I love my GP, she is an MD but also a ND and will prescribe meds but prefers more natural solutions. Maybe I should see a different rheum. I truly disliked her. She came in and talked to me like I was 4 and when I was explaining these flares she looked at me confused and said "what do you mean by flare? what does that even mean?" as if she didn't know what a flare was at all. She also had no idea that there were antibodies connected to Hashimoto's (how does she not know this?). She had a resident interning with her and he was behind her and there were a few times when he raised his eyebrows like "how does she not know this" haha. He wasn't trying to do this, he is just the type of person who cannot hide what he is thinking. I mentioned being GF and she was like "why? you're not celiac" and the resident immediately said "for the hashi's right?" and she said "GF makes no difference with hashi's" Again, his eyebrows raised. I wish he could have been my Rheumatologist haha.

I looked it up on Labcorp and the exact name is actually EBV Antibody Profile

Yes, it was my regular GP. It is just the EBV test panel.

Oh yes, that makes sense. I feel like I "flare" when my immune system is triggered so your theory makes sense. I also had one of the worst flares after I got a bad case of poison ivy.

I have read this in my research too and would assume maybe long covid, except I tested twice for EBV, almost 10 months apart in 2015 and then just tested extremely high for it again. So this all started long before covid. I was tested for Lyme with one of my odd rashes during a flare too. I also have what appears to be autoimmune gastritis so was tested for H Pylori but it was negative. I have not been offered a DMARDs. I've been mainly dismissed lol. The Rheum I saw was extremely dismissive since my ANA was normal. They always say that Hashi's itself can cause my other markers to be high. I am having the Lupus Anticoagulant retested in 2 months. My doctor will also pull the ANA again to double check it.

At a 5.6, I stop having periods so I would die if mine was that high lol.

Has anyone ever heard of this? I have been battling what is textbook signs of lupus for about 10 years, but my ANA is always negative. Turns out, I have reactivating EBV which is strongly tied to lupus but I technically don't have lupus since my ANA is negative. I do have Lupus Anticoagulatant Antibodies and always have elevated ESR, C-RP, and RA antibodies. Just not the lupus specific tests. I also have Hashimoto's which could cause my RA number to be high. My EBV Nuclear Antibodies and VCA have been higher than can even be calculated by the lab each time it has been tested (3 times in 10 years) and I had an appt with my doctor today and she says she truly sees a pattern of reactivating EBV (Epstein Barr Virus). Having antibodies that high also has a greatly increased risk of getting MS. I can't see that there is any solution really. She wants to retest my ANA in two months since I happened to be on prednisone the last time it was tested so it may have been falsely negative. I am fine sometimes but at least twice a year I get slammed with extreme fatigue, chest pains, joint pain, rashes, etc. ETA: these "flares" last 6-8 weeks or so. I guess I just want an answer to all of this. A reason for the fatigue would help me not feel so guilty about it, if that makes sense.

So we tested after breakfast and his glucose was 100, lower than fasting. We tested after lunch and it was 102, even though he had a little more carbs with lunch (not a lot, just a pita wrap with veggies as a side). So even though it was technically pre-diabetic fasting, these numbers are pretty low for after eating?

I wonder how expensive a CGM is without insurance?

So, I calculated the carbs in his breakfast. 2 eggs with peppers and onions, scrambled in a small drizzle of e.v.o.o 3/4 cup of vegan yogurt - unsweetened plain. this has 9 carbs, 13 fat, 1 sugar, 5 protein 1/2 cup strawberries, 5.5 g carbs 1/2 T of enjoy life mini chocolate chips, 4.5 grams of carbs this comes to 19 grams of carbs

Nope, he wouldn't drink anything from a can haha. This kid is a serious health nut. He only has caffeine sometimes as black tea, he loves tea, but he doesn't even drink that every morning, much less excessively.

I have an inexpensive glucose monitor and I tested his morning glucose and it was 108. Google says this is prediabetic. He had salad for supper with some chicken. No bread or carbs with it and not snacks or dessert. I had crossed glucose concerns off the list since I tested him about 6 months ago and he was 80 in the morning.

We haven't had the follow up appt yet so we will definitely be talking to her about this but not yet. Yes, I'm very glad it is not my older son because his diet is awful and he has no desire to eat right and, at 23, there's nothing I can do about that. This kiddo wants to eat and be healthy. What do you do about pernicious anemia other than take B and iron in hefty doses? High insulin would be a precursor to type 2 right? Not type 1? I don't know much about diabetes but I thought type 1 was basically a lack of insulin rather than high insulin? The thirst and frequent urination and tiredness are signs of diabetes but his glucose in his CMP in May was fine. That blood draw was not morning or fasting though. She took an insulin total, it was done morning and fasting. It was 32 and I think it should be 24 or lower, if I remember correctly? I have no idea if this is considered slightly high or more elevated than that. ETA another question

We don't eat many processed foods, even GF/DF ones. I cook mainly from scratch, eating rice and potatoes for our carbs. I do sometimes make wraps or pizza dough with a flour that has sorghum as its first ingredient.

I'm still waiting on all of DS's labs to return (as we talked about in an earlier post) but I have most of them back. Help me think through this a little. His insulin is high, his A1C was normal but on the high end of normal, glucose was fine when tested in the afternoon. I'm not sure why this was not tested again. He eats really healthy and doesn't typically overeat. He is gf and df and doesn't even like to eat a lot of sugar. He doesn't drink soda or eat fast food (this kiddo has never even eaten at a restaurant like McDonalds in his life and as far as I know has never even had a standard soda like coke or Pepsi). He is very health conscious. As I said in the other post, he is a bit frustrated that he is holding weight in his middle even though he eats good and exercises. so what would cause this? As tired as he's been, I'm wondering if I should have a sleep study done to evaluate him for sleep apnea? It seems that can cause high insulin, weight gain in the middle, etc. I have noticed that he sleeps with his mouth open and he cannot seem to stop this. I know nothing about sleep apnea, I just know it keeps popping up as suspicious. Should I start with an ENT? Any other thoughts. Of course, I had him stop taking B just to see if it helped and in just the 10 days he hadn't taken it, the B and the ferritin tanked and MCHC tanked and MPV was high, such a change in that little of time definitely leads me to believe the kiddo has pernicious anemia, which we have suspected for some time. Thanks 🙂 Edited to change the title some

Did he have any other labs done? A CBC? ESR? CRP? ETA: I ask because celiacs and crohns/UC are "cousins" and your son having one means you, your husband, and his siblings have a 40% higher change of getting crohns/UC/Celiacs. It could be that he is sending him with concerns about UC or Crohn's.

Thank you for all of your kind responses and thoughtful input. @Scarlett You hit the nail on the head of how I felt for the first 10-15 years or so of my marriage as far as always needing to seem or feel productive. I think a dual dynamic caused this for us. DH was an extreme perfectionist who would get really unsettled if things weren't in order. I remember the first thing he got upset at me about was leaving a single cereal bowl in the sink and heading out because I was running late, thinking I would wash it when I returned. He truly couldn't wrap his head around the lack of responsibility that would lead me to think that was an ok decision. This definitely comes back to his FOO and his dad's extreme OCD with neatness and everything being perfect all of the time. FIL yelled at my kiddo once for dropping a kernel of popcorn on his driveway. If that helps you understand the dynamic at all. I don't think he really understood the degree that his father's issues affected him until the relationship ended. To be honest, weirdly, he changed into a less perfectionistic, more gracious human almost immediately after the relationship ended. I do think our earlier marriage caused trauma to both me and our DC. DH is the most proudctive person I have ever met. So it consisted of me always trying to scramble to keep things "perfect for daddy"and that isn't a good foundation for kids. The kids and I have talked about this, they recognize the faulty system, I've apologized for my part in it, they all struggle with never feeling productive enough, and they've had to deal with this in their own ways. We all also recognize that he has changed tremendously. Part of my struggles are a sort of PTSD from the past and not who he is now. I know that and I'm trying to work through it. He actually is a really good man. He doesn't have control issues at all. In fact, financially he has no idea where we are and if I died, he'd be lost lol. He fully and completely trusts me to handle it all even though he is the tighter one with money. He trusts me with a lot of things. He isn't angry or demanding. He is a really kind hearted person for the most part. As far as blaming me, I talked to him. We had a long conversation about it. It went well. I think I have had a part in this problem. I have often just let my peacemaking side take the lead and I just shrink back when he shifts blame to me. I don't usually counter it or object. I just opened up to him less and less as it has happened. So I waited and sat on it and had the conversation when we were already talking about other things and he seemed very receptive, rather than waiting until there was tension. I asked if he has noticed how I don't really talk about important things with him and I've stayed surface level for years, which he admitted is true. I explained how his reactions make me feel and how I cannot be vulnerable with him or share important things if his reaction is going to be to shift it to me. He seemed to understand that he was creating a situation where emotional closeness cannot exist. He apologized.

After the relationship with his parents ended, he just stopped being up and down but if I brought up any concerns he would blame me. Even things that were not remotely connected to me. That was about 9 years ago now? I think? So I eventually just stopped talking to him about anything that would incite any emotion at all. We talk only about surface level stuff for the most part.

Oh, I wouldn't be sorting the emotions. He would. I just guarantee it will be messy. He doesn't have anger issues at all. He is not unsafe. He is just not emotionally available and if his emotions are triggered in any way, he blames me or taps out.

He does not do marriage therapy. Several of his coworkers do and he can refer us. I do not think that DH would do marriage therapy tbh. And I cannot ever decide if it is worth the messiness to try to sort out all of these emotions he has been stuffing. When he is emotional, for some crazy reason, I am the target. When he just stuffs the emotions, he is happier.

Thank you. I want to deal with this before menopause lol. I'm kind, meek, and a peacemaker but I'm scared to death that the hormonal stuff will hit the fan and I will lose that or my filter that I keep so tightly sealed. I'm so scared of becoming mean or vindictive or too vocal. Idk why I fear that but I do. I wanted to try therapy to see if I can sort some of this out before hormones hit the fan.

I do not think he is neurodivergent. He went from incredibly emotionally up and down at times the first half of our marriage, where I was his anchor, to suddenly lacking emotion and not able to handle emotion and he honestly thinks that just pushing all emotion aside is the answer to happiness. This happened not long after the relationship with his parents ended and I think his parents are the cause of a lot of his issues even if he won't recognize this. He has gotten to live mostly in a bubble for a while now, where I have had to just deal with all things emotional and simply not share them with him or let him in on it as much as possible in order to keep peace. I don't share my emotions with him either. We are very much at peace and never fight. This is because I am a peacemaker and I just don't rock the boat. It works.

While I have had to walk on eggshells for most of our marriage, to one extent or another, I do not think he has BPD.

I was really trying to be vague lol. It is spouse. He is great in so many areas so I feel guilty even admitting it tbh. He isn't a bad person, it's complicated.

We talked and I updated in the my last reply.... I've been seeing a therapist and today he pointed out, prefacing it with the fact that I wouldn't want to hear it, that I'm in an emotionally abusive relationship. It isn't intentional or malicious in nature and we both can agree on that. I guess that I can see this as true. I've had this person on a pedestal for so long. I guess I had never thought of it in this light so I'm trying to see it for what it is and not excuse it for once. At the same time, how do I even begin to address this with someone that I have to stay fairly surface level with since anything that sparks even a slight emotional response is met with me being the person who is blamed or shamed somehow. How do I help this person see it when they always end up blaming me? ETA: Also I've been seeing him for a few months. He mentioned today that he's willing to see me and he can help me the best he can but he wonders if I could be more challenged by a woman. What do y'all think? I'm comfortable with him so I'm nervous to change.