I enjoyed full (extended) family support for hsing in gr K-8; high school seems ...

[74Heaven]

to be a different story!! I have enjoyed almost full family support for hsing gr K-8; now with one 11th grader and one 9/10th grader (she's working a year, or 2 years ahead in academics if you count her Sept birthday being too late for enrollment) - I am finally experiencing flak from my family.

 

Just as an aside, my kids all are pretty outgoing. Not really socially "awkward" in any way (unless we count their big mouths lol). IOW, people would not point to them as the "poster children of poor socialization".

 

Here are 3 recent incidents (btw, I have 10 siblings, lots of large-family dynamics, gatherings, interactions):

 

My lovely, but impetuous (mouthy lol?) 11yod told my 45yo brother (at a family birthday party/BBQ) that "you should stop smoking because you can get lung cancer and die just like your dad (my father, in 1992) did". (My father died before my kids were born.) My sister overheard and called me to tell me "because she thought I should know"; apologies to my 45yo brother were extremely graciously received by my bro (he seemed to think like I do that "kids say the darndest things"!)

 

My sister however, told me that she felt my kids were lacking certain social skills that they would get in public/private schools as to what is/what is not appropriate to say. She (surprisingly) then brought up an incident from 5-8 years ago!) when my oldest dtr told this same sister (who was driving & drinking a Diet Pepsi) that she should not "drink and drive". At the time, years ago, we all got a good laugh - with "kids will be kids" was the general thought from both of us (or so I thought).

 

The most recent incident involved my (otherwise) perfect 78yo mother. She was sugg. Running Start (high school enrollment in college classes) for my 16.5yo and I said: 1) I wasn't sure my kids were mature enough to really be in a college environment yet and 2) I don't like the idea of teenage girls being in classes with young adult men. I added that it wasn't logistically very convenient as we live an hour away from the community college. And my dear sainted mother said, "Well, when are you going to let your kids be in the 'real world'"?

 

I muttered something about public schools providing lots of bad role modeling and peer pressure and that I feel my kids are in the real world now, with parents who are looking out for their best interests - and that I expected plenty of "real world living" but wanted my children to be confident and secure in who they are/what they believe when they face some of the situations that are prevalent all over public schools now. I wanted to give the kids a strong foundation for when the testing comes.

 

I wondered if others have better info to share to support their high school homeschooling choices. For the most part, I feel that "the proof will be in the pudding" and I can take the arrows now as it will all play out in the end. But,

 

I guess I feel the comments are based on thier predjudiced perspectives and that by not correcting them, they are somehow being "validated" and in fact are a "growing" problem in my extended family's perception of my family.

 

Just for background, the "accusing" sister has 4 kids in public school after private schools for the first 8 years or so) and one other sister homeschools as I do - and a third sister put her dtr in high school in 9th grade (after 8 yrs of hsing) and this dtr completely rebelled including moving out of the house at 16yo and there was a host of huge problems. (We have had none of these problems thus far)

 

I had some thoughts to share some socially inadequacies of my sister's kids. I did not say a word because I felt my "feelings" were not useful. But we could note social "inadequacies" of almost anyone if I was looking for them!

 

Now that my sister (whom I love and whom is not some horrible woman) has opened the subject, I am sure she will have other comments.

 

sorry so long!

 

Lisaj, help me out here :()

[Margo out of lurking]

Hi Lisa,

 

I'm new to the high school board, as my dd will soon begin 9th grade. I've been off and on the boards for years, and I'm so excited to come back for high school!

 

Good grief, how many kids, public school or otherwise, tell smokers they should quit because of the cancer danger? I remember hiding my dad's cigarettes. I would think that's further indication your kids are perfectly normal, haha.

 

I *try* to take family comments like this with a grain of salt. It is hard, even when I know they have good intentions.

 

Your board name opens the possibility that you might be able to just respond something like, "You know, we've continued to pray about this, and we just really think this is where God wants our kids right now."

 

The other response I try to have, if I have time to take a deep breath, is, "Yeah, we'll have to think about that." And ask for the bean dip.

 

My dad dropped the socialization issue when I repeatedly pretended to misunderstand. I enthusiastically agreed with him, saying, "Oh, yes, high school would be the WORST place for socialization! That's the last environment I would want my kids to be in! I'm so glad that you see that too!" (I don't necessarily think that, but I was ready to end the discussion.)

 

Now his biggest concerns that my kids should attend public high school have to do with the fact that they would get a "real" diploma, a "real" transcript, and a class ranking.

 

So..."WHAT flavor are those chips? They're GREAT!"

[74Heaven]

Thanks, Kristine,

 

Good advice!

Any other thoughts from WTM High Schoolers!

Lisa

[AndyJoy]

I just want to remind you that you don't have to prove anything to anyone! Whether they ever accept it, you are the parent and it's your decision.

 

I also want to encourage you that your kids sound perfectly normal.

 

When my sister was 10 (and in public school), she used to walk past people who were smoking and cough "cancer, cancer" very loudly. She once did this to a group of 18-year-old boys when we were alone at the movie theater, and I was both mortified and scared for our safety!:glare:

 

I have heard DOZENS of people who were never homeschooled tell stories from childhood about being confused about drinking and driving. My mom, my husband, my sister, my best friend, etc. all were scared about an adult drinking a soda while driving!

[Cindyg]

Only sympathy. In my family, there's a scale of support for homeschooling that is very high in K and nonexistent by grade 12. We're on Grade 5. The support slips away by the day.

 

It's almost as the family considers it cute and fun when they're little; but when the kids are older, school is serious, and it's time to put away this play school thing of Mom's.

 

Sigh.

[Starr]

My sister is worried because my dd will miss the prom. :lol: Hang in there and do what is right for your family. Neutral responses over a period of time will help stop the conversation. I just wouldn't discuss it. Change the subject, go to the bathroom whatever. It's more difficult with family because you love them and want them to understand you . Wishing you well as you navigate this one.

[Pamela H in Texas]

I think it is normal for people to get a little more concerned at certain junctures. Where they generally are okay with your decision, they want to be sure you've considered this other one. They really need you to show confidence and truck on so they can settle back into their comfort zone of being generally supportive :)

 

And seriously, you know very well that there are public school kids and college students that may speak a little bluntly at time, say off the wall things, not be very logical here and there. We just had a situation with our 16yo (in college, btw) the other day. She confronted her daddy about something. She was right, but she had no reason or RIGHT to question him the way she did. The consequence was the same as it would be in the real world--he was mad at her. Such is life. And she regularly says something weird, a bit off the wall like the drinking and driving thing. Obviously that didn't change with her taking classes at the private school or starting college.

 

Things like that happen. Part of it is foot-in-mouth type things that happen. Others are personality or maturity. But going to school doesn't change any of that, I'm positive. Else there wouldn't be soooooooooooooo many adults doing those sorts of things!