Oooh, yes!

I want it. 😝

@Kassia, don’t do that! You’ll make me cry! Of course you can come here if you need to! ❤️❤️❤️❤️ Big hugs.

See, the thing is, I’ve been scratching my head from the very beginning over what they may be seeing that would warrant their criticism. That’s the whole issue. Because I keep hearing it second hand and first hand. There has never been one gossip where she has said or did anything to anyone….that I have heard. All the criticism is coming from the in laws. I mean, she isn’t perfect. But the in laws have their issues, too. Like we all do. But I just don’t know what it is. She wears ripped jeans and messy buns most of the time. She dresses up when she needs to. She is not high maintenance. She is friendly and chatty. Sure, she likes to serve decently healthy meals, but she serves cakes and ice cream at birthday parties. She throws awesome birthday parties for those kids. What if she is particular? It’s invisible to me, though. I just can’t see it. We’re all something. I just don’t get it. So my conclusion is it’s ugliness. It’s sad that we get criticized for things like not being at just that right point on the spectrum of things. Like, you can be healthy, but not TOO much. You can’t have a house too messy, but it also can’t be too neat. If you don’t fall within a certain “window” you are going off the rails and will be criticized. You have to just the right exact amount of neatness, dressiness, loose/tight in discipline, ….it just goes on. Who gets to decide that where you are on that spectrum is acceptable? I just think they are being meanies behind their son’s wife’s back.

@Faith-manormaybe in a few weeks, I can show you ds’s fig bush and holly tree when he moves. And maybe a before and after of the crape myrtle. It’s in bad shape right now.

@Kassia I hope you take time over the next months for yourself. Do something here and there just for you.

Well, you know we are here if needed to get you through. To give advice or even to just listen.

I would love ideas for grown adult sons who have everything.

I’m sorry @Kassia. I wish it weren’t so for you.

Lastly, she doesn’t know it, but I’m in her corner and I say more power to the woman.

I suppose a lot of different scenarios could be true that have been posted above, but it could also be that my take on this is accurate. Anyway, I just feel there is no basis for the behavior and I think she is too busy with her life and being a mom to give it any of her mental space, if she is aware.

@Ginevralove your post. One response I have learned (in my reading) to express when dealing with someone who doesn’t really know you or try to know you or accept you but is full of criticism of you is , “You are allowed to have your distorted view of me.”

I love them, too. I miss my little chihuahua so much.

That is SO cute! I’d just display it with decorative jars, plates, etc.

If she is aware, and it does bother her, then that’s just sad.

That’s just my feeling. I let things bother me, but she doesn’t seem to. I know that she could very well be hurt by their opinions. It just doesn’t seem like it at all.

I also think that my history causes me to have great insight. Also, I have read way too many books on toxic people/parents/family, lol, so I just think I now can see too much that I couldn’t see before.

And she and I differ in that it would bother me. Probably because of my history. She doesn’t have that kind of history. It makes a difference. She has a great relationship with her parents and her parents are loving, doting grandparents.

His first wife was not a good mom at all. This new wife is. Just let her be particular (if she even is) and focus on her being such a great mom. I’m just dumping my thoughts here.

Yes. I know families who are accepting even though there are differences just because they have the attitude “this is who my child chose to marry, and I will get along with and respect them”. I say that, but I’m talking about benign personality differences, not abuse of child or spouse.

So true.

Exactly. Well said.

PlEASE DON’T QUOTE!!!!!!!!!!!!!! There is a blended family we know. Husband is an auto mechanic at his dad’s shop, and wife is an anesthesiologist. They have four children. One of them is a very young baby. They live right across the street from his parents and their auto shop. The wife is a bit different in culture from the husband’s side. She is very health conscious. The husband’s side isn’t particular about food, and they eat out more than they cook. The mom is pretty. She is a very attentive mom. She works her professional job and takes very good care of her children, as does the dad. I see her as a power mom. Her earning is high, she built and mostly paid for their beautiful, large house. She makes juggling all her active children look easy. She is a natural. The kids are involved in tumbling and sports. I don’t know how they do it all. Her in laws are critical of her behind her back, and I can’t figure out why. She seems to be the type of person that, if she knew, it would not faze her. She didn’t get to where she is by being an insecure, subordinate person. I say more power to her, but it bothers me that her in-laws behave this way. It is apparent that this toxicity has spread to extended family, too, because at a recent gathering of all of them, I overheard comments made by extended family. The main comments they make are about how particular she is. 🤷‍♀️ This may bother me so much because maybe it deeply triggers me. My family did this to me when my boys were young. I was different. Neat. Liked to do things a certain way. I mothered differently than my mom did. A crap ton better, IMO. I was more particular about food. About bedtimes. Manners. You get the idea. I actually parented. This seemed to be a threat to them. My orderliness was a threat to them. They made jokes and sarcastic comments. It hurt that they never understood me and didn’t accept me as I was. They said my boys were going to grow up to be neat freaks. Why is it such a friggin crime to be an orderly person? This mom isn’t particularly neat. Things are scattered about. So she doesn’t focus on that. But her in laws are so critical of her for being “particular” and I am relating to that. (Except for me, it was FOO and not in laws). I can’t figure out exactly why, and I don’t think she is aware. Unlike her, I would be pretty hurt and devastated if I found out. It would be very important to me for them to like me. I’d want to fit in and be accepted. She seems to March to her own drum, and I’m in awe of that. I just wish her family would be accepting. I just don’t understand it, except to say that maybe her accomplishments are intimidating and there is a level of jealousy? Maybe there is just a streak of toxicity running through that family even though they really seem to be otherwise very nice and good people? It just seems she’s from the other side of the tracks, and the family just feels the need to criticize. I just want them to accept her and realize how great she is and stop wasting time otherwise well spent being so critical. I just don’t see a reason to criticize her. It seems it spreads out through the family and people believe things that are said without even knowing her deeper. I’ve been around her enough to see that she is smart, a great mom, and seems to do it all and make it look easy. If she is “particular “ it isn’t a crime, and it’s no reason to let all this toxicity seep out towards her. Each one of her family has their own negative characteristics. Why attack one particular person so much? Humans perplex me.

I get giant, red, angry ulcers inside my mouth that last for over two weeks. I have read in more than one place that these aren’t the average mouth sores people sometimes get, and that the type associated with gluten sensitivity (and celiac, too) are much larger and more painful. It’s wonderful to be free of those horrid things.

I have a non celiac gluten intolerance. Having said that, my opinion (and it’s only an opinion) is that, yes, gluten seems to be bad for so many people, so we’d be better off if we didn’t eat it. How much of this is because commercial processed white bread is not good for you and doing terrible things to people’s health? How much of it is just the gluten itself? I tend to think if one uses organic heirloom flours and bakes from scratch and eats bread in moderation, that might be way less offensive. Lots of people get gassy from gluten. Like clear the room gassy. It’s very common. When Dh stopped eating gluten, that problem completely vanished. See, that just makes me wonder. I mean, we’d all be better off to eat a better diet, right? I would say that probably includes avoiding gluten…..I suppose. Demonizing gluten aside, bread is full of bad carbs, and for that reason, I believe we’d be healthier as a population without it. I somehow feel I should duck and run now…… Just my two cents.