Only me Posted February 19, 2008 Share Posted February 19, 2008 I've posted a lot about my dd who is a sophomore at a private high school so I won't get into the details here. Her homework load continues to be insane. Early last week I decided to send an email to the school counselor asking for advice. I approached it from an angle of whether or not there was something my dd was doing wrong rather than blaming any of the teachers. I truly wanted advice and thought the counselor could help me. I got a reply saying that she was forwarding the mail to the curriculum supervisor and the vice principal. I have not heard back yet. I also can't understand why the counselor wouldn't be the one to help me. Email seems to be this school's preferred method of communication. Over the weekend I decided to send an email to one of her teachers. The one who is assigning the majority of the work Again I tried very hard to not accuse the teacher of anything rather I tried to ask for her advice. I also wanted to know if she felt that the other students were spending as much time on the homework. Now I'm second guessing myself. I realize that my dd is a sophomore now and needs to start "fighting her own battles" and figuring these things out but it's very hard to sit back and watch. I finally had to practically force her to go out with friends for a few hours Saturday night. (the first time all semester). She had to do volunteer work Friday night and didn't get home until late but spend the whole day Saturday and Sunday on her homework again. Yesterday she needed to catch up on things like piano practice and exercises she was given by her physical therapist (she hasn't even had time to do that). She still did some homework but I told her to do the necessary things and to take a break from the long term assignments. I feel that she is going to burn out very soon. She is losing weight again (she is only 87-89 pounds to begin with) and I'm starting to become concerned. Do you think it is ok to still be that involved in your child's education? It's so hard to go from being the teacher in home schooling to letting the school dictate her entire life. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AllSmiles Posted February 19, 2008 Share Posted February 19, 2008 I remember reading one of your other posts a few weeks ago about the amount of time your daughter was spending on her homework. I also remember thinking that your daughter sounded a lot like me when I was in high school. Just getting an assignment done was never enough. It had to be the best that I could make it, even if it was more than the teacher expected. My parents were not pushing me to drive so hard, nor were my teachers. It was definitely something internal. Like your daughter my school work impacted my weight, and even my health. By my freshman year at college I was completely burnt out. I think it is great that you are trying to help your daughter. Yes, as kids grow up they need to learn to speak up for themselves, but I don’t think that means parents need to just step back and watch their children drown. I think it is worth discussing the amount of homework your daughter has with her school. Perhaps the combination of classes she is taking are resulting in an absurd amount of homework. However, if other like students don’t seem to be as burdened, I would gently, but constantly keep reminding your daughter to take some time to enjoy life. Perhaps in the evenings you could sit down with her and look at her homework, and help her determine a reasonable amount of time to spend on each assignment. Help her reevaluate at the end of the evening where she is at. Whether the cause of the problem is the teachers, school, or your daughters own drive, I think your daughter needs someone to help her get her head above the water. It is hard finding that perfect balance in life between school (or work) and free time, but we all need some down time. I wish the both of you the best of luck! AllSmiles :) (I hope this all makes sense. My kids and I are all sick, and it was a long night!) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Laura K (NC) Posted February 19, 2008 Share Posted February 19, 2008 otherwise, she'd be able to live on her own. We're grooming our children to be independent; we don't expect them to be independent right off the bat. You have experience that your daughter doesn't have and you need to use that for her advantage. The teachers who teach your daughter are your employees. You have every right to request, and even demand, accountability. At the very least you have a right to know exactly what and how they are teaching your daughter. If it's not satisfactory you need to let them know! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Leah Posted February 19, 2008 Share Posted February 19, 2008 As a teacher, I say stay involved, help her figure out how to have a better quality of life and keep in contact with the teachers on this. I personally always appreciated it when a parent took the time to find out if there was something they could do to help. I never wanted students to be overwhelmed and over-burdened by their class work, so I appreciated knowing that there might be a problem. I think you are very right to keep the focus and tone on "what advice" the teacher can give. Teachers like it when parents don't start off assuming that everything is their fault. :) Bottom line-don't be afraid to still be very active in this situation! It sounds like your daughter needs some changes. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jenny in Florida Posted February 19, 2008 Share Posted February 19, 2008 If it were my child, I think I would have encouraged--maybe ever required--her to approach the guidance counselor and/or teachers herself. I would probably have sat her down and helped her to make a list of concerns and examples of the kinds of problems she's having, then helped her to role play or "script out" what she wanted to say, then had her take it from there. In general, even with my 9-year-old, I try to stay in the background when it comes to teacher interaction. That isn't to say I don't help or that I'm not involved, just that I encourage them whenever possible to take the lead. --Jenny Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
readwithem Posted February 19, 2008 Share Posted February 19, 2008 otherwise, she'd be able to live on her own. We're grooming our children to be independent; we don't expect them to be independent right off the bat. You have experience that your daughter doesn't have and you need to use that for her advantage. The teachers who teach your daughter are your employees. You have every right to request, and even demand, accountability. At the very least you have a right to know exactly what and how they are teaching your daughter. If it's not satisfactory you need to let them know! I was going to cut and paste the first part, then the second part as well - nah, I'll just say I agree with all of this :) :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Only me Posted February 19, 2008 Author Share Posted February 19, 2008 I think if it was a problem with the actual material or dd was not doing well in the class then it would be a different situation. I would expect her to talk to the teacher and get extra help etc. This is not the case because she is currently getting an A+ in the class. I'm trying to find out if she feels dd is doing something wrong or approaching things differently from the rest of the class. I think this is more of a conversation between a parent and teacher or counselor then the student. I think the teacher would more readily tell me how the other students are doing (not names of course) and whether or not she feels my dd is pushing herself too much or if she is taking much longer than the other students. I'm also afraid that it would come across more as complaining if dd approached the teacher. I tried very specifically to ask the teacher for advice rather than tell her she was assigning too much homework. At their school it also seems that the counselor isn't available for help like my counselors were in school. I think she is there to help the kids plan for college but doesn't appear to be willing or able to advise in this situation. By the way, my dd has read and implemented some of the helpful suggestions given on this board but when it comes to something like the term paper and the amount of work due in the next few weeks she can't really control how much time she needs to work on it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Plaid Dad Posted February 19, 2008 Share Posted February 19, 2008 Yes, I think it's perfectly appropriate for you to be involved. After all, this is a private school. You are paying them to educate your child, and you can take your business elsewhere if the school is not meeting your expectations. They are accountable to you. I would be asking for face-to-face meetings with the administration and teachers - not to be accusatory, but to get clear answers to your questions so you can determine if this school is the best one for your child. If you believe your child's health is suffering because of the work load, then this has already gone far beyond the point where exchanging emails with a guidance counselor is sufficient. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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