Ds8--spacey, forgetful, etc--ideas???

[Aubrey]

I asked ds to get a wet washcloth to wipe off the table this morning. He SOAKED a towel. He said he didn't notice that it wasn't a washcloth.

 

This is the kind of thing that gets me FREAKED out mad, but I just calmly told him to NEVER DO IT AGAIN & showed him (like he doesn't know) the difference between the 2, explained why it matters.

 

Later, he & dd were drying & putting away dishes. Every. time. I. turned. around, he'd sat down & was staring off into space. I can't tell you how many times *today* I've had to remind him of the job in front of him.

 

So just now, I reminded him that he has been supposed to pick up the hallway FOREVER this afternoon. I reminded him that we're having company tomorrow. (I know, he's a kid, but the family coming has friends his age, so it's supposed to be kind-of motivating, right?)

 

And I find his snack dishes in the sink, half washed. Half air-dried. Not put away. He started the job. But forgot. After doing 3 sinkfuls of dishes this afternoon, their request for a snack (soup) was met w/ IF. YOU. WASH. DRY. ANDPUTAWAY. YOUR. DISHES.

 

So he goes to wash the dishes he left. I'm putting chicken in the pressure cooker. I look over there, AND THERE'S A TOWEL IN THE SINK, COMPLETELY SOAKED. He didn't notice that it was a towel.

 

He's sitting in his bed right now while I take DEEP BREATHS because I really like him & would like to see him grow up, etc.:glare: So as I calm down, I'm asking you guys for advice: while I'd like to send him to the moon, could there actually be something wrong w/ him? I mean, he's an 8yo boy, so he can be spacey sometimes, but this is BEYOND WHAT I CAN HANDLE, lol. Only a little lol, though. Mostly :glare:.

 

Thank you.

[MamaT]

He sounds just like my 22yo ds. I never could break him of this type of behavior. I had to micromanage him to get him to follow through on any chores when he was younger. He still lives at home, works for his dad, goes to college, and is engaged. So, he has learned how to get the things done that HAVE to be done - but he left his wet towel in the bathroom floor this morning, his bowl of pasta that he ate when he came home last night downstairs in the basement, etc.

 

I have to remind myself that he is an absolutely wonderful young man, who is very free in expressing his love to his mom, dad, and siblings. He has the biggest heart in the world - can't pass a bum on the street without giving them money, stops for broken down cars beside the highway, etc. He is very bright and doing well in school. I have just learned to live with the fact that he is spacey.

 

Wish I could tell you he will outgrow it - not so in our case.

[Aubrey]

He sounds just like my 22yo ds. I never could break him of this type of behavior. I had to micromanage him to get him to follow through on any chores when he was younger. He still lives at home, works for his dad, goes to college, and is engaged. So, he has learned how to get the things done that HAVE to be done - but he left his wet towel in the bathroom floor this morning, his bowl of pasta that he ate when he came home last night downstairs in the basement, etc.

 

I have to remind myself that he is an absolutely wonderful young man, who is very free in expressing his love to his mom, dad, and siblings. He has the biggest heart in the world - can't pass a bum on the street without giving them money, stops for broken down cars beside the highway, etc. He is very bright and doing well in school. I have just learned to live with the fact that he is spacey.

 

Wish I could tell you he will outgrow it - not so in our case.

 

I *so* hope you're wrong! Because dh is just. like. that.

[WTMCassandra]

:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:

 

I think Moms should get some kind of special crown in heaven for putting up with all of the insanity and frustration.

[amyinva]

Probably not what you want to hear, but tomato stake him. In the kind, loving, supportive way- NOT as a punishment. The "you get to spend some time as my #1 helper" kind of tomato staking. Then follow through on EVERY single request you make of him. Do not make a request unless you are able to follow through. Some of it (the second towel, maybe?) might be passive aggressive or just a little lazy. Some of it is probably just needing to establish good habits. some of it you may be stuck with. I do think they can be trained to an extent, even the really spacey ones (of which I have a couple).

 

:grouphug: Amy

[dragons in the flower bed]

Later, he & dd were drying & putting away dishes. Every. time. I. turned. around, he'd sat down & was staring off into space. I can't tell you how many times *today* I've had to remind him of the job in front of him.

 

My brother was like this, and still is. My 8yo is like this too. Heck, I'm like this sometimes. Get used to it, Mama. It's gonna be a long haul.

[yslek]

He sounds like me. ;) My mind is usually somewhere other than with me in the moment, so it's really easy to "not notice" or "forget" stuff. Sometimes I frustrate myself! T is like this, too, and it drive me nuts, even though I'm the same way. I'll ask him to do his zone (pick up the living room) and he begins (maybe) only to be doing something else a minute later. He needs frequent reminders, and I do sometimes lose my cool with him. :glare:

 

The only thing I can think of is that maybe this type of person just needs to be reminded frequently (and hopefully kindly)...maybe for regular jobs, some kind of visual reminder could be prominently posted (because otherwise we'll forget it exists). The easier, more visual, and fun it is to clean up, the more likely it is to happen. :tongue_smilie:

 

Sorry you're having to deal with this. I drove my mom crazy, too. (On the upside, I have some wonderful ideas & a pretty interesting world inside my head. :D)

[Aubrey]

He sounds like me. ;) My mind is usually somewhere other than with me in the moment, so it's really easy to "not notice" or "forget" stuff. Sometimes I frustrate myself! T is like this, too, and it drive me nuts, even though I'm the same way. I'll ask him to do his zone (pick up the living room) and he begins (maybe) only to be doing something else a minute later. He needs frequent reminders, and I do sometimes lose my cool with him. :glare:

 

The only thing I can think of is that maybe this type of person just needs to be reminded frequently (and hopefully kindly)...maybe for regular jobs, some kind of visual reminder could be prominently posted (because otherwise we'll forget it exists). The easier, more visual, and fun it is to clean up, the more likely it is to happen. :tongue_smilie:

 

Sorry you're having to deal with this. I drove my mom crazy, too. (On the upside, I have some wonderful ideas & a pretty interesting world inside my head. :D)

 

I guess I"m trying to figure out if he's "that kind of person" (like dh, lol) or if this is something else. This seems like a sharp increase in this kind of behavior all of a sudden, & once I calmed down, I started to wonder if he was sick.

 

I googled some child development info, & went back & talked to him. He finished up the dishes, & he'll have to wash the kitchen towels, to give him an idea of *why* it's a problem. We're ok, though.

 

Aaaaauuggghher!

[WTMCassandra]

I *so* hope you're wrong! Because dh is just. like. that.

 

Ruh-Roh.

[Guest janainaz]

It sounds like your son and my son could be best friends. I think it's a boy thing, especially at this age. I noticed my son doing stuff exactly as you have described when he hit 8 years old. The wet towel thing..... oh boy.... lovely, just lovely.

 

This is my time of learning self-control for the first time in my life. I really feel that I am going to have to learn to deal with these situations calmly or I'm going to ruin my son. So many of these situations just cause me to want to explode like a bomb. HOWEVER, in the big scheme of things I desperately want to stay close to my son and lately I feel like I'm on him all day. He's just a fantastic kid, but does the dumbest and most frustrating things. Just five minutes ago I found that he had dumped a huge pile of pretzel sticks on the crack of the sofa next to his leg - to eat. Pretzels will not harm the furniture, but bowls have been invented. That is nothing, he does these strange little things all the time. I could go on and on about his shananigans.

 

For me - I need to SLOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOWWWW down in life and focus and expect it all. I need to practive the breathing thing and separate myself for a while before I open my big, loud mouth.

 

I think with boys, in order to prevent the frustration (or at least SOME of it) you have to be very precise in the instructions (come to think of it, I have to do that with my husband as well......... his ears seem to be on mute most of the time).

[Jami]

Could some of it be blood-sugar related? My almost-8 year old's ability to focus varies with how well he's eating. If he eats mostly carbs for breakfast and doesn't get enough protein, he's foggier in general. Same thing with snack or if lunch is too late. I find a handful of almonds or a piece of cheese can help fairly quickly.

 

But I think some people are just more distracted in general. I have a nephew who is similar to what you describe, he's just absent-minded in some ways.

[Aubrey]

It sounds like your son and my son could be best friends. I think it's a boy thing, especially at this age. I noticed my son doing stuff exactly as you have described when he hit 8 years old. The wet towel thing..... oh boy.... lovely, just lovely.

 

This is my time of learning self-control for the first time in my life. I really feel that I am going to have to learn to deal with these situations calmly or I'm going to ruin my son. So many of these situations just cause me to want to explode like a bomb. HOWEVER, in the big scheme of things I desperately want to stay close to my son and lately I feel like I'm on him all day. He's just a fantastic kid, but does the dumbest and most frustrating things. Just five minutes ago I found that he had dumped a huge pile of pretzel sticks on the crack of the sofa next to his leg - to eat. Pretzels will not harm the furniture, but bowls have been invented. That is nothing, he does these strange little things all the time. I could go on and on about his shananigans.

 

For me - I need to SLOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOWWWW down in life and focus and expect it all. I need to practive the breathing thing and separate myself for a while before I open my big, loud mouth.

 

I think with boys, in order to prevent the frustration (or at least SOME of it) you have to be very precise in the instructions (come to think of it, I have to do that with my husband as well......... his ears seem to be on mute most of the time).

 

Yup. This was part of our talk. About how I wanted us to stay close, etc. How the problems & growth that face us in the next few yrs are ones that we can only fix/grow from/etc *together.* If we're able to talk to ea other, etc.

 

About how I get angry too easily, but that I want him to know how much I *like* him. I told him I'd try to do better but that I know I'll mess up again, & I'm sorry in advance. That kid. He said, "I'm sorry in advance, too." :lol:

[Aubrey]

Could some of it be blood-sugar related? My almost-8 year old's ability to focus varies with how well he's eating. If he eats mostly carbs for breakfast and doesn't get enough protein, he's foggier in general. Same thing with snack or if lunch is too late. I find a handful of almonds or a piece of cheese can help fairly quickly.

 

But I think some people are just more distracted in general. I have a nephew who is similar to what you describe, he's just absent-minded in some ways.

 

I was wondering about this. The last couple of days have been heavier than usual on carbs & sugar. He's also looked sad, although he says he's neither that nor deep in thought.

 

Dh found pastries on clearance at the groc store yesterday AM, & I'm usually pretty stern about not doing that because it visibly effects their behavior. I can't imagine that that could still be effecting him today, but...maybe? Esp if he hasn't had much in the way of protein since then? Hmmm...

[KatieJ]

I am reminded of a conversation I had with my now almost 21 yr old son when he was a young teen.

I had given him several things to do, I don't remember what, but there were 3 or more things...It might have been as simple as put these towels away and make your bed.

He looked at me with absolute shock on his face and said, "I am quite sure that no employer will ever give me more than one thing to do at a time."

I assured him taht was not true. He didn't believe me and asked his father at dinner. His father chuckled and said, yes, you will and that's why I carry a notebook or get back to my desk and write it down.

 

 

Today, he is a manager at an Auto parts store and getting ready to head back to college.

 

I would say to stay on top of him, and don't expect what you don't inspect. Really, stay on top of whatever you ask him to do. He will learn.

But I also agree with previous posters to check his diet. My son does much better when he has protein, especially first thing in the morning.