Based on Faith Academy Posted August 5, 2015 Share Posted August 5, 2015 I'm looking for a book or online site recommendation to solidify what I have already taught my ds in preparation for the SAT essay writing. Also, do you think this is a thesis statement? Why or why not? How would you write it if not? World War I was the beginning of changes in wartime as a result of technical advancements, warfare strategies, and world wide involvement in war. Be easy on me. I am the writer of the statement and am looking for direction.I want to be sure I haven't been leading my ds wrong in the creation of thesis statements. TIA Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Another Lynn Posted August 5, 2015 Share Posted August 5, 2015 Two things.... 1) I would edit wording a bit - maybe: World War I initiated changes in military strategy as a result of technological advancements, _________________, and world wide involvement. 2) The reason I left the blank in my re-worded thesis above is I'm not sure how warfare strategies is a subset of your overall idea. I'm not sure I'm saying that well, but I think we're saying that the way we wage war changed. Isn't that the same as warfare strategies? I can see where technology and world-wide involvement are supporting-points, but warfare strategy sounds like the overall idea more than a supporting point. ETA: That's definitely my .02 and nothing more. I don't have any experience prepping for SAT writing. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
J&JMom Posted August 5, 2015 Share Posted August 5, 2015 Eliminate passive voice or "to be" constructions. Instead use action verbs whenever possible for the entire paper. I remember that being pounded into my head by teachers for academic writing. Another Lynn gave an example. . 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Monica_in_Switzerland Posted August 5, 2015 Share Posted August 5, 2015 It is a thesis statement, but I feel like it's worded awkwardly. You could try: World War I changed the nature of warfare in three major ways: x, y, and z. "Was the beginning of" feels very weak, like you don't want to quite go so far as to say it REALLY changed those things. You want to make sure you are taking a stand, then using your paragraphs to persuade the reader to your view. It's ok if your actual position is false- they are more worried about the structure of the paper and whether or not your thesis is defended in the body than whether or not it's true. :-) 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Monica_in_Switzerland Posted August 5, 2015 Share Posted August 5, 2015 I'm also agreeing with needing something a bit more specific for strategies. I'd have to see the body paragraph to know what would work better though. :-) 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chrysalis Academy Posted August 5, 2015 Share Posted August 5, 2015 I agree with the comments above about the thesis statement. As far as online resources, this isn't about SAT essays specifically, but it's about timed essay exam writing: https://owl.english.purdue.edu/owl/resource/737/1/ This whole site is golden. There is an entry about thesis statements and writing a thesis, too: https://owl.english.purdue.edu/owl/resource/724/1/ 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Based on Faith Academy Posted August 5, 2015 Author Share Posted August 5, 2015 Yes, yes, yes to all the above!!!! Your sentences sound clearer and more concise than mine. It's funny but you know how you have this great sentence and then try to put it to words and it comes out worse than it started? That was my sentence. Although, I must say your sentences are still better than mine. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sebastian (a lady) Posted August 5, 2015 Share Posted August 5, 2015 I'm looking for a book or online site recommendation to solidify what I have already taught my ds in preparation for the SAT essay writing. Also, do you think this is a thesis statement? Why or why not? How would you write it if not? World War I was the beginning of changes in wartime as a result of technical advancements, warfare strategies, and world wide involvement in war. Be easy on me. I am the writer of the statement and am looking for direction.I want to be sure I haven't been leading my ds wrong in the creation of thesis statements. TIA I would also say that the sample thesis sounds like war was all the same, and WWI was the first time it changed. Military developments are ongoing. The Crimean War, for example, had cavalry charge against cannon emplacements. I agree with losing the passive construction. Maybe something like: During World War I technical advances and global involvement forced changes to the way that countries conducted wartime operations. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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