have one again. How soon will be the ultimate question.
SOTW 1 for older kids
in K-8 Curriculum Board
Posted
My oldest is using it through the WTM Academy. They read the chapter, discuss the chapter in a forum. They also look up info in a history encyclopedia, create a timeline, and turn in outlines and summaries.
On our own, we pick up some lit concerning ancient history and work with a lot of YouTube videos to make it feel more real/fun.