Intro....ADHD and exhaustion

[In2why]

Hi everyone.  I have been lurking for quite a while and learning a lot.  My son is 11 and we have known for quite a while that he has Adhd, mainly inattentive it seemed because he is also very shy until he gets comfortable.   We began homeschooling him in the middle of his 1st grade year because he was falling behind in reading and the teacher was preparing us for retention.  Instead we brought him home and by working with him one on one his reading improved.  He is on level.  Not ahead of level and I am sometimes envious if I compare what some of the kids on the other boards are doing, but I have had to let that go and celebrate his progress and strengths. 

Home schooling has went well overall, but of course we made the common mistakes and continue to make some of them, but this year the Adhd is no longer something we can accommodate just with more one on one time and understanding the distraction and need to move.  We are looking into medication for the first time ever.  Basically because he knows something is different about him and it is making him miserable. 

 

We also have older children, and one has Adhd and we learned quite a bit about it when he was younger.  But so much has changed as well.  For one the only medication prescribed regularly was Ritalin.  Well, the one and only time that we tried that with our youngest son was about 3 years ago and it was a short duration dose that lasted 4 hours.  When he came off of it his reaction was horrifying.  He went on a crying jag as I held him until he feel asleep.  At that point I was strongly anti-medicine and never gave him another dose.   I am afraid to try again.  Yet, now that my son is getting older he realizes that he can't pay attention.  He realizes that he is falling behind, and he wants to stop being explosive and hyper.  He is hardly ever disobedient, and most of our conflicts are based on him not listening, hearing, or his impulsiveness. 

 

He is just like the energizer bunny on steroids most of the time.  He can NOT stop moving.  He can NOT stop singing, humming, or talking.  He can not read a page without stopping in the middle of the sentence to tell me something, anything that enters his thought process.  Luckily he is very bright or I don't think he could be on level in all of his subjects except writing.  Even math is getting harder because now he is doing multi-step fraction conversions with simplifying, and improper fractions and if he loses focus in the middle of the problem he needs to start over from the beginning.  So far the accommodations we make are mostly common sense.  We make his work area as free of distractions as possible.  We allow him to stand at the table instead of sit, he can bounce on an exercise ball, or read while hanging upside down on the couch.   We give him breaks, and try to keep busy work to a minimum.  We are using CLE math and other than the new learning in the lesson he does every other problem instead of every problem and fact review we do orally or on the computer instead of written. If we hit a complete wall, we have other materials which present things differently and use different approaches so that he can grasp the concept.  I of course make sure he is looking at me and I only give him one part directions unless they are written. 

 

Another problem is his impulsiveness.  He is very athletic and is a dare devil.  He craves the adrenaline/stimulation.  No roller coaster is too much, no ramp to jump with his bike or skateboard is too high, no tree in the neighborhood is too big to climb.  So we make sure he is wearing safety equipment and as safe as possible, but accidents still happen and I worry he is going to kill himself or cause serious harm.  He has broken his arm walking on the top of the monkey bars.  He saw Parkour (sp) and decided to do that in the yard, with the fences and vehicles, rolling off our pickup truck and onto the car falling through the back window glass.  Luckily he wasn't serious hurt but he was scared that his father was going to kill him.  (not literally.  His Dad put him to work on some family property to help pay it off) 

 

I have described the worst and most concerning.  I am sure those of you that know these kids know that this is the AdHd part, but not the whole child.  He is loving and kind, he adores animals and small children and they adore him.  When he is around strangers he is quiet and shy and seems to hold it all in until he gets back to his safe zone and people.  Instead at school before and now co-op he will sit and his mind is wandering everywhere and he never causes problems, but he doesn't really learn much because he misses the instruction and/or is too shy to ask questions or contribute.  His teachers and other adults think he is the most well behaved child ever and just don't understand why he isn't learning.  Then when he gets to know them and the situation, they are shocked because a switch goes off and he is unable to contain his energy anymore.   For a long time I couldn't get anyone to see that he had the hyperactive part of the AdHd equation and thought they must just think I am a bad parent.  Now there is no mistaking it, or second guessing it.  Funny enough our doctor didn't think it was possible until her son and mine became great friends and she started seeing him in his "natural" state at her home instead of just in the office for short periods of time.

 

So anyway.....I have been reading quite a bit.  I had never heard of EF until these message boards.  We just kind of lucked into teaching many of those things to our older son during his teen years without having a structure or name to call it.  I have ordered and just got the book "Right Brained children in a Left Brained world"  as well as "Putting on the Brakes" a workbook for our son.  I am making lists of more things we can do with him, and looking into medication.  We took the Vanderbilt questionnaires.  My husband, I, and our older daughter who spends a lot of time with him.  As well as 2 of his Co-op teachers.  We are taking them with us to his medical appointment and I also found the Pittsburgh scale of side effects to evaluate his medication.  I am not sure yet whether we will do a complete NP evaluation yet or not.  So far he isn't presenting as anything but AdHd inattentive and Hyperactive, and I am not sure how much more information that at NP eval would give us that we can't find on our own with the Doctor.?   There is also the matter of cost.  The Evaluation is not covered under our insurance since he isn't presenting with any issues other than Adhd.  I also worry about being able to find someone supportive of Homeschooling. 

The curricula we are using;

 

CLE Math.  We needed the black and white low distraction pages with spiral learning.  He is doing well with it.  We also use the Key to Series when he needs more  teaching in certain areas.

 

Reading Comprehension w/High frequency phrases and Beginning reasoning and Reading (a logic reading program)  We also have a reading list that he reads independently and read alouds.

 

Writing tales.  This is not working so we are switching to Treasured Conversations.   His handwriting is fine, and he can type really well.  He hates cursive so the only thing he writes in cursive is copywork so that he can keep the skill.

 

Science, Geography, and Art-----He takes these classes in a weekly co-op and I teach his science class.  This Semester it is a Time to Invent class where the kids learn Physics hands on through hands on inventing.  Geography is US Geography.   We are not learning history since we decided on Geography instead and we had already done the 4 year cycle.

 

Most of the seat work we do is language arts, and math.  We use lots of different materials for it and add in extras.  We also go to museums and take field trips all the time for hands on learning.  He volunteers at the Animal shelter every Friday and he bathes, cleans, and socializes the animals.

 

We also waste a lot of time with the seat work, at times and that can be frustrating.  Some days he can fly through our planned work and other times he dawdles and drags.  I don't know when it is the Adhd and when it is I don't want to do this because it requires effort.  I have a really hard time with that.  I am thinking about whether check lists of the work that must be done would be a good idea and put the ball more in his court.  I think I have been approaching it wrong by pulling our more work when he is focused and less when he is not?   If he knows that there isn't really an incentive to focus and finish, in fact it just means more work. 

 

So if you have read this far.....thank you.  I am not even sure of the right questions to even ask.  If you see anything that looks familiar and have an idea to share wonderful.  If you see any red flags please let me know.  Also any other suggestions or ideas.

[PeterPan]

If you're in the US, the ps will run evals (speech, OT, psych, etc.) when you file a written request.  In your case that would be a way for you to get a psych eval.  Even a basic psych eval would tell you dramatically more than what the ped diagnosis will.  All that ped is giving you is a label.  You don't know his processing speed, if there are learning disabilities, his working memory, other issues you aren't anticipating.  Given his issues with sitting and the extreme impulsivity, it would be fair to question whether an OT eval would turn up something.  Again, the ps can do this for you if there's any indication that the symptoms are affecting his ability to do school work.  

 

Have you thought about gymnastics or a sport where he could burn off that energy in a controlled way?  Many of these kinesthetic kids are going to benefit from SERIOUS physical outlets.  Like caring for cows on a farm.  Like karate multiple days a week.  Like I put my boy in gymnastics 3 days a week at the Y.  It doesn't cost a ton (compared to say evals) but it's all with FOAM around him so he can crash and take risks without HURTING himself.  

[In2why]

If you're in the US, the ps will run evals (speech, OT, psych, etc.) when you file a written request.  In your case that would be a way for you to get a psych eval.  Even a basic psych eval would tell you dramatically more than what the ped diagnosis will.  All that ped is giving you is a label.  You don't know his processing speed, if there are learning disabilities, his working memory, other issues you aren't anticipating.  Given his issues with sitting and the extreme impulsivity, it would be fair to question whether an OT eval would turn up something.  Again, the ps can do this for you if there's any indication that the symptoms are affecting his ability to do school work.  

 

Have you thought about gymnastics or a sport where he could burn off that energy in a controlled way?  Many of these kinesthetic kids are going to benefit from SERIOUS physical outlets.  Like caring for cows on a farm.  Like karate multiple days a week.  Like I put my boy in gymnastics 3 days a week at the Y.  It doesn't cost a ton (compared to say evals) but it's all with FOAM around him so he can crash and take risks without HURTING himself.  

 

I will look into the process for the Public school handling the Evals.  I do worry about whether I want them that much in our life and how it will effect our education choices? 

 

As for sports.....I should have mentioned sports.  He plays Soccer, (now) Basketball next, then Wrestling, then Soccer again in the Spring and Baseball in the summer.  He also is on a homeschool swim team that meets every Tuesday, and he has taken Karate.  We love Karate, but something had to give and we only allow him one sport per season now.  He rarely watches TV or plays video games.  We have a swimming pool, a trampoline, and a huge park at the entrance of the neighborhood.  Luckily the kids around here ride bikes, play pick up games at the park, and are all pretty active.  I am glad you said serious physical outlets because most people think we are crazy.  He has a boxing bag and gloves so he can work out and since he isn't aggressive with others.  No cows to care for though.

[PeterPan]

Maybe narrow it to *1* sport (or one at a time) like you're saying, but do it more days a week?  Don't most swim teams meet multiple days a week?  Maybe find a 2nd team and blend them?

 

Well I guess pick your poison on the government schools doing your evals, lol.  The price is right and they, if they are a friend district, could be helpful to you.  You pay taxes, so you've already been paying into the system.  I will say around here they are VERY concerned with privacy and following the law.  I guess find out what the homeschool law is in your state.  As long as you're complying with the law, I wouldn't see how asking for the evals would skew that.  But obviously talk with other homeschoolers in your area who've done evals through that school district to find out.  Some are definitely more friendly or helpful than others.  (famous last words, lol)

[SandyKC]

I will look into the process for the Public school handling the Evals.  I do worry about whether I want them that much in our life and how it will effect our education choices? 

Before you go to the school, it'd be wise to find out what the special ed climate is in your area.  

 

Some schools are great, some will do a great job, others will do a lousy job, and others will cause you all kinds of grief if they don't think parents should be homeschooling a child with any special learning needs.  There HAVE been cases of schools taking parents to court to terminate homeschooling and some of them have succeeded.. It wouldn't be worth the hassle if you're in one of those areas.

 

The quality of evaluations vary widely geographically too.. In our area, they don't test for processing speed, working memory, etc.. just the basic reading, writing, and math issues.  I don't think our area evals are worth the paper they are written on.

 

You can call a neuropsych and ask about a "Limited evaluation" and specify you'd like your child evaluated for ADHD and Executive Functioning only.. maybe add in processing issues too.  Since ADHD and EF are frequently combined, having them evaluated makes sense.  An intermediate eval could include "cognitive functioning" and you could explain that academically your DS is on target.  A lot of times they will do limited scope evals.

[PeterPan]

Just to continue what Sandy is saying, around here you can pay $800-900 and get a basic psych eval with a clinical psychologist.  They'll run IQ, achievement, and screen for a few things.  That's 2-3 hours of testing, because these psychs bill by hours.  Or you can go up into that $1500-2100+ range and get 6 hours of testing, multiple hours of parent feedback, and an hour of school observation.  Or you can increase that even more and get 10 hours of testing, HUGE reports, etc.  It's all driven by the number of hours they bill for.

 

Thing is, around here they *tend* to be flat rate and want their money upfront, so most *neuropsychs* I've talked with are higher billing hours and hence higher cost.  You can get that cost down and the number of billed hours by going to a clinical psychologist instead of a neuropsych. 

 

But definitely, call around and see what your options are.  There might be some hidden gem.   :)

[Garga]

When they gave your first son meds, did they not tell you that for about a week their emotions roller coaster and then settle down?

[Mom22ns]

I will look into the process for the Public school handling the Evals.  I do worry about whether I want them that much in our life and how it will effect our education choices? 

 

As Elizabeth and Sandy have already pointed out, this depends on your state and possibly even your school district. We just got a re-eval from our local public schools so ds would have the documentation he needed for testing accommodations and college accommodations. They were terrific! I mean really, really terrific! They did IQ and achievement testing and a full write up and analysis of the results which was all we needed and what OhE describes as costing $800-900. When he was younger, they also did speech and OT evals and they have the best sensory integration OT in the entire region at our school district. She probably did more to help ds than any other single individual outside our family. The schools have never once contacted me that I didn't initiate. They have never once made any suggestion in our homeschooling other than to answer my questions or requests for suggestions.

 

Very few people have as wonderful of stories of public schools as I do. I know that, and I won't pretend it isn't true. I don't think anyone else in my area has ever even gotten the public schools to do these evals. You have to request it in writing, using very precise language or they will say they don't have to and suggest you get a private eval. It takes a bit more research, making sure you know exactly what your rights are, what you want, and asking for it in just the right way, then being patient enough to wait for their time tables (they have legal deadlines they must meet). But the services can be excellent and the savings can be enormous.

 

All that to say it is worth looking into and don't believe the first person you ask either. Most homeschoolers in this area would probably say the public schools don't do that. It is sad, but public schools only have so much money, they do take advantage of ignorance.

[In2why]

Before you go to the school, it'd be wise to find out what the special ed climate is in your area.

 

Some schools are great, some will do a great job, others will do a lousy job, and others will cause you all kinds of grief if they don't think parents should be homeschooling a child with any special learning needs. There HAVE been cases of schools taking parents to court to terminate homeschooling and some of them have succeeded.. It wouldn't be worth the hassle if you're in one of those areas.

 

The quality of evaluations vary widely geographically too.. In our area, they don't test for processing speed, working memory, etc.. just the basic reading, writing, and math issues. I don't think our area evals are worth the paper they are written on.

 

You can call a neuropsych and ask about a "Limited evaluation" and specify you'd like your child evaluated for ADHD and Executive Functioning only.. maybe add in processing issues too. Since ADHD and EF are frequently combined, having them evaluated makes sense. An intermediate eval could include "cognitive functioning" and you could explain that academically your DS is on target. A lot of times they will do limited scope evals.

I am hesitant to involve the school system and would do that only as a last resort. (And maybe not even then) My adult daughter is dyslexic and getting testing and follow up help was a nightmare and I wound up getting her independently tested and having to bring in an attorney. I wish I knew about homeschooling back then and she is a big reason why we are homeschooling now. We after schooled and put together so many resources on our own that I wasn't fearful of homeschooling the younger two.

 

I am going to make some contacts this week and do some telephone interviews this week to gather more info. I did reach out through our co-op to see if I can get recommendations.

[In2why]

When they gave your first son meds, did they not tell you that for about a week their emotions roller coaster and then settle down?

My oldest son had what my be a non typical response. He had zero problems with Ritalin. The medicine turned his life around and made a wonderful difference and his dose was just right the very first time. He used the Ritalin from 3rd grade until 10th grade when he decided to wean himself off because he wanted a military career and his rate required 2 years free of medications. He did fine using the skills he had learned while on the medicine although a few of his grade slipped a little. He is now living his dream and in the words of his boss, "Walks on water, in a sea full of superstars" As an adult he is the person I always hoped and prayed he would become.

 

My son I am worried about now is the one that had a horrible reaction coming off Ritalin and no, I did not know it was a possibility or maybe something that would normalize in a week. I thought he must not really have adhd. At that point things were not bad, and I thought homeschooling alone would he enough and allow us to make accommodations to help him. But instead we have hit a wall.

[Storygirl]

About the bad med reaction -- A lot of time has passed, so his reaction may be completely different now. If it were me, I would discuss with a doctor the possibility of trying again. There are various meds to try in various dosages, so it is possible the doctors may find something that will work well for him.

 

About your son's quiet behavior and people not seeing the ADHD behavior -- This describes my son exactly. Our pediatrician was skeptical, because he didn't "see it" when DS was calmly sitting in a chair in his office. But what the ped wasn't seeing was his wild behavior at home.(And now he is a believer and has diagnosed DS with severe ADHD.) DS has anxiety, is shy, has trouble picking up on social cues, and is an introvert. He retreats into himself when he is feeling uneasy or is in a doctor's appointment or a new social situation. People who only see him in this kind of environment don't see the ADHD, but it doesn't negate that he has it.