mamaraby
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Posts posted by mamaraby
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56 minutes ago, 6packofun said:
The answer to this question lies in having a strong sexual ethic that you talk about in a ton of contexts while your children grow up and teaching our children how to be self-censoring based on their ethics. That doesn't mean kids won't choose unwisely or choose differently from you sometimes, but it's the best start, IMO.
If one's "ethic" is based on "as long as you (characters) really like/love each other" and "consent" because one considers sex just something that everyone does with very few boundaries, then of course one's kids will read about all sorts of sexual stuff--with very few boundaries--if that's what they want. Hard to back up the train on that one once they hit 15, 16, 17....
I personally love the scare quotes around ethic. We get it, you believe you have the one true way of being “moral” and judge the rest of us who disagree with your personal take on morality as if we have neither ethics nor well-raised chldren. Perhaps next time you could respond to the question with your own personal beliefs and leave the rest out, eh?
I’m with Pawz, I don’t police book selection. I was also not policed. My parents raised me with a strong ethical foundation. I raise my kids with a strong ethical foundation and yeah, we talk about consent and a lot of other stuff.
OP - would your kids be open to talking about the books their reading? Then you can ask them “what did you think about...” “Did you think x, when character y did/said z?” Might help it from seeming too preachy and then you can get a sense for if you think it is an issue you need to be concerned about. Your kid’s perspective on it might be more illustrative than just a blanket “you must never” approach.
It also might help your kids feel like you acknowledge their growing maturity. Dh’s parents were the overly controlling type. It has not gone well between them over the years.
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2 hours ago, Annie G said:
Our 140 year old house has a large window unit downstairs and it keeps the whole downstairs pretty comfortable. Upstairs we have a window unit but it doesn’t do nearly as well, partly because the downstairs hot air rises and partly because upstairs isn’t open like the downstairs- upstairs has multiple bedrooms.
We live on the border of Illinois and Wisconsin so our summers are pretty mild. This weekend’s 90+ temps are unusual.
In service to “perception of temperature is relative,” I live north of you and would not consider our summers all that mild. Above 90 may be unusual for May, but it is not for July and August and certainly not over the last several years. I can remember one mild summer in the last decade. Also, it ain’t the heat, it’s the humidity. ?
My house was designed in the 1950s so there’s pretty much zero thought to house placement to minimize solar gain in the summer. While our tree covered street does mitigate the temperature some, it contributes to my constant battle with humidity levels in the basement. We have central air, warmer in the day, cooler at night because when dh gets home, he’s far too hot to sleep comfortably after wearing his body armor and being in and out of the squad all shift. Plus, it’s late enough that he kinda needs to get to sleep pretty soon after getting home.
99% Invisible had an interesting episode on the history of air conditioning and what it means to design for comfort in light of the subjective nature of comfort. It was really interesting - https://99percentinvisible.org/episode/thermal-delight/
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20 minutes ago, LucyStoner said:
I don’t think that most parents would resort to legal eviction without some reason.
The Buzzfeed article links to the court documents and then pulls out in the story the many (many) letters his parents have written to him in the attempt to get him to do all the normal things that adults do like have a working car, going to work, living on their own, etc. To me, it doesn’t read as him doing illegal things, it reads as a guy who either does not have the executive skills or does not have the drive necessary to follow through. Because, really, the letters paint the parents as the sort who really bent over backwards to try and get this adult to be successful at living life.
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The moral of this story is to be careful who you allow to establish residency in your home. The extent to which this person has taken it is maybe unique, the issue itself is not. And no, it doesn’t matter if they pay rent or if their name is on any of the bills.
https://www.buzzfeed.com/tanyachen/30-year-old-guy-wont-leave-his-parents-house
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It is so weird!!
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Half marathon done with a six minute PR and negative splits. Pacing was perfect and finish was strong so it was amazing all around. ? Next up, an entire week off. So we can begin again, lol.
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3 minutes ago, Janeway said:
The shot is not good for life. And if you are not up to having a very serious talk about what causes HPV with your child, then I do not think the child should receive it. it is not a shot to protect against cancer. It is a shot to protect against a sexually transmitted disease. My children know exactly what causes HPV and it is their choice. A choice is not a real choice if not fully informed. And since the HPV shot is for sexual health, it must needs to be the person's body, that person's choice. I know a lot of people, maybe even most people, think it is ok to lie to the child and say the shot protects against cancer and is no different from protecting against measles and then just do the shot. But you would not try to slip a depo shot past your child without your child knowing what it is for, or an IUD, so why would you try to slip in an HPV shot without the child knowing what it is, what causes it, etc.
First off, since it protects against HPV, several strains of which cause cancer, yes, it does protect against cancer.
Secondly, nice strawman. Literally no one in this thread is talking anout sneaking it past our children nor neglecting to educate our children about their sexual health or about how to protect against sti. Since health to me encompasses the entire body and all its systems, yes, it is just like the measles shot.
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1 minute ago, regentrude said:
Private groups can be "secret" and not searchable. But not all private groups are.
What "other account"?
The group has a website (run on Wordpress) where the training plan and details live. You get an account there much like you would with an online retailer. Then discussion plus whatever happens on Facebook.
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1 minute ago, kitten18 said:
Does someone in the group know you and will approve your request to join the group? I’m in many FB groups and i know many that I’m in wouldn’t accept your request because it would look like a fake profile and they would think you’re there to troll.
Um, I’m thinking I would probably have to use some version of my real name so that it matched up with my other account. I’m not sure how the group works, the link you get to join comes from the account on the training plan website, but I would assume that’s searchable in some way on FB. Can private groups make themselves not searchable? I’m not sure how they match it.
1 hour ago, Ailaena said:Start a new account with a new email address (usually, you can set one up as part of your normal email account - mine are called aliases), always use private browser, dont log into google at the same time, dont friend anybody.
Eta: don’t click on ads or news articles or links to polls or anything, really, if you can’t help it.
Also, don’t log in from your phone without making sure ALL of your permissions are turned off.
Also, the first thing to do is turn off all of your permissions and make sure all privacy is privatized
Thank you! This is extremely helpful. I had planned on using the DuckDuckGo browser to try and sandbox it since their privacy settings are a bit more robust than using private browsing with Safari.
30 minutes ago, Catwoman said:I am not on Facebook, but I thought I read somewhere that it’s possible to open an account using a fake name. I’m not sure how to do it or if it’s against FB rules, but maybe someone else can explain how it works.
I absolutely agree with your reasons for avoiding FB thus far. I’m in a situation where I may need to join soon, but I would really prefer not to do it.
It’s definitely against the rules or at least it was a few years ago when FB caught heat on their disabling accounts of trans members and others who had utilized aliases in order to keep them safe irl. I suspect mine will have to align wth my real name which isn’t particularly unique at least. Ugh. I can understand the perspective of those utilizing it. FB provides a cheap option to run group communications. Running a mesaage board definitely requires more costs both on the platform and daily administration so I don’t blame them for using it. On the other hand, people (in general terms, not specific to anyone here) can be...rather dismissive of our concerns, can’t they?
i will give the group credit. You can opt out of all the social aspects and still get your questions answered and communication. I really appreciated that because there are groups that are not.
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9 minutes ago, regentrude said:
(But I don't understand the problem. So what if somebody recognizes your name? Just don't interact with anybody on fb. Done.)
It’s more like I’d like to limit the connections FB makes then it being an issue with the actual people. The idea of being the product FB sells makes me kind of bristly - especially given that FB’s track record with user privacy is abysmal and they seem to continue to get caught doing stuff, make apologetic noises and then keep right on doing whatever it was they were doing. It’s hard to avoid given the way the internet works these days, but I try hard to limit it.
An article I read recently made the comparison to 1984 in that people always envisioned that the threat would come from governments and yet in reality the surveillance we agree to in order to read our email and have a smart thermostat is a greater threat.
My objection is less with the real life people and more a philosophical issue. If FB is going to try and track me and otherwise bundle my data up as a product to sell, I’d like it to be worth very little. I figure limiting connections amongs the real people in my life is a place to start.
I probablt can’t have my cake and eat it too, but I thought it was maybe not impossible. Just trying to think through how it might.
7 minutes ago, wintermom said:Can join a running group where you can actually speak with people? Or take a marathon-running course? I took a course before running my first marathon and it was so helpful. There were guest speakers from local universities talking about mental training and mental preparation, as well as experienced runners providing all kinds of valuable information I'd have never thought of asking about.
Yeah, there’s some of that locally, although not as much for slower runners and not without driving some distance. My marathon is run by the oldest running group in my state and they offered a training plan/coaching/group, but by the time I decided to spend the money, the program was already full. The FB group gives me access to my coach as well as other runners who are doing the same training plan, but for different races. I can ask my questions other ways, too. I just thought it would be fun to join the group. But Facebook...hence my question. ?
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There’s a private FB group for a marathon training group that I’d kind of like to join, but I have philosophical issues with being some private company’s product. On the other hand, I’d also like to talk to other runners following my training plan. Dh will listen to me talk about running and my family tolerates it, but this is would be the equivalent to the Hive for homeschooling, except for running.
Here’s what I need to happen - I need not to be locateable. I don’t want people to search for me and find the account. I don’t want FB to recommend me as people other people know and vice versa. I don’t want to accept friend requests. I am not going to be sending out friend requests. I think I can keep FB in a sandbox by using a specific browser so I can limit FB access to track me all over the web. I need it to be like a log in to the forums here so I can use it as a tool.
Is that even possible? It’s not strictly required that I join the group and the plan works just fine without it. I’d just kind of like to get the fun parts and not just the work parts.
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Did my last hard run before the race on Thursday and then took Friday as a rest day since we were going to spend the day at the art museum. Was supposed to run Saturday and Sunday including one long-ish run at 8 miles, but got none of them in on account of the soccer tournmanet and a Girl Scout thing. I was clearly very optimistic about the weekend when I made my plans.
Ds’s soccer team took second in the tournament for their bracket. They’re the lowest level competitive team for their age group in our club. So, you can understand my confusion when our club, the host of the tournament, sticks a state level team in our bracket which is way above the level at which our boys play. Perhaps not surprisingly, our boys didn’t just lose, they were shut out. They had to play that team on Sunday and then play them again in the championship game. The second game was worse because the other team was cocky, the coaches were jerks and they ran the score up right to the end. ? Sunday was a bummer.
Easy run today. I’m thinking 4 miles. The half marathon is on Sunday and then I think I’ll take the week off before I start marathon training. For Mother’s Day, I bought myself a training plan with coaching. I’m ridiculously excited.
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1 hour ago, Ktgrok said:
I really think part of it (most of it) depends on the quality of the test. Some are MUCH better than others. A lot of the new ones are terrible and thrown together quickly. I have no issue with the old ITBS, etc. The new stuff...crazy pants.
Yeah, I picked the new ITBS for both ds and dd this year and wish I had stuck with the older one.
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12 hours ago, Farrar said:
They don't know for sure how long it will last in a large sample. But so far, the "ten year" claim seems to be wrong. That was a claim given early on in the vaccine's administration that is still being repeated. But is looking increasingly untrue.
https://drjengunter.wordpress.com/2015/02/19/what-if-the-hpv-vaccine-only-lasts-for-10-years/
And as this post points out, waning immunity is not unique for vaccinations as a whole. I was immune to rubella when pregnant with my oldest and was not the next time I was pregnant. It’s also not as if waning immunity means we can’t do anything about it. They’re monitoring things so if it looks like a booster is needed in the series, they’ll add one.
I don’t share the moralizing over abstinence so expecting my kids remain “chaste” until marriage is not in the decision matrix for me. I also don’t think any parent should go in to this decision with that assumption.
To me, it was a no brainer. Ds had it starting at 12. Dd isn’t 12 yet, but she will get it then too. Same for my youngest.
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6 minutes ago, Daria said:
Generally it starts with me sending an email to a group of parents, although obviously in the banana example that was individualized from the start. I often include a google form in the email, so the parent can just check the box that says "yes", and then hit submit without writing anything.
Then after a few days, I either resend the email with a note that says something like "Hi, I just wanted to bring this to the top of your inbox. Please let me know if . . . ", to the 1/2 of the group that hasn't replied yet.
I might eventually text, or I will have the kid text, but honestly I feel like I shouldn't have to get to that point.Sounds about right in my experience as a soccer team manager. You are right, it shouldn’t have to get to that point, but it does. All the time. I’m waiting on a medical release from one player. I have lost count of the number of emails I have sent this parent either as a group email or emails directly to the parent. I would have texted her already, but I do not have her cell phone number and practice was cancelled on Wednesday or I would have hunted her down in person.
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I did PT with a pelvic floor certified PT for my prolapses. There were at home exercises and then I had biofeedback w/basically assisted kegels. Mostly I found it didn’t really do anything. I’m also not giving up running. The PT seemed confident it would help and my insurance did cover part of it, but that’s money out of pocket for little result. After my experience, I’m of the opinion that just about all of the stuff marketed for pelvic floor issues is a waste of time and money.
My recotcele is minor and very occassionally an annoyance. Going vegan mostly eliminated most of the issues, but that’s a function of all the fiber. All the fiber. My cystocele was helped somewhat by the weight I lost. I won’t go without backup of some sort and running requires I either be dehydrated or carefully plan out liquids pre-run. Otherwise it’s an issue of the right pad that isn’t too bulky and is absorbent enough and clothes to change into after if I’ll be away from home post-run. Menstrual cups are just plain out for me. Sometimes if my cervix is low some...activities...ahem, require a certain care with angles.
My mom pursued surgical remedies for hers around my age and has found that hers did not last. Given her experience, I have decided against the surgical options. I have considered a pessary, but given how my insurance pays, I want to pay off what we owe before I add more on to our balance at the doctor.
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Are you talking in response to an email you sent them solicting a response? Have you tried sending multiple emails? ime, some people I just have to chase down in person after sending them multiple forms of communication. If you can’t hunt them down in person, can you text them? There was one parent who ignored multiple emails, but got really responsive once I texted them.
And no, it’s not unusual even with inquiries like that to have to communicate with parents multiple times. It sounds like my experience trying to collect medical releases from soccer parents for a tournament this weekend. Grumble, grumble.
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On 5/4/2018 at 11:47 AM, TheAttachedMama said:
That is a great idea. How did you initially teach your child to take notes using a Cornell Notes Template. My 6th grader has no idea how to do this, but I feel like it is an important skill to learn.
We covered note taking at the beginning of the school year so he could try on a variety of note taking styles. When it came to Cornell Notes we used a variety of resources like -
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=WtW9IyE04OQ
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=JPSmXRIlyS8&feature=youtu.be
http://lsc.cornell.edu/notes.html
https://www.rjuhsd.us/cms/lib05/CA01001478/Centricity/Domain/351/SUMMER CORNELL NOTES.pdf (this is the printable template he uses, but there is also a good overview in the beginning of the PDF)
Right now I’m walking him through revision to study for tests. We’ve used -
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=3mIgvyho8SA
https://teachingofscience.wordpress.com/students/revision/
https://teachingofscience.wordpress.com/2010/02/11/cornell-notes-for-revision/ (the template he’s using to revise his notes for chapter tests is located here)
I had to pretty much require he use Cornell Notes because after we did our initial survey of note taking he insisted that his way was best. On the other hand, his way was just not as useful as he thought it was and his grasp of the subject material was not what it should be. The printable template has made all the difference for him. Make your own template on notebook paper? That’s just too much work, Mom! *insert side eye smilie* Post template? He does better on tests, understand the information presented in lessons better, and willingly uses the Cornell Notes method across the curriculum.
There seems to be an entire industry of YouTubers out there who have how to videos on note taking and revision for Cornell Notes and all other note taking styles so if the links above don’t resonate, keep looking.
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I do not have curly hair, though it is thick. Dh has always said he likes long hair, but when I was thinking about getting it cut, he was my biggest supporter. I was not big on styling it and it was long enough that to get it off my neck required that my ponytail had a ponytail. I got a pixie cut and I am so glad I did! I have a style that takes...maybe 2 minutes and often looks good the next day with very little effort on my part. It ranks up there on my list of “best decisions ever.”
My dd has curly hair and she got hers cut shoulder length to make it more manageable. There is a way to do it and a way not to do it so while I think going in to a professional is a fantastic idea, I also think it pays to find someone who knows how to work with curly hair. I’d start searching around for a good stylist. You can always start there and work your way shorter should you decide to do so.
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5 miles on the treadmill today. It was an easy run confirmed by my heart rate and yet I had what can only be classified as waterfalls of sweat running off me. Ok, maybe it wasn’t quite that bad, but geez. Were it not for the rain, I’d have run outside.
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26 minutes ago, prairiewindmomma said:
A lot of dishes with ground beef (pasta with meat sauce, enchiladas, etc.) are also fairly easy to negotiate without teeth. Chicken is a bit trickier, but if he was doing well before....I think chicken and dumplings or chicken noodles are a good way to go.
Or make it with ground chicken or ground turkey.
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Chicken and dumplings - either with drop biscuits or with noodles in the broth. You could make the drop biscuits pretty small or cook the noodles well. If you make the biscuits from scratch you can reduce the salt.
frittata or spanish omelette, scrambled eggs
savory bread pudding - there’s an idea here (https://www.onceuponachef.com/recipes/savory-sausage-and-cheddar-bread-pudding.html), but it uses sausage which is probably high in sodium. You could sub ground pork and season it yourself sans salt or with less salt.
salisbury steak - http://skipthesalt.com/low-sodium-salisbury-steak/
Maybw you can find some more inspiration at http://skipthesalt.com/
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Ran just over 4 miles today and I’ve almost met my step goal.
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@soror - an over all decrease in mileage, but not necessarily shorter runs. It varies based upon how many miles you were running a week while training. I can run 30-40 miles a week spread out over five days at the peak without getting injured so I cut back into the high 20s or low 30s depending on what I was running before. Last long run for me is usually 8 miles compared to between 10-12 miles. I run a lot of 5-6 mile runs during the week and I’ll do that this week, but won’t next week. I also still have some high intensity workouts this week, but won’t next week. The week of the race I’ll run just about the same miles as this week, but a greater percentage will be on race day.
Glad to hear your bike ride went well!
@jen3kids - Good to hear the workout went well!
@Ravin - a big jar to stash the candy money in works, too. Then you can save up for something bigger. I’m not a sticker chart kind of gal myself, but if that appeals to you, I say go for it!
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If it’s possible w/o breaking board rules, can someone give me
in The Chat Board
Posted
Dh did something similar and was oblivious to the issue until it was pointed out to him. The person pointing it out knew that wasn’t his intent, and wanted to clue him in. He mentioned it to me, which I appreciated because I wouldn’t have thought of it either.
And yeah, the things we say can be misinterpreted and we can do something not intending to cause other people harm, but to me, if there’s a way for me to be more kind to others by being careful with my own word choices and “policing” my own language, then I’m going to do it because empathy, kindness, and being mindful of my own privilege is tied to my ethics. And yeah, sometimes it sucks and feels impossible because I will mess up and say things I don’t intend to mean a certain way. That’s just the way it goes.