Help...SPD/HFA

[MedicMom]

My four year old is bright, funny, charming. He is ahead academically. We had him in pre-k in a small, private preschool, thinking that a class of 8 kids would be better for him. He has sensory processing disorder and High functioning autism.

 

Yesterday they politely told us it wasn't working out. He was uncooperative and refusing to do what the teacher asked when he was overstimulated.(he shuts down)He also was stimming a lot more than we've ever seen.

 

He receives occupational therapy. We've now put him in the UPK at the public school he receives OT through and they are going to modify his IEP. I am not able to homeschool at this time and he can't be at home as I'm working full time.

 

He loved school and is so sad he can't go back with his friends. I don't know what to tell him, especially since he now believes he is a "naughty boy" and keeps telling me he tried so hard to be good. None of the incidents appear to really be naughtiness but instead him shutting down. The teacher said she can't have him constantly refusing to do things, which I understand.

 

He really struggles in group settings, which we knew, but this preschool swore it would be fine and they'd work with him.

 

I don't know how to reassure him, or how to help him be successful. I have a very sad little boy on my hands, and I don't know how to help him.

[PeterPan]

Well I don't know if it's legally advisable or would be successful (not having done it myself), but I'd make a big stink and try to require the school to get training for the teacher.  Or have them bring in an aide.  They SAID they would service him, so now they should.  I'd be very concerned about what he's going to conclude about himself, and I think that OUGHT to matter in this discussion with the school. If you have administrators who know nothing about HFA, yes they took on more than they knew how to handle.  On the other hand, they shouldn't just hurt a child on a whim.  So can you EDUCATE them and ask them to get the teacher proper training or an aide?  It sounds like the teacher is driving this, so maybe the TEACHER needs some educating on appropriate methodology.  He was HARMING NO ONE.  He just isn't doing what the teacher wants.  Big whoop.  But in some people's worlds, that's horrible. 

 

Btw, I taught sunday school years ago with a dc who was terribly challenged (undiagnosed at that time) who wouldn't participate.  We acted graciously as we knew how toward her.  I just think there's so much misinformation and the teacher is being small-minded about what COULD be and how accepting of disabilities people COULD be if they learned a little.

[Crimson Wife]

Private schools are under no obligation to make accommodations or provide an aide. It stinks but they are acting within the law. {{{{{hugs}}}}}

[Guest]

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[Lecka]

My son is in public school.  He has an aide and he goes to the OT room for sensory breaks as he needs to, throughout the day.

 

He has also worked specifically on programs to help him learn "group skills."  

 

Groups might be hard for him, he might need specific teaching of group skills.  When you have the IEP -- ask if they have identified any specific skills that he needs to work on wrt group learning, and how they can help him learn those skills or modify the setting so that he can succeed.   

 

It sounds like he is a lot ahead of my son... b/c I know my son needs an aide right now.  He is not able to self-regulate.  The aide is there to help him learn to self-regulate and let him learn in the meantime.  He also needs help with social skills, etc.  

 

But anyway -- I think you should pursue an eval that will address where he is and what skills he needs.  

 

For him it may be all sensory -- if it is, then you want to know what the specific things are that don't work well for him and what things do work.  And, for how long he can tolerate things.  

 

There may be things, too, where he is not used to being in a group, and needs to work up from a smaller group or a smaller period of time (without sensory breaks or whatever), because he is being thrown in at too high of a level.

 

My son is using ABLLS a developmental checklist thing, that includes a lot of "group learning" goals, starting from easier and working up to harder.  It is very possible that ABLLS is not the level your son is at (my son may be at a lower level).  But I think some kind of an eval that will really address his specific needs wrt being in a group.  

 

My son has sensory needs, too, but it is not all/only sensory needs.  He also sometimes just needs to start smaller and work up.  

 

It is also possible that the way the teacher as re-directing your son was not an effective way with him.  Maybe there is a more effective way to re-direct him, and knowing what that (or those) is can help him, too.  

 

Good luck.  I am so sorry your son had this experience.  I hope he can make new friends in his new class.  Maybe he can go back to private school with some accommodations in place or some new skills under his belt.  

 

But I think that you need to dig in and see what he needs, so that he can be successful.  He wants to be successful -- now he needs tools.  I would try to find a specialist who can give concrete advice on how to help him, what tools he needs, how to teach him, what he needs to succeed in the meantime.  Maybe the public school will have this.  If it happens at public school -- ask to have him observed and see if you can find out what they think is triggering him to shut down.   

 

I have to say, too -- nothing against the pre-school teacher, but some people are so much better at re-directing kids, and might have not been flummoxed when he refused to do things.  Some people have more teaching tools for when this might come up.  So I don't think it is only on your son's side, I think the pre-school teacher has some blame, though it might just be a lack of experience and training.  So not really her fault -- but just not a good situation.  

 

Personally I am sorry it didn't work out, but he deserves to be in a place where the teacher does have training and/or experience, and tools, and resources.  Where the teacher can ask the other IEP members "how should I handle this?"  Where maybe someone from the IEP team could observe him and problem solve.  

 

If they don't have the infrastructure for that in place at the private school, then you are paying people to go in and observe, etc.  

 

I do think -- down the road it might be the right place for him -- I wouldn't tell him anything negative about his old school.  I don't know what is best to say to him, poor kid.  But there is a good chance he will be sad for a little bit, and then feel better as he gets more used to his new classroom.  If it has just happened -- it is normal to feel sad, even though it is sad and sad for parents to have a sad kid.  But it is also -- a sad thing.  If it is lasting longer then it is different, or if he keeps thinking he is naughty.  But I just do not know what the best thing to say is, it is not my best thing.    

[Storygirl]

MedicMom, I'm sorry this has happened. Although we have not had an experience just like yours, DS10 was denied admittance to a private Christian school last year after the entrance testing (my other children were accepted). It stung. I was extremely angry and upset for a time. Fortunately we did not have to tell DS10 that he had been rejected -- we just told the children that we were making a different choice and continuing to homeschool.

 

Some good did come out of the painful experience, since it spurred us to have him evaluated by a neuropsych, and we learned a lot of new information about his many issues and how to help him. Hopefully the public school will be better able to help your son; perhaps it will end up being the better choice in the end.

[clemota]

Private schools are under no obligation to make accommodations or provide an aide. It stinks but they are acting within the law.

 

This.  It sucks but is true.  Private schools can hire teachers with as little or no training as they want.  Your son's previous teacher obviously had very little.  The good news is that public schools DO have the resources and trained aids and teachers to help your son through.

 

I am so sorry to hear your little guy is blaming himself for this.  I would keep reminding him that he didn't do anything wrong (shutting down is not within his control), and that the problem was with the school.  I wouldn't directly blame the teacher - you  want him to trust his teachers in the future.   Did you know any of the other parents at the previous school?  Perhaps you could set up a playdate so your so son can see some of his classmates again - so it seems less like a punishment that he had to leave. {{hugs}} to him and you.