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I got myself into a situation


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What's with the ads?

#1 mom of 2 boys

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Posted 18 January 2017 - 09:17 AM

So, I finally let that respite provider go yesterday. Our funding works in such a way that I am reimbursed for each child from two different agencies, due to their ages. It is up to me to seek out and hire my own provider. Being that I homeschool, I really needed someone during the day. I could only think of one person that I already knew who was available during the day, she was someone from church that we met a few years ago. I'm not really sure that I could have communicated what this was any more clearly, but this lady took my hiring her to watch my kids as something completely different than it actually was. She insisted the entire time that she was a "volunteer" and would only accept payment so that I would not lose my funding. When the funding ran out, she refused to accept money out of pocket. She also saw herself as some kind of a Supernanny and me as the parent who was asking her for help with raising my kids. Obviously that was kind of infuriating, and I was constantly working towards politely getting her to tone down the unsolicited advice a notch. Not to mention, she wouldn't listen to a word I said about how to care for the kids. She knew better then me, and she was going to show me how it's done. To add to it, she started with a pretty serious injury. I was obviously concerned, not only about her well being, but also about her ability to do what I needed her to do. She kept insisting that it would not be an issue. Beyond insisting. Only...it was an issue. It became an issue this winter, when she started having to cancel constantly because she was afraid to leave the house because she might slip and re-injure it. I get that - I really do, but she wouldn't quit. She wanted to keep working for me, even though she couldn't get here. Finally, yesterday, when she canceled due to RAIN that she was afraid might freeze while she was here, I couldn't take it any longer, and I told her that I had to start looking for a provider who could be more reliable. She took it badly. She reminded me of her injury, she told me that I KNEW about her injury from the start, she told me that she has done her very best to help our family. And now I feel kind of horrible. Like I am ungrateful for this saint who swooped in here to save the day in my time of need, despite being injured. And also like I am being completely unreasonable. She's injured. Of course she can't come out in bad weather. Why would I expect her to. Oh wait - because it was RAIN and people don't skip out on work when it's raining out. But it wasn't work...she's a "volunteer." UGH! 



#2 Julie of KY

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Posted 18 January 2017 - 09:40 AM

Take care. You're not being unreasonable.

 

Good luck finding someone new and patching up this relationship (as it sounds like someone you interact with from church).


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#3 Hilltopmom

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Posted 18 January 2017 - 09:53 AM

Good call.
I had a nurse for my child who I loved but who cancelled more than she showed up & we never let her go, I just couldn't bring myself to find, interview & hire someone else (same thing, no agency, had to find our own staff). It really caused issues for our family, not having reliable nursing care.

Hope you find someone good.
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#4 OneStepAtATime

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Posted 18 January 2017 - 10:15 AM

:grouphug:  :grouphug:  :grouphug:

 

Don't let her make you feel guilty.  You didn't hire her because you just thought she needed a volunteer position so hey, lets just give church lady a volunteer job so she feels good about herself.  You hired her because you really do need help.  If she is unable to help you consistently then it doesn't matter in the slightest WHY she can't consistently help you, she cannot effectively fulfill the role you needed her to.  Therefore, you need to find someone else.  If she cannot logically see why you finally had to let her go then nothing you could have said would probably have helped.  She likes to think of herself as a Nightingale but cannot accept that, whether being paid or not, when you take on a role as she did that comes with certain responsibilities, certain duties to fulfill.  Sounds like she has issues of her own that you cannot fix.  She could not fulfill those duties so she cannot stay in this position.  Period.  You did the right thing.

 

I hope you can find someone else to help.  

 

You MIGHT consider writing her a letter explaining specifically why you felt this wasn't working (in a polite and neighborly but firm way with clearly laid out points) so if anyone else gets told a different story you can show that you very clearly had grounds for finding someone else and conveyed those reasons to her.  There was no misunderstanding.


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#5 mom of 2 boys

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Posted 18 January 2017 - 05:07 PM

:grouphug:  :grouphug:  :grouphug:

 

Don't let her make you feel guilty.  You didn't hire her because you just thought she needed a volunteer position so hey, lets just give church lady a volunteer job so she feels good about herself.  You hired her because you really do need help.  If she is unable to help you consistently then it doesn't matter in the slightest WHY she can't consistently help you, she cannot effectively fulfill the role you needed her to.  Therefore, you need to find someone else.  If she cannot logically see why you finally had to let her go then nothing you could have said would probably have helped.  She likes to think of herself as a Nightingale but cannot accept that, whether being paid or not, when you take on a role as she did that comes with certain responsibilities, certain duties to fulfill.  Sounds like she has issues of her own that you cannot fix.  She could not fulfill those duties so she cannot stay in this position.  Period.  You did the right thing.

 

I hope you can find someone else to help.  

 

You MIGHT consider writing her a letter explaining specifically why you felt this wasn't working (in a polite and neighborly but firm way with clearly laid out points) so if anyone else gets told a different story you can show that you very clearly had grounds for finding someone else and conveyed those reasons to her.  There was no misunderstanding.

 

Thank you, I really needed to read this. I was feeling a little crazy. Thankfully this was all over text, so if anyone wants to know what really happened, they can just read it. 

 

This is really the last thing I need right now, but hopefully it leads to a better provider and some relief in the end. 


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#6 OneStepAtATime

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Posted 18 January 2017 - 05:08 PM

I sincerely hope this DOES lead to a better provider and some real relief.  Sending good thoughts your way.


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#7 kbutton

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Posted 18 January 2017 - 05:23 PM

I think you did the right thing! I hope you are able to find someone else without too much stress. You deserve a person who is a perfect fit after putting up with crazy lady! 


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