YUCK!!! I couldn't wait until I could give up the driving task. I hated driving.

And I get that. Good reasoning. I "encouraged" my kids to not consider marrying until after college. My daughter doesn't want to until after her musical theater career. She want to do that for awhile before she settles down. So I do understand. I am NOT in the early marriage camp. But I am glad they had some experiences while they were here...well, except for oldest. He is going to be the rich, single uncle that spoils his nieces and nephews I am afraid. 🙂

Yeah, still think that is a bit controlling.

Yes, so have mine. They started taking dual credit in 9th grade. But my children had cars, jobs, activities they went to by themselves. Good thing since my youngest went 14 hours away. I cannot imagine her doing that if I never let her leave the house without my driving her.

Glitter is a tool of the devil. LOL.

Yeah, I get that, but honestly, I saw it as my job to let go of the reins and not be so controlling by the time they went to college. My goal was to have children with a good head on their shoulders and could make good decisions THEMSELVES. I should not be dictating what my 18yo kid can and cannot do. I cannot imagine telling them they couldn't date. Now, that said, I told the story of my poor boyfriend who followed me. Of the boyfriend that would have been an abuser ( only dated him for a couple of months. He said I was not being faithful by going on a choir trip.. HUGE red flag.) and who stalked me in college. Youngest made a HORRIBLE decision in high school, but we got to talk through it. Boy am I glad she didn't do that in college. I slowly let loose of the reigns until by senior year, they were in college. They were doing all dual credit and making their own schedules. They all did well in college. But no prospects for marriage for any of them. 26 year old has never been on a date. Middle one dated one girl senior year. Just asked another girl out last month, and she said no she wasn't ready and then proceeded to date his roommate. 😞 Daughter dated a few guys for just a couple of weeks each, but decided they were not for her. She hasn't dated at all since Covid hit.

I went to a ton of formals in a group. I considered it a date. In college, we did a ton of things in a group. In fact, it did make it awkward for the rest of that sophomore year of college. I had been good friends with my boyfriend's roommates since junior high. ( I moved right before my junior year of high school, so he didn't know them.) I spent the bulk of my time at that apartment with all the guys. When I did break up, I rotated which guy I took to the formal. We all had informal arrangements that if we didn't have a particular girl or guy we wanted to take, we would take each other. Heck, I went on a trip to Colorado with the group of guys, with my being the only girl. They were my brothers. One of the boys' moms asked if I was the only girl going and he replied, "Mom, she's not a girl. She's just one of the guys." I had just started dating dh at the time I went on that trip. But growing up, I didn't have girl friends, only guy friends. Made it hard after we all got married. We didn't stay in touch because if felt weird. Honestly, I like guys so much better as friends and as co-workers.

I hope so. We dated for nearly 3 years. I have no clue what happened to him. But I disagree. My husband was born self-disciplined. So some can change, but most I have seen do not.

Yes.

And yeah, Scarlett, I do get what you are saying. I have one regret. I started dating a boy my senior year of high school. He loved me dearly. I thought I was in love as well. He followed me to college, which was a bad idea. He couldn't handle the rigor. Flunked out. Stayed the next year to go to a community college near there to be near me. One day, a dear friend talked to me and said, "You know, I just didn't see you marrying someone like that." To be honest, we hadn't talked about marriage. But I thought, "Yeah, he's right. I could never marry him. I could date him forever, but there were qualities he had that I didn't want in a mate." So poor guy, I broke up with him the next day out of the blue. No fight. He tried for 6 months to get me back, always having a new plan for passing classes or actually following through on goals or whatever I wanted him to do. Nope. Stood firm. Actually, when I realized that, it was like a switch went off. I had never thought about dating as preparation for marriage. It was just fun. I wish I had broken up with him before I graduated from high school, so he could have gone to the university of his choice. Though, to be honest, he probably would have flunked out there as well. He had no self-discipline, which is a huge no, no for me in marriage. Love is fine, but it doesn't necessarily make a good marriage. There are certain qualities the person needs.

Yeah, that is the difference. It is just fun to get to know different people.

EXACTLY THIS!!!

No she makes perfect sense. I didn't want to be married...until I did. To say...well, are you ready for marriage.... I would have said no. So i am not supposed to date?

They didn't give me the willies, but the THOUGHT of being married gave me with willies. I had way too much to do to be married. I just wanted to have a good time. That's it. And yes, I remained chaste if that matters.

Yeah, I think this is the pattern I am seeing in this particular group. My daughter has no intention of getting married until her career is ready. Now she would like to date, if only Covid would make it possible. GRRR.

Yeah, I completely disagree with this. I was not ready to marry...until I was. I just knew this was the person. My previous dates/boyfriends, the thought of marrying them gave me the willies. I was probably ready to marry for quite awhile before I did, but not until I met the right person, which I wouldn't know until I dated them. If I had to decide whether I was ready to marry before I went on a date...yeah, just no.

Perhaps, but 10 such marriages. That feels foolish.

Yes, 50 years ago it was much more common. I think it might be ok in a few cases, but at least in my area, 10 kids getting engaged immediately after graduation just feels like egging each other on. I think it is a very, very rare couple that are mature enough in this day and age to be married. Not impossible, but rare.

Well I am equally aghast at this as young marriage.

Ok, that I can agree with. That is not what your original statement sounded like.

Yes, so dating is required. I really don't want my children to marry the first person they date.

I would agree with that, but college is a completely different animal.

Yep that was it.

Yeah, but there are things people do in private that they do not do in a group, some red flags you might not catch. I know I act VERY different in groups than just with my husband. Very different. As far as remaining chaste, no going into any bedrooms alone. I don't know, it just wasn't that hard. These are not overwhelming emotions you cannot control for pete's sake. You just set the boundaries. Do things in public or semi-public spaces.

I cannot answer for everyone, only for us. I think dating is important to know what you like and what you don't like. Heck, just to have a good time and not be serious. Thanks to Covid, my poor daughter has not gotten to do any of that. Really stinks. My oldest is 26 and never been on a date and will not unless a girl asks him out. They scare him to death. Sigh. My middle one has asked out two and he is 24. I wish he would have fun and ask more out, but it is his life. I think dating in college is good. And yes, we wait until marriage for sex.