Thanks, Rosie!

I just had another cup this morning. It reminds me of French onion soup. I do have four cakes of rice noodles to try with it later. Edit: I was careful not to boil the water this time!

Oh, I didn’t know. Is it ok to boil the water by itself to get it hot then add the miso in after the water sits for a minute?

Those sound good. You have access to so many types! I tasted the miso right from the package. It was good. 😀

So I had never tried this. I did yesterday and did not like the flavor of the seaweed and don’t want fish flakes in there, for sure. I ordered some with only soy, water, rice, salt. It was much better. Interestingly, I was reading about it last night and it seems to have many health benefits even though it’s high in sodium. I read that many Japanese have it every day. It’s supposedly good for your immune system. It’s also supposed to be good for IBS. However, a 12g serving is a low fodmap serving. That’s not a large serving, but I’m testing out a 3/4 tbsp serving size in one cup of hot water. That’s about 700mg sodium. I love it just plain in hot water! I haven’t tried it any other way yet, but I plan to try it with rice noodles. I may add a bit of rice vinegar and top with corn, chopped green onions, and a drizzle of sesame oil. Such a quick and easy way to have a hot soup anytime. I had never tried it because I’m usually not really into Japanese cuisine, but I really love this miso paste.

I hope she finds something perfect and enjoys meeting his family. 🙂

And I voted no. It’s not a beverage. It’s a sauce. Apple SAUCE. 😁 The thing that meets the criteria of a (hot) beverage is anything that Sheldon serves or demands to be served in a mug.

Oh, dear. Here we go again. The sandwich vs non sandwich argument. Lol. And where on earth is Mercy when these arguments get started?

Also…I agree with your daughter!

I have lots of good memories with my mom, too. But I think now I have accepted that BOTH my parents won’t change. It was really hard to get there! I have to let them be who they are, and let them think what they think. You can be who you know that you are and not who they think you are. You (and everyone of you in this thread) can hold onto yourself during these visits and stay grounded in that. I have been working on letting go of anger, too. I have made progress this year with that. The stages for me have gone from numb and shocked from first realizing my mom is narcissistic to relief that I’m not crazy to anger and now to acceptance, emotional distance, and healthy indifference. My mom is not an evil person. We had a “looks good on paper” family. There were enough good days to be confusing and enough bad days to break my heart. (I heard this from another source, but it fits perfectly). I imagine some of you here having the downright mean moms with more overt and outright nasty personalities. Mine is harder for people to see. The abuse is there, but it’s so much more hidden and devastatingly poisonous. I feel the deep hurt in your post. Maybe you can try to hold onto yourself, and try to accept that things might not change. It doesn’t mean you can’t love your mother. You just gotta be there for yourself, too.

@Melanie32 There is a commercial on tv where the mom mentions how much she loves spending time in Europe (?) over the holidays. The family members give each other a -knowing, hopeful, and, yes, let’s send her there for Christmas- look behind the mother’s back. (It’s a travel advertisement). Mom and I were watching tv and that advertisement came on. When I saw that, I thought to myself…..oh, I understand why some people would think this way. My mom just commented, “They are being so snarky and snarly to that poor mother.” So that sends the message of what my mom thinks of people who mistreat their poor (narcissistic) mother. It would have been very guilt-inducing a long time ago. But not today. I just remained silent about that. She is totally oblivious to the way the mom in the advertisement is treating her family and that they are in need of respite. My mom can be so awful and still expect her children to be good to their mom, because everyone should do that. If you don’t, you are not a good person in her eyes.

Y’all should have seen the first biscuits I ever made. I made them the week we came home from our honeymoon. They came out of the oven very tall and skinny. So tall and skinny that they were literally vertical and upright for a good length, then, toward the top, they began to lean to one side. They continued to lean and ended being very tall, thin leaning biscuits with a curve. People still laugh about that. Dh loves to tell the story of the first time I made biscuits. I later ended up being able to make good biscuits.

I have a whole recipe box full of “best of” recipes. They are all the ones I specially and specifically collected. Each time we had a potluck at work (yes, we had full on potlucks in our department. It was awesome) or a church potluck, I would usually taste something that I thought was the best version of that thing that I had ever tasted. I would then ask for the recipe. I would write “Sandra’s slaw” or “Lib’s coconut cake” on the card. I wanted to build this collection so every single thing I made would be the best it could be. My mom didn’t teach me how to cook. So after a few years of building my collection after getting married, I had a good box of recipes, and I felt like a really good cook! I still have the box. There are some good southern gems in there. Unfortunately, (or fortunately?) I don’t use it now because these days our diet is different and I just don’t go to many of those anymore. But I was known for my carrot cake, which came from my Better Homes and Garden 1984 cookbook. The one that had many recipes that called for lard. Actual lard. I haven’t used that in forever. But the carrot cake….before my gluten free days…..oh, soooo good. And my banana pudding. People always talked about that. I hadn’t made the carrot cake in years. Last year, ds asked me to make one at Christmas, so I did.

I think in my mom’s case, IMO, it’s a result of her own experienced trauma more than anything. The above is true for many people, though. For her, it could be a mix of both.

Thank you for saying that. ❤️

One strange thing that recently happened… Mom and dad were having an argument over the phone recently. Somehow it came up that my dad said to my mom, “Well, what about all that stuff you did to Indigo?” Mom said, “What stuff?” (It may have been that she was yelling at him for being such a terrible father, which she often does). Mom said, “Me and Indigo are fine. We’ve hardly ever had a blip between us.” 🫣😤🫢😬🙄😲🤔 So, it is true we don’t actually argue because mom did/does the dysregulation part and I don’t/didn’t scream or argue back. Then she forgets about it after some time. So, from her point of view, we get along just fine. I think she was telling me about that because she was curious about what he was talking about. Maybe she thought I’d know, or agree that she did the “stuff”. I was completely silent (and stunned), which was actually telling, but she didn’t say another word about it. I will never know what he was talking about. I wouldn’t dare ask and stir up that trouble. My mom will just go on being completely unaware of herself and the things she has said and done. At this point, none of it really bothers me anyway. I am curious about what my dad meant. However, nothing he said would surprise me.

You know, if we just had the head banging emoji back, all we would have to do is come in here and post a head banging emoji, and never say a word. I could see Saraha banging her head and think,….yep, it’s the ice cream again. Just leave a bunch of head banging emojis and leave. That’s all we need.

Yes. And I really do!!!!!! Even though I come here and complain, I’m truly grateful for the life I have.

Well, I was thinking. I am far from perfect, but I just don’t do these types of things to the people I care about. I don’t lie, create drama, manipulate, etc. I never have. My mom has always been this way. I don’t see any reason why I will suddenly become like that. I might get a bit more cranky or stubborn, maybe? I’m hoping that since this is just not something that is in my personality type, it won’t suddenly spring up. I hope.

I don’t know if it’s an old people thing. Maybe? I think Americans in general do complain a lot. Believe me when I say I would love to not complain. This time of year can be extra hard. It’s so funny. It just seems to be the EXACT same thing every single year.

Sorry @saraha. I don’t know wether to laugh or cry. I can’t believe the ice cream thing….again. I remember last year you were hiding in the bathroom.

I really, really hate how my mom complains so much, and look what happens…..I am now complaining. At least it is here and not out in the family.

First, she began to complain about having Thanksgiving. Years ago. I posted about this many times before. I thought, well, if she doesn’t want all the cooking and cleanup at her house, that’s totally understandable. I would have suggested to come to my house, but with my family, they just don’t seem to want to make the effort to do the drive. I know this, so I just tell mom let’s just have a plate of snacks at your house and we’ll eat before we come. (I mean, I didn’t think she just did not want us to come at all!) I just thought, she’s getting older and she doesn’t want to do all the cooking and cleaning anymore. So, she began to say, year after year, well, I’ll just make a turkey and dressing. Everyone can bring sides. I would say, no, let’s just have a plate of cookies. It’s totally fine. (Because I wanted to end the cook, complain, vow never again…next year takeout, decide to keep it simple but end up having a feast anyway, cook, complain………..repeat…… cycle). But she’d insist on just a turkey and simple sides. Ok. It always turned out, though, that she’d go ahead and do all. the. things. On glass dishes. We’d yet, again, have an over abundance, a big mess to clean, (which actually landed mostly on me) and the day would end with her complaining about how next year would be different. Except it wasn’t. This kept going and going, the complaining increasingly worsening, until it began to really be stressful to even think about Thanksgiving in the month of July. Finally, she REALLY just started making me feel as if she didn’t want ANY event. Maybe she felt like if she couldn’t do the whole thing, she’d feel guilty just serving cookies. I don’t know. But it felt….personal, almost like it was just stressing her out just to have her own grandsons even visit. Then, about 3 years ago, I just told her we’d do our Thanksgiving at home. So we did. I started to enjoy the day again. I never told the boys about all this complaining. I didn’t want them to feel bad. I wanted them to have a nice, happy day at home. So we just starting doing it at home. Then they asked about visiting her on Thanksgiving after we had eaten. We did, but I have to be honest and say I did it silently begrudgingly because she’d been so badly complaining about the most simple cookie and juice visit with her own grandchildren who live hours away from her and visit maybe twice a year. And, while there, I had begun to feel like we should not eat anything, even if offered. Dh and I were in agreement on that, but since the boys didn’t know, we just thought it best to let them accept or decline anything offered on their own. I really was trying to be respectful and understanding of her and how she did or did not want what type of event in her home. It just began to hurt when it seemed to get personal for absolutely no reason. This year, sigh. This year, after my nieces and nephew no longer regularly visit her ….probably partly because they live further away and partly because something happened between one granddaughter and my mom….she is now asking me, “Are the boys visiting me on Thanksgiving?” 😐😳 We probably all will, even if it’s the next day, which I would honestly prefer. Sigh. If anyone else needs to vent (because I know a lot of us have a lot to vent about during these months), feel free to vent here, too.

This right here can be a more tense situation to be in. You might feel that YOU know that you don’t think you are superior, (you just don’t want to drink) but you have to deal with the reality that they may be feeling that way. Just like homeschooling vs public school. Vegan vs carnivore. I’m so much less swayed by this pressure in my 50’s. I feel that if the pressure is too strong, it might be a red flag that I need to plan to not be around them going forward. I don’t want to be around people that unfairly think that I think I am better than they are, although I know sometimes it’s just a one time event that you just deal with and then don’t worry about. I think sometimes it becomes a them problem and not a you problem. No one should feel such pressure that they cave in to drink if they don’t want to. And then subtlety shamed for not following the crowd. #IDoWhatIWant This is easier with age. If only younger people didn’t have to wait so long for wisdom and insight.

These candles are lovely. They have a completely natural scent which is not too strong. They have a wide, wooden wick that makes fire crackling sounds as it burns. It burns evenly in the jar. They also have a pumpkin spice candle, but this and a few others cost a bit more. I absolutely love these candles. It’s a 9 oz candle, which is a nice size. These are non toxic. https://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/B0BYCJ11VL?psc=1&ref=ppx_pop_mob_b_asin_image&th=1