A home for their hearts Posted February 26, 2008 Share Posted February 26, 2008 My dc are driving my crazy with their toys. They seem to have no respect for them because they just leave them lay all over the place. If I asked them to pick their toys up you would have thought I'd asked them to give me the moon. I'm just tired of it already. I have seriously thought of just taking everything away except for maybe one or two. Has anybody done this? Does it work? Any other ideas that might help? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kelli in TN Posted February 26, 2008 Share Posted February 26, 2008 Yes. I have. I even got rid of them. I don't recommend it. It was incredibly damaging to our relationship. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Canada_Mom Posted February 26, 2008 Share Posted February 26, 2008 I took their toys away for 3 entire days once. Worked like a charm... haven't had to do it again. My dc's are all under 6 though... might not work for the older crowd. The kids actually got along fairly well w/o them and the next time all I had to do was mention that the toys would disappear and the behaviour got better. I have to admit, I did wonder if I was punishing myself more than them?? Lots of work to take away all the toys. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
A home for their hearts Posted February 26, 2008 Author Share Posted February 26, 2008 Yes. I have. I even got rid of them. I don't recommend it. It was incredibly damaging to our relationship. That's what I'm afraid of. I really don't want to take all their toys away, I just don't know of to get them to appreciate their belongings and not leave things lay around. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
southmetromom Posted February 26, 2008 Share Posted February 26, 2008 I've put them in jail at times... ...if they were mis-used (like, for hurting a sibling) or if they were left out on the floor where I could step on them. We now have a Toy Library -- The children can have one or two items checked out at a time. It has cut down on the toy chaos. My husband reminds me, "Growing up, there were four of us (childrnen). We had one toy box." He's right. We have too many toys! LOL Sandy Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kelli in TN Posted February 26, 2008 Share Posted February 26, 2008 They are young. Just keep training them in a calm, loving way. After they go to bed, shovel the mess under the sofa, brew some tea and light some candles. This will pass, I promise it will. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kelli in TN Posted February 26, 2008 Share Posted February 26, 2008 And Sandy is right, most kids have too many toys. Weeding out toys to make the favorites more noticeable is not a bad idea. It is all the attitude and approach. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rebecca in VA Posted February 26, 2008 Share Posted February 26, 2008 I've taken a Hefty bag and put toys into it that were not picked up after a certain (generous) amount of cleaning-up time. The toys would either be tossed out (if they weren't really special ones to begin with) or kept hidden away for many months. Christmas morning would be a day of jubilee, when confiscated toys would make their return. (I didn't tell them this beforehand; the items were considered "gone," and the kids were always surprised when a few of them did return.) My children would rejoice more over beloved returned toys than over new ones! If I could live those years over, I would not have bought my children so many things. They had way too much stuff. I would have been far more sparing in the amount of toys and clothes I bought them. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
abbeyej Posted February 26, 2008 Share Posted February 26, 2008 I've never taken *all* toys away, but I pare down regularly and thoroughly. I tend to get rid of toys that don't fit into the certain categories we've established (Playmobil, Lego, American Girl, kitchen stuff, art supplies). It definitely makes finding "a place for everything" easier -- which is important when they have such a slob of a role model for a mother as me. sigh... Maybe you can select certain categories and pare down the rest? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tarheel Heather Posted February 26, 2008 Share Posted February 26, 2008 My dc are driving my crazy with their toys. They seem to have no respect for them because they just leave them lay all over the place. If I asked them to pick their toys up you would have thought I'd asked them to give me the moon. I'm just tired of it already. I have seriously thought of just taking everything away except for maybe one or two. Has anybody done this? Does it work? Any other ideas that might help? I can remeber being ~6 and my dad nailing all of our toys shut in a closet! And sometime last year I had enough of ds's footballs. I put them in a trash bag and placed them in garage. I forgot to tell dh and he threw them away. There must have been at least 10 footballs of varying shapes and sizes. Not much advice:o Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kelli in TN Posted February 26, 2008 Share Posted February 26, 2008 I've never taken *all* toys away, but I pare down regularly and thoroughly. I tend to get rid of toys that don't fit into the certain categories we've established (Playmobil, Lego, American Girl, kitchen stuff, art supplies). It definitely makes finding "a place for everything" easier -- which is important when they have such a slob of a role model for a mother as me. sigh... Maybe you can select certain categories and pare down the rest? This is what I do now, with my second batch of children. We have Imaginext, Lego, Only Hearts Club, American Girl and the all important Little Metal Cars That Hurt The Bottom of Mom's Feet. If they get gifts from another category they may (discretely) refrain from opening it and return it for something to go with the toys they own, or keep it knowing it will probably not be around for the next Christmas or birthday. We start new categories as they grow and their interests change. But I don't tolerate bits and pieces of mismatched stuff. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
whitestavern Posted February 26, 2008 Share Posted February 26, 2008 My kids were having a very difficult time cleaning up before Christmas. In the nicest possible voice, I explained that this was most likely due to the fact that they had so many toys (mostly purchased by over indulging grandparents I might add). We told them they could pick 4 toys each (and could share with each other for a total of 8 really) but that all the others were going in the attic until further notice. It worked great...they really used their imagination and there were no more problems. They have a lot of them back now (given out here and there) but are good about cleaning up. But I must say, even though they clean up with they're finished laying, they still make huge messes while they're playing. They can't seem to play "neat"! Lately they've been making their own paper dolls and clothes and then they take the Legos out and make cars for the paper dolls. Now I walk through my family room and try not to look down :) I figure the alternatives are letting them watch TV or play video games all day so I try to appreciate it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joanne Posted February 26, 2008 Share Posted February 26, 2008 My dc are driving my crazy with their toys. They seem to have no respect for them because they just leave them lay all over the place. If I asked them to pick their toys up you would have thought I'd asked them to give me the moon. I'm just tired of it already. I have seriously thought of just taking everything away except for maybe one or two. Has anybody done this? Does it work? Any other ideas that might help? Not a bad idea......but your are making a discipline decision with the wrong motive. Wait a while, calm down and then....... Manage toys and clean up so that YOU will be a less irritable mom. Limit toys, but don't rip them away because they haven't (yet) shown respect for them. Sit down, choose a reasonable amount of toys, come up with rules around them. Suggestions: 1) You can only have them in "these" rooms 2) You have to put one away before you get the next one out 3) There are 2 clean up times a day; if you fail to clean up, toys left out go in toy jail for a week The difference is this is known in advance and you have developed a plan for you to be proactive. Your desire for less toy mess and more respect is valid. Punishing them punitively to "get there" is likely to be counter productive. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Janet in WA Posted February 26, 2008 Share Posted February 26, 2008 Once when our sons were little, and we were tired of their not putting their toys away when we asked them to, dh put all of their toys in their toy box and tied it shut with a rope. That visual of the toy box wrapped in rope tied with a big fat knot was SO effective! LOL. We kept their toys hostage for about a week. After we freed them, the boys were a lot more careful to put them away when we asked them to. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
A home for their hearts Posted February 26, 2008 Author Share Posted February 26, 2008 Not a bad idea......but your are making a discipline decision with the wrong motive. Wait a while, calm down and then....... Manage toys and clean up so that YOU will be a less irritable mom. Limit toys, but don't rip them away because they haven't (yet) shown respect for them. Sit down, choose a reasonable amount of toys, come up with rules around them. Suggestions: 1) You can only have them in "these" rooms 2) You have to put one away before you get the next one out 3) There are 2 clean up times a day; if you fail to clean up, toys left out go in toy jail for a week The difference is this is known in advance and you have developed a plan for you to be proactive. Your desire for less toy mess and more respect is valid. Punishing them punitively to "get there" is likely to be counter productive. I think this may work, I just have to implement it! That seems to be my problem, I talk a lot and don't take action. For some reason I've always felt guilty caring through with my threats (for like of a better word), so I would just let things slide. I know I need to be consistent and just follow through with what I've said. Thanks for the great advice! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
StacyWithFourRugrats Posted February 26, 2008 Share Posted February 26, 2008 They have their webkinz and they just recently had their new christmas playmobil toys returned. Otherwise, everything else is pretty much in boxes in the closets. I got tired of them never picking up their toys and when I requested that they clean up, I continually kept finding them playing instead of cleaning. In the box they went. About 3 weeks later they got their playmobil toys back. They still aren't the best at keeping their room clean, but it has made cleaning seem like a shorter task to them. They will slowly get more toys back, but probably not all of them. I want to get rid of some anyways. :D A nice side effect of this punishment was that they constantly are looking at their books. I told them I would never take their books away. For the past month or so I have found dozens of books in their bed, instead of stuffed animals and toys. They aren't as choosy with what they play with either (coloring more too) I am hoping that eventually they will "get it" and understand what we keep telling them. Their brothers have tons of legos and make a humongous mess with them (and my just turned 6yo ds can make some of the neatest things). However, when I ask them to clean them up, 30 minutes later everything is clean. I am hoping the girls will learn by example. I don't mind the mess, I mind the disrespect they show me and my dh when they can not clean up their room in less than 4 hours without constant yelling and reminders every 10 minutes. Respect is very important in our house. Respect for our toys and especially respect for mommy and daddy. I just keep saying "And this too shall pass...." over and over. I think I am going deaf! :eek: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Janna Posted February 26, 2008 Share Posted February 26, 2008 We did this not too long ago with our ds. He was mistreating the toys (no respect whatsoever) and was refusing to clean his room. So after dh had given him ample warning that we would take the toys away if he couldn't put them away when he was done playing with them and if he couldn't play with them "nicely", he (dh) followed through on his word. Because this issue was mainly with the toys in his bedroom (we have a toy room too), those were the toys dh took away. And actually, he made ds help "pack them up". We never said he couldn't have them back. We never gave them away, nor did we threaten to give them away. We told him that we would hold on to them until he could learn to play with them properly and put them away after each use. We told him we would give them back slowly, because perhaps he had too many to properly manage (we said this in a way he understood). After a few days, maybe a week, we started to slowly give them back. He got the message and it worked great. Now, when the kids tell me their bored, that is another matter. When that happens, the minute they say it (and this is now limited to ds. Dd is older and has learned better), I tell them calmly to go get 5 toys and bring them to me because there are children who have no toys. They would love to play with them and would not be bored. Usually, ds will bring back 5 toys that mean nothing to him, LOL, but that's OK. I accept them and he somehow, miraculously finds toys to play with :). Btw, I only do this when their saying "I'm bored" is after not playing with anything all day and not taking any of my suggestions. If they have been playing and it's just been "one of those days" and they are bored, because we all have days like that, I do not make them go get 5 toys. That's when usually get out of the house. Just my experience here. I do think it's important to check your motive and your tone of voice with it. If you're angry, wait. It still might be the right recourse, but it will be much more effective if you're calm about it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Lorna Posted February 26, 2008 Share Posted February 26, 2008 I had very high expectations of my children when they were very little and I decided that ds should be tidying up after himself. He was only about six. He didn't seem to be doing it even when I asked and so I got really cross and started to put his toys one by one in a bin bag. I thought it would 'jump-start' him into tidying up. It was so awful. He simply got more and more upset, traumatised and of course he didn't do anything, just cried. I ended up putting all his toys in the bin and then marching off to have a good cry myself. It hadn't worked. I realised too late that he really was simply not mature enough to understand what mess and tidiness was. He couldn't 'see' mess. Therefore it was impossible to know how to tidy. I still feel awful about that day. Now he is older he is such a wonderful helper. I never have to ask, he always wants to help. All I have done is simply let him join in when he wanted to with the housework. He peels all the vegetables, puts out breakfast, tidies up (all without me asking or even expecting). We have a rule that only one toy is allowed out at a time. If they want to keep a game out because they are in the middle of it then they can, they simply don't get to take another game out then. It is a simple job for them to tidy up; the toys are better cared for and appreciated and I am happy :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jenny in Florida Posted February 26, 2008 Share Posted February 26, 2008 When my daughter was younger, she went through a very turbulent time in terms of behavior. We tried, for a while, taking away toys temporarily as discipline. At one point, during a particularly difficult period, she was down to very few toys, and, miraculously, she suddenly got a lot happier and calmer. So, we sat down and talked about it and decided to try limiting the toys in her room to two "categories" at a time. She chose American Girl stuff and her dollhouse and accessories. It made it so easy to keep her room clean and organized, and I think at that terribly hectic time in her life, she appreciated the minimalism. We did something similar with my son when we moved into this house last summer. His room at the old house was constantly awful, and we fought about it all the time. When I would go in there to either help him or clean it myself, it became clear that he simply had too much stuff. And the majority of if was junk, either because it started out that way (was something acquired as a party favor or other, similar source) or because it had been misused and broken (or both). I finally decided that some simplicity would be good for him for a while and either trashed or donated 90% of what he had in there. We talked a lot about why I was doing it, and I made sure he understood it was not a punishment, but an attempt to make his life more pleasant and more manageable, that I was doing it for his benefit. In both cases, it was absolutely the right decision, but I think only because I talked to the kids a lot about what I was planning and why. Please note that I didn't try to get them to buy into the decision, but only made sure they understood my rationale. In fact, over the months we've lived in this house, my son's room has gotten out of control again, and just last night I was talking to him about cleaning and pruning. He doesn't love the idea of giving things up, but he grudgling acknowledges that life is much more pleasant when he has less to manage. --Jenny Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
momo4 Posted February 26, 2008 Share Posted February 26, 2008 My posting time limit is coming to a close so I didn't read every response, but we rotate our toys. That way there are much fewer to keep track of. They still end up all over the place though. (Previous post):D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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