I really hope stockings are coming back! I LOVE them! (yes, really) However, I wouldn't think they are essential for a homecoming dance and wouldn't make dd wear them.

I would pack your bag with things that you would use at home if you were in labor, the same clothing, etc. Then double or triple it. Bring extra chargers fot cell phones etc. Work out who will be watching your children, see if you can have extra food or snacks around so you don't have to grocery shop immediately after having the baby. (i seem to forget this...and ended up at the grocery store on the way home from the hospital...I'm an idiot you probably aren't! :D) I had two wonderful hospital births, seriously fantastic. I would keep an open mind about potential experiences and the hospital staff. You may meet some wonderful people and maybe even have a great experience! Really, it's possible! Put DH in charge or insurance and paperwork if you can, have him talk to the hospital, and find a dr if possible. (dude, use the pregnancy card and put in on his agenda if he is at all competent!) I probably would make a file with information I may need: a written out plan of how you would like the birth to go, any requests or requirements that you have for yourself or the new baby including procedures for after the baby arrives, simple things like eye goop? breastfeeding? how to handle the cord? bigger things like what if there is an emergency? who should they contact? etc etc etc then have a copy (even if written by you) of your medical history, copy of your current information and dh information i.e. license, ss # etc.) and make a file so that if you go into labor and need to have information quickly it's ready. Is there a doula who has been to this hospital you could talk to? Could you have a check-up with someone from one of the hospital midwives? Then install the carseat, take a deep breath and remind your husband to keep calling. (or maybe that part is me too, I tend to be a bit of a worrier! ;D)

I am not sure if it was rude or not rude but if you were there and perceived it as rude I will take your word for it. However, I do think from an HR perspective that special requests should come from the person who needs the special request. (this IMO would not involve only dietary needs but also mobility issues, etc.) I don't think that HR refusing a request that does not come from the woman herself is harassment and on it's face even if she refused the request I am not certain it would be harassment depending upon other factors, food availability, procedure, etc. (which it seems like there may have been options but I wouldn't feel comfortable calling it harassment without further inquiry.) Also, is it a good precedence to have requests occur at an event and then scramble for the request? Was it clear that she wanted another meal? If your friend has been a part of similar experiences before and knew of the event couldn't a request have been made in a more timely fashion? As the HR person I would have been annoyed at having a request made by a long-standing employee at the actual event, if the employee had had prior notice of the event. How had this been handled in the past? Has she made requests in the past? I don't think it is a good precedent to infer diet from one's religion. After all, not all Muslims keep the same dietary requirements and even if they did it feels kind of invasive for an employer to make such decisions in effect for the employee without the employee bringing it up or requesting it. If the person without the need does not make the request I don't think HR should consider it. It feels out of line to make a request for another person when the request involves a special or "not part of the norm" requirement: leave it up to the person with the request or need to make the request. So in this case, as HR, I would have been fine if the woman made the request herself but I would not have followed through on the request if someone else made it. This sounds odd but it actually comes after much experience dealing with law school students with mobility issues, special accommodation needs in classrooms, food prep etc. The practice was that in the school or professional setting, where a system is in place to make a request, it is overstepping for another to make the request or assume that one should be made. This rule ensured that only the person in need or desiring a special consideration be granted one and it not happen to single out the person, create a passive aggressive communication situation or potentially insult another person by requesting help or treatment that they did not desire or need. For example in this case nobody else could have asked for the special meal except for your friend. Assumptions based on religion would not have been made. This also ensured for example, that other Muslims in the future would not have had their dietary needs assumed or made for them "just in case" etc. Let me stress that this was in a peer group situation (all law students) who were dealing with professors, administrators etc. much like an employee situation where you are dealing with a boss, HR, etc. With this as background I think that your friend if she so desires should ask for accommodations for her dietary requirements for herself and she should address this current matter privately. Perhaps, there should be general discussion on how such or similar situations should be handled in the future.I don't think it is too much to ask that the person who has a request do the asking. As a side note people tend not to like to hear that food is "contaminated" perhaps there could be better phraseology? (this coming from a person who raised to call certain things "unclean" or "unfit" and learning how hard it is for others to hear that when they are eating the item)

Yeh, I love finding new people to follow! http://pinterest.com/deodand/

My daughter has expressed interest in learning the violin. I am researching methods. I am attracted to the Suzuki method however I have two concerns a) honestly I am not sure I can make time to take violin lessons myself for a year or more b) she is older, age 10, and Suzuki seems to stress early learning She is the type of kid who will practice without problem and I really like the methodology, the fact that I can find instructors who have training, that there is a system of teaching etc but these concerns are troubling. I am planning on talking to some instructors next week (I have observed two classes already) but would love some feedback on others' experiences. Thanks!

I find it difficult to keep a schedule going long term, I get bored with patterns and structure. I can relate to this battle, even if you find it difficult to stay on track for other reasons! I think the homeschooling is much like being self-employed rather than going to a job where you have a boss, established structure and system that puts expectations on your work. There is a reason why there are so many books about motivation, organization and scheduling for self-employed people or owners of companies: It can be difficult and somewhat mind-blowing to structure one's life for the homeschooler and the self-employed. Some people find this very simple and others have to find their way for a bit. (or at least that is what I found as a person who managed to become a successful self-employed individual who runs my own business in an organized and coherent fashion) I married into a family of teachers so I can also say that not every teacher is very good at staying on task, adhering to structure or planning. There is a reason why standards are relied on by so many districts! I found looking at those standards very helpful when trying to come up with my planning scheme. I don't think merely struggling with the situation means that one shouldn't be homeschooling. Or I guess I don't want to believe that because it means I shouldn't be homeschooling either. I view it this way: I will continue to homeschool as long as I believe and have outside evidence that my child's education at home is better than the alternatives. If I have to struggle with the schedule and staying on track then I will struggle. Certainly my children will not have a perfect education but in our case they wouldn't at the alternatives either. Clearly a set structure must be adhered to in order to homeschool coherently. I found the tips on how people managed to provide a foundation for planning the year very encouraging. It was helpful to hear from people who aren't naturally the most structured, linear minded folks. I could certainly use some tips. Thanks for starting this thread!

Thanks for the thoughts. It is an odd dilemma for me. Her shelves are full of books that I am completely comfortable with her reading. I do have a hard time saying no to books that I think have value for perhaps a bit older child. I read a few books that were beyond my "range" as a child that really propelled me forward and I am trying to balance that with the "Flowers in the Attic" flashback potential. (ah, I have that too! What a horrid book!) I have no problem banning Flowers in the Attic and all such ilk. I think some types of disturbing book experiences are not necessarily a bad thing but I want to be careful on the types of disturbing books she will run across at age 10! We do edit movie choices and book choices but I am inclined to give more leeway to great more adult books than I am to great more adult movies. It seems somehow easier to self-edit one's reading of a book than to self-edit a movie. At the moment she is free to read the book and we will discuss along the way. I have an feeling that she will find other things to read for a bit and pick it up when she feels ready. I am very comfortable with that decision. Frankly, I feel better with her reading Orwell than I do the teen section. (I may just do a blanket ban of the entire teen section!) I don't find it difficult to come up with books to give her to read, I find it difficult to say no to books with merit that she has discovered on her own. In a few years I will feel more at ease when she is wandering around the bookstore or library!

Probably! Plus it's short so if you made through Gravity's Rainbow it's crazy not to try Lot 49!

I have a ten year old daughter. She wants to read 1984 and I purchased it for her. I have read the book, I realize that it has sexual themes, themes that she has no real historical background to comprehend etc etc. So this got me thinking... What do you do when your child requests books that are "above age" or maybe "too mature" for the particular age group? Obviously, I am not going to let my child read Dhalgren or Irvine Welsh. I am thinking more along the lines of 1984, a book that I think has great value to be read but is a bit beyond her full comprehension (though this fits many books, even books I read as an adult) and is perhaps more "adult" sexually than many people are comfortable with their 10 year old reading. I don't like saying no to books that my children have picked out themselves, really desire to read and I think have great value or would likely be on their reading list prior to high school graduation. Also, take into consideration that I do have some limits, the book is the child's own choosing and was picked based on some discussion she heard in relation to the book that made her very curious about the book. She is not reading it because she thinks it is a "great book" that will sound impressive; she doesn't know that it is a well known book. She simply wants to read the book because it looks interesting to her. I know that she will be able to handle the actual vocabulary and structure. I read pretty much anything I wanted when I was young simply because I would sneak books into the house, could walk to the library and check out books by myself. My parents did attempt editing but frankly, were highly unsuccessful. I don't want to turn books of value into forbidden material. (though now that I think of it...if I could turn forbidden books into highly sought after books I may consider an experiment with a few books I want her to read and she doesn't :lol:) What do you do? Where do you draw the line? Where do you let your child read "past their age" or beyond their current bracket?

following you! (you don't know me in real life but hey, at least I'm not a bot! ;D) I'm @deodand

I thought I didn't like the taste of alcohol and for many reasons didn't drink until after 30. It turns out what I really don't like is any drink described as sweet, fruity wines or most mixed drinks (which is what I started out trying, fruity wines, fruity drinks etc etc.) I hate everything until I tried scotch. After that I discovered that the wine I can tolerate is usually described as peppery etc. So maybe if the fruity doesn't work for you, try scotch! (if it's not great scotch you could try it with coke, water or over ice but great scotch is amazing neat!)

I use profanity occasionally, using when I am in pain or find it suitable to the occasion. I don't understand the idea that using profanity/cursing etc implies that the person using it somehow lacks the words, creativity or the education necessary to express themselves without the profanity. How can usage of profanity demonstrate ignorance solely on grounds of usage or even frequent usage? Ignorance of what exactly? (I am actually asking this question seriously, not snarky at all.) Doesn't this argument run into problems when reading some great (or at least highly complex, well-written) literature that contains profanity? Or talking to some amazing thinkers who use profanity? The humor that has the foundation in using deliberately chosen vulgar words to make points? I agree that vulgar language is overused in everyday, public life and I would love for people to have a greater sense of decorum. That being said, it seems that people who use a profanity meter to judge creativity or one's capability with the language are hiding behind a very faulty criteria set. I may not like people using profanity but I don't see the correlation between mere usage and language proficiency, in fact, many of the best writers and speakers I personally know use profanity frequently in casual conversation. Does this mean I disregard their skills simply because of swearing over dinner? I don't understand this argument. I always find that this sort of argument reeks of snobbery, as though saying that non-swearers have a better handle on language than swearers. This seems a false correlation. Is it not better to say that one does not agree with the choice of language, finds it offensive or unfitting for public, classless, or some other explanation for disapproval?

I wouldn't have a problem with my child hearing the f-word in the context of an explanation. That being said, my situation is apparently different than most on this board. Frankly, my children hear the f-word from several family members and close friends quite frequently and I have no intention of cutting any of them out of their lives. (honestly, I make it an issue to edit topics of conversation around my children but most often not the language that others use while in the privacy of our home. The one thing not tolerated is name calling or deliberately offensive language including words that are inherently demeaning to a human or meant to attack someone.) I will say though that my children don't use the f-word despite all of this exposure. I am quite certain if they decide to start using it, it will be at their choosing. Hearing the words do not imply license to use the words. When they are adults they will have to make their own language decisions. Explanations are given a big thumbs up at our house and as long as they are accurate explanations I am not bothered if a teacher or close friend does the explaining. I would have a problem with the f-word being used "at" my child. What I don't like is how the teacher approached your child. She could have asked what your daughter meant by the phrase and not taken such an extreme tone. I think it's fine to have profanity/vulgar language regulated in public places or in a classroom. If she explained that this phrase often is used for a less than savory expression and that she would like your daughter to refrain from using it that would seem perfectly fine. However, she seemed to imply that your daughter was somehow guilty of swearing without first ascertaining if your daughter meant to say F--k or simply something else. I think the teacher should have handled this in a more reasonable, less personal, manner. It may have been a great time to talk about appropriate speech in public, slang, etc. If it's unacceptable in the classroom your daughter should be told why, a teacher seems like a reasonable person to do the telling.

We are a wholly shared income household. It's always "our" money. My husband does not do as much of the actual teaching, however, it is both of use who "homeschool" our children.

The educator card drives me crazy. I agree with all of the regular card and customer service comments above. I have to admit I really love my B & N. We buy all of the books that we can from actual physical bookstores. If I can't get a book ordered then I go online. Book stores are one of my favorite things in the world and I won't go the online route when the actual physical book stores are struggling. Amazon may be cheaper but they don't make me as happy as knowing that a bookstore is in my town.

ah, I think the derailing may be epic. ;D

I'm not addressing the whole my children will take care of me think simply because this plan feels so foreign to me that I don't think I am equipped to be part of the conversation. I also am ant-mission trips so I will be of no help there. (yes I am a complete curmudgeon!:)) That being said I think your concerns are completely valid and I think stating the dilemma is refreshing. You want to give your children more but are wrestling with the how to's and the priorities. I think this is something everyone has dealt with at one point. I am enamored with plans so here is what I would do: (but obviously what I would do is not necessarily what you should do!) I think this is the best idea yet. Start saving now so you have money when an enrichment opportunity arises. This would be step one. Step 2: Is there anyway anybody could make more money? As horrible as it sounds I have been in dire financial times before and frustratingly enough making more money was seriously the only way I could have more. (and at that point the more was really basic, things like insurance, getting the car fixed etc. but this question really never goes away when you want to do "more" often you have to come up with "more" Step 3: How can gift money be allocated. Is there currently any gift budget for anything? Can gift money be used to provide experiences instead of things? Step 4: I would focus on making sure that my children saw everything in the immediate area that they possibly could. Pretend that they are going to be experts on your area. What is there that is even a little interesting that could be made into an experience. Often we don't "travel" our immediate area and forget that some people actually vacation near where we live. Step 5: I would focus on experiences for the older children that could benefit them immediately or in the next few years. What colleges are they interested in? What do they want to look into for a career? I would focus my energy on these things. I would only go in debt if the experience was directly linked to a concrete thing that would benefit my child. (I also would limit the debt to some amount that could be payed back in a short time frame) Step 6: Think about a family trip, vacation or experience that you would ideally like to have. Price it out down to every detail to see if this is something that you could save up for even over a long time frame. Step 7: Is there a temporary way to make more money to reach this goal? Sometimes when we have the goal in front of us with the real money it is helpful to go back to this question. Once again, this is only what I think and honestly, I don't find my little steps always helpful but hey, I am addicted to planning even for things that are unplannable. I think this question is one of the hardest questions we face as parents. Can I or should I do more for my children and at what cost to myself or the rest of my family? (I am guessing that you may not frame the issue in terms of cost to self but for me that's an important consideration, not to be selfish but to be realistic. If I make decisions that ultimately make me crazy, destitute or completely frazzled my children end up in worse shape)

Ah, we have similar husbands and I have LOTS of good ideas! :lol:

No problem with nudity in art. Erotic art we do somewhat censor. Georgia O'Keefe for example, is fine. :) Honestly if the artwork borders on what is considered erotic or shows sex scenes I am generally ok with older children seeing it but maybe not younger ones. I don't want to freak them out by having them see something they don't understand when they are too young but I expect my older children to know about sex, to understand that they are seeing an image that may be erotic and to be able to eventually understand why it is deemed so. Am I crazy? likely so. I am bothered by porn, I am bothered by images of women that are so far removed from real life that my young son may be given the impression that all ideal women look like airbrushed, perfectly hairless, augmented models or women who are complete anomalies. However, if he sees a few images of erotica that feature real bodies I actually think he may have a better view of what real life erotic actually is and what women look like. He is going to be bombarded by some very strange images of "fake women" regardless of what I do. For example, he is going to see airbrushed VS models unless I avoid the mall forever. I think it's not a bad idea to at least have some of his mental images of naked or nearly naked women be images of "real looking" naked women. I think we actually are doing a disservice to our sons by ensuring that the only images of naked women that are seen are usually completely fake or are of women who are such anomalies that his expectations and likely his first sexual thoughts are of these women not "real" women or girls. Obviously, I don't want my son lusting after everything that is walking and realize that he is going to need some guidance in the arena of sexual control and how to handle sexuality throughout life. However, I think that what we see as erotic when we are young shapes what we find erotic when we are older. If I can steer this in a healthy direction I would be happy. I realize my son will need to work on thought control, I get it, (I have a husband, many life-long male friends and was raised in a household with brothers close in age) but I also want nudity to be presented as something that is a part of life. So my stance is we don't censor for simple nudity and we do censor erotica or graphic images until the child is old enough to not be freaked out. For example I don't let my 4 year old see images of Sheela na Gig because I find it potentially disturbing. However, at age 10, this image is included in some of my daughter's history. As far as the walking around naked questions it's somewhat a matter of situation and intention. Would I be bothered by a woman breastfeeding her child in front of my son, um no. Would I be bothered if she was walking around like Mrs. Robinson, yes, I would. So if the nudity was part of her actual non-sexual real life I would be in general, ok with it. (obviously I am sure there are exceptions.) For example I grew up and had a friend whose parents skinny dipped in their own hot tub my themselves, occasionally a glimpse of nudity may be seen if we came home early etc. I'm fine with this. I also had a teacher who would wear low cut shirts and lean into boys faces while she "showed them a math problem." I am not ok with that. I am pretty sure that my son is going to grow up and like breasts but I would be highly doubtful that he would find mine sexually attractive even if he sees them frequently. I'm not trying to get him to NOT be attracted to breasts, I assume that he will be attracted to breasts if he finds women attractive. I don't try to have my children see me naked but I don't freak out or run around covering up if they do and in the course of life they do see me naked. It's my life, nudity is involved. I obviously, shield them from overt sexual nudity on my part. (there are some things that you really don't want to see your parents doing, ever. I completely respect that. There are also some things you don't want to see your children doing ever.)

We have a high a "high deductible ($5,000) I guess I never really thought of insurance as something to pay for basic check-ups etc. I have insurance for the unexpected high expense items not routine visits, or general care. I don't understand why people expect insurance to cover 100% of routine care and not pay a huge amount every month. I agree with the poster who likened health insurance to car insurance which doesn't cover oil changes etc etc. I would get and keep insurance if at all possible. (we have spent some time in life without it and it wasn't fun, very stressful.) I feel very lucky to have insurance and hope you can figure out a good plan for your family. What is the relationship like with your ex? If they get the money directly from him how would they be getting it? Would the money that you would be getting directly from him be in a legal document etc. I wouldn't want it to just be a verbal agreement and would pick the method that was the most reliable in terms of keeping the insurance paid.

My son (at 3) will only wear boardshorts because he hates mesh, apparently like father like son. I know my dh will occasionally wear a speedo style suit under his boardshorts if he is going in the pool but not a traditional cotton boxer/brief because that would be heavy, saggy and feel disgusting. (according to him) Apparently he isn't concerned about flashing people at the ocean but is at the pool? Neither my son nor my husbands boardshorts come down easily and don't have elastic or chaffing seams anywhere. If my son was bent on showing underwear for a fashion statement I would discourage it...adamantly. If he was doing it for comfort I would probably find a speedo or euro style suit to wear underneath a board short. I don't want to see underwear at the pool, I can't be the only person who thinks visible underwear is a bad fad.

Ugh, what a horrible situation. An additional concern from my perspective is that your son apologized to this kid, didn't attempt to do anything while he was being hit 10 or more times etc. I know that this is not a popular opinion but I think that boys at 11 are at the prime age to need to start working on dealing with physical altercations. I am not saying that your son should start going around beating people, obviously! However, maybe screaming would have been a useful tactic? maybe he should have made a fuss? I don't see why the other dad thought that your son's reaction made everything ok. This kid was hitting him repeatedly, if your son doesn't fee like he can physically defend himself against this kid (when it was obvious that he couldn't get out of the situation in any other way, i.e. when the kid started hitting him) I think his best option may have been to yell for help. It's a little odd but maybe it would be helpful to sit down with your son and go through steps of how to make a scene when one is required? What should he do in a similar even in the future, what if this is happening to another kid etc. I am actually trying to process how I would deal with the situation with my son who is currently much younger so I am sure other people have better advice than I do! ;D Also, I understand that dealing with these situation is difficult, it isn't easy as an adult it can be overwhelming at 11. Best wishes to you and your son.

Thanks everybody! I am in full researching mode now! Feel free to add more to my research list! :001_smile: I am excited about the contract-I have been working for an opportunity like this for a long time and it feels so nice to have something work out!Best wishes!

Honestly, the only thing she currently likes is Math Mammoth. I also supplement with various math based activities cooking, random games, books, flashcards for basics etc. She hates anything that uses rods or manipulatives but does great with hands on learning if it is disguised as something not relating to math. She gets bored easily with math. She loves stories about math in history, for e.g. Archimedes she loves, but anything that goes beyond reading about his work she isn't into. Miquon math made both of us crazy, Singapore was awesome for kindergarten and first grade but somewhere in second grade she really started avoiding math and it felt like a change may be good. (considering she absolutely loves learning ANYTHING else but ended up with chronic stomach aches that eventually brought us into the doctor twice only to mysteriously go away when we traveled for a month and I forgot the math supplies. The stomach ache came back the day after the supplies arrived but then went away when I said we could take a break. She wasn't faking it, she honestly didn't even want to go wander around the mummy exhibit she has been looking forward to for months. Repeat this stomach cycle until I figured out that it was linked to math, I'm an idiot, it took me a bit.) I looked at Saxon but it didn't seem to fit her. Out of desperation I ordered Math Mammoth which I stuck with because she didn't hate the process. Honestly, math is hard for her and she doesn't "like" it but she isn't truly bad at it. She is normal or slightly below average in ability in this area but there isn't a problem with her comprehension. She does excellent in her other subjects but math is not her happy place. Sorry for the lengthy background. Thanks for the ideas! I am really trying to come up with a way for math to not be a struggle this year and still give me the time I need! I appreciate the input!

I was just given a one year work contract that is really important to my career. I work at home or bring my children with when I travel so there is no reason to put them in school however, I will have considerably less time. The subject that I and my daughter struggle with is math and this subject is literally the only subject to cause me grief either teaching or preparing. I think if I could cut this one subject I would be able to maintain everything else for school both in time and passion. I need to outsource math for a 5th grader. Any ideas? I have thought about enrolling her in math class but we travel half of the year so this could be tricky. I would love a tutor if possible. (any ideas on how to look for a good tutor who could actually TEACH math not just help with homework?) I am open to any and all options! Please give me all of your ideas! Does anyone have experience doing this? If you can't teach math what do you do?