So let me ask you guys this (in all sincerity!): how do you have that conversation with your mil? I am the kind of person who usually tries to keep the peace, put others' first, and not be the source of contention. However, I have had a major epiphany in the last few months: I am an adult woman! I know it sounds stupid, but I have realized that it is time (way past time) for me to start making my own decisions, doing things on my own schedule, and doing things when and where it works for ME, rather than the way everyone else wants things done. On the one hand, it sounds incredibly selfish, but otherwise, I am basically the sweet and accomodating doormat. I don't want to be the doormat anymore, but I also don't want to cause a major family divide. So when MIL says she has already invited xyz family members to our house at 4:30 for a visit to see my kids (which will turn into dinner with our family), do I just say, "that won't work for our schedule (which is just sitting around spending time together)," or "I'm afraid we aren't available, but I would be happy to drop you off to meet them at a restaurant." Help me think of some good, neutral, relatively peace-keeping responses that make the point without being offensive. As far as the visits go, they only have 5 grandchildren, 4 of whom are my kids. I'm not going to be that person who denies them the opportunity to see their grandchildren; but I am going to have DH have a talk with them that as the kids get older, they are busier, and we would love to welcome them maybe 2-3 times a year rather than 6-8. NYR for 2010: Take better charge of my own life and time!

I completely agree - I would put this book in my top 5 books that have changed the way I think about things, or actively changed the way I live my life.

Thank you for your replies and a reality check. Since posting that, I have been feeling guilty and thinking I am over-reacting a little. I think it's the timing of today, with no notice, and the fact that it could have been done so easily yesterday. Having said all of that: I guess it's just the history I have with these people that makes it difficult for me. They come to visit about every 6 weeks, for 5 days at a time, in addition to the annual Christmas visit. In all, they are here about 60+ days a year. Each time they come, I put my life on hold, stop everything I have planned (they usually give 1-2 days notice that they are coming), and end up hosting enormous family get-togethers every time. It's not unusual for me to have 27 people for Easter (not including my side of the family that lives here), spur-of-the-moment Tuesday night dinner for 18, etc. I am tired of being the family hostess, the facilitator of the reunions, etc. DH works a ton, so his life is not changed in the least when his parents visit. His relationship with his parents is an occasional call or email, but not super close. My in-laws visit us to see our children, and I get that. Also, StephanieZ, without getting into the personal identifying details of our business, money is tight at our house, and hiring the babysitters, cleaners, and caterers is not an option. It is the end of the year, and we have things that need to be done now, before Friday, or we will not be paid for them. If DH takes 4 hours off today, that money is lost to him forever. I wish it were differently, but that is our reality. I will just breathe a little deeper and start cleaning the Christmas mess that is still in the living room.

Is it just me, or is it the height of audacity for a houseguest to invite people over for a *house tour* without checking with the host first? This morning, my MIL announces she would like to see her sister, who is staying with her daughter an hour away, so she invited her to come today to spend the day and see our new house that we moved into 6 months ago. The thing is, just yesterday, we were in the daughter's area, not more than 10 minutes away, just kind of hanging out. She easily could have said, "let's stop by daughter's house and see sister." Instead, I have three options: 1) just suck it up and have sister come (which is what I will do), 2) drive MIL an hour each way to see sister, with four kids in tow who are not going to just sit quietly on the couch while they chat; or, 3) as MIL suggested in the alternative, have DH drive them there this morning, go to work, and then drive back this afternoon to pick them up. The problem with that is that we own our own business, and his time is literally our family's income. Four hours of his driving time is worth about $700 of our income, and that's not going to happen. A little background: for the first 13 years of our marriage, DH's parents came to stay with us every year for Christmas for seventeen days. My relationship with them suffered severely, so three years ago, they started staying with their daughter instead. They stayed with her for 3 years (one of which we were out of town), and she called this year and said she can't take it anymore and they have to come back to our house. So this year, we have split the time, and they are with us for this second week. My relationship is not improving! My chant this week: "It's important for my children to have a good relationship with their grandparents . . . "

Sorry, that just made me laugh: "Hootchie-Girl Barbie" ????!!!!! for real? :lol: So glad I have four boys and don't have to deal with stuff like that!

We have an Ektorp sofa and loveseat with the navy blue denim covers. We've had them for coming up on 3 years, and I've decided they are indestructible. Quite comfy to sit on, super easy to clean - I love these sofas. BTW, I have four boys, ages 12, 10, 8, and 6 - and they certainly act their ages and gender with this furniture! The current favorite is stacking up the cushions near the LoveSac, then jumping off the back of the loveseat onto this "landing zone." Of course, this is when I am upstairs making dinner, so I technically have no knowledge of this! Knowing what I know now about this furniture, I would buy it again without hesitation. Plus, you can't beat the price!

My in-laws arrived in town last night for their annual 17-day stay for Christmas and New Years. Yes, you read that right: seventeen. days. every. year. for the last. sixteen. years.!!!! This year, they are staying with my SIL for 5 nights, of which 3 full days they will be at my house, then the remainder with me, 24/7, while my DH goes to work for 12 hours a day. "It is important to me that my kids have a good relationship with their grandparents . . . " Said repeatedly while cleaning up after them and suffering stimulation overload. Had to get that one off my chest.

If you own more than one ipod, how do you download to each of them? Do you have separate itunes accounts, (and if so, how do you get separate accounts?), or do you just have one big account and each one gets its own music moved onto it manually (and how do you get your other ones onto your account?) DS got an ipod for his birthday earlier this month, and we are finally getting around to putting some music on it. DH and I have an older ipod, which we use occasionally. When we plut our old ipod into my computer and start up itunes, our ipod shows up, along with the music we have on it. When I plug in DS's new ipod, nothing shows up on itunes, and I don't know how to create an account for the new one on itunes. Yes, I know I am completely clueless about this. I called my 14-year-old nephew for help but he is out skiing right now. Thanks for any help!

I talked with my son's principal this morning and made the arrangements necessary for dual enrollment to homeschool all his language arts stuff. He has dyslexia, with spelling especially being difficult for him. His reading teacher is *OK*, but there's only so much she can do with 27 other kids in the class. We live 2 minutes from his school, so he'll go in the morning, I'll bring him home at 9:00, and then he'll go back to school at 10:45 every day. We are former homeschoolers, current afterschoolers, and now half-time homeschoolers. We'll start after the Christmas break in January - we'll be doing R&S Grammar, WWE 3, and Apples and Pears Spelling. Just had to share - I am really excited about doing this!

My neice has an ipod docking station with speakers that is pink and shaped like a VW Bug, but my sister can't remember where she got it, and it was several years ago. DH and I just bought ds his first ipod for his birthday earlier this month, and would like to get him a docking station with speakers for Christmas. All of the ones I've seen are just regular black alarm clocks - does the hive know where I could get one that is a little more fun?

Thanks for your input Colleen!

Help me decide which curriculum to use for my 10 year-old son. A little background: he is currently in public school, which I like, overall, but I want to pull him out during his language class because his teacher is making both of us crazy. He has homeroom, then separates out for language and is grouped by ability. I love his homeroom teacher, so I would just bring him home from 9:00-10:45 every day (we live 2 min. from the school). Dual enrollment is allowed in our state, and I have done it with this school in the past, so I know it won't be a problem. Now to the curriculum: I have used FLL 1/2 in the past, as well as Rod & Staff 3. I'm not familiar with the newer FLL (3, 4), or WWE at all, and I'm just looking for a thorough language arts curriculum. We will focus a lot of time on spelling, as my son is dyslexic and spelling is his hardest area. I'd just like a good, thorough curriculum we can do daily that will include: grammar, comprehension, writing, etc. I know there are a lot of other curriculia out there, but help me focus on the pros and cons of these two. Thanks so much for any input you can give me: things you like, don't like, things you have to supplement, etc.

My boys love The Great Brain Books by John Fitzgerald.

Yes, I talk with all of my siblings at least once a week. One lives in the same city as I do, but one is in the mid-west and one lives in another country. We are very close in age, so were always close to each other growing up, but I think we have better relationships now as adults than we did as children. Our father died 12 years ago, so that really drew us together. We were all in our early-mid 20s when that happened, so we were in the thick of marriages, new babies, finishing up graduate school etc. We have relied on each other a lot. I also talk to my mom every day, as she lives alone, and has health problems. I want to make sure she is OK. DH, on the other hand, talks with his only sibling (who lives 30 minutes away), only when I remind him that it's her birthday.

I second the basic Timex Ironman. I have had mine since I started running 5 years ago, with one battery replacement, and I love it. I do have a Garmin 305 that I love, and use often. But it was a gift and if I didn't have it, I would be just as content with my Timex. The things I love about the Garmin are knowing my mileage, how fast I'm going, and how many calories I have burned, but these are just gravy. The Timex is great for interval training: run/walk and countdown alarms, i.e., run out for 30 minutes, then turn around and run back for 30 min. For about 1/10th the price, the Timex Ironman is a great watch for runners.

We are getting the kids a new computer - the one they currently use was purchased new in 1998.

This might sound gross, but Nutella squished inside hot, fresh-baked rolls. If you close your eyes tight enough, and go into another room, you'll feel like you're in Paris. OK, not really, but it's reminiscent of a pain au chocolat.

Thank you so much for everyone's speedy and supportive responses. I keep going back and forth between thinking I am making too big of a deal between this and wanting to pull my hair out! DH and I sat down and talked about this extensively, and this is what we came up with: they can stay with us for one week, 24/7 do everything with just us, and then stay with SIL for the other week, staying just with her. They will probably arrive in town on Dec. 20, so be with her the first week and come to our house on the 27th until they leave Jan 2. This truly is the very best I can do. A few replies to others' questions: It's a 17-day visit because both in-laws teach school, and they come for their entire winter vacation. Yes, SIL has had them for the last 3 years, but we had them every year prior to that since 1993. About half of my family, (my mom and 1 sis) live relatively close by and we have never done anything with just my family at Christmas. We see them on either Christmas Eve, when we host all of them along with the in-laws, SIL and fam, and DH's aunt, uncle, other aunt, and even the other's aunt's sister - last year it was 21 people in all - a big family reunion for DH's side of the family. Or, we see them on Christmas Day, when we go to my sis' for dinner and the in-laws come with us. We have tried to go to this just by ourselves, but MIL always says, "Oh, I would love to see [sister], I haven't seen her in so long!" and they invite themselves. We have the big DH family reunion for every other major holiday. 25+ for Easter last year, Christmas Eve every year for the last ??? etc. SIL has never hosted a holiday get-together. Ever. (I will cut her a few years of slack - she was in school before but has been married for 4 years). This year we have decided that we will do a breakfast on Christmas Eve Day and have the masses. We'll have quiche, sweet rolls, etc., and then send them all home by noon. For 24 glorious hours, we will huddle together and make gingerbread, frolic in the snow, and then come in for the traditional fish dinner that I grew up with and is important for me to pass on to my children. The in-laws can't come for Thanksgiving due to it being near the end of the semester and they are busy with finals for their classes etc. It would be the ideal, because DH and I had originally planned on his family at Thanksgiving / mine at Christmas, alternating each year. They can't ever come for Thanksgiving so this has never worked. This is far from being the only time we see them. In 2009, they have come to visit 4 other times, each for 4-5 days. This is pretty typical, maybe on the low side. I did keep track one year when they came every 6 weeks for 4-5 days. That was the year I had my nervous breakdown regarding this situation and said I will not have houseguests ever again. I think that is why I am getting stressed over the idea of them staying with us at all. I closed that door and don't want to start creeping down the slippery slope again. I don't want to sound like a whiny self-centered person who needs her holidays to be all about ME, but I would like to establish some of our own family traditions. It's extremely important to me that my children have a good relationship with their grandparents, so I let a lot of other stuff slide with that goal in mind. I just want to feel like DH and I are consciously deciding the emphasis we want to establish regarding the celebration of our Savior's birth in our children's lives, rather than just the supporting role of Grandma and Grandpa's Christmas get-them-whatever-they-want-gift-a-palooza. I think I'll just breathe and try not to get too worked up over this!

Warning: This is another MIL thread! I'm not here to bash, I'm really not. My in-laws are some of the most generous people whom I really believe have good intentions. I just want out of one of their "traditions." DH and I have been happily married for 16 years. His parents live 700 miles away, and his only sibling lives about 1 hour from us. We have lived here, and in the mid-west (1200 miles from in-laws), and every year for Christmas, they come and stay with us. For. Seventeen. Days. For the Last. Sixteen. Years. Actually, I take that back: for the last 3 years, they have stayed with SIL, and then drive to our house to spend the day with us and then back to her place to sleep. SIL e-mailed DH this week saying that because she has taken her turn for the last 3 years, it's our turn. A huge part of the reason we haven't had them lately is that it was really damaging my relationship with them - I am just not a houseguest kind of person - and because we would have to displace two of our children to an air mattress on the floor for them to stay with us for 2.5 weeks. SIL has a dedicated guest room with a queen bed, a 4 bdr house with one child. The in-laws are the type that sweep in, take over, dominate ALL of my children's time, and I feel like I don't have any time to do the fun stuff with my kids, because I am cleaning up their messes, preparing everyone's food, etc. I have really tried to assert myself more, saying we aren't available on certain days, we already have plans for this day but you are welcome to join us, etc. DH and I really want our own Christmas with just our children. We love our extended families, but really just want to start our own traditions. I know it's not possible to ask them not to come, because they only have two children, and both of them live here with all of their grandchildren, but what are some ideas to have a little more core family time, and less grandparent-dominated holidays? We did go out of town two years ago and it was awesome. However, it's not really in the budget to make that a regular thing.

Ree's Best Lasagna. Ever. and homemade bread, timed to be hot out of the oven when the kids are done with school. I've actually never made Ree's Lasagna before, but I just got a new stove yesterday and I'm in the mood to cook and bake things. It's funny how excited I am over just a stove, but this is a super-shiny stand-alone with lots of bells and whistles, and my old one was from the 1950s, with only 1/2 the burners working and the temperature numbers on the oven worn off so you had to look at it in just the right light to know if it was set at 300 or 350 (which is a big difference, I might add!)

Yes - it's tough. We have suspended ALL sports for this year - no soccer, skiing, baseball, or swimming. This has made a dent in the total, but we are majorly cutting back right now to be able to make that one. Also, keep in mind that the $600 is for three children - $200 each.

I have three in various stages of orthodontia right now. It is painful to think about the total cost. Fortunately, our orthodontist has a no-interest payment plan, which is about $600 a month total for all three. We will be done with the first stage next spring, and I can't wait because it's a stretch for us to be able to make that payment. Anyway, my kids are 11, 10, and 8, and all three had small palates which needed expansion, which is easier to do before it is fused. Also, my youngest had a severe underbite which is also easier to correct when the bones are still a little more malleable. Our ortho is doing everything in two stages - palate expander followed by "mini-braces" which straightens everything they currently have, including baby teeth. This process is about 6-8 months. Then they'll have a retainer until all their baby teeth are out and permanent teeth are in (the retainer will help the permanent teeth come in relatively straight). Once all the permanents are in, they'll have the full braces, which should only last for about 6 months, because the retainer will help keep things in place. We're paying about $5k per child. We don't have a dental school in our state, but when we lived in Nebraska, I had several friends who had their braces done at Creighton University and were really happy with the work they had done there. Good luck!

We have been through SOTW 1-4 ,and are currently doing a combination of SOTW/ Encyclopedia of History this year with outlining (for my oldest). We will continue with our world history, but would just like to really beef up the American History aspect this year in light of our upcoming trip. We have timelines going so they can see that the two histories are not overlapping (we're on Medieval / Early Renaissance this year). Thanks so much to everyone for their fabulous suggestions - they have given me a lot to look at / go through, but I think we're on the right track!

Angela - feel free! We're pretty excited! It's not a small thing for our family to buy 6 airline tickets and take a trip like this, so we really want our kids to get as much from this as possible.

DH and I are planning a trip to Williamsburg, Washington D.C., and Philadelphia next Thanksgiving, with maybe some civil war battlefields, Montecello, and Mount Vernon, too. We would like to do some American History this year so that our children will understand the significance of the things we will be seeing, and *gasp* maybe even appreciate them! Our children are currently 11, 9, 8, and 6. I've been reading through the Rainbow Resource catalog and "All American History" and "Complete Book of U.S. History" catch my eye. Any all-inclusive, more than just the stories, craft-suggesting, question-asking, activity-inducing American History curricula that the hive can suggest? TIA!