My 12 year old (6th grade) is a very talented writer in his free time. He loves to write very long and elaborate stories with great ideas, word choice, and sentence fluency. He is very passionate about his writing. But when it comes to writing paragraphs or essays, we butt heads. I offer suggestions and he takes is personally and does not want to make any revisions.
I am looking for feedback on his writing to see if I am being too picky or if it's really something he should work on. I asked him to write a "how-to" paragraph. The main areas of focus is a good topic sentence, detail sentences, conclusion sentence, and transition words. I eventually got him to change the topic sentence, but I will put his original sentence with his writing.
This is my paragraph on how to test your blood sugar. Step one: you need to wash your hands. It is important to do so for accurate results. The supplies you will need is a glucose reader, or meter for short, a test strip, and a poker. First, you will need to insert the strip into the meter, the flat side going in. Then, lay the poker against a chosen finger pad. Make sure it's not on the fingernail side. Press the button. Yipe! If there is not enough blood, gently squeeze your finger to get some more out. After that, put the blood on the tip of the strip. Finally, wait five seconds and you will receive your result on the meter. Happy testing!
The revised topic sentence with my help is "Testing your blood sugar is a simple routine" but he is unhappy with it. I wanted him to work on a conclusion sentence, but he is adamant that "happy testing" is a good conclusion and refuses to add/change anything. Should I just let it go and continue to work on it with other paragraphs? It may be that the style of a how-to paragraph is throwing him off a bit?
Thanks for any advice!